Chapter 7 How to catch wild Pokemon
To make a long paragraph short, Charles made his way to Viridian City and gave a nice old man a mocha frappe. The old man said,
"Hey sonny, thanks for the frappe. I am An Old Man."
"I can see that," Charles replied.
"Yes, yes, I see, would like to know how to catch wild Pokemon?" An Old Man asked with an accent similar to Tomo's father. Charles rubbed his chin in thought while saying,
"Hmmm..." After two minutes, Charles finally asked, "Is that a trick question?" An Old Man said it wasn't. "OK, well I guess, sure, whatever, knock yourself out-" Charles has said the wrong thing. An Old Man knocked himself out. "Aw, man, now I'll never be able to catch geo- hey wait." Charles' turned to see a Popcorn vendor next to a ketchup and Cotton candy vendor. "Mmm... Eat first, think later, that's what I always say," Charles said.
"Not really," said a voice.
"What do you mean?" Charles asked the voice.
"If you really said 'eat first, think later,' all the time, then you wouldn't have just said, 'that's what I always say," The voice answered. Charles wasn't listening, he was already making his cotton candy covered blueberry-chocolate-green tea ice cream and then dousing it in ketchup. Charles dug in, and ate. He wiped his mouth with a nearby Sudowoodo, and said,
"Just what I was in the mood for." At the moment Charles said, 'for', someone yelled, 'fore!' This caused Charles not to notice someone had said that, and a lacrosse stick fell on him. A man carrying a tennis racket walked over to Charles, who was laying on the ground in a coma, and said,
"Terribly sorry sir, I was just hitting some balls you know," The man held the tennis racket like a golf club and whacked Charles' head. "I was playing baseball, you know, the version where you can only use your feet and head to swim to the quarter back." Charles said nothing. "Anyway, I've got to get back to my game," the man continued, "and I hate to leave you here not telling the truth like this." Charles stood up similar to how he had stood up from the pile of ashes previously. Charles said,
"Hey, I'm telling the truth."
"Yes, I know, you are now, but before you were lying," the old man explained.
"I'm thirsty," Charles commented.
"Well, I better be going now." Charles was already buying Wooper Cola© from a drink machine. Charles walked back over to where An Old Man was. An Old Man was awake now.
"Where was I?" An Old Man asked.
"Catching Pokemon..." Charles reminded.
"Oh, yes." An Old Man took one of his fifty Pokeballs and threw it at a passing Weedle. The Weedle was caught. An Old Man turned back to Charles and said,
"Of course you have to weaken it first."
"Of course," Charles repeated.
"I hope I helped you," An Old Man said. Charles said,
"I don't really get it."
"Really? I thought you were thirsty," An Old Man said confused. Weedle popped out of An Old Man's Pokeball, because it hadn't been weakened, and tackled An Old Man.
"Cool, forty-nine Pokeballs," Charles exclaimed and took An Old Man's Pokeballs. Charles ran back to the forest to catch his Pokemon.
Trojamanians are a gruffly nice sort of people. They enjoy sitting around on pillows talking about yellow happy dandelions all day. Unfortunately, the only Trojamanian blood remaining in a person is found in a small cottage in the town of Incredicarnewage, and she has a horribly unpronounceable name. Her nickname is Sofabolitio, pronounced so-fuh-bow-lish-oh. She is completely unaware of this fact, and speaking of facts, in fact, a fax machine is the closest she will get to a needle. A few random mosquitoes have spread her blood to two people, but those mosquitoes are now dead and she always uses a nice mosquito-instant-killer machine wherever she goes. The two people are known as Billy and Diane, but this doesn't exactly matter, because the only important fact about Trojamanians is the fact that they invented the paper clip. If you believe in sprinkling magic powder on ashes to cause someone to come alive again, then you might want to read the next bit.
I am extremely and terribly sorry to disappoint you folks, but our dissing, cussing, and shunned director, also known as diss-cuss-shun director has broken her foot and is not available to practice her magic powder tricks on any ashes, let alone the one that is obvious, expected, and that would fit into the story if brought back to life. Yes, I know you are all thinking of the founder of Dothan, Alabama, the peanut center of the world. I know this because, I, the hip notist, can read your mind. Apparently some of you are out of your mind. I have to make this paragraph longer though, so any unsuspecting creature will assume that this is the paragraph in which someone is brought back to life, and that is why these last sentences are so tedious, so continuous, so long, and so tiring. Speaking of tires, this final
sentence will most likely drive you out of your minds unless you already have escaped out of your minds, in which case you can stay perfectly still and won't be bothered.
Assuming that any of you wouldn't have not taken any strength to not take this bit of fan fiction off of your reading list, I hope to not have to take the chance to never make another mindless paragraph like the previous one and the one this is becoming. So lets get back to Charles, shall we?
Charles arrived at the pond, and called out,
"Here wild Pokemon!" A Butterfree flew into view.
