The next few weeks could only be described as blissful for Kathryn and Danny. Finding out they were pregnant was truly the blessing they needed to move on from the horrible chapter in their marriage that started with her violent assault. They went out one night to celebrate privately. They weren't ready to tell anyone their good news so they just told Maggie they were going out on a date when the left Michael with her. They decided to go the Italian restaurant where they went to on their first so-called date.
As they sat at the quiet, candlelit table in the back of the restaurant, they couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. The practically started kissing the moment they sat down. They were finally interrupted when the waitress came to their table. "Are you ready to order your drinks? Wine, perhaps?"
Kathryn laughed. "No wine. We're pregnant."
Danny smiled at her. "I thought we weren't telling people," he said. Then he turned to the waitress and said, "We'll just take a couple of club sodas. Thanks."
The waitress smiled and walked away.
"I had to tell someone, or I was going to explode."
He kissed her again as he rubbed small circles on the small of her back. "We can tell people whenever you're ready."
"I know. I just...I like that it's just us...for now."
"Me, too."
"Maybe we'll tell my parents after our first appointment next week."
"Sounds good. I'm glad I'll be here for the first one this time," Danny said quietly, remembering that she was alone when she found out she was pregnant with Michael.
"God...things are so different this time. With Michael...I wasn't really happy until...until my second trimester." When she found out she was pregnant with Michael, Danny was drinking, and they had broken up after a hurtful argument. Kathryn actually considered having an abortion because she couldn't imagine having Danny's child on her own. But in the end, she couldn't do it. She was so thankful because now they were together and so happy and Michael was the light of their lives.
"Everything will be different this time because we are actually together. This time, I think we are having a little girl."
"Why do you think that?"
"I just have a feeling. A little girl with blonde hair and the bluest eyes...just like her mother. We'll have to lock her up until she is thirty," Danny said playfully serious.
"No way...we aren't having any double standards. We're going to empower her and make her feel like she can do anything. That is my dream for her."
"I'm all for empowering. I just don't want her to date until she is thirty."
Kathryn laughed. "What if we have another boy?"
"That would be good, too. Whatever it is -- I know we will be so happy. You, me, Michael, and whoever we are blessed with," he said as he kissed her again.
They ate dinner and for a couple of hours. Then after their walk home, they ended up making out against the wall of their apartment building entryway. They felt like teenagers instead of a married couple. Kathryn laughed as Danny kissed a path down her neck and pressed her gently against the wall. "This really does remind me of our first date," she said breathlessly as she remembered being in the same position with Danny just a few years ago.
Danny stopped for a second and looked in her eyes. "You mean when you totally made a pass at me?"
"Oh please, Danny. You kissed me first," she replied playfully.
"Only because I knew you wanted me to."
"Well, that's true. I did want you...and I still do...so much," she said as he started to kiss her again and moved his hands up and down her hips and thighs.
They finally made it back upstairs, and tried to restrain themselves as they said goodnight to Maggie. Danny walked Maggie downstairs to hail her a cab. As they waited, Maggie said, "Kathryn has seemed to turn the corner. I think her decision to quite the DA's office was the best thing."
Danny nodded. "I think so, too. I think she is finally getting back to normal. We are really happy."
"I can tell," Maggie said quietly. "I know I've been hesitant to support your relationship in the past, but I really appreciate and admire the way you handled yourself with Kathyrn the past few months."
Danny smirked still slightly annoyed that he had to keep proving himself to Maggie. "Well, I love her. I will always be here for her."
"Good. I hope so," Maggied responded as Danny finally hailed a cab for her and opened the door. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Thanks again, Maggie."
Danny headed back upstairs to finish his date with Kathryn.
A week later, Danny was at the office trying to finish up some paperwork before he had to leave to meet Kathryn at her doctor's office. Just as he was about to head out, Jack walked in quickly and addressed the team. "We have a missing six-year old in Queens. He was taken from a mall. We need to get over to the mall to start canvassing immediately."
Danny's heart sank. He started to speak up and tell Jack he couldn't go, but then he saw the picture of the innocent, little boy that Jack posted on the whiteboard. So he didn't say anything, and headed out with Samantha and Martin. On the way to the crime scene, he dialed Kathryn's cell number.
