Chapter Twenty Five
Bald and Well Ugly
"Wow she is so gullible!" James exclaimed when Remus told him, Sirius and Peter how easy it was to get Bertha to tell. Remus had gathered that to get to the Slytherin common room you had to go to the dungeons. There, there would be a large oak door the size of the doors that lead to the Entrance Hall. You stand in front of them and give the password, "pure blood," and the doors would fly open. But to be on the safe side, Sirius instructed Remus to stand by the doors under the cloak and wait for a Slytherin to open it. So it was best for him to plant the prank during dinner, when all the Slytherins were going in and out. Remus nodded anxiously to everything they said, in order for him not to get caught.
So at around six o' clock that night Remus was walking slowly and carefully, under the invisibility cloak, down to the Slytherin common room. He snuck down the steps in the Entrance Hall, careful not to bump into any students or professors that were going either up or down. He ran (because no one was in his path) to the dungeons entrance. He climbed slowly down the freezing cold stone steps. His heart was thumping madly against his chest, he knew exactly why too; he had never done something like this by himself. But he knew it was going to be worth it in the end... really though... a bald Snape? Who could pass up that chance?
Remus certainly could not! This would be the best prank yet! He would just love to see the look of horror on Snape's face when he first discovers it... but of course Remus would have to be long gone by then. Although there was always the next morning when Snape would be forced to show himself in daylight! Oh he would be the laughingstock of the entire castle! Oh this was too good to be true! Remus was so immersed in his joyous thoughts that he did not even realise he had walked into a wall.
"Ouch!" Remus whined, as he rubbed his nose. Remus adjusted the cloak and continued down a dark, damp, torch lit passageway. He hoped it led to the large door the led to the Slytherin common room; he had no clue where he was going as it was. As he walked deeper and deeper down the vast corridor he saw several flocks of Slytherin students walking down the hall. Good, Remus thought, he was on the right trail. He kept walking, quicker but with a soft step. The Slytherins would think it pretty suspicious if they heard loud footsteps coming from nowhere.
Remus could now see a large door in the distance. He scanned it and saw a green serpent engraved in the stone above it. This was it... the Slytherin common room. Remus now had but three phases of the operation left. One: he had to wait outside the door and stay there until a Slytherin came out so he could sneak in. Two: he had to plant the prank in the second year boys' bathroom (it was already labeled for Snape with a long winded, fake note from his mother explaining that she had sent it). And last: he had to get out of there before any of the Slytherins saw anything strange going on.
Remus waited for about ten minutes before the door opened and Snape himself was walking out. Remus had to fight back his hysterical laughter when he saw Snape's long greasy hair and how that at this time the next day, it would no longer be there. Remus slipped inside the common room before the door shut. He heaved a sigh of relief, phase one... complete. One quick glance at the Slytherin common room proved to Remus that he was glad to be a Gryffindor. The common room was cold, misty and just gave off the aurora of hatred to all outside this house. Their chairs were made of stone with green cushions on the seats. There was a crackling fire in the stone hearth, a long wooden table in which a Slytherin seventh year was scribbling on a piece of parchment.
There were some ugly green sofas, and a large green area rug with a silver stripe spread in the middle of the stone floor. The few students who had not gone down to dinner were heading out so Remus had to use vigilance so he did not accidentally trample over one of them. A big pack of Slytherin six years were walking by and Remus had to squeeze himself against the wall so they did not walk into him. Once they had passed Remus continued on his search, as he had no idea where the boys' dormitory might be. Remus was now leaning on the fireplace, out of breath from his long search. He could not find the dormitory! Where the heck was it, he thought angrily to himself.
Then a large sign caught Remus' eye. It was a large wooden plaque that read in silver letters, "Boys Dormitory: up this staircase." Well that should have been easy to find.
"Why didn't I see it before?" Remus whispered to himself, but then noticed that the boy scribbling on the parchment had heard him and walked over to where he was standing. The boy reached out a hand and Remus pressed himself against the wall. The boy shrugged and went back to his business. Remus looked up the long staircase; this was going to be quite some climb. He climbed slowly up the stone steps. Ten stairs... twenty stairs... thirty stairs... was this going to end? Forty stairs... fifty... finally... Remus stepped foot on the landing and was now faced with seven more staircases.
Each of the passageways leading to a new set of stairs had a sign next to it reading either first, second, third, fourth, fifth, six or seventh year. Well obviously Remus wanted the second year dormitory so he took a deep breath and dashed up the stairs. After another set of a hundred or more stairs he made it to the final landing before his destination. Phase two of this prank was taking much too long. Remus looked at two doors now. Great, Remus thought, more stairs? But they were not... they were the doors leading to either the second year boys or girls.
