FACING THE FUTURE

Chapter 1

Dear Sally, Well I just got into my new dorm room and I thought I'd send you a tape before I got settled. I know it's hard to believe but I think I'm more nervous now than I was last year at this time when I turned my whole world upside down to follow Ben to New York City. I keep wondering what it is going to be like to see Ben and Noel, Elena and Julie after what happened last year. I know you kept telling me all summer not to worry because I was only following my heart but I just feel like what I did affected so many people I love. Oh well, I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I already had one shock since I've been back. Remember how I kept bragging that I was going to have a single room because I was a RA, well things have changed. I found out that they discovered asbestos in one of the dorms and closed it down until it's cleaned up. So with the housing crunch I have a roommate again and you'll never guess who it is. Meghan Rotundi, the same weird person from last year. I don't think I can take another year of living with her so before I unpack I think I'll go to the housing office and see if I can get a room change.

I'm really anxious to hear from you so send a tape soon. Love, Felicity.

"You can put in for a room change but I wouldn't count on it because of this terrible housing situation," the clerk said sympathetically as he handed Felicity a form.

"Thanks anyway. I just thought I'd try," Felicity mumbled as she looked over the form.

"Can I help you?" the clerk questioned someone standing in the doorway. Felicity turned quickly when she heard a familiar voice answer, "I guess not. I was going to ask the same question." and saw Julie standing there. The two girls stood motionless for several seconds staring at each other until without a word Julie turned slowly and walked away. Felicity bit her lip to hold back the tears she could feel coming to her eyes as she saw her friend leave without speaking.

Felicity heaved a small sigh as she gathered her belongings and went into the hallway setting down on a bench to begin filling out the request form. She glanced up just in time to see Ben come around the corner of the hallway. He hesitated briefly and then walked slowly toward her. Felicity's heart was racing in anticipation as Ben approached. When he reached where she was sitting she rose to face him. There was an instant of uncertainty and then Ben leaned in to kiss her softly. When the kiss ended they both smiled shyly until Ben broke the silence, "It's good to see you." Felicity's face broke into a wide smile. Their arms went around each other and their lips met with a mutual hunger. They were clinging to each other both breathless when Felicity felt Ben's body tense. She pulled back slightly and turned to see Noel standing in the hallway watching them with a look of bewilderment on his face. An uncertain smile from Felicity was returned with a look of disgust as Noel moved away without speaking.

"I'm sorry about that," Ben said when he saw the look of hurt on Felicity's face.

"I just didn't… I just wish I hadn't hurt Noel."

"I know but I think it will be alright once he has some time to think about things."

"I hope you're right but I don't know…" A shudder went through Felicity's body and Ben pulled her tighter into his arms. She buried her face in his chest until she finally seemed to relax.

Ben pulled back slightly and smiled. "I was hoping I'd see you today. I actually came here looking for you."

"You were looking for me?" Felicity asked in a surprised voice.

Ben chuckled and shook his head yes. "I didn't know where you were staying and I thought I'd come to the housing office and find out." Felicity just stared too excited and happy to speak. "I mean we haven't talked since the end of the road trip," Ben continued as they sat down on the bench.

"I know," Felicity said a little breathlessly. "I got your postcards from Mexico but I didn't have your address so I couldn't write you back."

"Well we have some catching up to do and I hope we can pick up where we left off," Ben teased which caused Felicity to blush remembering how close they had become on the trip. "Where are you staying?"

Felicity explained that she was staying at Kelvin Hall and that Meghan was her roommate again this year. "That's why I'm here. I was hoping to get a room change but it looks like I'm stuck with her for another year."

"Why don't we go to the loft? I don't think Sean's there and we can talk in private."

"Okay but I don't have much time. I still have to go to Dean & Deluca and get my schedule and then we have a floor meeting at 4:30."

"You know I still have to get my schedule at Dean & Deluca too so why don't we do that first. Then we can go back to the loft."

"Okay but remember I have to get to the floor meeting on time. Meghan will kill me if I'm late," Felicity stated as she got up and gathered her things off of the bench.

"I promise I'll get you to that meeting on time after we've had a proper hello," Ben teased as they walked down the hall.

"I think Javier was a little disappointed that you went with me last summer," Ben was saying as they entered the loft.

"That's just because I think he wants you for himself," Felicity joked.

Ben laughed softly as he turned and took her things out of her arms placing them on the counter. "You know it doesn't matter what anyone else wants. It only matters what you want." He reached over and pulled her into his arms encircling her small frame. She raised her head to look into his face expectantly. He took her face in his hands and said in a husky voice, "I really missed you."

"I'm glad," Felicity murmured as she put her arms around his neck and began to kiss him passionately. When their lips met it was like they had never been apart. As their kisses deepened Felicity felt Ben's tongue searching her mouth and her tongue met his hungrily. Felicity began to slowly pull them backward until she felt the back of her legs touch the couch. She let herself fall backward pulling Ben with her until he was lying on top of her. She ran her hands down his back as he began to kiss her neck and then move his mouth slowly down to the hollow of her throat. It was like she couldn't get enough of the feel of him. Everything about him excited her and she could tell she was having the same effect on him. She realized that Ben's hand had slipped under her short top and was exploring the warm skin of her rib cage moving slowly upward toward her breast which sent a shudder of anticipation through her.

