The Marauder's Map

You can only imagine Filch's expression after we asked him if he was a ghoul...

It was unforgettable, really.

Hey George, d'you reckon that was how we got on Filch's bad side?

Probably not. I mean, it was an honest mistake, and he's probably been asked a million times before

True. So what do you think it was then?

Well, I believe it was all the tormenting we did, right after we got the you-know-what

Oh, right! Lets tell 'em about that...

"Now you two runts are goin' to get it this time," Filch hissed at the twins from his desk. They had set off an enormous amount of dungbombs in the girl's bathroom, which was now extremely hazardous to students, and anyone who dared enter would last 10 seconds before falling unconscious. They were now standing in the middle of Filch's office, which was no larger than a broomstick cupboard, with a wobbly desk and a moth-eaten chair squeezed into a corner. The only source of light was a dim light bulb, and lining the walls was mouldy, gray wallpaper that was beginning to unravel. There was no other furniture in the room, other than a large, metal filing cabinet with 'RESTRICTED' written across the front in big, shiny letters.

Filch was enthusiastically scribbling down all the 'offenses' Fred and George had done. "Purposely – hurting – other – students" Filch said as he wrote on his clipboard.

"Now wait just one bloody second," George sniggered, "we didn't intentionally want to get anyone hurt!"

"Laughs – at – idea – of – people – hurt"

"No!" George cried, "That's not what I meant."

"Denies – murderous – attempts – to – hurt – students"

"Murderous?"

"Please, it was just a few dungbombs, nobody really got hurt!"

"Contradicts – that – people – got – hurt" Filch paused, "Five – bodies – found"

"Bodies?" Fred spat, "They were only unconscious!"

"Only? Well lets see what the headmaster thinks. You two stay here while I'm gone," Filch growled, "Maybe I'll be allowed to use the whip," he muttered hopefully to himself, before leaving.

Fred grimaced. "The whip? That can't be good."

"Stop worrying dear brother," George answered, "Dumbledore won't let him do anything of the sort. Now, let's explore Filch's office while he's gone."

Fred snorted. "What's there to explore?"

George chuckled as he pointed to the filing cabinet. Fred's eyes lit up with glee. Not only was Filch gone, but he accidentally left the drawer open, revealing numerous folders. The twins looked at the open drawer as though it were the golden gates to heaven.

"George, pinch me I'm dreaming," Fred said breathlessly, "Ow! Not literally you jerk!"

George grinned sheepishly, "Wicked check this out," he said holding a bunch of folders, "You sort through those, and I'll do these."

"Alright," Fred agreed, "Hey listen to what this person did. He tried to poison Snape!"

"Not a bad idea," George said thoughtfully, "But if you ask me, these people are all amateurs."

"Hey George, look at this," Fred said excitedly as he held up a large folder with an 'M' on the front. "The...Marauders..? Who are they?"

"Dunno, lemme see that," George said as he grabbed it out of Fred's outstretched hands. "Well this is more like it."

"What?"

"They transformed their fellow classmates into..," George laughed, "Fire-breathing cows!"

"Brilliant!"

"Hey, what's this?" George asked as he picked up a blank parchment that had fallen out of the folder. As soon as he held it in his hands, magic ink began to pour through the page.

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mishchief-Makers

Are proud to present THE MARAUDER'S MAP

Fred squealed in delight. "The Marauder's Map? How does it work?"

George pointed his wand at the parchment. "Show yourself."

Mr. Prongs asks that you mind your own business

Mr. Moony says that if you cannot find a way to work the map, you are clearly NOT Marauder material

Mr. Padfoot bids good day to you both, and suggests that you two find something else to do with your worthless lives

"Worthless?"

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony

"Who's Mr. Wormtail?"

"Dunno, but he certainly has no personality or opinion whatsoever."

Fred stared at the parchment. "Well what do you have to say to open it?"

Mr. Padfoot acknowledges that you two are quite dimwitted

Mr. Moony suggests that you take the Marauder oath

"The Marauder oath?" George said, bemused, "What's that?"

"Maybe its..." Fred trailed off, "Oh no, quick Filch is coming. Take the map, we'll figure it out later."

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