From the back seat of Thomasin's black Navigator, Adam stared intently out of the window, blocking out the conversation from the front seat.
"How cute would it be if Adam had a deep purple satin vest to match my dress to wear with his tuxedo? Wouldn't he look so handsome?" Thomasin and Pilar were discussing last minute wedding details. At the mention of a purple satin vest, Adam glanced to the front in alarm.
"You know that Adam's tuxedo should coordinate with Billy's," Thomasin replied in her cool voice as Pilar gave an exaggerated frown. "Besides, Adam doesn't need a purple vest to look handsome."
Adam wasn't sure if he heard Thomasin's comment correctly, but Adam was certain that he caught Thomasin's eyes glancing at his from the rearview mirror. When Adam agreed to be Billy's best man, he did not fully realize that he was agreeing to spend the day with Pilar and Thomasin. But here he was, at the beginning of what promised to be a long and trying day.
Pilar picked up the conversation, without missing a beat. "It's too bad the two of you broke up. I was seriously bummed that I couldn't wear the Maid of Honor dress."
"Oh, yeah, you were the big victim here," Thomasin replied. "In retrospect, though, I just don't think the world was ready for blood red mini cocktail dresses at a wedding."
"I just think that it was very big of you two to split as well as you did. You see so many couples involved in these messy breakups including lies, betrayal and cheating." Pilar spoke with sincerity and naivety. Adam was surprised that Thomasin kept his infidelity a secret even to Pilar, her long-time best friend.
"I think the worst thing a person can do to their significant other is cheat. It makes the other person feel like they were inadequate, like they weren't capable of keeping another person happy." Thomasin's voice was unmistakably solemn, and she glanced at Adam again through the rearview mirror. Adam shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Pilar nodded in agreement. "It shows a full disregard for the other person's feelings, and people who cheat are incapable of being equal partners in a satisfying relationship."
The three sat in silence as Thomasin drove. Adam searched his head for some kind of way to defend himself from this painfully subtle attack. However, Adam couldn't think of any, knowing that he deserved no defense.
However, after a moment, Pilar spoke again. "I can't help but think about this, though. People make mistakes, especially when they're young, like we are. Its all part of growing up and accumulating experiences."
"Point being?" Thomasin regarded Pilar's comment with hesitance.
"It just seems silly for two people to spend the rest of their lives with the pain coming from that one mistake, when its inevitable that we're going to make these mistakes. It's just a form of self-inflicted punishment." Pilar was speaking philosophically, unaware that she was addressing Adam and Thomasin's situation directly.
"That's right. There's more than one victim when a partner cheats. Many times the cheater lives the rest of his life in regret, knowing that he messed up his chance at a happy ending. I think a lot of the time, the cheater never stops being in love." Adam wanted Pilar to keep talking, to express the feelings that he desperately needed to hear.
Pilar shook her head. "I don't know. I just believe in second chances—a second chance in life, for love and happiness."
Another silence pervaded in the car, when Thomasin finally turned on some music. She turned the volume louder than it probably should have been, but it provided an opportunity for Adam to get lost in his thoughts.
As Thomasin was trying on her gown in the dressing room of the exclusively sophisticated and elegant shop, Pilar and Adam sat waiting on plush red couches, sipping on fine afternoon tea. In high school, the two had always gotten along very well, although it had been years since they last spoke. Adam felt like a phony, knowing that Pilar didn't know what kind of person he truly was. Adam wondered if Pilar would still like him if she knew what he did to her best friend.
As Pilar spoke animatedly with her hand placed softly on his, Adam had to smile at his old friend. "I've always wondered something, Adam, but was afraid to ask."
Adam stared bewilderingly at a thin wafer cookie, unable to grasp at how a 'green-tea- flavored' snack was made possible. "In my experience, you've never been afraid of anything."
Pilar gave him an odd smile. "Don't be silly. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Unhappiness, mortality, the possibility of lost love, bad hair—I've just been better than most people at hiding it."
Adam stared at her for a long moment, trying to discern her meaning. "What was your question?"
"Why did you stop playing hockey? I remember coming to your games, and I could tell how much you loved it—maybe more than anything else in the world."
Adam glanced off from Pilar's face, focusing his eyes instead on a delicately embroidered pillow. That was a story for another time, a story that still brought him too much grief to bear. Luckily, Adam and Pilar were interrupted by the entrance of the Bride.
