Disclaimer- I do not own Van Helsing or any of the characters and stories therein. I also do not own the band Evanescence, or Avril Lavigne, or Sarah McLachlan, or any other artist that might appear in this fic. (Those are the three up for consideration... Sarah McLachlan is a maybe, but Evanescence and Avril Lavigne are for sure.)
A/N- Okay, I finally sucked up my courage. There isn't enough slash in this section. I am going to write a major slash fanfiction. eep!
I had this idea a while ago but hadn't acted on it. Much thanks must be given to the Wishmasters for inspiring me to finally get this done.
Chapter One:
Bring Me to Life
The sky above was soft and grey; it was likely to rain later, although all was calm now. Calm was a nice change for the man walking up the steps to the Vatican church. He was tall and clothed in a dark coat and hat tipped low over his eyes. His strides were powerful, belying great muscle, but also very quick and soft like a hunting cat's. He was the kind of man you'd want to have at your back in a fight. He emanated a sense of... power and knowledge. But one thing he didn't know was about the eyes that watched him walking into the Vatican. He had never even sensed them.
Carl knew that Van Helsing never sensed him hiding in the upper levels of the church, watching him. In some ways he was happy that he didn't know, since he wasn't sure how the enigmatic man would take it. But in other ways he wanted nothing more than to tell the vampire hunter that there was always someone who was waiting for him to come home, watching him walk into the church and sighing with relief to see him in one piece. He wanted him to know that that someone was always him.
He always seemed to sense when Van Helsing was coming home. He couldn't accurately explain it, but he always knew. He'd be deep in his work and all the sudden he'd look up and stare off into the distance... even if that was just a nearby wall. And then he'd slip off and climb his secret passage to a window high up in the Vatican just so he could watch the Hunter come home and know he was alright. Another thing he couldn't explain was why he did it.
"Well who wouldn't worry for their friend when he did such dangerous things all the time." Carl reasoned with himself, climbing down from his perch and scurrying back down the passageway. He had to be at his lab before Van Helsing got there. He always arrived in time, so he wasn't worrying. There was never any reason for the Hunter to suspect he had someone watching over him.
Carl found himself feeling a little sad.
"Bless me Father for I have sinned." Van Helsing murmured in the confessional, crossing himself.
"What, did you break another priceless window?" Cardinal Jinette asked dryly.
"Well normally I'd hate to disappoint you but I have to say that I didn't this time. There aren't many stained glass windows in Transylvania." Van Helsing shot back. The Cardinal opened the secret passageway leading into their headquarters, shaking his head.
"Van Helsing you must stop being so bitter over that country. Evil is abound there and I shall have to send you back many times ere your mission is done. You do not make it easier on yourself by hating every minute of it." He reproved. Van Helsing merely sighed and followed.
"I'm sorry if it's not my favorite place." He muttered as they arrived in the main hub of the Order's secret lair. The Cardinal shot him a withering glance before speaking again.
"This time I have something for you that you have never faced before." He said, dusting off the projector lazily. Van Helsing tensed himself, ready for more grizzly pictures. When the Cardinal looked back at him, there was almost a smile on his face. "A break."
"What?" Van Helsing asked, stunned.
"A break. You have been working yourself too hard since your first visit to Transylvania, my son. You should take some time to recover your spirits." The Cardinal smiled gently, his hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "Go visit Friar Carl. I know that you and he are friends. I think he misses you while you are gone... he is not close to many people here."
"I'll do that." Van Helsing nodded. He even allowed himself a smile as he walked away, although inside he felt a little troubled.
How could Carl not have many friends? He was a likeable man, albeit a bit too inquisitive and a bit of a know-it-all. Van Helsing was always calmed by his presence... Lately he had almost been rushing back to Rome, eager to see him. At first it had struck him as a bit odd, but he dismissed it. They were good friends, they'd been through much together.
