The Reikai Tantei's Yu Yu Hakusho
1. Okay this is my first time writing a Yu Yu Hakusho Fanfiction, so excuse me if it seems a little out of whack. I'm using characters from various Fanfiction and will give the authors credit in the chapters they appear in.
2. This is Koko-chan's and the Blue Spanch's story. Please don't be, mad at me for using it and your characters. If you wish for me to take it off the internet, just e-mail me and I will do so. I've also changed a bit of it, like dividing it. (Just don't kill me please.)
3. This is my story, it is YAOI (meaning male/male relationships for those unused to the anime world.) If you don't like it, don't read it! Got that?
4. I DO NOT OWN YU YU HAKUSHO!!!! So don't sue me I don't have anything.
5. This occurs after the movie.
6. Thoughts are in Italics.
On with the story!
Chapter 10
The Harlequin, part 4
The tension decreased visibly during the meal, except perhaps for Yuusuke, who would not take his eyes off of their guest.
Harlequin noticed this right off and stared back. This initiated a staring contest, and Yuusuke had never backed down from a challenge. Yuusuke's eyes were watering badly and starting to cross when Genkai decided to defuse both of them.
"We need to talk," she said.
The Harlequin's face became a mask of cold fury, and his eyes flashed red. The expression was only momentary, which was fortunate. Genkai had nearly wet her pants.
The Harlequin tapped his throat and shook his head sadly, and then finished his tea.
"What's the matter, man?" Yuusuke asked. "Cat got your tongue?"
The Harlequin blew him a raspberry, and then mimed writing. Yukina, helpful as ever, handed him a brush, ink and paper.
"A cat does not have my tongue, you silly person. The Demon King stole my voice," he wrote.
"That's bad?" asked Kuwabara.
The Harlequin gave him a disgusted look, and then transferred his gaze to Genkai. "Let me guess. You never told them about the Curse."
"Sorry," she said, contrite. "Slipped my mind."
"A curse?" Kurama said, puzzled.
"The Harlequin's greatest weapon," Genkai said, sipping her soup. "It's a spell spoken in the original Old Tongue of the Gods. Whoever he speaks the Curse to, dies most unpleasantly in a number of different ways. Sometimes it takes two or three tries in one Cursing, depending on just how mad the 'Quin is at his victim."
"I've heard about that." Hiei said with some admiration. "Some Nether-Lord or other got a curse of some sort put on him centuries ago. He said he was strong enough to weather a mere ill-wishing, but the next day, his underlings had to scrape his charred bits off the walls and ceiling."
"The Lord Suku-Yama. Yes. He was a prime dork, wasn't he? No sense of humor at all."
"So," Kuwabara said slowly, trying to work something out. "Why don't you just write the Curse down, fold it into a paper airplane, and throw it at him?"
The Harlequin stared at him for a moment, unable to believe what he had just heard. An object lesson was needed. He tore off a strip of paper and began to write.
It was a spectacularly ugly phrase in a thankfully alien language. It was uglier than a close-up of a scorpion's face, and spewed out more seething hatred than a warehouse full of bigots. Just looking at it invited a rash.
The Harlequin held the scrap up in two fingers, and a second later it spontaneously combusted.
"Oh," Kuwabara said in a small voice. "I guess that wouldn't work, would it?"
"Twit ningen," Hiei muttered.
Kuwabara's face went red at this insult, but his retort fell flat as the ashes from the burning paper dropped into the Harlequin's empty teacup.
The teacup twisted through a number of bizarre dimensions and transformed into a ball of ginger fur the size of a softball.
As they watched, it sprouted four pink, three-toed feet and three beady little black eyes.
"Queep?" It said.
"At this rate, I may have to get a new tea set," Genkai said with remarkable control. "What is that?"
"A Norkie," The Harlequin wrote.
"It's adorable!" Yukina cried, picking up the little fluffball and cuddling it. "Can I keep it? Please?"
"Go ahead. They eat just about anything, they love being cuddled, and are smarter than they look. I think it would make you an admirable companion."
"Oh, thank you!"
Hiei looked as though he were about to object, but kept quiet. The Norkie, as though sensing his disapproval, sprang out of Yukina's arms and landed squarely on Hiei's head.
Purring, it started to comb his hair with its forepaws. Hiei couldn't do anything about it without hurting his sister's feelings, so he just had to stand there and bear it while Yukina giggled.
Kuwabara felt much better for some reason.
"Yukina," he said in a strained voice as the Norkie went to work on a tangled tuft of hair, "Would you please get this thing off my head?"
"Oh, sure! Come here, Norkie!" She scooped the furball off Hiei's head and scampered out of the room.
Hiei watched her go, and then looked Kuwabara straight in the eye. "Not one word," he said.