"Whoa," was all Adam could manage to say as Pilar enthusiastically gawked and hugged Thomasin, who looked lovely in a cap-sleeved gown made of delicate, gossamer chiffon woven in a sheer, impossibly pale gold. It was alluringly sensual, yet at the same time altogether innocent. It made Thomasin's tan skin emit a gleam that was ethereal. Adam had a difficult time tearing his eyes away from her, reminded of how much he loved this woman.
"Adam, doesn't Tom look fantastic? She's going to photograph SO well!" Pilar continued to gush in a manner expected of a maid of honor.
Adam couldn't manage any words, but when Thomasin caught his eye, her expression said that she understood exactly what Adam thought.
As Pilar went off to find shoes for her dress, Thomasin accompanied Adam to get some quick measurements for his tuxedo. As Adam stood on the deep red platform, busily being measured by a tiny Asian woman, Thomasin gazed at him enigmatically from the couch. It unnerved Adam.
Adam could hear Thomasin's foot tapping from outside the dressing room as he tried on a sample tuxedo. Adam knew that the three of them were supposed to meet Billy for lunch in half an hour, so he tried to hurry.
Adam hit a snag, however, when it came time to fix his silk tie. He had never really gotten the hang of it—Thomasin used to tie it for him, a smile on her face even in the midst of faked and exaggerated complaining. After she finished with the tie, Thomasin would always pull it gently forward to give Adam a quick peck on the lips. He missed those moments.
"Adam, are you done yet? We're going to be late for lunch." Adam was embarrassed to admit his problem.
After his confession, Adam listened for a response. There was silence from outside the dressing room. "Tamsin?"
Thomasin burst out laughing. "After all these years, you still haven't learned? How have you survived these past two years?"
Adam sheepishly responded. "Umm, well...I have an extensive collection of clip-on ties, actually."
The door to the dressing room opened suddenly, and Thomasin quickly evaluated the situation. "Here, let me help you," she said, stepping inside the small room.
Adam reveled in her nearness, almost claustrophobic of having her in this suddenly tiny place. Thomasin's hands deftly arranged the tie perfectly, with the experience of many years. When she finished, Thomasin took a step back to admire her work.
"I was right about the purple vest—you look very handsome in that tuxedo without it." Thomasin nodded in approval.
"You think so?" Adam's voice held an abundance of uncertainty in the truth of that comment.
"You know that you're handsome, Adam—people have been telling you that your whole life. That's your problem, I think." Thomasin's expression changed as she continued to speak. "Don't you know that you're a Greek god—all golden and perfect? Your parents never thought that I was good enough for you; in fact, nobody did—including myself."
"That's ridiculous, and you know it." Adam spoke ardently, with all of the conviction that he could manage.
Thomasin shook her head. "The moment I found you with that woman, in all of her sexy blond perfection, I knew that it was the truth. I never felt worse about myself than at that instant, and I promised myself that I would never let anyone make me feel that way again."
Adam could see all of the unshielded hurt that Thomasin tried to hide. "Thomasin, I—"
She interrupted him. "You know what disgusts me about this predicament that we're in, Adam?"
Thomasin answered before letting Adam speak in response. "Through all the pain and hatred that you've caused me, I can't help but still want you. I thought that after 2 years that I'd learn how to forget about you. Do you feel as helpless as I am?"
Even as she spoke in her alluring, calming voice, Adam could hear the change in her tone, incorporating a pent-up anger into the vocal assault. Thomasin pulled on Adam's tie, all the while staring into his eyes. "But I don't love you anymore, Adam. Do you hear me? I'm in love with Billy—he's everything I could ever ask for. I don't love you—"
Thomasin didn't finish her statement because suddenly her lips were on Adam's. Adam immediately wrapped his arms around her, wanting to protect her from all the hurt and pain. It was useless, however, considering that Adam was the cause of injury.
"Adam, Tom, where are you? We're late—Billy's at the restaurant already." Pilar's voice could be heard in the far distance.
Adam and Thomasin quickly separated from each other, breaking the moment. Thomasin gave Adam a searing look, with troubled brown eyes, and turned to exit the dressing room. "Hurry and get changed—we have to leave."