A/N: Many, many thanks to my reviewers so far! On with the madness. ;o)

Chapter Five

Tall, Dark...and Green?

After a very brief visit to the kitchen to get a bottle of wine (Avoiding the growing puddles of spilt beer - fortunately on washable floor tiles) Lily Potter rejoined the slightly more docile and even-tempered group in the living room.

"Would you like some more wine, Remus darling?"

"Why yes, thank you Lily!"

Lily sighed as she topped up glasses, trying to ignore the drumming and whooping sounds coming from her freshly scoured kitchen. "I've managed to ban the blackcurrant juice in an attempt to save the bathroom carpet later on. But now they're playing some daft game involving an empty Firewhiskey bottle! Where did my life go wrong Remus?"

The young man chuckled softly. "It depends on your definition of wrong."

"Must I elaborate?"

"If you will."

Lily shuddered. "You will insist on torturing me Remus! And four more words to add to it all - Snape, dining room and vacuuming. It could have been a worse four words, but still."

"Ah," he nodded sagely. "One hitch though. No sound of the vacuum cleaner being switched on."

Lily rolled her eyes. "As if that surprises me! But it's not as if the git'll be able to charm the thing."

Lupin smiled. "Two more incongruous words - Snape. Charms."

Lily smirked. "Well, if my hoover ends up with green scales and a tail I'll be asking for a bit more than a favour off of him!"

Remus frowned and drew closer. "Lily, may I ask you one thing?"

She fluttered her eyelashes. "Ask away!"

'The girls here, well they were - gossiping after you went to-' Remus was cut short by a Lily death glare. "Erm, did you...invite Snape tonight?" he finished hurriedly.

She snorted into her wine glass. "Really dear! Whatever makes you think that?"

"Well," he flushed. 'Well...the...er...way you treat him."

"And how is that, Remus?" she mused, seemingly innocent.

The man frowned quizzically. "Well, to say he was, still is...a - a – er-"

"Slytherin, Remus?" finished Lily airily. "Well, it might be a bit surprising for the boys, but don't worry dearie. Just because I happened to date one in our fifth year doesn't mean I was in favour with them all!"

"I, err... Um. Oh...." Remus finished, mouth agape. He couldn't help staring.

"You...dated...?'

Lily smiled mischievously. "Oh, and mind you keep that last bit secret. It just happens that only two other people know about it."

"So you did? But how? Who with? Who knows?!" Remus spluttered.

"Shhh!" her smile widened as she took a sip out of her glass. "I'm a married woman now, so keep it down! There are a lot of Quidditch players here, and I don't really too many others to know that the certain tall, dark, mysterious fellow I used to tell them about actually wore green on match days!" She watched amused as Remus' face creased up as he attempted to figure out whom she could be talking about.

"Tall...and dark?" Remus frowned, and after a few moments more he paled. "Lily - you wouldn't! Didn't? B-but I would have-"

"Found out Remus? Too right you would have! Your sense of smell really does scare me sometimes you know!"

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "But ugh! How dare you even think I would even consider-" Lily shuddered and nodded in the direction of the dining room. "Oh, God in Heaven - no! Guess again - please! If it helps at all - the guy was two years older than us, and remarkably good at scent masking charms."

"Masking charms?" Remus' eyes narrowed in thought as he swirled the last drops of wine around in his glass. There were only a few people really talented at that. Was one in Slytherin? If only he could recall a name or a face.

"Surely not-" he managed to whisper finally. "Not...Nutty?"

Lupin's eyes grew wider as he looked into Lily's. She could hold a serious face no longer, and giggled.

It was true.

"Oh Lily! But - how did you manage that without anyone guessing? Oh, please tell me," he whispered breathlessly. "Does James even know?"

Lily shook her head slowly, her eyes dancing with amusement - she loved nothing more than a good tease. "Fortunately, no," she replied coolly. "It was a whole two years before I considered James. But could you imagine what he'd do if he did know?"

She drained he glass and rose. As Remus looked up she winked and added, almost slyly, "But what if the couple of people who do know about it - both happen to be in this cottage, at this very moment?"

Before Remus could comment she had begun to walk away, remarking more loudly, "Oh - and speaking of my dear darling husband, I think I ought to check on him..."

The man watched the young woman totter out the room, looking at her with an expression of complete bewilderment.

"Women," he mumbled, before downing the rest of his glass.

"Who knows what secret, Remus?" said a slightly tipsy voice in his ear.

"Oh, just women and their gossip," he smiled. "More wine Ruth?"

"Don't mind if I do!"

"Oh, give me a refill too, Reamie!" cooed Gracie.

As Remus was refilling their glasses a sudden thought occurred to him. Where had they put Doobie after she got out? In the garden?

He felt himself blushing. The perfect excuse to get away from the increasingly giggly girls.

"I, uh, need the loo," he mumbled lamely, rising from the chair. "Pardon me ladies."

Once he was out in the hallway he could hear several conversations going on. A large group of men and women were talking Quidditch in the study room. Upstairs he could distinctly hear Lily's voice, and various moans, which were presumably coming from James.

Quidditch was boring. Remus moved toward the kitchen, but decided to listen before walking in.

"So what'll it be Wormy?" Sirius's voice.

"Uh, do I have to?"

"Yeah, don't be a bore!"

"Oh, just play the damn game Peter!"

Was that last one Sharpe's voice? Remus frowned. He sounded really irritable about something. Someone must really have gone far to upset the easy-going Ravenclaw.

"Uh...uh... P-promise you won't kill me?" quavered Wormtail.

"Nonsense! Why should I kill you?"

"Well...you have handcuffs – and..."

Sharpe laughed bitterly. 'Don't get your knickers in a twist. It's only a game!'

"Uhm...okay. I dare you to...erm...to erm, poke a Cheesy Nibble up your nose!" he squeaked.

Some people snorted. Lupin pulled a face - Wormtail was always daring people to poke things up their nose. Quills, Bertie Bott's Beans. Chocolate frogs. It got a bit annoying after a while.

"Oh, fer Merlin's sakes!" crowed Sharpe. "You made me do that at school! Pomfrey was insufferable - wouldn't stop on at me for that!"

"And I'll be on at you even more if I end up being the one removing it Wormtail," growled Sirius. "Can't you think of something else Sharpe could do?"

Remus sighed to himself. He wasn't really into all these silly games. Maybe he should go back to the living room - maybe Lily was back.

There was a loud whirr of noise to his right. Lupin turned round. It was coming from the dining room. Snape.

Doobie was in there too somewhere. Or perhaps in the conservatory?

Remus knew the Slytherin probably didn't like dogs. And Remus had a tendency to worry about people. Even if they were horrible and slimy, and smelt of potions. He was a habitual worrier.

And wasn't Doobie scared of the vacuum cleaner?