Adam awoke with a start, not at first realizing exactly where he was. His hands felt clammy as they stuck to the black leather interior of his black, non-descript rental car. Adam ran a frustrated hand through his always-mussed hair as he realized that he had been driving distractedly through the streets of Los Angeles. It was late, or early, actually—Adam guessed it was about 6am, and had spent most of the night not knowing where he was going—all Adam knew was that he couldn't stick around for the bachelor party. Billy had understood when Adam made his excuses.
Adam had to smile wryly at that thought. Of course Billy had understood—he was all goodness and light. Adam was doomed from the start—he just couldn't compete with everything Billy had to offer. Billy could give Tamsin all that she would ever need; maturity, security, affection, independence, loyalty—things that Adam was capable of only in spurts. Watching him had made Adam acutely aware of his own deficiencies as a man.
It was 6:30 in the morning when Adam finally ambled up the path to the mansion's front entrance.
"Adam?" Adam looked up and Tamsin sat wearing her sleeping clothes in the gazebo, sipping idly at a cup of coffee, the newspaper strewn on the table's surface. "Are you just coming back?"
Adam reluctantly sat down across from Tamsin. "Yeah."
"Crazy night?"
"I guess you could say that." Adam's voice was nondescript. The two sat in silence, each of them not quite meeting the other's eye.
"By the way, Pilar wants to talk to you about the reception."
"Alright," Adam answered distractedly. A long moment passed. "Why couldn't it have been us, two days before our wedding?"
Tamsin raised her head up in response and gave Adam an inscrutable look. "I don't know, Adam--it was your choice. I just reacted to the hand that you dealt me. There was a point where my choices didn't matter anymore and I did what I had to."
Adam opened his mouth to speak but Tamsin interrupted him. "I would have been with you forever, Adam, if you had given me the chance. All I ever wanted was to be with you. Do you know how many times I think about how it would be like just to sleep in our bed, live in our house, and raise our children? I wanted all that, but you made the choices."
Adam said desperately. "It can still happen for us. It's not too late."
Tamsin shook her head sadly. "We both know all too well that it's too late. I can't leave Billy now, not after all we've been through, all the planning. I can't hurt him like you hurt me. I may not be IN love with Billy, but I love him. And I guess that's enough for me."
Adam couldn't argue with her logic. They just sat there, looking at each other with an air of devastating finality. Adam had always felt that there was hope in the past two years. But now he knew that it was a fool's hope. All that was left for him was to lie in the bed of his own making—and Adam had to let Tamsin lie in hers. "I'm never going to stop loving you. My heart belongs to you, Tamsin Logan."
Tamsin didn't answer at first—she just looked at him with a faint agonized expression. When she finally spoke, her gaze was fixed to the far distance. "Tamsin Logan. You know, after all these years, I still like the sound of that."