The Reikai Tantei's Yu Yu Hakusho
1. Okay this is my first time writing a Yu Yu Hakusho Fanfiction, so excuse me if it seems a little out of whack. I'm using characters from various Fanfiction and will give the authors credit in the chapters they appear in.
2. This is Koko-chan's and the Blue Spanch's story. Please don't be, mad at me for using it and your characters. If you wish for me to take it off the internet, just e-mail me and I will do so. I've also changed a bit of it, like dividing it. (Just don't kill me, please.)
3. This is my story, it is YAOI (meaning male/male relationships for those unused to the anime world.) If you don't like it, don't read it! Got that?
4. I DO NOT OWN YU YU HAKUSHO!!!! So don't sue me I don't have anything.
5. This occurs after the movie.
6. Thoughts are in Italics.
On with the story!
Chapter 9
The Harlequin, part 3
Everybody arrived right on time the next day, and met outside the grounds.
They had not come unprepared; Yuusuke and Kuwabara had coils of rope slung bandolier-like over their shoulders, Kurama had a fresh rose tucked behind one ear, Genkai had brought a grappling hook and a pouch full of useful gadgets, and Hiei had a slim chain coiled inside his jacket.
There was a bit of a problem with getting into the Carnival, however. Everybody but Kurama had forgotten to bring any money and Kurama didn't have enough to get them all in.
Hiei solved that problem by disappearing into the crowd for a moment. When he returned, he presented somebody else's loaded wallet. Kuwabara and Yuusuke were fine with this, of course, but Genkai and Kurama muttered curses under their breath as Hiei bought them their tickets. Hiei just looked smug.
They searched that Carnival from top to bottom and from end to end, but they found no trace of the Harlequin anywhere.
By the time that they stopped for a rest at a row of picnic tables, the sun had set and all the colored lights had been lit.
Yuusuke and Genkai sank down onto a bench with near-identical sighs of weariness; Kuwabara had wandered off in search of a cup of noodles. Kurama had purchased a stick of cotton candy at Hiei's insistence- he still hadn't figured the stuff out.
"It's just spun sugar, Hiei," Kurama said, sitting down across from Genkai.
Hiei eyed the poofy mass suspiciously. "Pink fluffy sugar? How do they get it like that, then? Do they grow it?"
"No. They have this special machine that heats the sugar and spins it around the stick in tiny threads, and then they pour the color in."
"It can be any color?"
"Yes. Look, just try it, okay?"
"What's it taste like?"
"Sweet."
"Sweet what?"
"No! It's colored sugar, Hiei. Sugar tastes sweet; that's all there is to it."
"Even with the color?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Hiei tore off a piece, sniffed cautiously, and popped it in his mouth. After a second or two, his eyes brightened and he tore into the rest of the fluff with gusto.
"Hey, watch it with that stuff," Yuusuke said. "It'll make you hyper."
"Mind your own business," Hiei growled around a mouthful.
Kuwabara had returned and scarfed his noodles, and Hiei had demolished another stick of cotton candy -a blue one this time- before they noticed the change in the music.
For the last three hours they had been listening to the normal calliope music that is the trademark of carnivals, a slightly off-key jingle that sounds like a cross between an accordion and an organ. It had become a sort of white noise, meaningless sounds that are easily ignored. Someone had changed that. It was now playing a menacing version of "Hall of the Mountain King".
"Guys," Genkai said evenly. "Look over there."
Between a couple of tents to their right, an unpleasantly familiar shadow was dancing. They all started moving in that direction with the slow, deliberate tread of the hunter.
It was the Harlequin, all right. He had attracted a crowd with his antics. He was currently juggling three knives, four flaming torches, two stuffed toy penguins, and one dwarf from the freak tent.
The team spread out in the front of the crowd, ready to strike; Hiei had hit the sugar rush by now and was visibly vibrating.
That was probably what gave them away. The Harlequin locked gazes with all five of them, and then he unloaded his hands.
The knives flew over the heads of the audience and buried themselves in a telephone pole, the torches wound up in a vat of lemonade, the penguins flew into the arms of two children, and the dwarf landed squarely in Kurama's arms.
The 'Quin dusted off his hands, thumbed his nose at Yuusuke, and ran like crazy in the general direction of the roller coasters.
"After him!" bellowed Kuwabara as he took off after him, the others following close on his heels. Kurama was trying to detach the dwarf from his shirt.
