Daniel slowly awoke to the sound of a door opening and footsteps approaching. He cracked one eye open to see Jack standing over him with his arms folded across his chest and a smirk on his face.
"You just couldn't resist, could you?"
This confused Daniel for a moment, but then he felt the weight on his side. He looked down at Janet, who was fast asleep with her head on his chest and her arm draped across his stomach, and he cringed. Nope, he was definitely not going to live this down. "It was the only way she'd fall asleep, Jack," he said, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up more. He yawned. "What time is it?"
"0600 hours," Jack replied.
"Wow," Daniel said. "I must have slept right through the night. That's a first." He laid his hand on the side of Janet's face to wake her up, but quickly drew it away again as the heat of her skin all but burned him. "Oh God!" he exclaimed, fully awake in an instant. He sat up a bit to get a look at her. "Janet?"
"What is it?" Jack asked in concern.
"She's burning up. Janet?" He tapped her cheek, but she didn't wake up. "Jack, get Brightman down here now."
Jack ran off without another word.
Daniel scooped the limp little body onto his lap and tilted her back to get a better look at her face. It was a bright, unhealthy red. "Janet?" he said, desperately hoping she'd open her eyes and say something. "Come on, Janet, please wake up." He bent down to rest his ear on her chest to listen to her breathing and was relieved to find that she wasn't having any problems in that area, at least. Then he pressed his fingers to her neck and found that her pulse seemed normal, if a little fast.
"Please be okay, Janet," he whispered as he held her close with his chin on the top of her head and rocked her back and forth. "Please don't die. Please be okay."
"Daddy?" a pathetically small voice asked.
Daniel wiped his eyes and relaxed his hold on her enough to look down at her. "No, sweetie, it's not Daddy," he said gently. "It's Daniel, remember?"
"I don't feel so good," she whimpered, her eyelids so heavy that she could barely hold them open. "I want Mommy."
Those words almost killed Daniel. "I know you do," he said. "She's coming soon. Just hang in there, okay?"
He could feel her shivering, though she still felt as hot as a furnace. Jack and Dr. Brightman couldn't have come fast enough to suit him if they'd had rockets on their shoes.
Fortunately, they did soon arrive, and Brightman immediately started to check the girl over. "When did it start to get this bad?" she asked.
"I... I don't know," Daniel said, feeling so guilty he just wanted to die. "We both slept right through the night, and when I woke up, she was like this. It could have started hours ago, I wouldn't have known. I'm so sorry, I..."
"Relax, Dr. Jackson," she said, laying her hand on his arm to get his full attention. "This isn't your fault. Let's just take her to the infirmary and see if we can bring her temperature down."
Jack stepped forward to take her, but Daniel reflexively pulled her closer against himself and shot him a warning glare. "I've got her," he said.
"Daniel, you've been with her for twenty-four hours straight. Why don't you take a break, huh?"
"I don't need a break, Jack, I just slept right through the night. She needs me." Before Jack had the chance to argue further, Daniel hoisted Janet up into his arms and got off of the bed.
She curled up against him with her head on his shoulder and her arms tucked between their bodies, so he had to use both arms to hold onto her as they made their way to the infirmary. She didn't even come to life when he laid her down on an infirmary bed, but he sat on the edge beside her and held her hand as Dr. Brightman administered medication and ran various tests. She was awake the whole time, but never said a word. She just lay there looking up at Daniel with sad, tired eyes.
Once Brightman was finished, Daniel raised Janet's hand and kissed it. "You're being very brave," he said, giving her a wobbly smile.
She returned it and weakly raised her arms to him.
"You want another hug, huh? Come here." He gathered her into his arms and stroked her sweat-dampened hair, tuning out all of the hustle and bustle of the infirmary that surrounded them.
Pretty soon, however, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned his head to see Dr. Brightman standing there with a concerned look on her face. "Dr. Jackson?" she said. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, yeah," he said, laying Janet back down against her pillow. "Sorry, did you need me for something?"
"Yes, I need to have a word with you, if you don't mind." She stepped over to the other side of the room, making it clear that she wanted him to follow.
Daniel gave Janet an apologetic look. "I've got to go over there to talk to the doctor, okay?" he said. "I'll be right where you can see me."
Janet looked nervous, but she nodded and didn't try to stop him when he stood up and started to walk away. She kept her eyes trained on him as he crossed the room, barely even blinking as she watched his every move.
"What is it?" he asked anxiously once he reached Dr. Brightman. Jack and Sam were also standing with her, and they all looked pretty grave.