Once again there were two signs, one said boys and the other said girls. Remus thought for a fleeting moment that maybe Snape looked so much like a girl that they put him in the girls' dormitory. But then again, even the Slytherins were not that stupid. Remus pushed open the door to the boys' dormitory and found himself standing inside a bitter cold room. It resembled the Gryffindor dormitory except the furniture was not scarlet; it was a particularly ugly shade of green. There were four beds; each had a trunk next to it. Remus had to check the trunks to find the right one. He opened the first one and took out a notebook. The book read, "Albert Flint" wrong kid. The next one belonged to Phillip Parkinson, the next Blake Bullstrode and the last one to Mr. Severus Snape. Remus took the bottle out of his robe pocket and placed it on his trunk with the letter Remus, James, Sirius and Peter had invented.
Remus set them down noiselessly, and made them look as though they had always been there. Phase two complete. Remus stood up and made his way to the door, when it opened. Standing at the doorway, looking more hideous then ever was the old slimeball himself, Snape! Remus crept to the side and inched his way towards the open door, sticking his foot out so it would not shut. Snape walked over to his trunk and noticed the "present" his "mother" had sent him. He stooped down and picked up the letter and read it aloud to himself.
"'Dear Sniv-Severus," Snape read. He looked at the Sniv strangely. When the four marauders were writing the letter James had accidentally begun to write Snivelly and they had not crossed it out. They merely put a hyphen there instead. Snape shrugged his shoulders and began to read again. "I have been thinking about your hygiene lately (Remus had to put his hand up to his mouth to stop from laughing out loud) and I figured you might need this (need it indeed, Remus thought wildly). Use it immediately otherwise it will not take its effect.' Well if that's what she wants me to do." Snape grabbed the bottle and headed straight for the bathroom.
Remus stepped out the door, made his way swiftly down the hundreds of stairs, found himself standing in an empty common room, ran to the door, opened it, and dashed down the dungeon corridor. Once he got to the Entrance Hall he ducked under the staircase, took the cloak off, and made his way to the Great Hall where his friends would meet him.
Remus entered a full Great Hall. He could hear the clattering of forks on plates, the laughter and chatter of his fellow students, how much he had missed that when he was in the hospital. He looked at the Gryffindor table for his friends and sure enough there they were. They were sitting at their usual seats at the edge of the table closest to the staff table. James was talking animatedly to Sirius and Peter and by the looks of it; he was doing a very accurate impression of Snape. Remus ran over and slipped into the seat next to Peter. James suddenly stopped talking.
"Did you do it?" James asked anxiously. "Did he take it?"
"Sure did," Remus answered proudly. "Won't he look lovely this time tomorrow?" James and Sirius laughed and gave Remus high fives. Remus and Peter sniggered and went back to eating their meals. As they were all getting up Lily Evans walked over to them. Like clockwork, James ruffled his black hair, straightened his robes and adopted the annoying manly voice he always used when she was around.
"Hullo, Remus, Peter, Potter, Black," Lily said coolly. Sirius, Peter and Remus all said a quick hullo but James on the other hand...
"Well, if it isn't Miss Evans, you are looking quite lovely today if I do say so myself." Lily rolled her eyes.
"Yes, yes whatever Potter! I was going to ask if I could talk to Remus, before I was so rudely interrupted!" James gave Remus a cold glance as Remus nodded and walked away with Lily. Remus had no idea what she wanted to talk about, she was probably still mad at him for yesterday when he yelled at her. Or maybe she heard what Remus had planted in Snape's dormitory and wanted to tell him off? He did not know and personally he hoped he would never find out. Lily led Remus out of the castle and onto the grounds. She brought him over to the edge of the lake and told him to sit down. Remus would have rather stood; he had the uneasy feeling he was going to have to make a run for it. Remus did as he was told anyway; Lily sat down in front of him.
"I've been thinking about yesterday," she began, taking an interest in her shoelaces all of the sudden. "I shouldn't have forced you to tell me why you were in the hospital... its none of my business after all. But..."
"Is this some plan to get me to tell?" Remus cut in. Lily looked up startled.
"No of course not! But... I was doing some research and I've learned something..." Oh no, Remus thought apprehensively, did she know? She could have figured it out... Lily was really smart after all; even though she was a muggle born... she could figure out that he was a werewolf easily. "Well... you don't have some kind of condition do you?" Lily asked a little hesitantly. Remus's heart lifted with relief, he could easily lie his way out of this.
"Nope, no I don't" Remus answered a bit too quickly. Lily nodded understandingly.