"Hello," she answered breathlessly.
"Hey, babe. It's me. Are you OK?" he asked.
"Oh yeah...I just had to chase a cab for about a block, but I just got in. I'm on my way to the doctor's office. Where are you?"
"On my way to a crime scene in Queens..."
"No...Danny...no..."
"I'm sorry, baby. A six-year old is missing. I have to go." Kathryn was silent on the other end of the phone. Danny knew she was disappointed. "Maybe you can re-schedule. We can go in a couple of days."
"I should really go today, Danny. I'm already past my eighth week."
"I'm so sorry. Maybe you can call your mother or Shelly to be with you."
"Yeah, maybe," she said in a sad tone. "You better go. I'll...um...call you later."
"OK. Talk to you soon. I love you," he said sincerely.
"Me, too. Bye."
After he hung up, he felt awful. He had trouble focusing all day. Once they got to the scene, they quickly found out that it was a custody problem. The boy's father took him from the parking lot. Since the mother had physical custody, they still had to track the father down. But they were fairly sure the boy wasn't in any danger. The father was just angry at the mother for limiting his visitation. They finally found the boy and father later in the evening.
Danny rushed home after they wrapped up the case. He was concerned because he hadn't heard from Kathryn. The one time he tried to call her, she didn't answer her phone. He walked in the door and saw Maggie sitting on the couch.
"Hey, Maggie. What are you doing here?" he asked confused since it was 8 p.m. and her appointment was five hours ago.
"I was going to call you, but Kathryn insisted that I didn't..." she said sadly.
"What...what is it? What's wrong?"
"The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat today. She said that Kathryn had a miscarriage. They had to do a D and C. She isn't pregnant anymore. I'm sorry, Danny," Maggie said as tears filled her eyes.
"Where is she?"
"In the bedroom...the doctor said she should rest for the next couple of days," she said as Danny started to walk back to the bedroom.
He slowly opened the door. Kathryn was laying on the bed. Michael was snuggled next to her with his head resting on her breast. Danny sat in the chair next to their bed and watched her for a few minutes. Feeling his eyes on her, Kathryn opened her bloodshot eyes, but didn't say a word.
Danny started. "You should have called me."
"You couldn't have done anything," she whispered.
"I could have been here for you. I'm sorry."
Tears started to well up in her eyes. "I'm sorry...I don't know what happened. They couldn't tell me why."
"Baby, it's not your fault," he said taking her hand.
They didn't know what else to say to each other. Eventually, Danny picked up Michael and put him to bed. Then he undressed and got into bed next to her. As soon as he laid down, Kathryn turned to him and let him take her into his arms as they both cried for the death of their unborn child.
After the miscarriage, Kathryn plunged into a deep depression. She could barely get out of bed in the morning. Danny was also hurting, so he tried to focus on work. He had a couple of intense cases right after the miscarriage that took a lot of his time. He decided not to tell the team about the miscarriage. He hated the thought of them taking pity on him. He also started going to more AA meetings. After he and Kathryn got back together., he only went to one a week...just to remind him that he shouldn't screw up his life. But after the miscarriage, he found himself going two or three times a week. He didn't tell the people there what he was going through, but just being there helped him not turn to alcohol for comfort.
The distance between he and Kathryn grew day by day after they initially comforted each other that first night. They just stopped talking after that. Danny felt like she blamed him for not being there at the appointment. Kathryn felt like he blamed her for losing the baby. As they started to lose sight of each other, they started to fight. This was new for them because they hardly ever fought. And truly, it was Kathryn who would pick the fight. Danny would usually just walk away. He couldn't stand the thought of fighting with her and hated it when Michael heard him yell. She would usually get upset with him about the time he spent at his job. His defense was that he was the only one working. Then she would resent him for giving up her job. They seemed to fight about the same things over and over again, but they never talked about what was really bothering them – the death of their baby.
About a month after the miscarriage, Danny was at home on a Sunday. Kathryn and Michael had gone with her mother for a day of shopping. While things had been strained between he and Kathryn, that morning they managed to be at least friendly to each other.
Shortly after they left, there was a knock at his door. He opened the door and saw Sylvia Marquez, his nephew's mother. "Sylvia...hey...it's been a long time."