"I'm afraid it doesn't look good," Brightman said. Daniel had already learned during her short time at the SGC that she was never one to beat around the bush. "Even though the concentration of the chemical in her system hasn't increased since the last time I checked, it also hasn't dissipated. I have no idea how to clear it out of her system, and I believe she is suffering some kind of allergic or even toxic reaction to it."
"Well... so what do we do?" Daniel asked.
Brightman shrugged. "At this point, I'm afraid there isn't much we can do," she said. "I can give her something for her fever to keep it down to a manageable level, but if the chemical remains in her system for much longer... I think we'll be facing a worst case scenario."
Daniel's heart sank down into his shoes. "You mean she's going to die."
Dr. Brightman couldn't seem to meet his gaze. Even Jack and Sam looked down at the floor. Daniel wanted to hit something. Hard.
"There's gotta be something we can do," he insisted. "It can't be irreversible. It just can't."
"Daniel..."
"I don't want to hear it, Jack."
"Dr. Jackson," Brightman said, her firm tone grabbing everyone's attention right away. "We are all doing the best we can at finding a way to help her, but right now, we need to concentrate on ways to keep her body temperature down."
Daniel took a shaky breath and banged his hands restlessly against his sides. "Alright," he said. "What should we do?"
"Well, first I think a cool bath would be very beneficial..."
"Okay, there's no way in hell I'm doing that," he said, holding his hands in the air and backing up a step.
Dr. Brightman smiled. "Don't worry, Dr. Jackson, I wouldn't ask you to," she assured him. "Major Carter and I can take care of that. What I need you to do is make sure she will allow us to do so while you're not here."
He glanced over his shoulder and winced when he saw those brown eyes were still fixed on him with unwavering concentration. "That might not be easy," he said.
"Easy or not, it has to be done," Brightman said calmly. "You have until I can get a basin in here to convince her to cooperate."
Daniel nodded. "I'll try."
He returned to Janet's bedside then, his heart heavy when he looked at her knowing that she might not come through this alive. 'All my fault... all my fault...' The thought kept echoing through his mind like a broken record until he bit his lip and pushed it to the side. Then he forced a smile and sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Hey, how are you doing?" he asked.
"Is Mommy and Daddy coming yet?"
That certainly didn't make things any easier for him. "No, not just yet," he said. "But I tell you what... you know what the nice doctor and Sam are going to do for you? They're going to give you a nice bath and get you all cooled down so you'll feel better."
Janet wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "I don't want to."
"You don't want to get all cooled off and feeling clean?"
Janet bit her lip and turned her face away from him.
"Sweetie, you have to have a bath, okay? I'll be waiting right outside the door..."
"I don't want to."
"It won't take very long, I promise."
Her tears began to fall as she said again, "I don't want to!"
It all went downhill from there. No matter what Daniel said or did, Janet did not back down. Daniel knew she was scared and feeling ill, but he didn't understand why she was so adamant about not wanting a bath. He asked her if she was afraid of the water, but she refused to answer. He could only guess it was because he'd told her Brightman and Sam would be doing it, and not him.
When the little tub was brought in the room and filled with lukewarm water, Daniel and Jack went out into the hall and sat down to wait. Daniel felt every one of Janet's cries like a knife in his gut.
"God, aren't they done yet?" he groaned as yet another pitiful cry for 'Mommy' reverberated throughout the infirmary. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair.
Jack patted him on the back and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You're doing good, Daniel," he said.
"She'll be traumatized for life!"
Jack sighed and leaned forward, copying Daniel's pose. "Look, Daniel... there's something you've gotta understand here," he said. "Kids know instinctively how to make you feel like a heel."
Daniel snorted. "It's working."
"She'll get over it."
"So, what... you're saying she's punishing me for leaving her, and as soon as I get back she'll stop?"
"Not necessarily. She might eke it out for a bit longer even after you go back in there."
Daniel gave him a dark look. "Or maybe she's sick and scared and feels abandoned."
"She knows by now that she can trust Carter and Brightman," Jack said. "She's sick and she's scared, yes, but trust me... that's an angry cry, not panicked. She'll get over it."
"All the same..."
"Okay, Daniel, we're done."
Daniel shot to his feet as soon as he heard Sam's voice and rushed back into the infirmary. Janet was sitting on the edge of her infirmary bed with her legs dangling over the side, sobbing and shivering as Dr. Brightman was doing up the last of the buttons on her pajamas.
"D...Danny!" she cried as soon as she saw him, holding her arms out.
That was the first time she had used his name since this whole thing had started, and it made Daniel's insides turn somersaults. He rushed over to her and picked her up, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him like she never planned to let go again. "It's okay," he murmured into her ear. "Daniel's got you now. It's okay. Calm down now."