Kurama caught up with the rest of them as they reached the roller coasters.
They were in full swing, cars full of screaming tourists whizzing up and down the tracks at frightening speeds.
It didn't scare the Harlequin one bit, and he went up the scaffolding like a squirrel. Yuusuke and the others had little choice but to follow.
The Carnival boasted on all of its posters that it had the biggest and most complex portable roller coaster in the world, and they weren't kidding. There were no loop-the-loops on it, but it had sharp turns and sudden drops aplenty. It had been aptly named "Spaghetti Bowl".
The Harlequin was leading them right into the booming heart of the ride, dodging the rumbling cars with varying degrees of success. Kuwabara's jacket would never be the same again.
They finally managed to corner the Harlequin on the highest point of the structure, the main drop near the start of the course.
"Give it up and come quietly!" Yuusuke shouted.
No such luck. The Harlequin made a face at him and sprang lightly into the air, cape becoming a pair of wings, and he soared effortlessly away.
"How'd he do that?" muttered Yuusuke.
A sudden vibration of the scaffolding then told him that they'd better get out of the way in a hurry.
Hiei, however, was too busy watching their quarry get away to notice. "Look out!!"
Hiei spun around in time to see the cars coming toward him and he jumped, but not quite high enough.
Instead of landing behind the cars, he wound up landing in the middle of them as they roared over the tracks.
The rest of the team met him at the exit ramp a few minutes later. Hiei staggered out of the exit, and clung to Kurama for balance.
"Wow," he said as soon as his ears stopped ringing. "I wanna do that one again."
"Later," Genkai said, heroically not laughing. "We have a clown to catch."
"Oh, yeah. Let's go!" Hiei took off in the direction that the Harlequin had gone.
"Sugar high," muttered Kurama. "He's not going to be a happy camper when it wears off. C'mon, let's go."
They found the Harlequin again because of the pie. It whizzed out of the darkness just above the door of the Fun House and hit Genkai right in the face, splattering Yuusuke with whipped cream.
The Harlequin grabbed the lintel and swung inside like an Olympic athlete as Genkai struggled to get the pie out of his eyes, eventually just wiping her face on Kuwabara's ruined jacket.
"Where'd that little bastard get to?!" she demanded.
"In there," Hiei said, pointing into the garishly colored interior of the Fun House.
"Crap," She muttered. "I hate fun houses."
Inside the Fun House was a world of darkness, bright colors, and an interior design scheme that would have warmed the heart of M.C. Escher. The Harlequin was waiting for them, balanced on the rail of an inverted bridge, smiling.
"Get him!" Hiei shouted, springing forward with the energy of the terminally sugar-loaded.
The Harlequin, seemingly puzzled at Hiei's attitude, retreated into a padded tubular hall, the team close at his heels.
Hiei made a grab for his cape, but lost his footing when the floor began to move. The hall started to rotate like a sideways tornado, spinning far too fast for comfort.
When they finally got out, they had to lie down until the room stopped turning. Kuwabara was noisily sick behind a misshapen mirror for a few minutes.
"Right," he said once the heaving had stopped. "Remind me to blow this place up at some point."
"Okay," Genkai replied rather greenly.
"(Fizz)" was all Yuusuke could contribute at the moment.
They hauled themselves up off the floor eventually, and peered around the room suspiciously. No sign of the Harlequin.
"There!" Kurama cried, pointing down another hall, where something stripy was clambering up a rope ladder in the next room.
As one, they dashed down the hall and into the next room, only to discover that the designer had forgotten to add a floor into the blueprints. They fell eight feet into a pit of foam rubber chunks, chunks that turned out to be covering a trampoline. It was very difficult getting to the ladder, what with all the bouncing and foam and Hiei flying out of control all over the place.
"What the hell is this?!" he demanded on his way across the room.
"Trampoline!" Genkai shouted, catching hold if his shirt and bringing him marginally under control. "Gods, but I hate Fun Houses!"
"Hear, hear!" Kuwabara said, managing to grab the ladder.
With his help, they were able to climb out of the pit. The next room was a long, narrow one that had obviously been decorated by a color-blind madman.
As they ran down it, dozens of panels on the wall popped open, and a multitude of puppets emerged in a spray of confetti and a cacophony of honks, giggles, tweedles and cackles.