"I know. Sorry to just drop in, but you haven't been returning my calls. I was getting worried and so was Nicky."
"I'm sorry. Um...things have been crazy lately. Why don't you come in," he said hesitantly.
"I know you are busy. Nicky and I just got used to seeing you every once in a while," she said as she walked in to the apartment. "This is a nice place. Is your son here? I'd love to meet him."
"No, uh...he and Kathryn are shopping."
Sylvia nodded as she started to look at the pictures that lined their bookshelves. "Your son is beautiful. He looks a lot like Nicky at that age."
Danny smiled. "Where is Nicky today?" he asked surprised that she would come without him.
"My parent's house. He's had a cold lately. I didn't want to bring him out."
"Sorry to hear that," Danny said starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. "Did you need something? You didn't say in your messages."
"Um...well...mostly we just wanted to see you," she said as she walked toward him. "But also Nicky has a father/son thing at our church. He wanted to ask you to go with him." She put her hand on his chest as she spoke to him.
Danny took her hand from his chest and put it down. "Why don't you have him call me and give me the details. I'll see if I can make it," he said with a strained voice.
Sylvia smiled. "Are you happy, Danny? You don't look very happy."
"I'm fine, thanks."
"Your wife is very pretty. She looks like some kind of sorority girl. When you change your life...you really change it, don't you?"
"What are you talking about, Sylvia?" he asked annoyed.
"You were so scared to turn out like your brother that you changed your name, your life...you even have a pretty, white wife to complete the package. No one would ever wonder where you came from," she said sarcastically. Then she walked closer to him and put her hand on his cheek. "If you ever wanted a taste of your past, I'm here."
Danny took her hand away again and stepped away from her. "Sylvia...I'm married. I love my wife. And I didn't change myself because I was ashamed of who I was. I changed because I wanted a better life. You should want that for yourself and for Nicky. I married Kathryn because...because I can't imagine being with anyone else. It wasn't because of who she is...it's just because I love her."
"Well...isn't that sweet," she said with contempt.
"I think you should go. I'll be there for Nicky...no matter what, but nothing will ever happen between us."
Sylvia sighed and shook her head as she walked out the door.
Danny sat down and ran his hands over his face and hair. He sat back and closed his eyes. The meeting with Sylvia just reaffirmed that he needed to fix things with Kathryn. He couldn't let their pain and loss tear them a part. He worked too hard to lose it all now.
A few minutes after Sylvia left, he heard a key in the door. He was surprised to see Kathryn, Michael and her mother. They were supposed to be gone all day. "Hey, this is a surprise," he said as he stood up.
"Yeah, I bet," Kathryn said icily. "We just...uh...I forgot a sweater for Michael...and it's kind of cold out there.
"OK," he said. "Is there something wrong?"
"I don't know, is there? I saw Sylvia leave here as we were coming in. Her son wasn't with her. Does she usually stop by without him?" she asked sarcastically.
Danny looked at Maggie and then back to Kathryn. Then he shook his head. "Maggie, would you mind watching Michael for a second?" he asked. Then he took Kathryn's arm to lead her back to the bedroom.
She went with him, but not before she snatched her arm out of his grasp and spatted, "Don't touch me."
Danny shut the door and turned to her. "Baby, let me explain..."
Kathryn interrupted. "Don't...don't call me that. When you say that to me now...it makes me sick. And what can you explain? Explain what? Explain how your screwing your nephew's mother," she yelled.
Danny was shocked and getting angrier by the second. "Keep your voice down, Kathryn. Nothing is going on with her, I swear. She came here out of the blue. I didn't know she was coming," he pleaded.
"I won't keep my voice down. This is all a little too convenient. We have problems. We're not having sex...and all of a sudden there she is. I saw her face Danny. She looked right at me, and she look very...very satisfied."
"You're out of your fucking mind," Danny yelled not able to control his anger anymore. "I've never cheated on you...not ever. Don't take out your grief on me. I hurt too, Kathryn. How dare you accuse me of this."
"How dare I? How dare I? You haven't been talking to me Danny...you haven't been screwing me. It's simple math, Danny. I'm not here...and she was here."
