kydasam- I cannot tell you how happy your reviews make me! Your latest certainly started me off right, and had me working on my book the rest of the day! Yes, I am set on a career in literature... I want to publish my first book before I leave high school. Bloody well isn't easy, though.... I guess I just have to keep trying.
Hey, I'll give credit to you any time! Your stories are awesome!
I am most definitely in love with the sound of the words I write...... Not meaning to sound self-absorbed, of course! Metaphors have always come very naturally to me, tho this is the first story I have been able to use them correctly in. If you read some of my earlier work on the site, they were wayyyy overdone. Nice to see that someone thinks I've improved! You actually quoted one of my favorite parts of that chapter, there. And don't worry, I talk to stories too...! Once, I shouted 'AHA! I WAS RIGHT!!!' when I guessed the right ending to a story..... scared the whole house, too... And apparently you scare your cats!
No worries about my state of mind... I am actually a surpisingly happy-go-lucky person!!! I just have a lot of dark on the inside... but it stays there.
Thank you for all your other lovely comments.... you keep me going! That was the best review I've ever gotten!
PineappleIce- Thanks for the reassurance about the song! I went back and reread the chapter after getting your review and then decided it worked out fine after all. It just felt really wrong when I was writing it... OMG! Poor you! Hope your finger mends nicely!
CuriousDreamWeaver- Thanks for the review! It's nice to see that this fic still draws new readers.
Nikoru Sanzo- I'm happy to see you enjoying the first couple chapters! I hope you got to read the rest of the story!
blackwolfs900- Thanks for the review, it got me going again!
Drake and Jang- Ahh, I feel your pain! Try and work past your writer's block, and thanks for the review!
Mithril Maiden- Here's the update for you!
The Watcher4- Is your name a nod to Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Just curious. Thanks for your review!
Okieday, here we go! This chapter should be interesting.... who said that Carl's actions wouldn't have consequences? Cuz I sure as hell didn't.... hehehehehe.....
This chapter's song is 'Tourniquet' by Evanescence. Next chapter... is a surprise.
Chapter Eleven:
Tourniquet
How long could it have lasted, anyway?
Not very. But it was so lovely while it did last.
How long before we would've been caught?
It was inevitable. But for a stolen sweet, (1) it was so amazingly wholesome.
How long until you would've been punished?
We knew we were doomed. But we might've escaped.
How long until you accept that it's over?
Van Helsing opened his eyes to face the world anew. That last question he didn't deign to answer. He had never accepted that it was over. He had always been fighting. Would he have given up on killing Dracula after the silver stake didn't work? Would he have give up finding out his past if someone told him it was impossible?
It seemed that all he could do was ask himself answerless questions. They were mostly questions he might have been able to answer, had Carl been there. But now they just hung in the air, like an axe waiting to fall, because Carl had been his answer. Or, at the very least, his answer-finder.
But he didn't let that stop him. The first week after Carl's disappearance had been extremely busy, filled with question answering and endless tests. Even without one of their brightest stars, the Vatican's research team was bent on finding out what had happened to him and how it had mysteriously stopped. The days in quarantine were borne with the stoic nature that Van Helsing had perfected long before, and in no small measure to memories of Carl. He had weaned himself off of those not long after that; they were a double edged blade.
He made utterly certain never to once ask the Cardinal- or anyone, for that matter -about Carl's whereabouts. No one ever approached him with it. They didn't even dare to whisper that name, once so sacred. From inference, they knew the consequences of infuriating the Hunter. They knew because he had not complained once about going back to Transylvania, or to fight any monster for that matter. And when he came back, there was never a scratch on his body, or on any part of his clothes. The monsters couldn't be getting easier; he had to be getting better. It was because he had a reason to fight now, emotions to be let go. He wasfighting now, and they thought they knew the reason why. He was deeply wounded by something. All of them knew better than to get in the path of a wounded animal.
It was easier leaving and coming home now, without someone there. He could report straight to Jinette, clean himself up, get a hot meal and a good night's sleep, then head out again. Things were easier than they had ever been: he followed Jinette's orders without question- he was no longer fighting to remain longer, or about being the Left Hand of God, or about the Order's policies -and so a sizable chunk was taken out of the tension in the Vatican, and without someone at home to worry about, Van Helsing found himself able to focus. He could come, rest, go, fight, return, and feel willing and able to leave again.
In others words, his life was happily going nowhere.
But it was sobusy going nowhere that he hadn't even realized a month had passed until Matthias brought it up.
"The Cardinal sent me." The younger aide said.
"Good, I was going to see him." Van Helsing said smoothly not looking up from what he was doing, which happened to be cleaning off his coat. A minotaur had caught him a good one in the ribs, but it had cost the creature its head. It was his first sizable injury in a long time.
"I'm not to bring you to him." Matthias said. "He wants you to undergo testing."