"Excuse me." Kuwabara said unevenly, and then ran outside. They probably heard his hysterical laughter in New Zealand.
Hiei sat down with a thump, face like a storm cloud, and poured himself another cup of tea.
"You get used to it," Yuusuke said sympathetically. "I have to put up with a mutant penguin, remember?
"Shut the hell up."
As soon as Kuwabara lurched back inside, Genkai decided to get down to the point. "We need to get your voice back," she told the Harlequin. "Any idea of where he keeps it?"
"Oh yes. He's stuck it in the ring he wears on his left hand. The big topaz one. Yashi's got enough protective spells around it to immobilize a pyroclasm, but I think the ring-of-fire trick that I played with that kid Yuusuke, his name was?- would work nicely. After that, Yashi's toast. One way or another."
Genkai didn't want to speculate on that. "Fine. Do you have a map of the Inner Makai? Roaches ate mine years ago."
The Harlequin nodded and removed a roll of paper from inside his cape and unrolled it on the table.
It was not a map, however. What it turned out to be was a picture of the entire Yu Yu Hakusho dressed in drag, and revealing drag at that. With a yelp, a red-faced Kuwabara pounced on the picture and tore it to shreds.
"Really!" Kurama said, reprovingly. "Purple is not my color."
The Harlequin looked him up and down, and then nodded in agreement as the others looked at Kurama funny.
The 'Quin produced another roll, and this time, it was the map. There were strange symbols and little demon faces marked here and there on it. "What do those mean?" Yuusuke asked.
"Party joints, traveling circuses, weak places in the space-time continuum, and the Flying Dutchman Pizza House. I like that place. They have realized that whipped-cream pies are to be thrown, not eaten."
"Okay, but where's the royal palace?"
The Harlequin whipped a rubber stamp around in one fist and slammed it into roughly the center of the map. When he lifted the stamp away, the word "BULLSHIT," underlined in scarlet ink, overlay a small, castle-shaped drawing on the map.
They couldn't help laughing at that one. "That's a novel way of putting it," Genkai said. "This map is accurate?"
"Very accurate."
"Good. When's a good time to attack this place?"
"Any old time. Yashi can't stop me from coming after him anyway, and he's more afraid of me than he is of you guys. He may set up a few booby traps, though, but not to worry. He may be smarter than your average demon, but that still puts him in about the same IQ class as an old sneaker. Unfortunately, tonight is not a good time."
"How so?" Genkai asked.
"Go look in a mirror. You lot look like what's left after a monster truck derby. I'm not going to mount a major assault on a fortress manned by things with more teeth than brain cells until you people are capable of standing upright without professional help."
"You've got a point," Kurama said around a face-cracking yawn. "Tomorrow, then?"
"That'll do nicely. Oh, you- the Kitsune-"
"Kurama."
"Yes, sorry; remember to tuck a sprig of spearmint into a pocket before we go. Believe you me, we're going to need it."
"Extra weaponry?"
"Air freshener. The Inner Makai still hasn't understood the concept of 'plumbing' or 'sewers' quite yet."
"Eeewww," Yuusuke said.
"Anything else that we should bring?" Hiei asked.
"A first-aid kit. I have a hunch that somebody's going to need a band-aid or two."
"That's normal."
"Take one along anyway. If anything, we can use the kit to mess up a sentry or something. Now, get yourselves home and to bed before you fall asleep in your miso. I don't work with zombies."
In a fit of sarcasm, Kuwabara stood up and adopted the "Frankenstein" pose- blank facial expression, stiff posture, arms stuck straight out and hands dangling limply.
"Good night," He intoned, and lurched out.
Yuusuke looked reflexively at his watch, did a double-take when he saw just what time it was, and stood up.
"I'd better get home before Mom mobilizes the entire police force to look for me. See you all tomorrow. Kurama, bring lots of mint," Then he left.
Kurama batted long eyelashes at Hiei. "Care to join me tonight?" He asked.
Hiei gave Kurama a disgusted look. "Stupid fox," he muttered and disappeared.
Kurama gave an amused sigh and turned to Genkai and the Harlequin. "I'll see you two tomorrow. Spearmint, right?"
"And lots of it."
"All right. 'Bye."
Genkai and the Harlequin sat quietly for a few minutes, savoring the peace and quiet.
"So," Genkai said. "What're you going to do tonight?"
"I haven't gotten a proper night's sleep since Yashi nabbed me. I was thinking of curling up in the rafters."
There was a crash from the next room, and Norkie sped out of the doorway, little pink feet blurring. In a flash, the little critter climbed up the Harlequin's cape and took refuge on top of his head, chittering angrily. Yukina ran out after it, comb in one hand and a set of small curlers in the other.