"Well that's good, if it were something bad I'd be glad to help you... you're a nice kid Remus, no one wants anything bad to happen to you." With that Lily got up and ran back towards the castle. Well that was odd, Remus thought; he lifted himself up and felt like visiting the school gamekeeper, Hagrid. Hagrid was a half giant with bushy hair and a large beard. He was always happy to accept visitors and gave them some of his... well let's say... disgusting food. Although every student knew better than to mock his cooking. Whenever Remus, James, Sirius and Peter went to go see him they always accepted the food, though they never put it anywhere near their mouths.
Hagrid lived in a large brick cabin on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, students often saw him venture inside the forest with his boarhound, Fang. They often wondered what he did in there, but never wanted to ponder it. Remus walked up the stone steps and knocked on Hagrid's door. Remus immediately heard scratching on the door, which meant that Fang had leapt on the door and Hagrid had to get him down. He could hear Hagrid's gruff voice calling Fang back from the door. Hagrid finally opened the door five minutes later.
"Why, hullo, Remus," he said pleasantly, Remus could see him holding Fang's collar.
"Hi, Hagrid," Remus answered.
"What brings yeh down here today? Not in another fight with James, Sirius and Peter are yeh?" During the time Remus had been arguing with his friends he had taken refuge in Hagrid's cabin, he found Hagrid very easy to talk to. Remus shook his head
"No, I just felt like coming by and saying hi."
"Would yeh like ter come in?" Remus nodded and Hagrid stepped aside so Remus could slip inside. He let Fang go and he immediately jumped on Remus and started licking his face. They sat down at the large wooden table in the middle of the cabin.
"James told me yeh've bin allowed ter come back ter classes," Hagrid said, his beetle black eyes peering down at Remus.
"Yeah, Madam Pomfrey figures I can handle myself better now, she used to be terrified I might go into a relapse in the middle of class." Hagrid, being part of the staff, knew about Remus being a werewolf and found it absolutely fascinating. Hagrid had always had a weakness for dangerous creatures, and Remus just happened to fall into that category. Hagrid laughed.
"Yeah, she's like that sometimes. No one knows about yeh bein' a werewolf n' all, do they?"
"No one except James, Sirius, Peter and my cousin." Then Remus remembered the night before... Julius had accused him and Remus let him find out it was true! "Well... someone else does... this first year kid... Julius Mangorn I think his name is... last night when I was going up to the hospital wing he cornered me and accused me. He knows now... but he's too afraid to tell anyone because I threatened him." Remus half expected Hagrid to smile at Remus's cunning but quite the contrary, he was looking a little worried. "What's the matter Hagrid?"
"You should have lied!" Hagrid blurted out. "Or used a memory charm on him."
"Why? He's terrified of me! He wouldn't dare tell anyone... right?"
"Oh he would all righ'. He might be too scared ter tell any students... but not his parents."
"What's the big deal if he tells his parents, they can't throw me out of school."
"That's not the problem. Their work is studying dangerous creatures... they'd want ter study yeh... use yeh for expererments." Remus looked at him horrified. Would this ever end, Remus thought, why can't everyone just accept what I am?
"What am I going to do?" Remus asked, putting his face in his hands.
"Simple, I want yeh ter go an' get this kid, bring him back 'ere and we'll deal wit' him." Remus nodded and dashed out of the cabin. He ran up the grassy slope, through the doors and up to the Gryffindor common room. He saw Julius sitting in an armchair reading a book. Remus grabbed him by his forearm and dragged him out of the common room and onto the grounds to Hagrid's hut. Hagrid was sitting on the front steps of his hut when he saw Remus approaching. Hagrid stood up and walked over. Remus was shoving a reluctant Julius over to Hagrid.
"Now then," said Hagrid sternly. "What are we goin ter do with yeh?"
"Let me go!" Julius suggested.
"I don't think so!" Remus yelled. "First we can make him tell us if he's told anyone what I am!"
"Good idea, well have yeh?"
"No!" Julius immediately said.
"Tell us some more lies why don't you!" Remus yelled.
"Now calm down Remus. We can always get some Veritisuem from the potions master. If yeh tell us we won' have ter do tha'." Julius squirmed nervously, apparently trying to get out of Remus's grip, but Remus would not let him go until he had an answer.
"Ok... I'll tell," Julius said quietly. Remus and Hagrid leaned forward anxiously. "I told... my... parents. They want to study you-"
"YOU WHAT!" Remus yelled, causing a flock of birds nesting on the oak near them to scatter wildly. "YOU IDIOT! HOW COULD YOU!"
"Remus clam down..." said Hagrid.
"NO! HE TOLD HIS PARENTS AND THEY'RE GOING TO STUDY ME! I WON'T HAVE IT! YOU TELL THEM NOT TO! YOU HEAR ME?" Julius cowered under Remus's hysterical yells. Remus let go of his hold on Julius's shoulders and Julius quickly stepped away from Remus. He nodded.