The team was in no mood for such idiocy, and smashed their way through, leaving uncountable puppets lying forlornly on the floor.
After that, the trail split three ways, all of them lit by strobe lights, with things moving unpleasantly in the abbreviated glare.
Yuusuke was tired of this. "Rei Gun!" he shouted, and blew a hole clear through the wall.
Fortunately this was an outside wall, and they tumbled out into the calmer dimness of the night. They paused for breath there, picking bits of marionette out of their clothing.
Just then, a black-and-red shadow flickered out of the Fun House exit and scampered off across the grounds.
"There he goes!" Kurama said, and once again the team lit out after the Harlequin.
They began to falter after a few hundred yards, though, ad came to a wheezing halt by another row of picnic tables.
"Hey guys," Yuusuke said once he had gotten some breath back. "Look over there."
They looked. Aah, manna from heaven! A beverage stand was doing brisk business right across the road from them.
As one, they converged upon it, and demanded one of everything. With Ice.
"Hey, Kurama," Hiei said, holding up a large paper cup of something brown. "What's this stuff?"
"Fbrbleb." Kurama replied, nose deep in a lemonade.
"Coke Slurpee," he said when he came up for air.
"What's it taste like?"
"Dunno. Never tried one."
"Good enough for me," Hiei said, and then downed the entire thing in one gulp. His eyes grew very wide after a few moments, and his face brightened strangely. "Oooo."
"Now you've done it," Kuwabara said as Hiei started to fidget. "Coke Slurpees are pure caffeine laced with enough sugar to choke a horse. We're never gonna get him calmed down now."
"Oh, he'll calm down all right," Genkai said grimly, putting down her empty cup. "Come on. Let's find that psychotic mime and jump up and down on him or something."
"Or something," Kuwabara said. "I like 'or something'."
It took them half an hour to find the Harlequin again. When they did, he was teaching an eight-year-old girl how to fence with balloon swords. With a shout they were after him again, and the child found herself holding two balloon swords and a small bag of itching powder as she watched the dust cloud recede into the distance.
It was very late now and the crowds had thinned somewhat. This was just as well, with the way the 'Quin was racing through the cramped alleys and byways with the whole Yu Yu Hakusho barreling after him like a runaway elephant.
The Harlequin was annoyed. He had grown rather fond of these yahoos and didn't really mean to give them such a rough time here.
He could feel Yashi's mind crawling around his brain like a swarm of centipedes; a most disturbing feeling. How he hated the Demon King! He knew very well that if he closed with any of his pursuers, he would be forced to kill them.
Keep running, then. Maybe they would get tired and go away. No, no, he wanted them to catch him! He knew they wanted to get the collar off, but if they did manage to grab him he'd either have to blow them up or think very, very hard about wombats. Yashi had never been truly able to comprehend wombats fully, and therein lay a weakness.
The Harlequin smiled as he dodged a flailing Rose Whip. He was very good at exploiting weaknesses. But first-
The Harlequin dodged around a corner, jumped up a flight of steps, and splashed into a low, dark, water-filled tunnel.
There was a yelp behind him as his pursuers flattened the ride operator and a lot of splashing as they chased him down the tunnel, darting around and jumping off the swan-shaped boats.
It was at this point where something untoward happened. Kurama mistimed a jump and landed in a boat right next to one of his classmates from school.
"Minamino-san!" she squealed and cuddled up, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Aaiieee!" Kurama said in return.
Hearing this, Hiei screeched to a halt and about-faced, and quickly found the boat his friend was having trouble with. Leaping onto the prow of the boat, he thrust his head forward into the girl's face.
"Mine!" he snarled, baring sharp fangs.
The girl screamed and threw herself back against the seat. "Excuse me," Kurama said, polite as ever, and leaped out of the boat.
They caught up with the others a few minutes later. "What took you so long?" Yuusuke said. "Stopped for a bit of romance?"
"Shut up, Yuusuke," Kurama said.
"So who kissed who?"
"Shut up, Yuusuke!" growled Hiei.
"Alright, alright. No need to get grouchy. Hee hee hee!"
They nearly had the Harlequin again when he ducked into another building.
They were halfway through it before they realized just where he had led them. They found out where they were rather quickly when Kuwabara tried to tackle the 'Quin, and wound up in a heap on a floor with a headache. "Aw, no," Yuusuke muttered as strange and distorted images danced around him. "The Hall of Mirrors!"