Suddenly they became aware of Sean standing in the doorway clearing his throat to get their attention. Ben sat up trying to block Felicity from Sean's view as she hastily tried to straighten out her clothes. "Sorry for the interruption," Sean mumbled as he walked across the room to deposit a box on the counter.

"I didn't think you'd be home so soon," Ben said as he reached down and helped Felicity to her feet. "Hi," she murmured in a timid voice.

"I just came back to the loft to get some more freshman packets. I had a good day today with these babies," Sean said over his shoulder as he began to put together more packets.

Felicity picked up her book bag and began to head for the door. "Well I better be going,"

"Give me a minute and I'll walk you back to the dorm."

"Hey Ben, I really need to talk to you about something when you got a few minutes," Sean said with an urgent tone in his voice.

"Listen, you don't have to walk me back to the dorm. Stay here and talk to Sean. I've got that floor meeting and I don't know how long it's going to last," Felicity said.

Ben walked over to the door and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Alright, I'll call you later and maybe we can do something if you want to."

"I'd like that. Bye, Sean," Felicity called over her shoulder as the door closed.

Ben walked over to the cooler and got a bottle of water. "Okay what's so important."

"I didn't know you were seeing Felicity," Sean said with a question in his tone.

"Yeah, I think we're going to start dating. Why is that a problem?"

"Well it might be. What I wanted to tell you is that Julie is going to be staying here for a while."

"Julie is going to be living here? Why?"

"Well I ran into her on the street outside the administration building and we got to talking. She's got this room situation with two cheerleaders that are driving her crazy and can't get a room change so I asked her if she wanted to stay here for a while. I didn't know that Felicity was going to be around."

"And Julie was alright with moving in here?"

"Yeah, she ah…, she said what happened between you two was a long time ago. So is it going to be a problem for you?"

"Really I don't mind but don't you think she's going to be uncomfortable. I mean I don't know if she's even talking to Felicity."

"Hey, what about you and Felicity? Do you really think you should be dating someone like that?"

"What do you mean by that crack?"

"Wait a minute. Don't get mad. I'm not saying anything against Felicity. I like her. You're the one I'm talking about." Ben started to protest but Sean went on before he could say anything. "Don't you think Felicity is a little too serious for you. You're young and you don't want to settle down but Felicity is not someone who just wants to have a good time. With her it's for keeps."

"I like her and I want to spend time with her."

"I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about Felicity. I don't want to see her get hurt."

"How am I going to hurt her?"

"You gotta remember she came to New York for you. Man, she's in love with you. She always has been."

"Sean, I think you're getting ahead of yourself. Felicity and I are just starting to date. We're both just trying to see where this thing is going."

"I think you're kidding yourself. Felicity already knows where she wants this thing to go and she's going to get hurt if you don't feel the same way. Just think about what I said before it goes too far." Sean picked up the box he was working on and headed out the door before Ben could say anything else.

Ben stood staring at the closed door for several seconds before he threw himself onto the sofa and closed his eyes. He listened to the sounds of the traffic outside trying to shut out Sean's words without success. All of his thoughts came back to Felicity. What if Sean were right? What if he hurt her? He couldn't stand the thought of that. But then how did he really feel about her and how deep did those feelings go?

He smiled when he thought about the day she showed up at the loft to go on the road trip with him. He remembered how he felt when he saw her get out of the cab. How his heart actually started racing he was so happy. He had been so worried that she would go with Noel. God, what if she had. He didn't even want to think about it. And the road trip had been so amazing. They talked about everything and it seemed like all they did was laugh. Even the smallest thing he did with her was like an adventure that he could look back on and treasure. He thought about spending those nights with her so close that he could feel the heat from her body through the thin sheets. He remembered her scent which was always so soft and clean. Everything about her excited him; her laugh, the way she would wrinkle up her face when she was concentrating on something, her touch. And just the way he would notice her looking at him would make him catch his breath. The more he thought about everything the more he began to think that maybe Sean was right. He knew in his heart that Felicity really cared for him and would never deliberately hurt him but was that enough. Would he be the one to hurt her?

His mind wandered back to his mom and dad. He knew that they had been happy and in love at the beginning but all that had changed. How did that go wrong? Was love enough? He knew part of it was the alcohol but was that the whole story. Was there something else, maybe something he could have inherited from his father. Look at what happened with Julie. He really liked Julie and never wanted to hurt her but look how he messed that up. He couldn't stand it if he ever hurt Felicity like that. The longer he lay there the more confused he got. Finally he sat up with a deep sigh. He knew nothing had been resolved in his mind except one thing. He couldn't stop seeing Felicity. Because whatever this thing was between them it was too strong to just let it drop. He made a silent promise to himself to try his best to never hurt or disappoint her and hoped with all his heart that he could keep that promise.