"What happened?" Genkai asked.
"I thought he would look cute in curls," Yukina replied.
Norkie too gave exception to that. He stuck out a bright red tongue and gave her a resounding raspberry.
"I don't think he likes curls," The Harlequin wrote. "Just leave his fur the way it is."
"Oh, pooh!"
"Don't force the issue. If you give him curls, he may very well shave you bald while you sleep. Or give you a mohawk or something."
"He wouldn't!" Yukina said, aghast.
"Queep!" Norkie said. It was very clear he meant: "Try me."
"Just leave it, Yukina." Genkai said. "Good night."
It was late in the afternoon the next day before everybody made it to the Temple. Yuusuke came in last, having run into some complications on the way.
When he came in, he found Genkai, Yukina, Hinageshi and the others sipping tea and playing "Go Fish" with Norkie. The furball seemed to be winning.
"Hey, Yuusuke," Kuwabara said, looking up from his hand. "What took you so long?"
"Everything," Yuusuke replied, sitting down. "The Principal and the Superintendent got on my case for not being a perfect student, my Mom wanted to know just what's been going on for the past week, Keiko wanted an ice-cream cone, and a bunch of losers from one of the gangs in the Manga district wanted to know why we were chasing clowns on their turf. Speaking of clowns, where's ours?"
Everybody pointed at the ceiling without bothering to look up. Yuusuke searched among the rafters for the Harlequin, and got a nasty shock. He was stretched out comfortably along the underside of the center beam, taking a nap as if a mere reversal of gravity was nothing to get excited about. As Yuusuke stared, the 'Quin opened his eyes, smiled, and waved hello.
After some persuasion, they got Norkie and the two girls to continue their game out on the front porch, and the Harlequin ambled down the wall to join them. They spread out the map again -no silly pictures this time- and began to plan.
"How do you want to go about it?" Kurama asked. "The last time I went anywhere near that deep into the Makai, I lost an old friend. Hiei, have you been there?"
"Once," Hiei said. "It stank, so I left."
"You'd know a fair amount, 'Quin," Yuusuke said. "It's your call."
The Harlequin narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment. "Yuusuke, I know everywhere. The Inner Makai is a wasteland. Even slime molds have trouble growing there, especially around the royal palace. Within the bounds of the castle, you're knee-dep in cranky demons, and eyebrow-deep in the smell of generations of cranky demons. The walls of the palace are fifty feet high, spiked on top surrounded by a moat full of something, I'm not sure what, and manned thirty-six hours a day by hordes of hideous mutants. The Palace itself is loaded wit et more demons and various magical nasty things. The Gates of the palace are sealed at all times with eight different kinds of death-spells, each worse than the last. In short a fairly easy place to get into."
"Come again?" Kuwabara said, wondering what this wacko considered difficult.
"Demons aren't very bright, remember? All those defenses on the walls and they forget about what's up. They're used to ground threats."
"You've found a way around it, haven't you?" Yuusuke said.
"Your grasp of the obvious is earthshaking. There's a nest of flying serpents right on the border of Inner and Outer Makai. They'll take us anywhere for a bag of Chinese finger-traps. Even right into Yashi's bedroom."
Kuwabara seemed to be having trouble understanding something. "What would a flying serpent want with a Chinese finger-trap?" He asked. "They don't have hands or anything, do they?"
"Think about it."
He thought about it. "Oh," Kuwabara said in a small voice.
"They tend to go through them rather quickly, what with the scales and all."
"Can we change the subject, please?"
"You brought it up."
"So, we fly in and then just barge our way into the throne room?" Genkai asked, heading off further embarrassment.
"Why barge when we can sneak? It's a lot safer, quicker, and much more fun that way."
"Is fun all you can think about?" Hiei asked in a cold voice.
"Fun is why I am, Firebaby. Don't forget that."
"I'm assuming you know your way around the demon palace," Genkai cut in, stopping the explosion before it started.
"Oh, yes. I spent three weeks haunting that place before Yashi was able to snare me. We won't get lost in there, trust me on this one. Shall we go?"
"Hold on," Yuusuke said. "Kurama, you got the mint?"
Kurama pulled out a pillowcase full of heavily-scented herbiage.
"Good. Who's got the first-aid kit?"
Kuwabara hauled a small box with a red cross on it out of a backpack.
"Cool. Let's go."
Kurama stuffed the pillowcase into the backpack with the First-Aid kit, shouldered it, and stood p as the Harlequin made ready to transport them to the Makai. Just before his vision faded, he thought he saw a small ginger blur zip behind him, and felt a slight increase of weight in the backpack.
They materialized on a low bluff on the border, and the first look told them what they needed to know about this place: Inner Makai was a dump. "Yechh!" Genkai said, summing up the whole of the land.