"Pokeball, go!" Charles shouted, and he threw a Pokeball at Butterfree. Butterfree easily dodged the Pokeball.
"Free, fwee," Butterfree happily shouted.
"I got you now, Butterfree," Charles yelled, unfazed. Charles threw forty-eight Pokeballs at Butterfree, and Butterfree easily dodged them all.
"Darn, how come this isn't working?" Charles wondered. A vision of An Old Man appeared in front of him.
"Weeeeeeaken... Weeeeeaken..." An Old Man said spookily. Charles said,
"Oh, cool, a hologram!" Charles stuck his hand through An Old Man.
"Ow!" An Old Man said, and he disappeared. Charles pouted. Now he was Pokeballess, Pokemonless, and not to mention paperclipless. 'Oh well,' he thought. 'Hey, is that an ice cream truck?' Charles ran towards the wonderful tune of a dinging truck. "Man am I in need of a great ice cream cone," Charles said aloud with the emphasis on 'cream'. Charles rummaged through his pocket for coins when he arrived at the truck. Charles complained to the ice cream man,
"I don't have any coins, and I can't catch wild Pokemon!" The ice cream man, who was assisted by a Delibird said,
"Did you weaken it by using an attack on it yet?"
"You bet your Hallway Incorporated design 1952 refrigerator I didn't," Charles answered.
"You have to weaken a Pokemon before you can catch it," the man said slowly and lowly without feeling.
"Oh," Charles said, and he ran off to get Charmander. When Charmander was nowhere to be found, Charles 'borrowed' another one from Professor Bark.
"Charmander, I choose you," Charles said with more enthusiasm than a blind mouse about to have its tail chopped off, run up a clock and be struck by the pendulum, burned in acid and be eaten by a cat. Charmander popped out of its Pokeball and said happily,
"Charmander!" Charles said, "Go weaken some wild Pokemon, or something like that." A Seel fell out of the sky onto Charles.
"Seel, seel, seel," Seel said happily as it clapped its flippers. Charmander Flamethrowered Seel.
"All right, it's weakened, I can catch it now!" Charles said, and realized that he had no Pokeballs.
Charles ran quickly to town and into the Pokemart.
"Doyouhaveanyballspleasehavesomeballswhydoyouhavenoballsyoudohavesomeballsiwantpokeballspleasgivemepokeballsyourenotoutofpokeballs are you?" Charles asked. The checkout lady filed her nails.
"What?" she asked. "If you want some Pokeballs, we're fresh out, you'll have to go to some other city." She returned to her nails. Charles ran out of the shop, and ran to the next town. On his way, he crashed into a tree that happened to be blocking his path.
"PSYCHO!" A voice yelled. Dazed and disoriented from crashing into a tree, Charles stood up and looked around. The tree moved, and yelled with an invisible mouth, "PSYCHO!" Charles scratched his head. "WOULD OH? WOULD OH?" The tree interrogated, shaking its branches. Charles blinked, and the tree exploded for no apparent reason. Charles walked on without as much as a shrug, and he came to the next town. They had Pokeballs.
"That will be eight thousand four hundred and thirty-two Pokeyen for one ball please," the clerk said. Charles was broke. "The gym leader here is giving eight thousand four hundred and thirty two Pokeyen to anyone who beats him," the clerk said, and filed her nails. Charles raised one eyebrow, and paced back and forth thinking aloud.
"If I beat the gym leader I can get a Pokeball so I can catch a Pokemon so I can beat the gym leader. Now to beat the gym leader in the first place, I must.." Charles smashed into a customer.
"Watch where you're going twerp," said a tall man that Charles had crashed into. The tall man had two friends standing next to him. They broke out in laughter that rang throughout the small mart.
"Hey Damien," one guy said to the one Charles had crashed into, "I think it like was like so like funny like that like you like left chuckle like left chuckle a Geodude.." at this point he broke up in laughter. The other guy continued.
"A Geodude in the middle of the road and told it to stay there, and like you like left like abandoned like never like got like it like back.." He broke up in laughter, and the other guy regained conscience and continued what he had started.
"Like then you like like went like back like in like time? And you totally like left like a Charmander on the Geodude?" All three fell on the floor laughing. They stopped laughing, but stayed on the floor. This was because a Geodude had fallen on them through the roof. Charles left and challenged the gym leader to a match.
A spotlight shone upon the gym leader.
