This finale's song is Even In Death- by Evanescence (not on Fallen)
Finale 1:
Even In Death
Gabriel rushed into their kiss, held it long and hard. Carl was fairly certain he was having the life sucked out of him, that this was how it felt when one was bitten by a vampire. It was like drowning but not wanting to reach the surface, knowing your blood was being sucked away from you but not wanting to let go yet. He kissed Gabriel back, devoured him too. He was home at last.
And suddenly, there was nothing. No Gabriel, no home. Snares of blue energy reached out and tore Gabriel away. Their lips had been locked and so as they were ripped apart there was blood streaming down his chin. He tried to scream but the wind was moving so fast and hard that breathing was impossible. It flattened him, floored him, left him terrified and breathless.
All went still as he stood.
The world dropped away as he walked forward. The hole was gone: earth and sky were whole again. Strange. Hole and whole. So different, so similar.
He realized just how disoriented he was as he staggered forward. So disoriented, he could practically see the words dashing back and forth in front of his eyes, frolicking. Then one slipped and fell and they both tumbled out of sight. He assumed that the fact he had shaken his head had caused them to fall, and he felt vaguely guilty.
Alright, I've lost it. I shudder to think what state Gabriel's in, then...
He did shudder. It was not a pleasant feeling.
No matter, he kept stumbling on. Gabriel couldn't have gotten far; the wind had just torn them apart, knocked him back towards the Vatican and sent Gabriel flying the opposite way. Just a matter of walking in a straight line until he found him.
No matter at all.
Carl could still taste his blood on his lips as he continued; Gabriel would pay for that. Oh, he'd give him such a kiss! His lips would be bleeding too! The Hunter bloody well deserved it- no pun intended. He had never relished in the taste of blood. And naturally, it didn't combine too well with the bile rising in his throat either when he saw his Hunter.
That body had never before seemed small. It was strong, broad, tall, muscled, a perfect weapon and a perfect pillow. But now, how impossibly small he seemed, lying crumpled on the ground, curled over on his side in a haunting echo of how he had enjoyed sleeping.
Enjoys! Carl chastised himself. Dust floated apologetically over them both as he collapsed to his knees beside Van Helsing, as if sorry that they had nothing else to offer but themselves.
"Gabriel?" He dared to ask, reaching out to roll the Hunter over.
He had to turn away and spit out the bile in his mouth before the sheer taste made him throw up entirely. One side of his skull was completely smashed.
"Gabriel?" He asked again, daring to shake his shoulders just a little. He slid down and lay his head on the man's chest, remembering that when he had done so in Transylvania he had heard that strong heart still beating on, undefeatable. Now it was silent.
Carl could give lectures on physics and decipher ancient riddles and talk just about anyone's ear off about anything, but in that moment he could not bring himself to scream.
"He's dead..."
"Van Helsing's dead..."
"Fetch the Cardinal! Tell him Van Helsing is dead..."
"He can't be..." Carl's antithesis was hardly heard as the warrior-priests gathered around him. As his eyes blinked rapidly, trying to clear tears, he could swear he saw Van Helsing standing before him, smiling, holding out his hand to help Carl up.
What are you doing down there? His warm chestnut eyes laughed.
"He can't be..." He repeated. There was no answer.
----
Give me a reason to believe
That you're gone
I see your shadow so I know
They're all wrong
----
Carl doubted that, had it not been obligatory, anyone would've moved his Hunter's body. But it was done, and he couldn't complain about that.
"Be careful. Take him back to my room. I can take care of him there." He fussed, darting in and around the party that had been assembled to carry Van Helsing. They eyed him and then eyed each other, but he really didn't see what was so 'funny' about what he had said. Gabriel was sick and he'd like to be the one to tend him. After all, it had been his fault they had gotten into this mess.
Due to his insisting and an indulging nod from the Cardinal, Van Helsing was carried to Carl's room. There the Friar took up residence for the next day or so, bustling around with ointments and bandages and reading books out loud to his Hunter. People trickled in daily, and they seemed so very kind to him. Condescending, even. Ha, it figured! They realize how important Van Helsing- and himself, if he didn'tsay so himself -were after both nearly die! Well, he would treat them no differently than normal.
It took him three days to realize that the candles and flowers they were bringing in and putting around the bed were part of a memorial. When the moon rose and cast its silvery beams over the monument and the thought struck him, he fled the room.
----
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you are laid
----
The ceremony was surprisingly large. Not that the whole Order turned out to bid Van Helsing good-bye, but there were still more than Carl thought there would've been.
