Chapter 13 – The Final Matches
MATCH SIX: SQUIRTLE VS. LANCE
Squirtle walked towards the trainer box, ready for his next battle. He was afraid, not of Lance who he knew he could beat, but of Stephen's 3vil l33t 5p34k1ng m3w 0f d34th. He hoped Professor Oak would soon bring Stephen's Seakingdragonairgler back. He stepped up into the trainer box wondering what to do if he had to face the 3vil l33t 5p34king M3w 0f d34th that knew D3 / 0 70834. Suddenly, Squirtle had an idea, but his thinking was interrupted by fanfare music playing and the announcer announcing,
"Welcome to the second to the last match of this years Pokémon League! Sponsors are Wobbufett's delivery, and POK, Indigo's major network, showing the Pokémon League since 1985. On our left, we have the green trainer Loopy! On our right we have the red trainer Drake! Random dice have been rolled, and Lance is sending his Pokémon out first! Our you trainers ready?" They nodded. "Then let the battle begin!"
"So Loopy, you finally made it to the second to final round. Unfortunately, all your hard work and training have come to end at my first Pokémon. Gyarados, go!" Lance let Gyarados into the water arena. The blue water sparkled in the bright afternoon sun. A small island lay in the middle of the water, with two coconut trees in the shape of a P.
"Electrode, go!" Squirtle threw Electrode's Pokeball into the water. Electrode popped out, and started rolling and floating in the water.
"Electrode, Electrode!" it said with a huge smile. It was having the time of its life floating in the water. It rolled into the Gyarados's mouth, and down its throat.
"Gyarados, use Hyper Beam before it can explode!"
"Electrode, Body Slam!" Gyarados shot Electrode out of its body with a Hyper Beam, and Electrode flew into the air. It flew into the sky, and disappeared. A moment of silent passed, and a raging fireball Body Slammed Gyarados. All of a sudden,
Prepare for Badness!
And a little sadness!
To protect the world from humiliation!
To unite all people within our creation!
To announce the people of truth and love!
To extend our reach to Mars above!
Jack!
Jacqueline!
Team Rocket hurt Pokémon and steals them also!
Our rhymes are not rhymes, they are falso!
Cyndaquil!
A balloon in the shape of a Cyndaquil hovered above. It descended into the arena. Unfortunately, they landed on Electrode.
"ELECTRODE, ELECTRODE, ELECTRODE!!!!!'' Electrode exploded, causing Team Rocket to blast off with Lance's Gyarados.
"Gyarados is unable to battle! So is Electrode! Tie!" announced the announcer.
"My Gyarados, where has it gone?!?" Lance said as he cried waterfalls into the water arena.
"Electrode, return!" Electrode was sucked into Squirtle's Pokeball. The water arena began to overflow with Lance's tears, and two things happened, salt mixed into the water (this does not matter, although I'm sure in some good trainer Fic much better than this it would have cleverly played an important part in this battle) and the island sank into the water.
"Oh, well, sniff, sniff Dragonite, go!" Lance said.
"Delibird, go! Fly and Blizzard!" Delibird flew into the air even though it couldn't before, and used Blizzard. Dragonite fainted.
"Dragonair, go!"
"Blizzard." Dragonair fainted.
"Dragonair, go!"
"Blizzard." Dragonair fainted.
"Dragonair, go!"
"Blizzard." Dragonair fainted. (This, to some extent, may be called to writers, 'cheap humor'. This, in its sheer repetitiveness may be assumed by some people as humor, but to others, it displays no humor at all. Thus, the term 'cheap humor' is born in this Fan fiction of Pokémon.)
"Aerodactyl, go!"
"Delibird, return!" Unfortunately, Delibird didn't return, it used the attack Return. It did no damage.
"Aerodactyl, use your Fly then Hyper Beam!"
"Gyarados, go! Delibird come back! Use Hydro Pump!" Squirtle said. Giant Waterfalls shot out of the water, one hitting Aerodactyl. It spun down to the ground, fainted.
"Yee-ay, I win," said Squirtle.
"The winner of the match is: Loopy!" The crowd went wild. Lance disappeared suddenly like Giovanni and Red could in game boy games. Lance left his Pokeballs behind, and Team Rocket came and took them. No one cared, but the boss gave Team Rocket millions of dollars for them, and they quit Team Rocket and got high paying jobs and lived happily ever after.
Abra teleported into Stephen's room. It took M3w's P0k3b4ll, 4nd t3l3p0rt3d to Pr0f33s0r O4k's L4b0r4t0ry. Abra made 3use D3v0luti0n B34m on Seakingdragonairgler, and Seakingdragonairgler turned into its original form. It replaced M3w's Pokeball with Stephen's and Teleported Seakingdragonairgler's Pokeball back to Stephen's room.
MATCH SEVEN: Loopy (Squirtle) Vs. Stephen
"Here we are in the final match of this years Pokémon League! All rights reserved, no batteries included, Pokémon League cannot be copied or imitated on offense of guiltiness. Both trainers from the same hometown and league, these two trainers have made it all the way to the final round! And remember, no matter what, you're all winners! Let the battle begin!'' The announcer announced.
"HUH? GO!" Stephen said. Dunsparce appeared on the normal arena the battle was being held on.
"Pidgeot, go," said Squirtle.
"HUH? AY-TACK NOW YOU USE?"