A low whistle attracted their attention. The Harlequin stood a little apart, cape billowing in the sultry breeze.
He beckoned, and started walking off toward a group of lumpy hills. They followed him to an arched cave in the base of one hill. It was cool inside, and smelled reptilian.
Slithering noises could be heard close by. Then, a massive snake, an anaconda with a huge pair of falcon wings rose up in front of them, blocking the passage.
"Halt!" It hissed in a voice like wind in the desert. "Who comessss to the nessst of the Ssserpent Queen?"
The Harlequin stepped forward, bowed politely, and wrote something down on a notepad for the sentry to read. The serpent peered rather shortsightedly at it, forked tongue flickering.
"Aaah, yesss," it said in a much less hostile voice. "We know you. The Queen will be pleasssed to sssee you again. Your friendssss are welcome assss well. Come thissss way."
The Serpent folded its wings and slithered down the passage, belly scales raising a dry rasping sound from the stone. The passage they traveled down was sinuous, as though someone had taken a natal limestone cave and then accentuated the curves.
They walked through another arched doorway into a vast cavern lit by globes of soft, greenish light, and inside the cavern was the largest legless reptile that any of them ad ever seen before.
The Queen of the Flying Serpents was second only to the world-serpent in sheer bulk, and she wound around and around the sandy floor in massive coils that cradled a multitude of huge, mottled eggs. Her eyes were flame-colored and slit-pupilled, and her wings, even folded, were big enough to hide a bus behind.
"Greetingssss, Harlequin," she said in a voice that echoed around the chamber. "What are you up to thissss time?"
The Harlequin took out his pen and began writing a note for her, but she interrupted.
"What'sss thisss? Writing? Normally by now, you would have filled my halls with the harmonicsss of your ssspeech, 'Quin." She paused for a moment, considering. "Where is your voice, Harlequin?" The Queen asked suspiciously.
The Harlequin looked almost painfully embarrassed and wrote down something.
The Serpent Queen began to chuckle, and then to laugh. It sounded like an earthquake and vibrated sand off of the ceiling with the sheer force of it. "My ssstripy friend, even in sssituations like thisss you ssstill are funny." She said when she stopped for breath. "You let Yashi sssteal it? Carelesss, my boy, very carelesss. Now let me guesss. To regain your mellifluousss vocality, you and your budiesss here need a lift into Yashi's palace."
The Harlequin nodded vigorously.
"It'll cossst you, Harlequin, and not jussst part favorsss this time. The minesss in thisss province are running out. After thisss little essscapade, I would appreciate it if the minesss were to sssuddenly come acrosss a fresh vein of rubies and jet. In a sssuitably humorousss way, of courssse."
The Harlequin pretended to fall over in a dead faint, but gave her a thumbs-up anyway.
"Good boy," The Queen said. "There will be ssseveral of my children waiting for you on the launching pad. You know where that isss, asss I recall. Don't forget your promissse, Harlequin, or I will come after you persssonally."
The Harlequin got up and bowed to the Queen, and turned to go. As the others followed him out, the Queen poked her snout at Hiei and Kurama. "Ssstop mooning around and get on with it, you two," She whispered. "All thisss noble ssself-denial isssn't good for either of you. Moderation isss for monks."
Hiei and Kurama looked at each other, startled. The Queen chuckled. "I may be a reptile, but certain thingsss I can underssstand very well. Get moving."
"Yes, Ma'am!" Kurama said, and they both hurried to catch up with the others.
Kuwabara was having trouble understanding things again. "Look, 'Quin," He said. "If you're really this powerful god, how come you let a big snake boss you around like that?"
The Harlequin smiled tolerantly and started to write. "I may be considerably older and more powerful than the Queen is, but I didn't spend the last four thousand years founding a very influential race and devouring my enemies whole all by myself. Besides, not only is she letting us bypass some of the worst real estate in existence, but would you smart off to a poisonous snake that large?"
"You've got a point."
The launching platform was in actuality a cliff. Six huge bat-winged vipers waited for them at the edge, tongues flickering impatiently.
At Genkai's suggestion, Kurama got out the spearmint. It was to be a long flight, and a smelly one. As Kurama lifted the spearmint out of the backpack, he found out that Norkie had stowed away at the last moment after all.
Before he could speak, the little furball raised a finger to where his lips should be. "Shhhh."
Kurama smiled. He was willing to let Norkie take part in this adventure. There was no way to send him back anyway, plus they would probably need all the help they could get.
Without saying anything, he handed out bunches of mint to the others. With some difficulty, they climbed astride their serpents and held on tight as they sprang off the cliff.
For one heart-stopping moment, it seemed like thy would splatter into the jagged rocks at the base of the cliff, and then six pairs of oversized bat wings opened, sending them into an easy glide.
