FRESHLY SCRUBBED

He sat down near her table, dropping his books with a loud thud. He checked his pocket mirror, smoothed his hair back and flashed his pearly whites. He popped a breath mint in his mouth and stole a quick glance at her. Ah, yes. There she was, studiously engaged.

"So, Hermione," began Draco Malfoy, edging closer to her. "I have a question for you." His smile was blinding.

She shuddered in revulsion as he inched closer. "What can I do for you, Malfoy?" she asked evenly. Hermione wrinkled her nose at him.

"Oh, Hermione," moaned Draco, reaching for her hand and stroking it slowly. "You are so clearly into me." He smiled, displaying his devilish charm and winning smile. He bent over and pressed his lips to the back of her hand.

She snatched her hand back and began to dry heave. "I disagree, Malfoy," she said quickly and politely, not wanting to anger him.

"Alright, then name one man whom you find to be more attractive than I am," declared Draco, eager to discuss his amazing physical qualities.

"Albus Dumbledore," snapped Hermione, reopening her book. The library was no place for this discussion—yet like always, there was no one else in the library except Malfoy and herself. Funny how that always happened.

Draco wrinkled his nose. "That's revolting."

"You're revolting, toad," Hermione cringed at her terrible insult. "Please leave me alone."

Malfoy could not leave. For the past four months he had taken his obsession with Hermione Granger to a new level. He had spent the past four months stalking her, following her into the library. "Well, then," Malfoy asked. "Name someone you do find attractive. A celebrity or whatnot. Say Potter and I'll kill you."

She smiled wickedly. "Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived...To-Be-Hotter-Than-You."

Draco gnashed his teeth. "So you're saying that you would rather have sex with Harry Potter than with this?" He gestured to his body.

Hermione thought for a moment. "Actually, all I said was that I find him more attractive than I find you. But yeah, I would rather sleep with him."

"What if he was dirty," Draco rambled incoherently for a moment. He collected himself and tried again. "What if Potter hadn't showered in a week! And he was smelly!" he emphasized a second time. "Would you rather sleep with a stinky Potter than with me?" Draco pleaded. "Don't injure my dignity as a man."

The opportunity for wounding Draco's dignity was too golden for Hermione to keep away from. "I would rather sleep with a scum-crusted, reeking, putrid, maggot-infest Potter than with you." She said it a little too quickly for Draco's liking—as if she hadn't put enough thought into her decision.

Draco persisted. His new magazine Cosmo told him that women liked persistence. "Let me clarify. You would rather have sex with a malodorous, foul, rancid, moldy, decaying, Giant-Squid –refuse-covered, leaking..." he searched his mind for more negative adjectives. "...Vile, loathsome, offensive smelling body of Harry Potter..." He paused, smiling broadly. "Or with a nice, clean, freshly-scrubbed Draco Malfoy?"

Hermione looked up from her book. "Huh? Sorry," she apologized as she grabbed an apple from her bag. "Wasn't listening."

Draco fumed and clenched his fists. He cracked his neck and felt his left eye twitch.

Hermione glanced at her watch. "I have to go. Double Potions."

Draco was silent and then sighed. "Not that it matters," he exhaled longingly, shrugging. "I'm just going to rape her anyway."

A/N: Hello devoted Fans. Have you missed us? Look for a new installment of Finding Emo and the OBPTRTA soon. For those of you not too familiar with our love of creating acronyms that don't form words, OBPTRTA stands for One Bachelor Party To Rule Them All. It's a fic that basically reads like every single one of our other fics. So here's a bit of shameless self-promoting.

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