"All righ'," said Hagrid. He stuck his hand inside a pocket on his coat and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill and inkbottle. "Yeh write your paren's a letter sayin that they are not ter study Remus. Write it now!" Julius whimpered, snatched the paper and began to scribble a note to his parents. Remus hovered above him to make sure he wrote everything he was supposed to and not sneak anything in there that would tell them to study Remus.
When he was finished Remus snatched the letter and read it to himself. It passed Remus's approval and Hagrid's. Remus accompanied, or more like led, Julius to the Owlery to make sure he sent the letter to the right place... Remus was not taking any chances with this kid.
"Pick an owl," Remus said when they got there. Julius pointed to a gray barn owl, it came swooping down towards Julius but Remus caught it in mid air.
"Hey!" Julius shouted.
"Don't 'hey' me. I'm making sure this gets to the right place." Remus told the owl exactly where to go and they watched as it zoomed off into the night. As Remus was watching he caught sight of something that made his stomach turn over. It was a full moon... another one! This was impossible! It couldn't be! There was one just the night before! Oh blast those stupid blue moons, Remus thought savagely. His transformation was going to be any minute... he was already starting to feel nauseous. He turned over to Julius, who was watching him wide eyed.
"Listen, go back to the common room before any professors catch you out! I've got to go do something else!" Remus instructed. Julius nodded and dashed out of the room with Remus following. Remus turned to his left, Julius to his right. Remus sped down the steps and out the front door to the school. He ran to the whomping willow, grabbed the branch, and poked the knot. The tree stopped throwing its branches and froze completely. Remus slid down the hidden passageway and found himself in the vast tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack. Remus ran as fast as he could, despite the fact that his legs and arms were starting to cramp up, he was going to get to that shack if it was the last thing he did.
Remus found the tunnel drawing to a close; he could see the trap door now. He climb up a flight of stone steps, pushed the door open and was in the shack at last.
"Remus wake up!" screamed a voice in his ear. Oh what did they want, Remus whined, he was feeling tired. "You have to see this! Wake up!"
"Have to see what?" Remus asked groggily, his eyes still closed.
"Its Snape!" said a second voice. "The plan worked!" At these words Remus's eyes snapped open. He saw James and Sirius standing over him with maniac grins on. Remus sat upright and jumped out of bed.
"It did?" he said earnestly. "Honestly? You saw him?"
"Yes of course we did," said James, puffing out his chest proudly. "What other reason would we come and wake you up?" Remus looked around the dormitory, he saw just James and Sirius... no Peter.
"Where's Peter?"
"Oh, up in the hospital wing," Sirius explained. "Snape kind of took his anger out on Peter, but doesn't matter, he's fine!" Remus changed into his robes quickly so he could see Snape in all his horror of being bald! This was the best prank they had ever played and detention did not even come along with it! Remus followed James and Sirius out of the common room and down to the Great Hall where there was a crowd of students around the Slytherin table all laughing hysterically. They, of course, knew whom the group was laughing at and dashed over.
The three boys fought their way through the crowd and there he was. Severus Snape, completely bald! His scalp was shining in the sunlight pouring in from the windows. Remus burst out laughing, Snape threw him a dirty glance but Remus could not see it through his tears of laughter. James and Sirius decided to add to this humiliation with a single wave of the wand. As though it were being written with an invisible marker, a large smiley face was being hastily scribbled on Snape's head. When it was finished the eyes looked over to a group of three girls laughing at Snape and winked at them. The girls giggled hysterically while James basked in his glory.
The three boys separated themselves from the crowd and headed out to the grounds. It was a bright sunny March day, the birds were singing and nesting in the trees inside the Forbidden Forest. The giant squid was propelling itself around the lake as some first years watched. James and Sirius were busy commending Remus on a job well done.
"It was brilliant!" Sirius exclaimed. "Absolutely brilliant! The look of horror on Snape's face! He'll never be able to live it down! The best part is... that stuff takes nearly a month and a half to wear off so his hair can grow back!"
"But by then he'd've probably went to Madam Pomfrey," Remus muttered, seeing the downfall in their plan. James and Sirius stopped laughing.
"Speaking of Madam Pomfrey," James said. "She's furious with you." Remus stopped walking and looked at his friends questioningly.
"Me? What'd I do? Snape has no idea I gave him that stuff... does he?"
"Oh its not that, she's angry with you because you forgot it was a full moon... the whole staff spent the whole night looking for you, you know." Great, Remus thought, he hated when Madam Pomfrey was angry with him because she never let him forget it. She'd give him grief for weeks before she was satisfied.