"You need help, Kathryn. I can't help you...that's obvious. If you have that little trust me...I don't know if I want anything to do with you anymore," he yelled right before he walked out the door. He walked out to the living room and took Michael from Maggie. "Hey buddy. Daddy's got to go out for a while, but I'll be back." Danny returned Michael to Maggie and walked out as his son started to cry.
As they sat at the quiet, candlelit table in the back of the restaurant, they couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. The practically started kissing the moment they sat down. They were finally interrupted when the waitress came to their table. "Are you ready to order your drinks? Wine, perhaps?"
Kathryn laughed. "No wine. We're pregnant."
Danny smiled at her. "I thought we weren't telling people," he said. Then he turned to the waitress and said, "We'll just take a couple of club sodas. Thanks."
The waitress smiled and walked away.
"I had to tell someone, or I was going to explode."
He kissed her again as he rubbed small circles on the small of her back. "We can tell people whenever you're ready."
"I know. I just...I like that it's just us...for now."
"Me, too."
"Maybe we'll tell my parents after our first appointment next week."
"Sounds good. I'm glad I'll be here for the first one this time," Danny said quietly, remembering that she was alone when she found out she was pregnant with Michael.
"God...things are so different this time. With Michael...I wasn't really happy until...until my second trimester." When she found out she was pregnant with Michael, Danny was drinking, and they had broken up after a hurtful argument. Kathryn actually considered having an abortion because she couldn't imagine having Danny's child on her own. But in the end, she couldn't do it. She was so thankful because now they were together and so happy and Michael was the light of their lives.
"Everything will be different this time because we are actually together. This time, I think we are having a little girl."
"Why do you think that?"
"I just have a feeling. A little girl with blonde hair and the bluest eyes...just like her mother. We'll have to lock her up until she is thirty," Danny said playfully serious.
"No way...we aren't having any double standards. We're going to empower her and make her feel like she can do anything. That is my dream for her."
"I'm all for empowering. I just don't want her to date until she is thirty."
Kathryn laughed. "What if we have another boy?"
"That would be good, too. Whatever it is -- I know we will be so happy. You, me, Michael, and whoever we are blessed with," he said as he kissed her again.
They ate dinner and for a couple of hours. Then after their walk home, they ended up making out against the wall of their apartment building entryway. They felt like teenagers instead of a married couple. Kathryn laughed as Danny kissed a path down her neck and pressed her gently against the wall. "This really does remind me of our first date," she said breathlessly as she remembered being in the same position with Danny just a few years ago.
Danny stopped for a second and looked in her eyes. "You mean when you totally made a pass at me?"
"Oh please, Danny. You kissed me first," she replied playfully.
"Only because I knew you wanted me to."
"Well, that's true. I did want you...and I still do...so much," she said as he started to kiss her again and moved his hands up and down her hips and thighs.
They finally made it back upstairs, and tried to restrain themselves as they said goodnight to Maggie. Danny walked Maggie downstairs to hail her a cab. As they waited, Maggie said, "Kathryn has seemed to turn the corner. I think her decision to quite the DA's office was the best thing."
Danny nodded. "I think so, too. I think she is finally getting back to normal. We are really happy."
"I can tell," Maggie said quietly. "I know I've been hesitant to support your relationship in the past, but I really appreciate and admire the way you handled yourself with Kathyrn the past few months."
Danny smirked still slightly annoyed that he had to keep proving himself to Maggie. "Well, I love her. I will always be here for her."
"Good. I hope so," Maggied responded as Danny finally hailed a cab for her and opened the door. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Thanks again, Maggie."
Danny headed back upstairs to finish his date with Kathryn.
A week later, Danny was at the office trying to finish up some paperwork before he had to leave to meet Kathryn at her doctor's office. Just as he was about to head out, Jack walked in quickly and addressed the team. "We have a missing six-year old in Queens. He was taken from a mall. We need to get over to the mall to start canvassing immediately."
Danny's heart sank. He started to speak up and tell Jack he couldn't go, but then he saw the picture of the innocent, little boy that Jack posted on the whiteboard. So he didn't say anything, and headed out with Samantha and Martin. On the way to the crime scene, he dialed Kathryn's cell number.
"Hello," she answered breathlessly.
"Hey, babe. It's me. Are you OK?" he asked.
"Oh yeah...I just had to chase a cab for about a block, but I just got in. I'm on my way to the doctor's office. Where are you?"