The Harlequin hadn't been kidding when he called the Inner Makai a wasteland. It was a morass of gray and brown, mostly quagmire and rocky places, and what had probably been forests once glowed sickly with phosphorescent fungus.
The stink of it all was strong even up here, though the mint helped considerably.
Some time later, a new feature appeared on the landscape. Immense scarlet markings covering miles of territory lay over the low hills and swamps. There was something strangely familiar about those markings... "Wow," Yuusuke said. "I didn't know you could make graffiti that big!"
He was right. Somebody had written and underlined the word "BULLSHIT" on the Inner Makai in great big blocky letters.
Kurama stared in amazement at the Harlequin. "Just what kind of map was that?"
"An accurate one!" Kuwabara howled, and then started laughing.
The Harlequin just grinned.
The palace itself was quite imposing, especially the Moat Full of Something, I Don't Know What. Whatever it was, it was attempting to eat the walls.
They saw the demons all over the place, and what they were doing down there was more than a little unsettling.
"Looks like they're training for an invasion," Genkai remarked. "I think they were due to come in after the Harlequin had taken care of us."
"I don't wanna think about that," Yuusuke said.
The Serpents let them off in an old tower, a room that had obviously not been used for several decades. Hiei inspected the lock carefully, then stepped back and shook his head.
"It's rusted into a solid lump in there. Nothing short of one of your ningen jackhammers will get it open."
The Harlequin then stepped forward, buried his fingers up to the knuckle in the door, and then pulled sharply. It turned out that the hinges were rusted through as well.
With a groan, the whole door came out of the wall and disintegrated into a pile of dry rot. Hiei glared at the 'Quin for a moment, and then walked off down the hall muttering to himself.
They looked at the 'Quin, who shrugged, and then spun around as a commotion erupted from down the hall. Hiei came running back with a horde of unpleasant-looking monsters hot on his heels. The fight was short and ugly, but it got the job done.
They started out again, but this time the Harlequin was in the lead. Unfortunately, he insisted on traveling in an exaggerated crouch, one cloaked elbow half covering his face. They did have to admit it, though; the 'Quin skulked with style.
The trip to the throne room was fairly uneventful, if you don't count the ambushes they kept springing on the sentries- Kurama swore that he could sense their youki from miles away- and disarming most of the magical booby traps that Yashi had laid for them.
They did miss a couple. Genkai sprung a tripwire or something that summoned something awful from another dimension. It blew into the hallway in a fetid windstorm, waving claws and tentacles and eyeballs everywhere, bellowing like a foghorn in serious trouble.
It took a quarter-hour to kill, and by that time it had chewed messily on Genkai, Yuusuke and the Harlequin. The first-aid kit came in very handy here. Disinfectant and large band-aids are very useful in aftermaths like that. The Harlequin didn't bother. He just turned into a can opener and back, wounds gone.
The second trap they missed was a mess of freakish illusions, monsters and memories of the past and the future come to devour their souls. Just one problem.
Apparitions don't work very well when mystical itching-powder grenades go off in their shorts. It just ruins their concentration.
All this noise and commotion had, of course, alerted the master of the castle to their presence, so as they neared the throne room, they found themselves neck deep in monsters.
Finally, Kuwabara went ballistic. One freakish mutant stepped on his foot, and that was it. Kuwabara went through twenty of them like a baloney-slicer on "high", and then stood in the middle of the hall, extremely peeved, breathing like a bellows, and splashed with everyone else's gore.
His teammates applauded him from a safe distance. Even Hiei was impressed. He'd been busy finishing off three of the horrors when it happened, and was slightly disappointed that he hadn't had a chance to play lawnmower with Kuwabara.
"You'll get your turn," Kurama said, guessing his thoughts.
By the time they reached the throne room, they'd all had their turns. They paused outside the closed doors of the Great Hall to formulate a fast plan.
"Okay," Yuusuke said, slightly out of breath from blowing a troupe of demons right out of a window. "You guys distract Yashi, 'Quin and I do the Ring of Fire when he's not looking, and then 'Quin says his curse. We watch Yashi blow up, we clear out of here, we go home and pass out. Cool?"
"Short and sweet," Kuwabara said. "I like it."
"So how're we going to get these doors open?" Genkai asked. "Stone doesn't rot, and these don't have a lock.
The Harlequin handed her his pen. It felt strange, and it had a feeling of depth to it that raised the hairs on her arm. She looked sharply at the Harlequin.
"I think I've seen this trick before," she said, and started drawing on the doors. She drew her own door- a plain rectangular thing with a simple doorknob.
"Imported cartoons do silly things with reality, don't they?" She said, grasping the doorknob and opening the door that she'd drawn.