He smiled approaching the Friar's messy lab. This break idea sounded like an interesting adversary. Maybe he'd have the chance to teach Carl some more about fighting (God knew that would be difficult) so that he wouldn't be so inclined to run away from every shadow, sometimes even his own. And then he could come along on Van Helsing's missions so that he wouldn't miss him so much. He had been missing him a great deal.
"Van Helsing, you're back!" Carl chirped upon seeing his friend. It was always so easy to act surprised...
"Hullo Carl." Van Helsing smiled. "The Cardinal's given me a bit of a break. Says I need it."
"God knows you do. But you're in an unusually good mood for having returned from Transylvania." He remarked, puttering around. Van Helsing followed.
"I visited the place where we burned Anna." He said quietly. Carl looked back at him, a bit of sadness in his eyes.
"She was an amazing woman." He admitted, his voice soft too now. Van Helsing was still torn up inside about her.
"Yes, she was." Van Helsing trailed off, standing still now.
"Well don't stand there and mope about it! Help me around my lab! There's a thousand things to do, I could always use some help!" Carl cried, hands on his hips.
"Alright, alright." Van Helsing muttered. "But if I blow something up it's your fault."
"Fine then. I'll just put the Glycerin 48 out of your reach." Carl sniffed, reaching for an Erlenmeyer flask and setting it high up on a shelf.
"Carl, if that's called Glycerin 48, what do the other 47 do?" Van Helsing asked innocently. Carl stared at him incredulously, shook his head, and then walked away.
"What?" Van Helsing called. "What did I do?" He followed the Friar, who was still shaking his head.
"Honestly, do you know a thing about science?"
"I know it is very useful in making new weapons for killing things with."
"Not all science is about killing things, Gabriel! There are diseases to be cured and inventions to help the crippled to be made."
"You're just going to fix the world, aren't you?"
"Well someone has to if you're going to destroy it."
"I will not!"
"You will so one day if you keep being that reckless! Or maybe worse, you'll end up destroying yourself!" Carl caught himself there. What was he saying...?
"I've been trained by the best. Watch. I'll hold my hands completely at my sides and close my eyes and I bet that I'll be able to block anything you throw at me." Van Helsing said confidently. He stood there, almost at attention, with his eyes tightly shut.
Carl felt rage swelling up in him. That stupid, puzzling man! Why did he never feel all together when they were in the same room? Why was he so frustrated, so hurt, by his joking comments? Why did he want him to know that he waited every day for him to come home and prayed every night for his safety? With a muffled cry he punched out, straight for his chest.
Van Helsing instantly dropped back into a more comfortable stance when he heard Carl's little cry of anger and moved his arm to block the punch. But when he opened his eyes, both he and Carl had stopped moving. His blocking arm was just an inch away from Carl's striking arm when they had frozen, as though afraid to touch. He found himself a little hurt. Carl would've really tried to punch him...? Why did it matter so much anyways? It's not like it would've hurt.
Not physically.
Carl found himself staring into Van Helsing's eyes. They weren't really all that remarkable in color; a coffee-ish sort of hazel brown. But there was something about them... something pleading and hurt, something that spoke of old wounds that needed desperately to be healed. That was why he was sometimes so cold; he was only trying to ice away those wrenching pains. Carl wanted to reach out and touch him then, make those hurts go away with warmth instead. But suddenly he was afraid that if he did he would only hurt him more He couldn't touch him, and soon he began to ache too... He shuddered slightly and closed his eyes for a moment; when they met Van Helsing's again, they too were filled with painful longing.
Carl? Is something wrong? Why is there pain in your eyes? Tell me who caused that pain, I'll hunt them down. No one should hurt you. You're the only one who understands me...
----
How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb...
----
"Maybe I should go and... check on my room." Van Helsing stuttered slightly, lowering his arm. The part of it that might've touched Carl's arm burned slightly and he found himself shaking it to dispel the feeling.