"He can't hide here if there aren't any," Genkai said and demolished a mirror.
Everybody started smashing glass with gusto. Each time a black-and-red image darted across a pane, someone would break it.
Before long, though, they started running out of mirrors, and the 'Quin still hadn't been flushed out.
At last, Kuwabara smashed a grinning clownish image, and although the glass went away, the image didn't. As Kuwabara stood there trying to adjust to this, the Harlequin grinned at him and got him right in the face with a water balloon.
There was a great roaring and smashing of glass as the team chased their quarry out of what was left of the Hall of Mirrors. Another wild goof chase through the Carnival ensued, attracting a crowd.
"It's the running of the fools!" someone in the audience shouted.
"Where?" cried another.
"They went Hemingway!" Yet another chimed in, pointing in the direction of the chase.
Then they all ran after, to see what would happen next.
Our heroes were too wrapped up in what they were doing to notice the crowd running after them, but they did notice where the Harlequin was heading.
"Aw, no!" Kuwabara wailed. "Not the Python!"
Yes, the Python. It and its ilk are known across the worlds by many names; the Octopus, the Constrictor, the Tentacle, the Hydra. There was even a version in the Makai called the Demon-Serpent.
All of them were built on the same lines as this one, and it, too was in full swing, waving and spinning and going roundy-roundy-up 'n' down-and throw up. Kuwabara was already a little green around the gills.
The Harlequin was not fazed by this dramatic display of mechanical confusion, and swung up on one of the arms like a gymnast in a nightmare. Hiei was too hyper to care and jumped up after him, followed by Genkai, Yuusuke and Kurama, all of whom could polka in freefall without breaking a sweat. Kuwabara had to force himself to follow.
The Harlequin was jumping from arm to arm to car back to arm again, dodging the various whips and ropes that four of the team were snapping at him.
It wasn't easy. All the motion and lights, noise and jumping and four people throwing things at him were playing merry hell with his concentration. Hold it. Four? Where was the fifth?
Hiei did not like the Harlequin at all. He tended to do horrible things to people that he didn't like. He felt he owed the Harlequin at least a split spine and a beheading, god or not.
Unfortunately, he had a problem. His eyesight and balance did not seem to be working quite right, and his target was moving in ways that should have been impossible.
Nevertheless, the time for vengeance was now!
With a shriek, Hiei sprang at the Harlequin, intent on doing the aforementioned horrible things. However, the arm that the 'Quin was riding at the moment went up when it should have gone down.
Hiei collided heavily with his target's upper back, sending them both crashing into the dirt.
The others wasted no time in pouncing on the prone god, trussing him up like a Christmas turkey. Hiei climbed onto their captive's back and started bonking the Harlequin on the head with the hilt of his sword.
He was distracted a moment later by the crowd, which had burst into applause.
Kuwabara, still a little green, got up, dusted himself off, and started posturing for the audience. "I, the great Kuwabara Kazuma, have just vanquished the greatest hassle of all time!" He said, and then started to make a speech.
Hiei and Yuusuke looked at each other, agreeing wordlessly that something must be done to deflate this windbag before he exploded on his own.
Hiei got up off the 'Quin's back and clambered up onto Yuusuke's shoulders. They snuck up behind the wildly posturing Kuwabara and started to give him bunny ears and antlers and things while the others looked on as the crowd began to laugh.
The Harlequin, seeing that he was being ignored, calmly untangled himself and started to wander off while thinking deeply about wombats.
Hiei, however, had marvelous peripheral vision. He turned his head just in time to see the Harlequin amble off.
With a shout, he leaped off of Yuusuke's shoulders, rebounded off Kuwabara's head, and tackled the 'Quin with a move that any football player would envy, and started bonking him with his sword again.
The others tied him up again, bowed to their audience, and left, carrying the 'Quin on their shoulders. Once outside the Carnival, certain things had to happen.
Kuwabara had to be sick again in an alley. His poor, abused stomach was having Python flashbacks.
Hiei, however, had it much worse. He tottered suddenly and fell over clutching his head as he learned the hard way about what happens when the sugar high wears off.
"Help, Kurama," he moaned. "I'm dying again!"
"What's wrong?" Genkai asked.
"Dunno. I got all tired at once and my head's trying to explode. Or fall off. Whatever. Ow."