Cardinal Jinette himself read over the Hunter, but after the ceremony was done they seemed all to eager to put him in the ground. While just about everyone else scuttled away as they were lowering the coffin into the ground, Carl remained. The gravediggers were less than enthusiastic; at least the one in Transylvania had beenmildly amusing. Well, maybe Gabriel would find a way to laugh at them anyway. And if he didn't, then Carl was going to do it for him. Laughing was always nice.
The grave was tucked away in a corner of the cemetery, hidden mostly by other, larger monuments. The gravestone itself was a simple, curved block of stone that said Gabriel's name on it and the date on which he had died. It was shaded by the walls nearby it, so that the sun would hardly ever fall upon its grassy bank. Little flowers grew all around it.
For a long while, Carl stood staring at it. He just knew Gabriel was hiding back there, waiting to come out. Well, he could wait too. He picked up a handful of soil and let it sift through his fingers, enjoying the softness of it. Oddly, it reminded him of the feel of Van Helsing's hair.
"Alright, Gabriel, it isn't funny anymore." He said softly. "Come out from behind the gravestone, wipe off the smirk I know is on your face, and kiss me."
When there was no one, he flung the dirt at the gravestone with an angry howl.
"Why did you let it beat you? Why were you too reckless to find another way?" Something in him tried to remind him that as long as he lived, a part of Gabriel would go on living too.... but the larger part of him had grown too old and too smart to believe in things like that. When someone's heart stopped beating, their life stopped. No changing that.
If that was so, why couldn't he believe that Van Helsing was dead?
He ripped one of the flowers out of the ground and shoved it in his pocket. He still believed in symbolism, and if he took something of this place away with him maybe he'd always have Gabriel.
It shriveled up and turned to ash before he ever got back to the friary.
----
They took you away from me
But now I'm taking you home
----
"Your Grace?"
"Carl? What are you doing here?" Cardinal Jinette looked up with a frown.
"Well, I was wondering if you had any missions for Gabriel." Carl asked calmly, approaching the religious leader. His footsteps echoed oddly in the silence of the chapel.
Cardinal Jinette sighed, pursed his lips and looked back to the stained glass windows above him. Unlike many men, he did not move his lips when at prayer, so Carl had no idea when he'd be allowed to interrupt him again.
"Sir?" Carl stared, half in hope and half in horror, at the red back of his superior. Stiffly, he rose off his knees, but did not turn to face Carl.
"Do you have nothing else to do, Carl?"
"Well, yes sir, but he doesn't. I was wondering why you hadn't given him any missions recently. Surely we haven't given up on our fight against evil?"
"There are other hunters." The Cardinal dismissed.
"But Gabriel has gotten better and he needs to get out, you know..."
"Out of what, his grave? Don't blaspheme." Jinette said bitterly, turning around to face Carl. When he did, they both fell silent. They stood perhaps ten feet apart, but each felt as though they were standing on opposite sides of a gaping pit. Both knew that once those words had been said to Gabriel.
"Sir, he needs to get out of the Vatican."
"It is a beautiful house of God. Why would he want to leave?"
"Because he doesn't like it here." Carl protested. "He likes being free."
"Heis free now, Carl." The Cardinal said with a mixture of cold gentleness only he could concoct. "It's you that traps his memory here. Let him go." Carl trembled as he spoke.
"I don't believe it." He whispered as imperially as he could before scuttling off, back to his garret. He looked down at the courtyard below, waiting for Gabriel to get back. The Cardinal just thought he was crazy, that's why he hadn't given an answer. Gabriel was already on a long mission, so why give him another one?
"I must be losing my mind. I wonder if I could invent a helmet that kept it in." He considered it briefly, and supposed that he could do it as long as it didn't require traveling somewhere to get special parts. He would not leave this place until Gabriel got back. If his Hunter was trapped here, then so was he.
----
I will stay forever
Here with you, my love,
Softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
----
"Shh, he's coming." Matthias hissed.
"We're never going to get anything done without him, I don't see why we can't show him!" Thomas spat back.
"But he hasn't been quite well since-"
"Since that first test run with the Glycerin 48?" Carl said indignantly. The two horrorstruck aides turned around to face him, coming face to face with a ruffled Carl. "I'll have you know that was months ago and I'm perfectly find now."
