Title: It was "Wearing" Thin
By: Sadie
Category: Humour
Rating: PG
Season: 7
Spoilers: A general knowledge of the show is needed.
Disclaimer: Showtime/Viacom, Sci-Fi Channel US, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions I humbly bow before you. And there's a Star Trek reference hidden in here too. Paramount owns that bag of worms.
Summary: "It was after the third marriage proposal that Carter locked herself up in her tent, muttering about not caring how miraculous the technology that affected the sub-atomic-whatnot was she wouldn't be caught dead in the bikini."
Author Note: This fanfic (I don't think I can even call it a fanfic –a microfanfic?) was written in the creative whirl of half an hour. Funny how that happens when you really should be doing anything but fanfic writing. Enjoy. -S
xxx
When the inhabitants of P3X 529 had insisted that Carter wear the traditional female garb of their village –a sweet little bikini thing with a few strategically placed scarves, Jack hadn't minded. Sure Carter had put up a bit of a fight, but the technology had been too fascinating to risk offending the new allies. She took one for the team. She put on the bikini, death-glared at all of the drooling males, and threatened bodily harm for those that got a little too close.
It was after the third marriage proposal that Carter locked herself up in her tent, muttering about not caring how miraculous the technology that affected the sub-atomic-whatnot was she wouldn't be caught dead in the bikini.
Jack wasn't worried about his 2IC. He'd worked with her for almost eight years, and had more than a healthy fear of her. He knew better than to look… when she was facing him.
No, Jack definitely didn't have any issues with the whole "Carter in a bikini" deal. The real problem was what the village people had told him that he was required by law to wear for the signing of the treaty which declared that they 'shall not poke one another with sacred sticks nor steal each others chickens' (his translation of Daniel's jabbering).
Perhaps Jack should rephrase that. It was what he wouldn't be wearing that he was having problems with.
"Remind me again Daniel how vital it is that we do this?" The Colonel shouted from inside one of the village tents.
"The Betazoids will refuse to consider trade agreements without this treaty," Daniel said, mild frustration apparent in his voice. He'd had to 'remind' the Colonel several times already.
"Yeah, you said that already Danny. And I say again, how vital is it that we do this?"
"More vital than your dignity, Jack."
Jack made an aggravated grunt in response.
"Are you ready for the ceremony, sir?" shouted Sam a few minutes later.
"What do YOU think, Carter?" It was obvious that this was a moment the Colonel would never be ready for.
"We should get going Jack," Daniel further urged.
"Can I at least wear a towel 'til we get to the 'sacred plains' or whatever the hell they are?"
"Jack, you already know the answer to that."
An over-exaggerated sigh was heard from the tent, and Colonel Jack O'Neill exited wearing the most ridiculous looking ornamental wreath around his head. And nothing else.
The signing went off without a hitch –Sam was positive she'd never been so uncomfortable in her life, grateful for the few pieces of fabric she did have. Daniel spent the entire time enthralled about the cultural significance of it all. Teal'c was unfazed, and said nothing except declare that he did not wish to take of his clothes. They only asked him once –he had that sort of effect on people.
When SG-1 was at the Stargate the next day to return home, Jack stopped his team before they entered the horizon. "I want to make something crystal clear." The Colonel looked at each of his teammates straight in the eye, to let them know how serious he was. "I don't want anyone, I mean ANYONE, knowing about what I may or may not have been wearing for the treaty signing. Understand?"
"But the General…" protested Daniel.
Jack cut him off, "Anyone, Daniel." And with a final huff, marched into the wormhole.
Daniel shrugged at his companions. "I told General Hammond the details of the ceremony last week… he was the one that suggested Jack for the job." With a smirk, Daniel followed the Colonel home.
Sam laughed so hard her sides started to hurt. Teal'c looked at her curiously, a small uncharacteristic grin on his face. "I do believe the General has 'gotten O'Neill back' for his April Fool's prank," he told her.
Sam's response was to only laugh harder, and between hiccups reply, "I take it all back –wearing the bikini was completely worth it all."
The Major was still laughing when she stepped onto the gate ramp, back on Earth.
The end.
Thoughtful comments, interesting critiques, or "that was good" are all appreciated. Please review. -S