Chapter Four

Control Your Anger! Discipline Those Crumbs!

When people had finished coughing and spluttering they turned curious eyes toward the sickly looking Slytherin sat between the two stocky Gryffindors. If at all possible, the guy was looking even sicker than ever.

Once Snape managed to gain control of his coughing, he straightened up, opened his eyes and glared murderously across the table. Sirius Black, however, seemed completely unaffected by the burning alcohol he had just necked back, and was actually smirking.

Snape's teeth were bared, and his face was beginning to flush an angry brick red. He snatched up a large bowl of Cosmic Cheesy Party Nibbles and brandished it threateningly.

"You cheated Black, I saw you!" he growled lowly.

"Did not!" The smirk grew into a smug grin.

"You smelly twat! I know you put no whiskey in your drink - that's why you didn't cough!" hissed Snape, his eyes glaring madly.

A pair of dark eyebrows rose innocently. "I did nothing of the sort, you unhinged, slimy little bastard!"

"S-S-Smelly twat!"

"What sort of insult is that to use twice? It's not even witty!" scoffed Black.

The bowl of crisps went flying across the table hitting Black full in the face. Cheesy nibbles scattered everywhere. Black's smirk never wavered as Snape whipped out his wand and pointed it at him. Instead he simply began to pick the crisps calmly off his front, sticking several in his mouth as he did so. Savouring the taste.

"Ah ha – ha...Anti hex, Snape..." he warned, waving his finger in between eating the snacks. "You can't rely on those filthy little hexes of yours tonight!"

"Then I will just have to use this wand for a different purpose then - won't I?' breathed the Slytherin murderously.

"Don't you get that oily stick near me, I've heard the rumours about where you keep it!"

The black eyes narrowed to mean slits. "Now, I am really ...REALLY...going to kill you!"

Snape wasn't used to verbally threatening Sirius Black. Usually there would have been hexes flying all over the place by now, and so he was rapidly running out of insults.

Black simply laughed at him. "I understand you perfectly Snivellus. Really...REALLY-"

Snape shrieked, grabbed a handful of the spilt snacks, and flung them at Black with all his might. There were lots of little pinging sounds as bits of crisp rained down all over the furniture.

Then a sudden hush.

"You can leave all the killing till after you've finished vacuuming Severus Snape," announced a stern voice.

"Whoopsie dearie," said Black quietly. "Did we forget to tell you not to drop crumbs on Lily's dining room carpet, Snape?"

"Tosspots" Snape hissed through a twisted mouth, before turning on his heel and stalking from the room.

Lily followed haughtily, close on his heels.

Spencer Sharpe scowled morosely, and poured himself another large shot of Snakebite.

"Severus Snape, what on earth were you playing at in there?" hissed Lily once they were out in the corridor, which was for the moment empty. "You go missing for years then you reappear and act like some wild party animal! What has got into you?"

"I came to ask you about something," he growled. "I had no idea you were going to be doing something - social."

"Could it possibly be about charms?" she enquired dryly.

Snape grimaced; was he really that predictable? "Yes."

Lily sniggered. "So it looks like that old deal's still active, then."

"Yes, whatever," he waved a hand dismissively. "I'll make you that...potion again, if I must. And I'm...ah ...sorry...I suppose, about your carpet."

"So you should be!" was the scowled reply. "I thought I told you to be careful with that temper of yours. And to let someone like him wind you up."

"He just-" Snape muttered, before clenching his teeth. "He just makes my blood boil, that's all. And Irefuse toapologise for that!"

"I don't care if you do hate him, it's still no excuse to throw the party food!" she glared. "And don't think you can wriggle out of cleaning it up, that carpet's new."

Snape scowled as Lily thrust the vacuum cleaner at him. "So this is - a vacuum cleaner, is it? But its a Muggle-"

"Isn't that obvious?" she snapped. "We don't have house elves to run about after us here, you know! And besides," she added more gently, "I think spells shouldn't be used for certain things. It just makes people take their magic for granted."

"Oh," said Snape, pursing his lips.

"Right!" she breezed. "I'll get the boys out of the room, and let you get started."

Snape felt the weirdest sense of unease creep over him. "Er – Evans..."

"You might as well call me Lily. Everyone else does."

"Lily." He flushed (he'd never called a woman by her first name.) "Erm - what do I do with it - to - er - make it work?"

Lily blinked. Sometimes she couldn't believe these purebloods. Though it was rather amusing to see know-it-all Severus Snape (Of all people)sounding unsure of himself. "Honestly?" she rolled her eyes. She pointed at the powerpoints in the wall.

"See those?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I'm not blind."

Lily ignored this. "They are plug sockets - live electric." She unwound the electrical cord. "And this is the electrical power cord. You put this end in the socket, then press that switch to turn the socket on."

"Okay - fine - But that won't make the mess disappear."

"I'm getting to that!" she shot back his sneering remark, her eyes afire.

Snape grinned. "Temper, temper."

"Then," she announced curtly, ignoring the comment, "you press this button here and pick up this end, which sucks."

"I'll bet it does," leered Snape dryly.

"Severus, do you want me to help you?" she snapped impatiently.

Glinting green eyes.

"Snape. Snape! SEVERUS SNAPE!"

Green...green... "Uh - yes?"

Lily stared at him. "Are you drunk or something?"

"Oh, no - not at all," he smirked. Though maybe his head was buzzing slightly from that shot earlier.

Lily shook her head. "Men!" she exclaimed, before disappearing back into the dining room.

Almost immediately Snape could hear her giving Black a piece of her mind, and not long after that she had the human content of he dining room staggering reluctantly through into the kitchen.

Snape couldn't help smirking as Ben Perks and Black emerged supporting a ragged looking Sharpe, minus the Stetson, who had obviously just done several more shots, and was trying to sing. If that's what it could be called.

"Purple haaazzee - uh - all arooound! Don' know if I'm goin' uuuhup or - down!"

Finally, Wormtail emerged carrying the firewhiskey and looking rather smug. And wearing Sharpe's Stetson.

"Ooooh - Actin' funny, and uh, don' know why - scuuse me while I kiss the sky! Yeah - YEAHH!"

Snape reckoned he probably got the better deal with the vacuuming.