"I wanna go home!"
"Shh, it's okay."
He paced back and forth with her as he tried to calm her down, stroking her wet hair and making soft shushing sounds. He was amazed at how naturally the whole kid thing was coming to him. It actually seemed to be working.
"Dr. Jackson?" Brightman said once the girl's sobbing had come to an end. "Would you be willing to brush her hair? She probably wouldn't want anyone else to do it."
"Sure." He sat down on the infirmary bed and settled the little girl in front of him between his legs. "Can you hold yourself there?" he asked her.
Janet nodded. "You're brushing my hair?" she asked.
"Yeah. Is that okay?"
She nodded.
"I'll be as gentle as I can," he said as he gathered the tangled hair and let it fall down her back. He was handed a brush, and he set to work.
He'd never really paid much attention to Janet's hair before, and was surprised at how long it was. Then again, she'd been fully-grown with it before. It was bound to look longer now that she was so small. The colour of it surprised him, too. It was quite pretty. Why hadn't he ever noticed that?
Whatever shampoo they had used on her had thankfully conditioned her hair somewhat, so she didn't seem to experience much pain as he went along. She stayed remarkably silent and still the whole time. "Do you like having your hair brushed?" Daniel asked.
"Uh huh. Mommy does it twice a day, one hundred strokes each."
"Oh... sorry, I haven't been counting."
"Fifty-five," she announced.
Daniel grinned. "Okay... fifty-six," he said on the next stroke. "Fifty-seven... fifty-eight..."
She started to count along with him, and it seemed like no time until they said, "Ninety-nine... one hundred."
"There!" Daniel said, turning her around to face him again. "It's gone all shiny and beautiful."
She beamed up at him. "Thank you, Dr. Daniel," she said. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.
Everything inside and around Daniel seemed to freeze as soon as he felt her fevered little face pressed against his. Every thought was chased out of his mind except one, and that one was much too painful and overwhelming for him to take in. His movements were almost automatic as he returned the embrace, and by the time he realized that he was holding her a little too tight, she was pulling away from him again.
"Can you braid it for me?" she asked. "It's too long, and it keeps getting in the way."
Daniel blinked at her, trying to focus on the words she was saying to him. "Um... I, uh... I don't know how, sweetie. Maybe Sam can do that for you." He disentangled himself from the girl's arms as he spoke, and stood up. "Sam?" he called over to her.
Sam was on the other side of the room talking with Dr. Brightman, but she hurried over at the sound of her name. "Yeah?"
"Could you braid Janet's hair, please? I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?" Janet asked anxiously.
"I'm just... going to the bathroom," he said, forcing a tiny smile for her benefit. "I won't be long."
Before Janet could ask any more questions, Daniel rushed out of the room.
How he made it to the men's room without knocking into anyone or anything he didn't know, as he could barely see through the tears that clouded his vision, but somehow he managed it. Once inside, he locked the door and leaned heavily against the sink to try to calm himself down. He was shaking like a leaf, and the reflection staring back at him from the mirror was ghostly white. He almost felt like he was going to pass out at the sudden revelation he'd had.
She had called him "Dr. Daniel," like he was a real doctor who could help make her better or something. That couldn't be farther from the truth. He was the one who'd caused this whole mess in the first place, and now his hands were tied. He couldn't make her better. No one could. She was the most wonderful person he'd ever known, and he was about to watch her die.
He sank to the ground as this realization overwhelmed him. She was going to die! Not only that, but it was his own damn fault. He'd been obsessing over Sarah ever since the Goa'uld summit, what he should and shouldn't have done, and various ways he might have been able to save her. Because of that he hadn't been sleeping, and in his exhaustion he'd ended up putting Janet's life in danger.
Janet. His dearest friend. How could he have let her down like this? Why hadn't he been more careful... more considerate of her safety?
God, why hadn't he realized until this moment that he loved her?
He couldn't love her. It was just too much. She was a little girl, for God's sake. Still, no matter how he tried to rationalize it, he couldn't deny it. He loved her, plain and simple. He'd do anything... anything to make things right again. He needed her back.
She had always been the strong one in the past, the one he had always turned to for strength, a shoulder to cry on, or just a listening ear. What would he do without her? How could he go on pretending to be strong now when it was her that needed him? What if he just couldn't do it?
One little sob finally broke free despite his attempts at holding it back. Suddenly, all he could think about was that he loved her and hadn't realized it in time to let her know. He was losing her... had already lost her. It was all so confusing and overwhelming, and he found that all he could do was cry.
And so he did.