"Do. You. Battle? Wish. Yes. No? Yessss?" The gym leader said as he looked at the floor which had bathroom style tiles. The gym leader looked up at Charles and cleared his throat. "I am Mock, Mock O. Allgymleadersportrayedasbrock. My middle name is ove. You will call me Mock." Charles wasn't listening, he was staring at Mock's eyes. For some reason, They took up all of his face. Mock's face showed no sign of ears, noses, or mouths, just eyes. "One on one battle. Begin. At least I.." A balloon appeared out of nowhere, and so did a red nose. The red nose appeared in the middle of Mock's humongus blue eyes. Mock sucked in helium from the balloon using his nose, and finished his sentence in a funny high voice. "think so?" Charles let his Charmander out of its Pokeball. A Sandslash along with a stuffed Indian fruit bat appeared. (Extremely unpredictable, aint it?) Charles gasped. Charmander refused to battle, and Mock laughed a horrible evil laugh, just like in Charles' nightmares. Charles returned Charmander, and ran to the Pokemart where Geodude was sleeping on top of Damien and ©. (© is just as much of a word as žÔ/é·œœî and Pseudoantidestablishmentarianism.) Charles asked panting,
"Do pant you pant have pant tennis pant balls pant in pant stock?" The clerk, who had filed all of her nails away was filing her fingers away.
"How many pairs of pants do you need again?" she asked. Charles took a deep breath and said,
"Do you have three hundred sixty four trillion, nine hundred seventy two billion, six hundred eighty three million, one hundred five thousand, two hundred sixty four and two hundred sixty four billion trillionths tennis balls?" The clerk rolled her eyes. "Of course, that's our specialty," she said sarcastically. "They only cost one wild Geodude," she said seriously, and a glint in her eyes shone for a moment. She returned to filing her fingers. Charles ran out of the store and to his favorite thinking place, on a staircase that had three hundred sixty four trillion, nine hundred seventy two billion, six hundred eighty three million, one hundred five thousand, two hundred sixty four and two hundred sixty four billion trillionths steps. He always enjoyed sitting on the eight hundred forty third step. He thought,
"I need a wild Geodude so I can get some tennis balls so I can beat the gym leader so I can get money so I can buy Pokeballs so I can catch a wild Geodude so I can beat the gym leader." Charles thought some more than thought, "Or I could give the wild Geodude to the clerk." He fell down eight hundred forty three steps.
Iaz the great scientist had already given up on his quest to find the chosen one and stuck to being a mime. He spent most of his free time making conversation with the vicar, who enjoyed saying,
"Pie could dry lair" a lot, which translated as 'Why should I care?' Those four words could be applied to many occasions in Iaz the great scientist's life, for he is somewhat uncared for. Iaz the great scientist didn't care about this. This is why he never ate any more vegetables, especially carrots. Iaz the great scientist was talking with the pit one day when the pit said,
"Bert Liz pie were." Or "Fertilizer." A question mark appeared over Iaz the great scientist's head. Iaz the great scientist shrugged it off, but the vicar continued very emotionally, "Ralph, RALPH! RALPH RALPH!" The translation was the same as the vicar had said. Iaz the great scientist worried. The next day a gigantic puzzle cube that consisted of nine different colored squares squashed Iaz the great scientist's laboratory and house. Iaz the great scientist rode on the vicar to a small island that lay on the international date line. Iaz the great scientist's bamboo house that the pit created had a toilet that when you sat on it, you were in two time zones at once. It was a quite nice house that the vicar had made, but Ralph still screamed at Iaz the great scientist. Iaz the great scientist said a certain four word phrase after that many times.
Charles woke up in the emergency room. The doctor fixed his broke leg up, and was given a Geodude lollipop for being such a 'good boy'. Charles requested a real Geodude instead, and he got one. He charged the hospital bill to Damien. Charles traded the Geodude for the tennis balls, beat the gym leader, got the money and returned to the store.
"I'd like to buy a Pokeball," he said. He dumped all his money on the counter. The Pokemart only took cash. The clerk added up his purchase and said,
"I'm sorry sir, you need seventy-five more cents."
"What?" Charles was enraged. "I have lots of sense! I have common sense! I have rare cents!"
"Sir, that's tax," the clerk informed. Charles jumped onto the desk angrily.
'You mean to tell me," Charles growled in the clerks face, "that a car company, I repeat car company, made me LOSE ALL MY SENSE?" The clerk didn't twitch as she said,
"No." Charles got back to the floor and his face lost all its flush in the blink of an eye. (Not Mock's eye; it never blinks.) "Oh," Charles commented. He shuffled uncomfortably. "See you," he said as he walked out the door. He tripped over Damien and ©.
Charles thought for a moment about what he was supposed to do. He had beaten Mock, he had gained a badge and some money, but he had no idea what to do next. He called Professor Oak for advice, but he wasn't home. He had no idea what to do, so he decided to go water logging. This activity was enjoyed by many people. Charles fell off of a waterfall during the activity. In the process of falling off the waterfall Charles notice that he was falling towards a meteor. Inside the meteor Charles saw Charmander and Geodude playing poker. Charles landed softly on the titanium space rock. Charles, having confirmed the theory that all Pokemon came from space, became rich and famous before he knew it. He lived unintelligently ever after. Charmander and Geodude became the leaders of a new Team Rocket, but this did not last long as the meteor crashed into the earth, sending it hurtling into the sun.
THeND