Harry Potter and The Search For The Plot

Disclaimer: I don't own JK Rowling's characters, plots, ideas, or the number 5. I have, however, trademarked my insanity, so I suggest u do not attempt to steal it from me, because I also own a man-eating hole puncher.

Summary: I decided I wanted 2 write a parody, but I had no plot, so I decided the plot would be that I had no plot. ( hee hee, look, i said it 3 times!)

WARNING: this story may contain strange, random occurences, no plots, and rabid purple donkeys. Those of u with young children may want to stop reading now, before things get insanely.... insane.

The 1st Chapter- Stuff Happens (spooky)

One day, there was a story about three dancing combs and an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professer who was mad because i stuck him into a story with three dancing combs who were mad because i stuck them in a story with an angry college professor who was..... wow, that's some run-on sentence.

Anyway, fortunately for you, that is not what the story is about, or the whole chapter would be taken up by the three dancing combs and the angry college professor arguing pointlessly about many things that would be pointless, kind of like the pointless writing that I am pointlessly writing right now. I tend to trail of a lot......................................this is fun.........................................i like brocolli........................and spoons sometimes attack me at night so i don't think i like those very much................................................does this even have a point?..............wait...................NO! So without even FURTHER adeiu ( i like that word),
I will officially begin the story the actually started two paragraphs ago.

Once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid. Harry, Hermione, and Ron appear lake appears Gaint Squid appears

" Have you got any 5's?" Ron asked the Squid.

" Go fish!" the Squid said, "ha ha!"

"Ummm..... okay, but I didn't say 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards'."

"Oh, really?" said Ron, puzzled, "I thought you said 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards.'"

"No, I didn't, I said 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid.'"

" But distinctly heard 'once apon a time, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the three characters who this story is about, were sitting at the edge of the lake with the Gaint Squid playing cards.'"

" Will you two cut it out!?!?!" asked Harry in an annoying tone which was terribly annoying, but worked nonetheless.

"Fine! Be that way!" said the hurt author, quickly typing: Harry got eaten by a shark.

Harry got eaten by a shark.

"Yay!" cried Voldemort who appeared out of nowhere on top of the Squid who, by the way, somehow managed to grow lungs and breathe above water.

"Wait, what are you doing here?" asked Hermione, obviously confused by the fact that nothing was making sense.

" Well, now that Harry is dead, I get to rule the world!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bow to me, feel my wrath etc!"

" Oh no you don't!" Hermione and Ron said at the same time.

" Oh yes I do!"

"Not fair!"

"Is so!"

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

"IS NOT!"

"IS SO!"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione screamed. Voldemort leaped back and squeeled like a little baby, but regained his composure. (look at all the long words).

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled even louder.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!" bellowed the exasperated author on the top of her lungs. Everyone froze in mid-scene and looked at her. It was so quiet you could hear the crickets chirping.

"You too," the author added, at which point the crickets obidiently shut up. " YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME MAD! I'm going to count to three, and when I turn around, I expect you to be BEHAVED!!!One........two........three!" the author turned around to total silence, "Good. Now, we're going to solve this problem like MATURE ADULTS! Hermione, what did Voldemort do?"

"Well, for one, he Appearated on Hogwarts grounds. Then, he said he was going to take over the world and made loud meows, when everyone knows that it doesn't fit into the format of the story!" Hermione finished in one breath.

"Voldemort?"

"I can do whatever I want if Harry's dead!" Voldemort announced.

"Fine," the author said typing: Harry came back to life.

"Wait! You need a reason!" Hermione stated in a know-it-all voice which as equally annoying as Harry's.

Harry came back to life because the shark swallowed him whole and spat him out, and little piggies danced all around Hermione singing "Ring Around The Rosy" until Hermione apoligized for being as equally annoying as Harry.

"I'm sorry for being as equally annoying as Harry!" Hermione yelled over the dancing piggies. The piggies then moved over to Voldemort to cause him great annoyance.

"Hey, I'm back!" said a surprisingly unscathed Harry. All of a sudden, two long sticks attaked him.

"Before we start to get too off track, can I just say that there isn't any point to this?" Ron mentioned to the author who was busily typing more ways to write things that had no point.

"Alright, have it your way! But I'll have to start a new chapter!" the author said threateningly.

"Oh no! Not a new chapter, anything but a damned new chapter!!!" Harry said trying to get away from the sticks.

But it was too late, because the author decided to say those two final words that......that finish stuff: THE END.

A/N: REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chapter Two will be posted when I get at least 3 reviews! (And you can cheat if you can review 3 times under different names. Oops, I just typed that didn't I?)

ON TO CHAPTER TWO: THE SEARCH FOR SOMETHING USEFUL!!!