"On my way to a crime scene in Queens..."
"No...Danny...no..."
"I'm sorry, baby. A six-year old is missing. I have to go." Kathryn was silent on the other end of the phone. Danny knew she was disappointed. "Maybe you can re-schedule. We can go in a couple of days."
"I should really go today, Danny. I'm already past my eighth week."
"I'm so sorry. Maybe you can call your mother or Shelly to be with you."
"Yeah, maybe," she said in a sad tone. "You better go. I'll...um...call you later."
"OK. Talk to you soon. I love you," he said sincerely.
"Me, too. Bye."
After he hung up, he felt awful. He had trouble focusing all day. Once they got to the scene, they quickly found out that it was a custody problem. The boy's father took him from the parking lot. Since the mother had physical custody, they still had to track the father down. But they were fairly sure the boy wasn't in any danger. The father was just angry at the mother for limiting his visitation. They finally found the boy and father later in the evening.
Danny rushed home after they wrapped up the case. He was concerned because he hadn't heard from Kathryn. The one time he tried to call her, she didn't answer her phone. He walked in the door and saw Maggie sitting on the couch.
"Hey, Maggie. What are you doing here?" he asked confused since it was 8 p.m. and her appointment was five hours ago.
"I was going to call you, but Kathryn insisted that I didn't..." she said sadly.
"What...what is it? What's wrong?"
"The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat today. She said that Kathryn had a miscarriage. They had to do a D and C. She isn't pregnant anymore. I'm sorry, Danny," Maggie said as tears filled her eyes.
"Where is she?"
"In the bedroom...the doctor said she should rest for the next couple of days," she said as Danny started to walk back to the bedroom.
He slowly opened the door. Kathryn was laying on the bed. Michael was snuggled next to her with his head resting on her breast. Danny sat in the chair next to their bed and watched her for a few minutes. Feeling his eyes on her, Kathryn opened her bloodshot eyes, but didn't say a word.
Danny started. "You should have called me."
"You couldn't have done anything," she whispered.
"I could have been here for you. I'm sorry."
Tears started to well up in her eyes. "I'm sorry...I don't know what happened. They couldn't tell me why."
"Baby, it's not your fault," he said taking her hand.
They didn't know what else to say to each other. Eventually, Danny picked up Michael and put him to bed. Then he undressed and got into bed next to her. As soon as he laid down, Kathryn turned to him and let him take her into his arms as they both cried for the death of their unborn child.
After the miscarriage, Kathryn plunged into a deep depression. She could barely get out of bed in the morning. Danny was also hurting, so he tried to focus on work. He had a couple of intense cases right after the miscarriage that took a lot of his time. He decided not to tell the team about the miscarriage. He hated the thought of them taking pity on him. He also started going to more AA meetings. After he and Kathryn got back together., he only went to one a week...just to remind him that he shouldn't screw up his life. But after the miscarriage, he found himself going two or three times a week. He didn't tell the people there what he was going through, but just being there helped him not turn to alcohol for comfort.
The distance between he and Kathryn grew day by day after they initially comforted each other that first night. They just stopped talking after that. Danny felt like she blamed him for not being there at the appointment. Kathryn felt like he blamed her for losing the baby. As they started to lose sight of each other, they started to fight. This was new for them because they hardly ever fought. And truly, it was Kathryn who would pick the fight. Danny would usually just walk away. He couldn't stand the thought of fighting with her and hated it when Michael heard him yell. She would usually get upset with him about the time he spent at his job. His defense was that he was the only one working. Then she would resent him for giving up her job. They seemed to fight about the same things over and over again, but they never talked about what was really bothering them – the death of their baby.
About a month after the miscarriage, Danny was at home on a Sunday. Kathryn and Michael had gone with her mother for a day of shopping. While things had been strained between he and Kathryn, that morning they managed to be at least friendly to each other.
Shortly after they left, there was a knock at his door. He opened the door and saw Sylvia Marquez, his nephew's mother. "Sylvia...hey...it's been a long time."
"I know. Sorry to just drop in, but you haven't been returning my calls. I was getting worried and so was Nicky."
"I'm sorry. Um...things have been crazy lately. Why don't you come in," he said hesitantly.