"I know that. It's Matthias who's doubting you. Here, Friar Carl, I have this to show you." Thomas held out the automatic crossbow. Both aides could see the sudden, swift change in their tutor's face: the smile wavered and died, then was reborn into a phoenix not half so brilliant as its predecessor. "I was looking at some of your old notes and I thought I had some improvements I could make. I made the canisters much smaller so that we could fit more bolts in all at once. The less the hunters have to reload, the less danger they're-"
"Gabriel."
"Pardon?" Thomas frowned.
"Gabriel. This is Gabriel's crossbow. I made it for his Transylvania mission. You haven't been giving this to anyone else... have you?"
"Well... some of the other hunters requested it and wedid loan it out to one or two..." Matthias said guiltily.
"Never do that again." Carl said, his tones as severe as they got as he was taking the crossbow from Thomas. "This is Gabriel's and when he goes on his next mission it needs to be ready for him. Thank you for helping improve it though."
This last remark was added stiffly, grudgingly; Thomas alwayshad been one who was trying to get too big for his britches.
"Brother, Van Helsing is dead." Thomas said bluntly. "He doesn'tneed it anymore."
"What are you talking about? He's not dead. He's on a mission."
"If it helps you to look at it that way, then yes." Matthias supplemented. "He's on a mission for God, up in Heaven. He's fighting bigger battles now."
"No, he's here. But he's still fighting for God. He's fighting for all of us..."
"For you?" Thomas asserted. "Oh, don't think half the Order doesn't know about the two of you. Most of us have frowned on it, but we let it pass. You need to let him go! Go to the confessional, rid yourself of the sins that passed between you..."
"When did love become a sin? When?" He demanded.
"If you can't handle it then maybe you should leave the Order!" Thomas shouted back.
"No! I can't!" Carl seemed suddenly wild with desperation. "I have to stay here until Gabriel gets back! I have to wait until he's back from his mission! Don't you see? If I go anywhere else he won't know where to find me!" With that, he was off again and back to his garret. He had a feeling Gabrielwould be back soon. He spat on the ground at his feet; his lips were still bleeding.
----
Some say I'm crazy for my love
Mm-hmmm my love
But no words can take me from your side
Mm-hmmm my love
----
Carl's legs were stiff with cold and disuse when he started to head back down into the catacombs. He didn't know how long he'd been up there, staring at the courtyard and thinking about what his aides had said, about what Cardinal Jinette had said. He had been fooling himself from the moment he returned to Vatican City. Gabriel was dead, and Thomas was right. If he couldn't accept their love have been a sin- which he couldn't -he should just leave.
But not before saying good-bye.
His feet crunched softly in the wet grass; it was spring, and the night was lovely and warm down here compared to the drafty garret where he had been sitting for however long he had been sitting there. It whispered to him, sending odd flickers of Van Helsing fluttering through him: his smile, his laugh, his determination, his fire. Little snippets of him that had become pieces of his existence. With every breath he drew, he drew them deep within, and with every exhale, he let them go.
It wasn't easy.
Part of him felt like he was betraying Gabriel by leaving him. But he could still hear his voice in his head, and if he concentrated hard enough he could still feel his touch on his skin. There were parts of him that no amount of exhaling could ever take away; memories may have killed his lover, but they would be what kept Carl alive.
----
They don't know that you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me
----
He knelt at the gravestone's side, and for the first time touched it. Just touched it, felt the coldness beneath his fingers. Gabriel was dead.
"I don't want to believe you." He whispered. "You know how I like being right. But somehow, Van Helsing, I think you've got me this time. But if you're willing to concede defeat, I'm going to give you one last chance. Either come out from behind the gravestone now or don't come back at all." Part of him still expected to see his Hunter sidling out from behind the stone marker with that insufferable smirk on his face. But when there was nothing, another part of him wasn't that surprised at all.
"God, you aren't going to make this easy." His laugh was a shuddering one, caught between joy and sorrow. "But don't make it too hard, because if you do I don't know if I'll be able to go on at all."
Memory hit him in a flash: Gabriel stood on a cliff overlooking the sea. He himself was reading over the burning pyre of a gypsy princess. The longing was thick in the air, an aching sorrow evanescent as smoke but strong as stone. You could feel Gabriel wanting Anna desperately, wanting to hold her, or just to tell her he was sorry and that he loved her. And then... that longing, that smoke, took form. It touched his cheek, convinced him to look up and look the world in the eye again, reminding him of who he was. And then it left, allowed itself to be carried away and back into the arms of those it loved... but not before one final good-bye and a thank you. Anna had found a way to come and say good-bye to the man she loved.