The Harlequin nodded rather smugly and bowed her through the entrance.
Lord Yashi, King of the Inner Makai, was sitting calmly on his throne in the Great Hall as they came in. "I wondered when you'd get here," he said softly.
"Sorry," Yuusuke said, smart-mouthed as ever. "Train was slow today."
"It makes no difference," Yashi said, rising to his feet and coming a few steps toward them. He had prepared himself for this fight, donning armor of steely dragonbone and a long, black-bladed katana that shone like the heart of a black hole. "Death pays no attention to time," he said, and then the floor blew up.
The paving stones cracked and tilted under their feet like rotten ice, and fountains of blue fire erupted from underneath, turning the room from cool to searing in seconds.
Yashi hurled himself at them, sword raised, screaming an arcane war cry. Yuusuke and the Harlequin ran off to one side as the others scattered and started to counterattack.
Kuwabara engaged briefly in swordplay with the Demon King, but was quickly beaten aside.
Kurama saved his life by tripping Yashi up with his Rose Whip. With a howl of fury, Yashi turned on Kurama, showering him with shards of blue flame.
Genkai threw up a shield just in time, and the Harlequin riddled Yashi's armor from shoulder to knee with a brace of razor cards.
By this time, Kuwabara had hauled himself to his feet and was battering away at their foe again, who also received a Rei Gun blast to the back of the head.
Hiei, who had just gotten the hang of all this fire that was being thrown about, channeled it back at its master. In all this assault and battery, Yashi's armor had started to chip.
With Hiei's fire-darts, the gauntlet on his left hand cracked open just enough to reveal the yellow spark of a large topaz ring.
"That's it!" Yuusuke hollered.
The Harlequin started juggling fireballs, and Yuusuke added a Rei Gun blast to the mix. The Ring of Fire flared high and bright, lighting up the Hall and sending lightning bolts streaking everywhere.
Busy with the others as he was, Yashi could not fail to notice what the Harlequin was doing.
He threw up a shield just in time as the Harlequin released the released the blast at him. It drove him to his knees, but the shield held. They tried two more times, but each time Yashi blocked them.
The Harlequin looked anxiously at Yuusuke, who was beginning to falter. The Harlequin could juggle all the fireballs he wanted from now until doomsday, but Yuusuke's resources were finite.
"I've only got enough for one more blast," The teenager panted.
Just then, Kurama discovered that he had a spring of spearmint hanging on inside his shirt. He pulled it out and worked his plant-magic on it. Spearmint is a ferociously invasive weed anyway, but now...!
The floor became a thicket of eight-foot green spears that thrust themselves at Yashi, grating against his armor, seeking the chinks in his defenses, and drawing blood where they found them.
Yashi shrieked like a disenfranchised banshee and started blasting the mint, filling the air with incense-like fumes. Plants don't feel pain, and Kurama kept them going.
Hiei landed on Yashi's shoulders and began to chop furiously at his helmet, intent on removing the Demon-King's head.
Yashi lost his temper right about then. He wrapped his arms around himself and let fly with a blast of force that flash-fried everything in the room and hurled his enemies back against the walls, stunning them.
Kurama collapsed against the doors, knocked senseless. His backpack, charred and slipping off his shoulders, opened to let something small and furry out.
Norkie peered around at the wreckage of the Hall, and his eyes locked on Yashi, who was gasping for breath and trying to figure out just how many years he would spend killing these invaders.
Norkie decided to take the matter into his own paws, and became a blur, skittering towards Yashi over the cracked stones, and mint fragments toward his foe. In a flash, he scrambled up Yashi's front and grabbed hold of his eyebrows, fixing the startled demon with a beady-eyed triple glare.
Yashi was then privileged to find out just what was under all that ginger fluff; it was teeth. Lots and lots of small, sharp teeth. Norkie gave him a fiendish grin and fastened every single fang he had firmly onto Yashi's nose.
Yashi howled in surprise and pain, giving the Harlequin the opening that he needed. He sprang to his feet and began juggling flame again as the Demon King struggled to get a ferociously growling Norkie off his face. Yuusuke braced himself and gave the last of his spiritual energy to the Harlequin's blazing wheel as Norkie clawed at Yashi's eyes. The Harlequin leveled and fired the spitting beam just as Yashi managed to yank the small strange fury thing off of his nose and hurl it across the room.
The beam splashed against his unguarded hand, vaporizing the ring and most of the hand as well. The Demon King shrieked again in agony, clutching his maimed hand, and gaped in terror at the Harlequin, who had begun to laugh out loud for the first time in years.
It was not a nice laugh. There were harmonics in it that chilled the blood; the mad, screaming laughter of the terminally demented, evil giggles of imps, the wicket glee of mischievous children, ugly rending sounds, and behind the whole blend of chilling noises, someone was playing "Night on Bald Mountain".
