How do you feel?

Hi sweetie,' he said to Emily when he got home. Emily kissed him and helped him off with his coat. She wasn't working yet and she had very little to do all day, so to her his home coming was a major event, and she always fussed around him.

You look so tired,' she said. She reached up and held his face in her hands, studying him.

It's the travel. I'll get used to it,' he said. It was just taking a long time, that was all. She frowned slightly and then said,

I didn't realise it would be quite so difficult for you here.' He wondered if she was going to say anything else about it – it almost seemed as though she would – but instead she said, Come and have dinner.'

It's ready?' But she had nothing else to do all day. She did everything for him, everything that would make his life easier when he had to leave for work so early in the morning and come back home so late.

I didn't want you to have to wait. I know how hard it is for you.' It was almost a moment in which he could suddenly saw everything he wanted to say, but then, the moment was lost as her eyes grew apprehensive. He couldn't bring himself to say anything that would hurt her and the words dried up in his mouth. I'll dish up,' she said, and retreated to the kitchen.

After dinner they watched television. He would liked to have talked to her more, about easy things, trivial things but he was just too tired to think up things to say, and her day was so uneventful she had no news of her own. Lately, as the tiredness caught up with him, they'd had more and more of these kinds evenings.

Are you all right?' Emily asked.

Yeah, just tired.'

I don't think you're happy,' she said quietly. Not – not as happy as you should be.' He looked at her apprehensive face.

Sweetie, this apartment is great.' It was. It had great security, communal gardens and very generous rooms at a ridiculously tiny price courtesy of her cousin. She was making a nice job of home making. I love it.'

But?' That same look was in her eyes again and instead of leaning against him as she had been doing she was sitting up straight, rigid. She was scared he was going to hurt her but she was asking anyway. He could avoid it if he didn't say something but then he would have only himself to blame for the way he was feeling.

It's just so far from everything.' She was silent. Well if she cared, she'd have to listen to what he said, and feeling emboldened at having made a start, he said, I miss my friends.'

But why can't you see them?' she asked.

I can't.'

But I don't understand,' she said and he knew that she didn't. I never said I mean I don't have a problem with the others,' she said, Only one person.' Whose name she couldn't even bear to say. Just one, and you know why. Why can't you see the others?'

They're all friends with Rachel.'

They're taking her side against you? But why can't they be friends with both of you?'

Because our friendship is something we all share. One of us just can't stop seeing one of the others without it having an effect on anyone else. So they've had to choose.'

They like her better than you?' she asked incredulously. That's ridiculous. You're so much better than she is,' Emily asserted.

I don't know that they like her better.' Maybe they did. But they all live near each other and I live here, so it makes sense that they choose her. When they do things, they do them together – and I can't join in.' He didn't need to explain why. She had been sitting close to him and she suddenly withdrew.

You want to see her.' There was no need for her to be hurt and he said,

No more than I do anyone else. It's everyone I miss.'

You know how I feel,' she said resentfully. It's because of her I was totally humiliated in front of everyone I know. Forever everyone's going to know me as the one who's husband couldn't get her name right at the altar and the one who's husband was going to take a honeymoon – '

No,' Ross said firmly. It was not going to be a honeymoon with Rachel.' The name "Rachel" made her flinch and it gave him pain to see her do it. You said you believed me,' he added.

And you asked me how I felt and I've told you,' Ross said. Both of us have got feelings, not just you.'

Yes, I did ask,' she said dully. He wondered what she was going to do about it. Whatever it was, she'd just have to do it. He couldn't do any more.

We have to be honest about our feelings or this marriage isn't going to work.' She had withdrawn to an armchair, drawing up her legs and hugging her knees to her. He saw that she saw shivering. 'Sweetie, I don't want anyone else.' He didn't know if she'd heard him or not. He just had no energy to argue any more. If she was going to have problems with what he'd just said, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed.'

Although he was tired, he lay awake for hours. She didn't join him.