"Yes. You've proven that you can keep yourself alive." Carl murmured, turning away. You can keep your body alive yes, but who will be there to heal the hurts on your very soul...?
-----
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead
It back... home.
------
"Van Helsing!" The Hunter looked up at the sound of his voice being called by Cardinal Jinette. Looking uncharacteristically rattled, the religious leader came running up to the man he had been calling for. "Vampires. They've followed you from Transylvania. They're right on our gates!"
"I'll get a horse and lead them away. Don't let anyone in or out unless its me." Van Helsing instructed before sprinting off. Carl was standing there dumbly at his station, watching him. HE could be killed...
"Van Helsing wait!" He shouted suddenly, running after him. He wasn't going out there alone...
-----
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become...
-----
The stables were towards the back of the Vatican, opening up cleverly into an alleyway that snaked its way, unseen, out of the city. Van Helsing had sprinted up all the flights of stairs and through the corridors that led to them and picked the fastest horse he knew there, an Andalusian stallion. Thanking God he hadn't taken any of his weapons off yet, he tacked the horse and mounted quickly, urging him out and into the alleyway and already into a gallop. The sky was no longer downy and quiet; its black clouds rumbled and hissed as rain began to fall. He bent low over his horse as they flew through the alley and for the edge of the city.
Although he didn't know, Carl chased after him. Van Helsing was always just two steps ahead, dammit! How could he protect him and help him if he wouldn't just pause for a moment... But he didn't slow. Carl leapt onto the nearest horse and negotiated it out of the stall. All his life was so fake compared to this, sitting around pouring over books all the time. This was real and raw, it was life and death itself, all covered in blood. And it was deadly. But he wanted to live now that he knew what living was... It was harsh, yes, but he wouldn't leave Van Helsing to do it alone. Not now that he saw what torment it wreaked on him...
----
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life...
----
Soon Van Helsing was out of the city, his horse's hooves pounding over the empty stretch outside of it. The coming storm had ushered away all life it seemed, and as he gazed over the barren heath he thought he was alone... until he heard the telltale screech and whoosh of beating wings above him. He jerked the horse out of the way of the vampire's dive and it missed only narrowly. The male landed hissing on all fours, still in its hideous winged form. The horse reared up and kicked out and down, forcing the creature to take flight once more. The motion also stopped Van Helsing from getting to his crossbow.
Carl honestly didn't know what the hell he was doing as his horse darted out of the alleyway. Thunder rumbled suddenly as he came onto the heath at the city's back door. He could see Van Helsing in the distance. His horse was rearing, nearly throwing him. A white shape flew back up into the sky not far away from the hunter, circling, and then diving again. The horse tried instantly to get away, and once more nearly threw Van Helsing. Carl cursed carelessly and urged his mount to even greater speed. His stomach lurched and his heart pounded, but he didn't stop, although he felt like it when the horse whinnied in terror and tried to move even faster. He looked over his shoulder to see the white shape of another bat, this one female, diving down on him. He yelled and swerved his horse, barely getting out of the way. When he regained control he and the horse were both wild with terror. The horse's first instinct was RUN AWAY! but Carl's first thought was Get to Van Helsing...
Van Helsing heard another screech and swiveled in the saddle to see another white bat flying towards him. Underneath it was a roan horse. Its rider wore the robes of a friar....
"CARL! GET BACK INTO THE VATICAN! YOU NEED TO BE SAFE!" Van Helsing shouted hoarsely as Carl reined in beside him. The two were racing side by side, the vampires above them.
"Yes, but who will save you?" He asked desperately. Neither had time to think on that. They had a sudden, impromptu meeting with the ground.
----
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become...
----
The male vampire had flown low and smashed, head first, into Carl's horse. The gelding fell screaming over and into Van Helsing's stallion. They had been so close that the force flung both to the ground, their riders pinned. Now the female swooped down too, fangs and claws bared, ready to shred Van Helsing to pieces while he was pinned beneath his larger horse.
