Disclaimer: Let's break up the word Fan-fiction, shall we? Fan= someone who enjoys a certain person's work. Fiction= stuff that never happened. So fan- fiction means... THIS JUNK AIN'T MINE.

A/N: 'ack'- I know he can't talk. It's a plot device.

'The Forest Ranger'- Right.

'Schubaltz'- Thanks.

'H ! f o'- Don't make me cause you pain.

Also, this is my longest chapter yet. yay

Chapter Three: Don't shoot the Messenger.

While Lala was patting Kurt's brow with a wet cloth, Harry and Legolas we being given a tour.

"That's the custard machine. And there's the vacuum." Tinkywinky said, pointing to the two appliances playing chess. "That's the breakfast table, and the door." He said, finishing the tour.

"Well, that was... Extensive." Harry said, tapping a foot.

"Do shut up." Edgar sighed, shaking his head. "Anyway, we don't even know what you're doing here, or how you got here."

"Vould you like us to tell you?" Kurt asked, now sitting up. He waved Lala away, and she took a few paces back, fluttering her eyelashes. Kurt shuddered.

"Please, enlighten me."

"Vell, ve all arrived in different vays. I vas teleporting, a jump I had made countless times, and ven I touched down, I realized I vasn't vere I should be. I looked around, and saw the other two."

"Yeah, he was the last one, by about a minute." Harry added. "I woke up, and reached for my glasses. I felt a zap, like really intense static electricity. I think I yelled, but I opened my eyes, and saw I was here. And there was Legolas. Go on, tell them your bit."

"Very well." Legolas began. "I was riding along the plains of Rohan, when suddenly Whatchamahoozit, my faithful steed, stopped short. I was thrown forward and rolled down the hill. Suddenly, I felt as if I were floating. There was a swirling mass of colors around me, and small, blonde girls holding large, bloated fish upon sticks. Behind them stood a male, with blonde hair. He laughed an evil laugh. An evil laugh that laughed evil in an evil way of evilness," Legolas said, giving them a strange look. "I felt I should be frightened, but I was euphoric. The boy said, 'I'm Jem. You're about to be transported into the tenth level of hell, don't ask me, It's just a job, please have the nicest time possible. If you would like to lodge a complaint, I'm certain Satan has some time available.'

And with this, he pulled a lever. I plummeted, and when I hit the ground, there were grinning fish floating upside down in front of me. It was," and here he paused, looked out at the audience and grinned, saying, "Psychedelic."

"And then you woke up?" Lala prompted.

"Indeed, O tubby one. How didst thou know?" Legolas asked.

"Seemed right." She said. A strange laugh filled the air. "Gasp!" gasped Lala, "It's Nuu nuu! The traitor vacuum machine."

"Yes, fat Lala, whose blubber is exceedingly hairy. I have just sent the T- mail that will seal your fate."

"Whoa, vait. T-mail?" Kurt asked.

"Tubby Mail!" Po cried as he launched himself at the double-crossing appliance. With a series of Powerful Kung-fu-kwan-chi-jitsu-pow-tea-do- kerpangalangadingdong moves, he reduced the Enemy to a smoldering pile of metal that's well, smoldering. Just then, came a ring upon the doorbell!

"Aha ha! The doorbell! I shall be getting that, so I actually make it into this fic! Unlike Tinkywinky, star explainer, and Po, master of mayhem, and Lala, Kurt's obvious love interest. And the Three Travelers, who are basically the stars! So I shall be getting the doorbell" stated Dipsy.

"All right! Just get on with it!" said Harry. Dipsy glared at him and did. He waddled over to the door. He opened the door. He cursed, and slammed the door. "Tinkywinky, get the door." He said, not looking at the door. "Po! The door!" Tinkywinky said, pointing at the door. "Woot!" Po said, kicking open the door. The person outside it yelped, and said quickly, "I'm just the messenger, don't shoot!" Po grumbled, lowered the bazooka and turned around. "Here you go, John."

"Whoa, pause, time out." Harry said, gesturing with his hands. "Who is this dude, and where did he come from? And what about th other guy, outside?" The young man smiled.

"Hi, I'm John. I make the weapons."

A/N: Whooooo!! Weren't that wunnerful?