Carl looked up, almost not of his own will, and smiled. He could feel that his cheeks were wet, and not just with tears, with a gentle brush of lips too. Van Helsing had come here to say good-bye, had given him that memory of what it felt like for him to let go. He didn't promise anything, didn't say it would be easy and didn't say he would be there when it wasn't, but he reminded him what itwas to let go. He was so grateful it took him a long time to find the ability to speak, and when he did he was as solemn as he ever got.
"You know what Gabriel? I will go on. I'll leave the Order, move to Transylvania, and learn how to fight because I know that would make you laugh. Hell, I'll even marry that barmaid and raise a whole battalion of children, and we'll take on the world. But no matter what I do..... no matter where I go..... No matter who I take to my bed.
"I will always love you. I will leave my heart at this place, leave it here to keep you happy. And here it will be to remain. Here with you, my love.oh, my love.... Because not even death can stop us."
Tears ran trembling down his cheeks, frightened by such beautiful, barefaced love. The forbidden romances are always the strongest. No one said letting go would be easy. Carl's hands shook too, shook with the pain and love, the raw, all-consuming emotion they sought to portray as they traced the name on the grave with all the poignancy possible in a single motion. He bent- his lips were trembling too -and kissed the word 'Gabriel.'
"I love you."
And the whole world trembled at those words.
----
I will stay forever
Here with you, my love,
Softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
----
The darkness was warm and soft, almost a physical thing. There was a soft pressure against his lips, soft but insistent, and when it was gone he missed it. But then a new dimension was added to his existence, as intriguing as the darkness and the pressure: sound.
"Carl. Carl. Wake up! Hurry!"
"Van Helsing...?" Carl could barely rasp out.
"Yes. I'd give you your prize now, but I'm afraid there isn't time."
"It can't be you," Carl wheezed, sitting up and finding himself lying on the ground near where he had seen the hole consume his lover. "I let you go..."
"There's no time for that now. I need you to hold on to me while I stand up." Gabriel insisted. Carl complied weakly, holding onto his forearms as he leapt to his feet.
"Hold on? But you told me to let go..."
"Why would I tell you something like that?" Van Helsing asked, muddled.
"Because you were dead... and you reminded me what it was like to lose Anna... and you told me that I needed to let go.... it wasn't easy, and it hurt, but somehow it felt right... partings are such sweet sorrow..." Carl's eyes could barely focus as he looked out over the landscape of the Vatican City.
"I think that rock hit you harder than I originally thought." The Hunter snorted.
"You hit me with a rock?" Carl cried.
"No, you did it yourself. Tripped and fell smack on your face running towards me."
"Then it was all a dream..."
"Yes, you were out for a few minutes."
"Oh... well, then why are we running? You should be checking for a concussion or something! And I can't believe you had the gall to almost die on me! And that kiss! I was tasting blood on my lips for weeks! And that hole! What happened to it? How did you-"
Gabriel was sure the rant was going to go on, but he didn't have time for this. Cardinal Jinette was approaching and he didn't look pleased that he had seen Gabriel and his Friar lying on the pavement kissing. Besides, he had plans that he had been laying while on his missions- safe places and money stored away -and now was as good a time as any to enact them. They'd save the Cardinal the trouble of excommunicating them; they'd run away.
"There's no time for that now, Carl." He insisted. "We need to get out of here."
"Kiss me." Carl demanded suddenly, pulling them to a halt. Without a thought, Van Helsing pulled his Friar against him and kissed him, hard but loving all at once. When they tore away, they were both breathless. Almost instinctively, Carl's tongue darted out and ran over his lips.
No blood.
"Now can we go?" Van Helsing asked urgently, looking nervously over their shoulder.
"Why so eager?" Carl pried coyly, slipping his hand into Gabriel's.
"Oh, no special reason..." His lover replied distantly, his other hand sliding into his coat pocket as they ran, hand in hand, side by side, undefeatable. He thought happily of the horses waiting for them outside the city, the retreats, extra money and willing priest hiding out in Transylvania, all the while fingering the gold ring in his pocket.
----
And I can't love you anymore
Than I do now....
----
A/N-- Had you fooled, didn't I? I'll bet you thought he'd die in this one... hehe.... well, thank you for reading this fic, I've had so much fun writing it. It has truly been a roller coaster, and while emotionally draining it was all worth it when I got your beaming reviews. Thank you. Thank you so much.