Standing before the grimy shop window, Kestrel stared into her own masochistic eyes, sheltered by a dripping veil of dirty, blonde hair and refused to cry. Dark mascara ran down her cheek and the young girl quickly wiped it clear by simply lifting the darkness off using her finger. The wind blew - cold and forceful - bringing with it, droplets of icy rain and the stench of sweat, alcohol and urine; Kestrel shivered and wrapped her arms tighter around herself, holding her stale, old travel bag close and wishing she'd remembered her coat - but it was too late to go back for it now.
The last rays of sunlight faded and the bus station was as dark, damp and rotting as any other. A few people stood nearby - the usual suspects - all impatiently waiting for the warm coach to come and whisk them away. Kestrel stood, isolated in a distant corner, pleased to be out of sight but feeling painfully alone at the same time. She closed her hawk-like eyes tight and opened her ears to the sounds of life around her: the rumble of passing transport, the harsh shrieks from seagulls above and the dull buzz of ephemeral Mayflies. Each one here today, gone tomorrow, just like the girl quietly listening.
Loudly, the bus pulled into the station and Kestrel slowly opened her eyes and took a determined step forwards, then paused, her eyes on her mode of escape. Gradually, she began to move her feet once again and stepped lifelessly onto the bright red vehicle; never before had leaving been this hard.
"Where are you going?"
Kestrel paused furiously tossing her belongings into the travel bag she had been keeping under her bed and turned, surprised. The sunlight was filtering through the blue curtains and echoing the colour throughout her room - no, the room in which she had stayed, up till now.
Ash stood strongly over her with his arms crossed, the hard blue eyes he shared with his younger sister, filled with confusion and concern. Kestrel's expression quickly replaced itself with bitter determination and she turned away from him to continue packing. "Away…" she replied, coldly, with her back turned.
"You're in no condition to leave," Ash continues, "please stay and let me help you. You walk about that door now, you'll be running for the rest of your life!"
Kestrel knew Ash wouldn't give up without a fight. She knew he was only doing what he thought was best, but that wasn't what Kestrel needed - she just needed to get out. Forcefully zipping up her bag, she attempted to walk past him, but Ash stepped between her and the door which lay wide open beyond him, alluring her towards it and the freedom it granted, if only she could pass.
"You know what?" Kestrel snapped, becoming agitated and frustrated, "I don't care!"
"Well, I care," Ash replied, trying to remain calm and not raise his voice, "I care a lot and you're not running again."
Grunting, Kestrel ran her long fingers through her hair and pulled her bag up tighter around her shoulder, "Why are you doing this?" She's beginning to shout. "Why are you being nice to me? Stop it! After everything I've done…" She paused and turned away, unable to look Ash in the eyes. Still, the sensation of his eyes on her made her very uncomfortable and even more eager to be out of the house. She took a deep breath and raised her eyes, forcing all the false strength behind them which she could muster. "So…you gonna step aside or what?"
Ash didn't move, but stared her straight in the eyes, pleading with her to stay. Kestrel began shaking her head, the anger building inside her. The urge to raise her fist becoming ever more tempting; they had fought often as children and Kestrel knew Ash wouldn't risk hurting her.
"What? Am I your prisoner here?" She raised both hands with palms skyward, as she spoke, whilst glancing quickly around the room.
"No, you're not my prisoner," Ash shook his head calmly.
"So I'm free to go?"
It had become apparent that by attempting to force kestrel to stay, he would in fact be driving her further away and making her run. He didn't want to let her go - he'd really hoped that this time he could help her. Stepping aside slowly, he said, "I would prefer you stay but…the door is open."
Without another word, Kestrel marched past him, looking straight ahead.
As she did, Ash called after her, "Where you gonna go? Back out there - alone? Do you really wanna do that again? I once told you that you didn't have to go out there, Kes, but you made your choice. You've got another chance here; don't make the same mistake again. It'll swallow you up, just like before!" Kestrel firmly kept on walking, but Ash followed her, through the tidy, little apartment, towards the locked front door.
Faced with the locked door, Kestrel began aggressively shaking the lock and thudding her fists on the wood before turning - bearing her teeth aggressively - back towards her brother. Her breathing was heavy and her eyes wild.
Ash stopped and stared at her, his own frustration beginning to show past the concern. "So, tell me Kes…" he said with his voice lowered, "did you like it?"
A second later, Kestrel's clenched fist collided with Ash's face with a powerful thud. Ash didn't retaliate and a long time passed when only Kestrel's breathing could be heard; her anger exchanged for dread and regret. She bites her lip, unknowing as of what to do next. Should she apologise? She wanted to, but for fear of being sucked back in when she was so close to freedom, if you could call it that. Still, could she really stay and face everything? Kestrel really didn't want to find out - it was all too much.
She grabbed the keys, situated on the table next to the door and sprinted swiftly down the hallway and out into the cold, just as the sunset approached, leaving the door wide open for Ash to regretfully watch her disappear once more.
The bus pulled away with a jerk as Kestrel took a seat right at the back, on the left hand side, overlooking the bus station. Letting her head drop against the frosty glass, she pulled her legs up and held them close for warmth as silent, salty tears formed behind her eyes and flowed down her chilled cheeks. She buried her face in her knees, angry and full of sorrow, running her fingers into her hair. She didn't see Ash run into the bus station, furiously searching for her, with her coat held tightly in his hand and then watching the bus drive away - again.