The laughter bounced off the walls and echoed around the room, rising to a crescendo that caused the foundations to crack. The Harlequin stood up straight and expanded to more than twice his height so that he towered over his former master, who cringed away.
"You were right, Yashi," The Harlequin said in a voice that made the floor shake. "Death pays no attention to time."
He then raised his face to the heavens and started to chant in an ancient, hideous language that turned the air unpleasant colors and made the walls crack. "No!" wailed Yashi as the murky air congealed and sputtered above him. "No!"
The roiling murk opened and a block of Spam that must have weighed three tons fell through and landed on him.
"Spam?!" Hiei exclaimed. "Mere lunch meat won't stop him."
"I know," The Harlequin said calmly as the mass of putrid pink began to smolder. "I'm very angry with him, so I'm taking my time."
The Spam exploded, and Yashi, maddened to the point of frothing at the mouth, rushed them, howling like a rabid dog.
A pit opened up under his feet and he dropped away, landing in something with a splash.
"The moat, of course, runs through the basement of the castle itself," The Harlequin continued, returning to his normal size. "There is a monster in the moat, a creature that one of his predecessors created during a hangover. There's only one of it, and it's not happy about that."
"So I see," Genkai said, watching the bottom of the pit with much interest.
"Urgh," Kurama said, sneaking a peek.
"Wow," Yuusuke remarked, following suit.
"Yukk," Kuwabara added.
"Feh," Norkie said.
"Back!" Hiei shouted, grabbing Kurama by the shirt and hauling.
The was an explosive thump from below, and a column of greasy flame boiled upward as the others scrambled away from the opening. A rather slimy Yashi rose from the depths like a bad lunch and snarled at them.
"You haven't won yet, clown!" He shrieked. "You may kill me in the end, but you will join me in Hell!"
He raised his arms and began to speak in the same awful language that the Harlequin had used, but stopped short, a shocked look on his face.
"Too late, worms-for-brains," The Harlequin said as Yashi's skin began to darken and crinkle alarmingly.
An inferno began to show itself under the Demon King's armor, blazing out of his eyes and mouth in a sooty flare. The ground began to tremble and grow hot. Something deep in the earth shattered with a noise that was heard across the three worlds and a massive earthquake struck right under them.
Once again the floor erupted, but not with the weird blue of sorcerous flame; this was the thick, red-black, sulphurous glare of an old volcano. The air began to reek of brimstone as Yashi became a pillar of fire that blasted the ceiling away.
The others crowded around the Harlequin instinctively for protection as he produced a red-and-black umbrella and opened it above them. The rumbling under their feet grew intense, even urgent, and finally the whole foundation lifted away in an explosion that shattered the sound barrier and lifted the castle into orbit in chunks.
Our heroes rode out the storm in a bubble of force that protected them from the fury outside. Light as a feather, they floated up and away from the volcano, which was pouring seas of magma all over the Inner Makai. "Continental volcanoes are something of a rarity, but they are extremely powerful," The Harlequin said in a voice that reminded Yuusuke of his Geology teacher. "The stresses are slow, but immense. The original Demon King wished to harness this power, so he sat the throne right over the mouth of the sleeping fire-giant and tied the Kingship into it with a certain forbidden spell that transfers the power into the ruler, thus keeping the volcano quiescent. As you can see, my children, having power is one thing, but controlling it is another. The secret of controlling the volcano died with its originator, and, frankly, if Yashi had truly known what he was sitting on, he might have been able to stop me. As it was, he is now a whiff of carbonized hydrogen. As he stank before, he is a stink now."
"You mean, you set off the volcano right under him?" Yuusuke asked, stunned.
"No, I set him off. Old worms-for-brains got mad enough to try a counter-curse, and for that he needed the strength of the volcano behind him. Quiz time, children! What happens when you take the lid off of ten thousand years worth of volcanic pressure?"
"Wow," Hiei said, eyes glowing, smiling slightly.
"Will the volcano swamp all the Makai?" Kurama asked worriedly. "There are some places there that mean a lot to me."
"Nope, just the inner part. It'll stop a mile from the border. In a few years, the whole place will be green again. Just the thing for a nice garden, volcanic ash is."
"Speaking of gardens," Kurama said, glaring at the Harlequin. "Mom was furious about what you did to it."
"I'm sorry about that. I can fix it, if you like."
Kurama considered the offer, and then wondered just what a garden tended by the God of Chaotic Silly would be like. "Never mind, I'll take care of it," Kurama said.
"Suit yourself."
Kuwabara yawned and stretched, his back making alarming crunching noises. "Heck with gardens," He muttered. "I could do with a bath and something to eat."