"Pidgeot, use Mirror Move!" Squirtle said to the bird Pokémon. Dunsparce used Encore, and Pidgeot used Encore. They kept clapping, and clapping, and clapping, because the other one used Encore. This went on for 5 hours, until Dunsparce ran out of Encores and Stephen ran out of PP restores. Huh? Began to use Splash. Pidgeot was still using Encore. Dunsparce used up his Splash's and began to use Foresight. Pidgeot was still using Encore. Dunsparce used Foresight up, and began to use Struggle. Pidgeot was still using Encore. The Struggle soon knocked both Pokémon out. (This is another example of 'cheap humor'. Both Pokémon use useless attacks, and they are both knocked out by basically being stupid. I hope you're writing this down kids, there will be a quiz on it tomorrow.)
"GO ARE NOW YOU GOLDEEN!" Stephen said. A Pokémon popped out of Goldeen's Pokeball. It was a... Bulbasaur?
Was Stephen so smart to call Goldeen Bulbasaur? Is that why it evolved to Ivysaur? Is 3really 1337? Is Stephen actually smart? Is Goldeen actually not stupid? Does Goldeen still have yeah disease? Will the mysteries of Stephen and Goldeen ever be answered? Will I stop asking questions? Find out never!
"GOLDEEN YOU ARE USE AY-TACK!" Stephen said. Bulbasaur used Sunny Day.
"Raticate, go!" Squirtle sent out his Raticate. Bulbasaur used Sleep Powder, and Raticate fell asleep.
"SOLAR BEEP!" The strong Bulbasaur was not stupid. It used Solar Beam three times on the sleeping Raticate, causing it to faint.
"Delibird, go, use Blizzard!" Bulbasaur used Sleep Powder, then a plethora of Razor Leafs. It used two more Solar Beams, and Delibird fainted, still sleeping, unable to use Blizzard.
"Charizard, go! Use Fire Bl..." Charizard was sleeping, courtesy of Bellsprout. Bulbasaur used seven Solar Beams to faint it.
"Hamburger, go to Poland!" said Stephen. Bulbasaur was confused; it knocked himself out in confusion. (This is the last example of 'cheap humor'. Notice how the statement by Stephen copies 3's message, thus creating a pointless and senseless sentence. To some an unsharpened pencil is funny. To others, they are not sharp, so they don't get the point.)
"Abra, go!" said Squirtle.
"Pikachu IS AM go! Use punch ay-tack!" Pikachu did nothing.
"Abra telekinesis!" Squirtle said. Abra read Squirtle's mind as of what to do, and then sent a message to Pikachu to faint himself, and he did, for he was Squirtle's Pokémon still and only listened to Squirtle.
"SPEAROW, BRITNEY! CHOOSE I YOU!" Stephen said. Spearow jumped out of its Pokeball. Its happiness quota was high, for Stephen had given it lots of yummy food.
"Abra, use your combo attacks!" Abra used Hypnosis on Britney, causing it to fall asleep. It teleported high above Spearow, and fell down for a Body Slam. It repeated this once more, and Spearow fainted.
"MAGIK POKÉMON, GO!" A level one Magikarp that knew Splash appeared.
"SPLASH OF DEATH!" Magikarp fainted Abra with the super effective move.
"Lugia, go!" Squirtle's newest Pokémon appeared. It fainted though, because you can't put legendary Pokémon in FanFics.
"The winner of the match is Stephen!" The announcer said.
"YAYYYYYY!!!!" Stephen yelled. The crowd went wild. "ME AM BEING CHAMPION...," Stephen sang. Stephen did the happy dance, but stopped dancing because Stephen's father appeared.
"DARE I YOU CREDIT CARD ME USE WHY STEPHEN?"
"BECAUSE GOLDEEN GET I BACK!"
"BIG TROUBLE YOU ARE IN! GO YOUR ROOM TO!"
"BUT..."
"NOW GO!" Stephen disappeared like Lance, and so did his father.
"Uh.... The winner of this Pokémon League is Loopy, because are original winner is unable to be here!" said the announcer. The crowd said
"...,"
Stephen was never heard of again. Or was he?
"STEPHEN DISCUSSES PUNISHMENT WE NOW DO!" Stephen wiggled nervously in his seat.
"PUNISHMENT YOU IS ARE BEING IS DEATH!" Stephen's father killed him. His crime? Not paying more on the credit card for Goldeen. Stephen's father had read this FanFic and seen what good a Pokémon Goldeen was, and thought the poor people who had been paid so little for it would be poor now. Stephen reincarnated as a Human-Being Wannabee and continued in his new FanFic. Squirtle continued his career as a Professor because he didn't feel like continuing his career as Pokémon Master. Squirtle gave his Pokémon to Aloof, and Aloof became a gym leader in Stephen's place.
When he arrived home, Squirtle sat by his lake and read War and Peace for the seven-hundred forty two thousand seven hundred and forty second time. A Goldeen hopped out of the lake.
"HALLO, MY NAME ARE BEING GOLDEEN! LETS GO ON POKÉMON ADVENTURE!"
"But this fic has ended," answered Squirtle. Fifteen more Goldeens hopped out the water.
"FUN WE ARE LIKELY TO HAVE!
"But you see..."
"POKÉMON ADVENTURE!"
"No!!!!!" Squirtle blasted into the air. He fell into a lake. He saw someone fishing.
"Uh, oh," Squirtle said. (The last paragraphs of this story showed the first example of 'cheap humor', repetitiveness. The same thing that happened in the beginning happens in the end, thus creating the ability to make the story twice as long if needed. Hey- what are you do- PUT DOWN THAT—
THE END