"For what?" Van Helsing asked, a little more sharply than he meant. He may as well have thrown daggers at the aide, whose face had paled considerably.
"Well, Mr. Van Helsing, it's, ah, been.... a, a, a, a, a, a, a month since your.... illness." He finished lamely.
Gabriel said nothing more. He walked out of the room, his lips set in a tight, grim line. Matthias followed and then led, almost shaking with unashamed relief.
He was on fire inside as they walked. It had been a month. A month since Carl had left him. It wasn't that Van Helsing hated Carl for leaving, oh no. He himself had almost done so once. No, he loved Carl. But it was a love so terrible, so binding, so all-consuming, that it was almost hatred.
----
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
(So much more)
----
He could not forget this, no matter how hard he tried. Even lying on the cold examination table couldn't make him forget his Friar's warmth. He heard them murmuring around him, dry, professional voices, and all he could hear was his lover's laugh.
He could never forget Carl. He felt somehow betrayed that Carl had been able to run away and forget him.
-----
I lay, dying
And I'm pouring
Crimson regret... and betrayal
----
They probed and pinched him, drew blood and made him go through the basic ranges of physical motion and then tested his reflexes- which they noted were excellent. They gave him a basic physical and checked him for signs of disease. Gabriel figured they were done when they backed away from the table and stood staring at him.
"Well?" He asked tersely, swinging his legs over the side of the table and looking straight at them.
"The report said you had little to no injuries." Said one calmly.
"Yes. And?"
"Where did those come from?"
Van Helsing looked down, following the doctor's gaze to his chest. He couldn't stop himself from jumping. Wherehad those scars on his chest come from?
They looked almost fresh, still crusted, undulating folds of flesh tinged with red. Almost like ripples, they worked their way smaller and smaller to the center of his sternum, where there was a tiny white circle. He knew instinctively it was bone.
How the hell had he got that and not felt it? Then again, it didn't exactly look natural.
His fingers, shaking somehow, were drawn inevitably to that white patch of bone. It hovered over the flesh, rippled like water, bypassed the tender red areas, and went straight to that ivory circle. He touched it, pressed on it, and there was no pain. And yet, the whole room groaned as thoughit was in pain.
He looked up and he could hear the beating of his heart. Strange that something meant to be so comforting, something that told you that you were still alive, should be so utterly terrifying. Of course, that terror only meant that his heart would start pounding faster.
Dust was starting to settle in the air. Gabriel frowned, wanting to know where it came from. His hand idly traced the circle of bone again and there was another groan from the room, this time accompanied by a grating sound, and he could swear he was seeing the bricks of the windowless room shifting against each other.
"What in the name of Heaven is that?" One of the doctors asked, his voice suddenly shaken.
"Hell." Van Helsing answered lightly. He was on fire with fear inside. Dammit Carl, if this was a temporary fix I'll kill myself. I didn't deserve to lose you over something that wouldn't even work.
It had to work. It had to work. His brilliant Carl wasn't there anymore. There was no one left to save him.
----
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
I'm screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
----
The tremors grew and grew and he finally thought to move his hand from the circle of bone. When he did it was like some invisible leash had been snapped and he regained his ability to move and think.
Alright. That wasn't there before that he remembered. Step one is to find out what the hell it is.
Without another word, he yanked on his turtleneck and his coat, almost forgetting his hat before sprinting out of the room. It was off to the library.
"What was the last section Friar Carl was in before he left?" He growled, seizing the shoulder of the youth before him.
"How should I know? I don't work here!" He cried.
Gabriel shoved him away impatiently. Something was wrong and he didn't have time for this. He fancied no one else would notice either. Carl had a way of making himself unnoticeable when he was upset that the Hunter almost envied. Now it was off to Carl's room at a run, his heart pounding. Something was so very wrong, so very wrong, and it frightened him that he didn't know what.
He burst into the room where he and the Friar had first consummated their love.
"What have you done, Carl?" He whispered, leaving the door to bang idly against the wall behind it. Perfection is a terrible thing, and as he began to sift through the papers and melted candles, strange symbols drawn all over the floor and walls, everything began to make terribly perfect sense.
It was a spell. A spell to reach into the spirit realm and recover his lost memories. But that did tend to tear the fabric between dimensions, didn't it? And Carl, who had never before worked magick in his life, was clueless to the fact that they needed to be bound again. And so Gabriel had been left caught half there and half here. And that part of him that was leftthere was in a place where thoughts were reality. A reality that had begun to leak through into this world.
After all, he had been feeling that his heart was about to rip out of his chest from this forced emptiness, and the worlddid feel like it-
"No..." Van Helsing whispered, the book sliding out of his hand. Honed muscles sprung into action and he was flinging himself out the door, bolting down the hall, shoving priest, monk and friar alike out of the way on his way for the surface.