"Hear, hear," Genkai seconded, brushing charred Spam bits off her shirt.
"That, at least, I can arrange," The Harlequin said, and transported them... elsewhere.
It was definitely an island, and a tropical one at that. The sunset was that special orange-magenta mix that you only get near the equator, and seagulls soared easily in the salt-sea breeze.
The Yu Yu Hakusho had abandoned all dignity and had headed for the beach on arrival. Even Hiei had been persuaded to stay in the warm sea water after Kurama had thrown him back in only twice.
He consoled himself by sneaking up on Kurama and splashing him like crazy every chance he got.
By the time they were clean, they all were very hungry, so the 'Quin treated them to a regional delicacy: Shark.
He swam out and wrestled it to shore just for them. Roasted on the beach and served with fruit from the island, it wasn't half-bad.
Then, after a quick game of "Hunt the Coconut", they wandered off and passed out wherever the ground wasn't too lumpy. It was probably notable that Kurama and Hiei wandered off together, but the others were too tired to notice.
In the morning, the Harlequin transported them back to their home turf, said goodbye, and left to keep his promise to the Serpent Queen. On his way out, though, he made a promise of his own to them.
"I owe you guys for your help in this," he said, calliope music dancing around behind his voice. "If you guys ever need the aid of someone who puts his brain on backwards every morning, don't hesitate to call me."
Yuusuke, Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara and Genkai settled back into their daily routines with sighs of deep relief. It wasn't until a few days later when the side effects of their jaunt into the Unreal began to manifest themselves. "It's weird," Kurama said when they all met in the park for a chat. "One of my rosebushes has been blooming blue, and petunias simply will not grow in my garden anymore."
"I'll say," Kuwabara said. "One of the gangs in the Manga district have started doing clown worship. They've been spray-painting clown faces all over that old basketball court."
"My history teacher's developed a sense of humor," Yuusuke said.
The others considered that. They had all met Mr. Takaeda at a school bake sale once; he had been the most boring, stuffy, and monotonous man in existence. Not any more, apparently.
"One of my candles burns with a red and black flame," Genkai said. "Anything to add, Hiei?"
Hiei glared at her. "No."
"Sorry."
"He does leave his mark, doesn't he?" Yuusuke said. "I don't think we'll be able to forget him in a hurry."
"No matter how much we might want to," Genkai said with a smile. "Well, I have to go. The wards around the temple need to be recharged. See ya."
"Bye," the others said as she walked off.
"Hey, fellas," Kuwabara said, remembering something. "There's that new video game at the Arcade; I think they just got it set up. Wanna go check it out?"
"Sure!" Yuusuke said, brightening up. "Care to come, you two?" He asked Hiei and Kurama.
"Okay," Kurama said. Hiei just shrugged.
As Kuwabara and Yuusuke trotted eagerly off, a messenger came up to Kurama and Hiei. "Are you Minamino Shuuichi?" He asked.
"That's me," Kurama said.
"Message for you, sir," The messenger handed a small roll of paper to Kurama, received a tip, and left.
"Now, who would have sent this?" Kurama murmured as he unrolled the paper and read it. "Eeep!" He said.
"What's it say?" Hiei asked, seeing the stricken expression on Kurama's face.
Rather shakily, Kurama read the letter aloud.
Dear Kurama and Hiei,
Good work, you two, and keep it up! I told you that you would be happier together than apart. Write to me when the children are born; since one of you is a Koorime, I will expect you to have at least two. Don't disappoint me, kids. Call me if you need a babysitter.
All the best,
Lillias, Queen of the Flying Serpents
"Eeep!" Hiei said, with feeling.
"Hey!" Yuusuke shouted rom the edge of the park. "You guys coming or what?"
Kurama gave Hiei a meaningful look, stuffed the Queen's message in a pocket, and both he and Hiei ran to catch up.
The Arcade's new game was a street-fighter type- a top of the line thing with snazzy graphics and impressive attacks. Kuwabara had to bully several people before he and the others could get a turn.
Everything went fine up until the character select mode, when they spotted something among the ranks.
One of the characters was tall, stripey, clownish and agile, with large topaz eyes and a permanent smile. They stared at it for a long moment in stunned amazement.
"HOWL!!" Hiei cried, drawing his sword and attacking the game with it. He managed to carve a rather attractive design in it before the others were able to pull him away and calm him down with a bottle of beer.
After that, he was too mellow to complain all that much. That didn't stop him from spending a half-hour on the machine kicking the Harlequin's butt with his ninja, however.
To be continued....
That's the end of chapter ten. I hope you liked it. I can't wait for your reviews! My e-mail address is japbookfan101hotmail.com I'll be waiting for them.