"It's called 'sugar crash'. This is why you don't eat two sticks of cotton candy and wash them down with a Coke Slurpee. It'll wear off eventually."
Hiei's only answer was a whimper as he tried to keep all the pieces of his skull in more or less the same place. Kurama gently picked him up, cradling Hiei in his arms like a baby. He looked up, daring the others to make an issue of it.
"Let's go." He said shortly.
The trip back to the temple was mercifully uneventful. Mind you, this was only in comparison. The Harlequin didn't like being tied up all that much and managed to get confetti down everybody's shirts.
A very sleepy Yukina opened the door for them as they manhandled their grumpy captive inside and sat him down firmly in the middle of the room.
"How'd it go?" Yukina asked them.
"Difficult," Genkai said, pulling an old book out of the hidden compartment and flipping through it. "He really didn't want to be caught."
"I'll make some tea and miso."
"Bless you, Yukina!" Kuwabara said with feeling. Having throw up twice in one night, he was feeling more than a little empty.
Yukina blushed happily and left the room.
Genkai found the page she wanted, read the appropriate paragraphs, and peered at the Harlequin. He was sitting quietly cross-legged on the floor, eyes slitted and his face a mask of concentration. She moved closer carefully, tipped his chin up with one finger, and examined the collar.
"Let's see," she murmured. "The symbols are ancient Demonic. It's an outside-assisted binding spell with painful reminder options- ow!"
A mousetrap had been hidden somehow in the book. As Genkai had turned the page, it bit her squarely in the knuckles. She pried it off and glared suspiciously at the Harlequin, but he remained as immobile and straight-faced as a monolith.
"Reflex pranks," she reassured the others. "He's not even paying attention."
Genkai checked her book very carefully for more booby traps. Finding none, she looked up the binding spell on the collar, and how to remove it. "Okay. All we need to do is remove the collar and destroy it." She then took the Harlequin's jaw in a firm grip and tried to find the lock. It took her five minutes, but she managed to locate it, hidden in a particularly swirly design. A few more minutes of peering told her what she needed to know. "Anyone got a lock-pick?" she asked.
They all looked at Kurama, who was still holding Hiei in his arms. "I gave that up years ago," he said in a faintly hurt voice.
Hiei fumbled around inside his shirt and took out a roll of small, delicate tools. "I didn't," he said.
Genkai gave him a hard look, but she wasn't complaining. she selected a thin, sharp pick and began carefully poking around in the lock.
The Harlequin was not a happy camper. When you got right down to it, there really wasn't all that much about wombats to comprehend. Yashi was getting really pissed now and was making a real effort to grab control. This was a very nice temple.
He really hoped he wouldn't have to blow it into orbit. What was that old lady doing now? Ah! She had found the lock and was poking around in it with something.
She'd better hurry, because his defenses were starting to crumble. Dammit, he wasn't used to concentrating on just one thing for any length of time; how did these ningens manage to do that anyway? I wonder if they give classes? Never mind. I'd probably flunk on account of weirding out the teacher.
It was probably an inborn trait, although you wouldn't know it to look at that kid with the Rei Gun, or maybe not. Lady, you done picking that lock yet? Yashi's getting really mad out there.
You remind me of a very nice marsupial I was acquainted with once, I- OW! OW! OW! Oh, crap!
The Harlequin started to thrash about wildly just as Genkai was getting the hang of picking the lock.
"Hold him!" she shouted, attempting to keep her maddened captive from taking a chunk out of her arm with his teeth.
Everyone tackled him at once, trying to hold him still. With a click, the collar came off and rolled across the floor.
The Harlequin surged upright, snapped the ropes like string and threw them off, along with the people trying to hold him down.
He spat, just once, on the collar, but it sizzled unpleasantly and melted into a blackened lump of unidentifiable moosh.
He smiled unpleasantly, and then turned to face Genkai and the others. They stared uneasily at each other for a few minutes, not quite sure of what to do now.
At that moment, Yukina came in with a steaming teapot and a large tureen of miso.
"Hi there!" She said to a rather surprised Harlequin. "Would you join us for tea and miso?"
The Harlequin gave her a rather weak smile and nodded. Hells, but he hadn't had a day this bad since the last great plague. Miso and tea would be very welcome.
To be continued....
That's the end of chapter nine. I hope you liked it. I can't wait for your reviews! My e-mail address is japbookfan101yahoo.com I'll be waiting for them.