"NO!" Carl screamed, pulling himself out from under his horse.
He lunged at the vampiress, snagging her back foot with both his hands. He flung her away from Van Helsing with her own momentum, but stumbled himself and fell in the mud. His horse had already run away, but Van Helsing's was still struggling to its feet as the Hunter tried to free himself. The kicking hooves narrowly missed Carl's head; as he ducked, one slammed into his shoulder. He couldn't contain his scream of pain.
Lightening flared in the sigh as the rain beat down on them. Van Helsing heard Carl's anguished cry, although he couldn't see what had caused it. But hearing it was enough. Animalistic fury shot through him as he came to his feet, his horse dashing away. He saw Carl clutching his shoulder and the sight almost brought tears to his eyes. He didn't deserve this. He was the only creature of light here. Van Helsing had long ago succumbed to darkness of a different kind. Carl didn't belong here, in this freezing rain, he belonged with things of warmth. It hurt Van Helsing more than words could say to know that he was there because of him...
------
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead....
-----
The vampiress flew at Van Helsing; he drew a pistol and fired a single shot. It struck her in the shoulder, sent her into a barrel roll and a near collision with the ground. The other attacker flew down at Carl; Van Helsing shouted wordlessly at him and flung himself in the way. Claws ripped across his back and blood began to pour over his skin along with the numbing rain, but he didn't care. Carl was safe. That was all that mattered now.
Carl felt Van Helsing land heavily, almost on top of him. But he didn't move away; he wrapped one arm around him, keeping him close, and with the other arm raised his crossbow. The shot was clumsily fired, but a few bolts managed to rip through the wings of the circling vampires. They could hardly fly under these conditions anyway and collapsed to the ground. Van Helsing might've finished them, but he turned back to Carl.
"What happened?" He asked quickly. He was so, so close. The rain from his hair and his face was falling all over Carl like tears. He wanted to wipe them away. How easily he could see the torment in Van Helsing's eyes. Was that worry for his safety....? A very odd thought struck the Friar then.
So this is what it is to be loved....
------
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
------
Gabriel could always remember pain from his past. And now he knew that nothing could top the agony he felt then. He never knew that being so close to someone could cause agony, but it did. It hurt to be so close to the Friar, for a reason he could not grasp. But he could grasp the fact that they didn't have time to worry about feelings. There were two angry vampires at their backs. He leapt away from Carl and held the crossbow firmly in two hands, firing a stream of bolts at the attackers. The male went down, the ash and dust disappearing quickly in the deluge of rain. The female shrieked and flew high, buffeted by the wind, but avoiding the crossbow.
"Are you alright?" Van Helsing called, bending down to give Carl a little shake.
"Look out!" He shrieked in response. He seized hold of Van Helsing cloak and flung him over to one side, rolling with him. The vampiress struck the ground and then soared up again.
It was a fierce but empty moment as Carl quickly moved away from Van Helsing. Something was clicking in the Hunter's mind. He didn't have to do this alone anymore. Someone out there was watching over him....
----
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
You've come to open my eyes to everything...
----
The vampiress landed and transformed. She was not particularly pretty, and was dressed in a warrior's clothes. She didn't even seem to mourn for her companion as she lunged for Gabriel, just now regaining his feet. He ducked and rolled, crossbow tight to his chest, and came up kneeling. He fired at her again, aiming for her empty chest.
-------
Without thought, without a voice, without a soul
--------
He missed. She cackled and transformed, taking flight once more. She seemed to be aiming for Van Helsing... but feinted, coming around to his left and diving down. Faster than he could see, she was up in the air again.
Carl was clutched in her claws.
He screamed the Friar's name, rushing forward with the crossbow held high. He took aim and fired at the vampiress. He wasn't thinking, only feeling. And he was feeling every emotion possible it seemed: anger, hatred, pain, horror, terror... They overwhelmed him like waves pounding against a cliff, and broke him just as easily. It almost didn't matter if Carl was dead by the time he hit the ground. Van Helsing just needed to have his dearest friend close by...