The air hit him in a rush of cold when he burst out into the roof of the Vatican, the very gable that Carl had used to watch his returns from, and chilled his bones. But it had nothing to do with the sudden chill in his blood, looking out over what he could see.
After all, the world did feel like it was going to end without Carl at his side.
----
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me, salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me, salvation
----
The hole in the sky was the worst bit of it, he decided, darting through the screaming crowd. It was much easier than getting out of the Vatican. Certainly the Order's catacombs were impregnable, but with that impregnability came ignorance of the world above. They had not known to move, to run. Up here, they had not known anything else since the morning had started.
That was probably when that ghastly hole in the sky had appeared. The rays of the sun had turned to swords and scythed their way through the heavens, casting down the stars. There was a red gap where it must have happened, staring out into emptiness. Fat red drops would fall from it every so often, spatters of blood the size of raindrops that burned on contact. The Hunter let out an unrestrained yell as one nasty one managed to hit the nape of his neck and trail down the length of his spine, just like raindrops enjoy doing. These were not half so enjoyable.
Instinctively, he headed for that tear. It had to be the source of all the problems. The circle of bone on his chest burned as he ached for Carl's surety in fire, his almost unshakable knowledge. It was the almost part that was the best. He loved his little faults.
Where are you now? He queried, a bullet fired point blank from his shotgun taking the head off of what appeared to be a dragon the size of a large dog that had been in his way. The splatter of blood and hot gore was unfelt. Dammit, right when I need you I don't know. I never know without you. Then again, there are- were -times when I don't- didn't -know what to do with you.
At last the Vatican's guards came surging up and warrior-priests were beside him. Monsters were appearing from every which way, from the ground and from walls, descending from the sky at will. They often called for Van Helsing's help- too late. He was focused on something. He would get to that tear.
I'll see you soon, Carl, if you are dead. And I have looked. He thought. Not much longer until we are in Hell together. And all my secret preparing will come to nothing.I know we will be together, no matter where we go.
----
Do you remember me,
Lost for so long?
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me?
----
He knew instantaneously when he was under the rip, because all was silent. Dust swirled around him, shining softly in the breeze; an annoyance turned to beauty and then dispelled by a stronger force when a terrifying gust nearly bowled him over. It snatched away his hat and he flung off his coat, willing to let it have that too. Instead the duster flopped resolutely to the ground, weighed down by its numerous weapons. He cast the other ones on his person aside too. There was no need for them now, none of the monsters were here.
His flung his head back and looked straight up to the sky, staring his enemy in the face, ready to fight and ready to die.
----
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
I'm screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost...?
----
It was so easy to get lost in that black, so easy to let it ease the pain in its all-consuming way. But he knew it wasn't right. He wouldn't be the key, wouldn't let it devour him and not choke.
He did let it swirl him up in its arms of energy, a vortex of wind made visible only by the debris that it caught. He forced his feet to stay on the ground, grinding his teeth and resisting the urge to yell. The energy only got stronger, little veins of electricity popping out and snagging his skin until they formed a broad blue mirror in front of him. He heard snatches of voices, screams and laughter, moans of passion and groans of pain, and saw images flying before his eyes.
His memories.
The energy was trying to take them back.
He was the key.
It was trying to fix what was wrong.
Or was it?
"I don't know!" He screamed. "Help me!" He almost expected an answer. "Carl isn't here, so you'll have to do!" And then... he knew.
----
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me, salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me, salvation
----
The mirror rotated lazily on its side, sensing his decision by the light in his eyes. He knew. There was a calmness about him as he watched the blue, crackling thing bury itself into the pavement, through rock and earth and right through the dimensions themselves, until there was a hole just like that in the sky above: endless, black, bleeding slightly.
Carl's blood.
As this new hole appeared, the one in the sky above began to mend itself, closing with a whisper and a showering of the red tears. Van Helsing did not flinch as they struck his back. He approached the new hole and a new mirror appeared on the other side of it. While all else in the world was still it began to howl with the wind, beckoning him, insisting he come, demanding it.
He took another step.
----
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied?
Christ, tourniquet
My suicide.... .
----
"Van Helsing!"
The words echoed around him, drawn out long and loud. He turned away from his fate, foot dangling in the air above the precipice: just one last look at the world...
In fact, his whole worldwas standing before him.
It was Carl who had shouted his name.
----
(Return to me, salvation)
(Return to me, salvation)
----
A/N-- (1) Based loosely on a line from Phantom of the Opera because I was listening to the song 'Point of No Return' while writing this.
I hate this chapter. Really, truly and utterly hate it. There are so many things I wish I could change but I really just wanted to finish this up so I rushed it. Please try not to criticize it too much, chances are I already know all too well what I did wrong.
As for the plot... I am not going to say anything. You shall all find out for yourselves. Hehehehe... Reviews shall bring enlightenment to the ending of the story.....