A/N: My first chapter in about... forever! Yay! Okay, lotsa questions are gonna be answered in this chapter, I hope. But first, I need a drink!

Ahhh, much better! Okay. John is a real person. I know him well. I'm not quite certain who the messenger is yet. I'm basically making this up as I go. What I do is I figure out where I want to get to in the story, and fill in the details as I work through. Okay? Good. All shall be explained, grasshoppers.

Quick Summary: The messenger just came, and John introduced himself. Right. That's pretty good!

"Ookay." Harry said. "That answers my first question, I suppose. But what about the messenger?" A murmur of assent passed through the tiny, tiny crowd. They all turned to look at the figure standing outside, Kurt swatting Legolas with his tail, whose fat Elfish head was blocking his view.

The boy standing out side the door looked to be about 13 or 14 years of age. He had bright blue eyes, pale, slightly freckled skin, and dark, tousled hair. His hair made him look rather a bit like a Beatle, in the Ringo Starr sense, rather than in the Dung sense. He was wearing a silly-looking Hawaiian flower tee, and a pair of ill-fitting jeans. His nails were abnormally short, and he had funny shaped fingers.

"Strange, I feel as if I could take an entire paragraph to describe this boy," Legolas began, "But he looks as if he will make only a short appearance in this tale. Not that I'm saying our lives are a story, or that we are only characters in books. No, nothing like that. Nope."

"Oh, no." Harry moaned. "I know this bugger. He's one of my stunt doubles. Name's Rob O'Spork, or something along those lines. Just... let him speak, and then please, Kill him."

"Will do, bossman!" Po cackled.

"Vait, zomezing is messed up here. Vee just spent about ten minutes, and vee still haff no Idea who zis John Person izz." Said someone, who's accent makes him quite unrecognizable.

"I'm John. I make the weapons, add some kind of moral fiber to this cesspit of a story, and sometimes play my clarinet!"

"So you're like.... Squidward?" Dipsy said. "I mean, he's got a clarinet, too. Right? Or is that Patrick? I can never keep them straight."

"Sure. Squidward. Take that Idea and run with it." John said, nodding. Dipsy squealed with delight, and proceeded to run in a sort of random fashion, until hitting the wall and falling unconscious. "Oops." John said.

"Hey, hey!! That was like, a Page's worth of violations, right there man! I'm New York scum!" Rob shouted!! "You're not allowed to talk coherently! Or say naughty words!"

"Yes? Is this all you had to say?" Tinkywinky asked.

"No. Um, ya'll have to go to the palace, or something, I forget. But anyway, you're awaiting trial."

"Trial for what? WE didn't do anything!" Harry said. "Well, Legolas might have, Noone's really looked at him at all in a while. So It's his fault."

"I heard my name." Legolas said, standing to attention.

"Umm... what are you doing, elf-dude?" Rob asked. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter. Here, catch." He threw a pointy little ball at harry. Harry, true to his seeker training, dropped it.

"Nice one. Truely elegant." Nightcrawler said.

"Oh shut up. What is this, anyway?" Harry asked Rob. "Oh, wait, I think I know! It's a plot, device, right? Old Rowling uses this model all the time."

"Really? Vhat sort?"

"It's an old Phase-scene Mk. 2! Garunteed to get you any distance time or space in under 50 words and one page break! I know how to de-active these things. Just pres this button right... here." Harry said, pressing a button right there.

"Um, actually that's a Mk. 3, and that's the start button. We altered it a little."

"What?! How much longer do we have?"

"Err, 28 words and a double space."

"Oh No..." Suddenly, the Trio, the 'Tubbies, Rob, and John were all in front of a huge castle type thing, complete with impossible architecture, dead tree, and raving, flame engulfed maniac. In front of the gate there was a man wearing jeans, a rainbow vest, and beads. He had small, rectangular glasses on, and long, dark hair. Next to him stood John Cleese. John Cleese began to speak.

"Ahh, welcome. This is the part of the show where we kill off Rob O'somethingorother, and leave the readers with a cliffhanger they cannot possibly understand unless they were with the author at that exact moment in time." The group all looked at rob, and backed away hurriedly. Rob looked around, and exploded. In a rather atomic way. "Ah, Jolly good. that's one bit done with. And now, the cliff-hanger you will not understand!" The man that had been standing next to Mr. Cleese Stepped forward.

"Oh, god no..." Harry gasped.

"Hey, this is groovy, y'know? Like, long time no see, Brother Harry. And welcome to the rest of you groovy brothers and sisters of flower power. Like, I'm Severus. "

A/N: I've parodied myself in my own parody. Is that even allowed?