The vampiress's claws dug hard into Carl's body. He screamed and tried to wriggle out of her grasp. Faintly he heard Van Helsing's shouts. He was causing him more pain! He hated himself in that moment, almost relishing in the pain of claws and teeth all over him. He deserved it. But then she spiraled suddenly out of control, howling. He could only assume that Gabriel had hit her. And he had. Soon there was nothing but ash holding him, and while it stuck in his wounds and on his wet body, it didn't do that job of cushioning his fall.
Van Helsing was willing to do just that. He flung the crossbow away and dove for Carl's falling form. He thought his bones would break with the force of the man hitting him, knocking him to the muddy ground. It was a bit odd that he was thinking that. The Friar didn't LOOK like he weighed all that much. It didn't matter anymore though. He quickly sat up, cradling Carl as he did so. His eyes were open and moving, thank God, but dilated with pain. his breaths were choppy and Van Helsing knew he was losing blood fast.
"Hold on, Carl." He whispered, pulling off his tattered coat and wrapping the Friar tightly in it, hoping to staunch some of the blood, and then shivering held him close for warmth. They were both covered mud, rain and blood, and maybe even tears that they couldn't feel crept down their cheeks, but it didn't matter. The nearness mattered, for warmth and for comfort. Carl knew then what it was to have a friend.... that fact saddened him somehow, sent pangs of pain lancing through his heart. He felt his tears now, reaching up to brush some mud off of Gabriel's face.
"I wanted to save you..." He whispered sadly before his hand fell away.
"You still can. But right now I have to save you." Van Helsing whispered back.
-----
Don't let me die here
-----
Both their horses had escaped by then, but that didn't matter. Van Helsing hefted himself onto his feet, slipping a little in the mud before moving as quickly as he could back towards the Vatican. His back was on fire with pain, but the brutal cuts and bruises there from his multiple falls and the vampires didn't matter either. What mattered now was making sure Carl was safe.
The Hunter fought back tears. Carl didn't belong in this world. There was nothing here, nothing but endlessly going back and forth between life and death, wrapped always in pain. There was nothing but killing or dying, you had to choose very swiftly. Neither were for the Friar. He loved life to much to take it away or to lose it. He made Van Helsing wonder if there could be a life other than the empty one he knew....
-----
There must be something more
-----
He couldn't say how long it took to get to the Vatican. Monks swirled around him, asking questions, calling for aid. He stumbled through their midst, hearing his voice asking for a doctor for Carl. He carried the unconscious Friar all the way to his room and tucked him under the covers. He knew that the neurotic man would not be pleased to have a bed that was wet, bloody and covered in mud when he woke up, but he was too tired himself to really care.
When did I become so numb? Why have I stopped caring about everything...? He wondered to himself. Well, I do care about being there when he wakes up. That'll be a show not to be missed.
Van Helsing was smiling a little as the doctor arrived. Someone steered him out of the room and towards his, but he could hardly feel it. His body was numb and cold, as was his spirit. No, it was on fire. His spirit was burning. It was odd that now, when he was so close to death and had flirted with it openly for the last half hour, he felt so amazingly alive.
"It's all Carl's fault..." Were the last words the Hunter whispered before slipping off. The monks raised eyebrows at each other when they heard this, but didn't understand the double meaning.
------
Bring me to life...
------
A/N- Okay, that is my first songfic! --dances-- Hope you liked it. I had to edit some of the lyrics cuz the fight was dragging and I needed to wrap the chapter up, and only used the 'full' chorus once because it corresponded with Carl's line of 'but who will save you?' if you catch my drift. And it looks like this will be more angsty than I thought... In hindsight it didn't come out quite like I wanted it to. Anyways, please don't flame, but review!