The tears fall down my face as I think of you
And what I saw in those last few months
I saw you losing yourself completely
I saw the man that I loved
More than life itself
First
Slowly
Fading away
Then
Falling faster
Into a deep downward spiral
Of depression
Of darkness
And depravity
And because
I couldn't take it
I looked away
I let you out
Before you were ready
I looked away
Ignored the warning signs
I looked away
Because I knew
How much it hurt you
To be locked up
To be restricted
To be confined
I looked away
And when I finally had the courage
To look back into your eyes
It was too late
You were too far gone
Or at least
That is what I thought
Until that night you kissed me
And cradled me in your arms
That look of pain in your eyes
Showed me
If only for a moment
That you were still in there somewhere
Lost inside your own head
It cut me so deep
Shook me
To the core
I'm sorry, Phillip
I let you down
I looked away
For far too long
I looked away
And now that you're gone
I can finally begin to understand
The way that you must've felt
So close to the end
Completely alone
With no one left to trust
That's how I feel now
Without you here by my side
I feel so empty, Phillip
I feel so empty
Just knowing
I will never look into your eyes again
I will never be caught into your embrace
I will never get the one thing that I wanted the most out of life
Did you even know what I wanted the most?
Would it have made any difference to you?
Or were you simply too far gone to care?
I stare at your grave now, and think
Could I have stopped this?
Could I have saved you
From the sickness in your head?
Could I have saved you
From your inner demons?
Could I have saved you
From yourself?
I looked away
I'm sorry, Phillip
I looked away
I'm so, so sorry
I looked away
For far too long
I looked away
And I can't help but wonder
If I hadn't looked away
Then maybe
You'd still be here
And I could finally utter the words to your face
All I ever wanted out of life, Phillip
Was blue skies
Palomino ponies
And you