"I know you are busy. Nicky and I just got used to seeing you every once in a while," she said as she walked in to the apartment. "This is a nice place. Is your son here? I'd love to meet him."
"No, uh...he and Kathryn are shopping."
Sylvia nodded as she started to look at the pictures that lined their bookshelves. "Your son is beautiful. He looks a lot like Nicky at that age."
Danny smiled. "Where is Nicky today?" he asked surprised that she would come without him.
"My parent's house. He's had a cold lately. I didn't want to bring him out."
"Sorry to hear that," Danny said starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. "Did you need something? You didn't say in your messages."
"Um...well...mostly we just wanted to see you," she said as she walked toward him. "But also Nicky has a father/son thing at our church. He wanted to ask you to go with him." She put her hand on his chest as she spoke to him.
Danny took her hand from his chest and put it down. "Why don't you have him call me and give me the details. I'll see if I can make it," he said with a strained voice.
Sylvia smiled. "Are you happy, Danny? You don't look very happy."
"I'm fine, thanks."
"Your wife is very pretty. She looks like some kind of sorority girl. When you change your life...you really change it, don't you?"
"What are you talking about, Sylvia?" he asked annoyed.
"You were so scared to turn out like your brother that you changed your name, your life...you even have a pretty, white wife to complete the package. No one would ever wonder where you came from," she said sarcastically. Then she walked closer to him and put her hand on his cheek. "If you ever wanted a taste of your past, I'm here."
Danny took her hand away again and stepped away from her. "Sylvia...I'm married. I love my wife. And I didn't change myself because I was ashamed of who I was. I changed because I wanted a better life. You should want that for yourself and for Nicky. I married Kathryn because...because I can't imagine being with anyone else. It wasn't because of who she is...it's just because I love her."
"Well...isn't that sweet," she said with contempt.
"I think you should go. I'll be there for Nicky...no matter what, but nothing will ever happen between us."
Sylvia sighed and shook her head as she walked out the door.
Danny sat down and ran his hands over his face and hair. He sat back and closed his eyes. The meeting with Sylvia just reaffirmed that he needed to fix things with Kathryn. He couldn't let their pain and loss tear them a part. He worked too hard to lose it all now.
A few minutes after Sylvia left, he heard a key in the door. He was surprised to see Kathryn, Michael and her mother. They were supposed to be gone all day. "Hey, this is a surprise," he said as he stood up.
"Yeah, I bet," Kathryn said icily. "We just...uh...I forgot a sweater for Michael...and it's kind of cold out there.
"OK," he said. "Is there something wrong?"
"I don't know, is there? I saw Sylvia leave here as we were coming in. Her son wasn't with her. Does she usually stop by without him?" she asked sarcastically.
Danny looked at Maggie and then back to Kathryn. Then he shook his head. "Maggie, would you mind watching Michael for a second?" he asked. Then he took Kathryn's arm to lead her back to the bedroom.
She went with him, but not before she snatched her arm out of his grasp and spatted, "Don't touch me."
Danny shut the door and turned to her. "Baby, let me explain..."
Kathryn interrupted. "Don't...don't call me that. When you say that to me now...it makes me sick. And what can you explain? Explain what? Explain how your screwing your nephew's mother," she yelled.
Danny was shocked and getting angrier by the second. "Keep your voice down, Kathryn. Nothing is going on with her, I swear. She came here out of the blue. I didn't know she was coming," he pleaded.
"I won't keep my voice down. This is all a little too convenient. We have problems. We're not having sex...and all of a sudden there she is. I saw her face Danny. She looked right at me, and she look very...very satisfied."
"You're out of your fucking mind," Danny yelled not able to control his anger anymore. "I've never cheated on you...not ever. Don't take out your grief on me. I hurt too, Kathryn. How dare you accuse me of this."
"How dare I? How dare I? You haven't been talking to me Danny...you haven't been screwing me. It's simple math, Danny. I'm not here...and she was here."
"You need help, Kathryn. I can't help you...that's obvious. If you have that little trust me...I don't know if I want anything to do with you anymore," he yelled right before he walked out the door. He walked out to the living room and took Michael from Maggie. "Hey buddy. Daddy's got to go out for a while, but I'll be back." Danny returned Michael to Maggie and walked out as his son started to cry.