Title: All By Myself
Author: SargeCruz
Disclaimer: I do not own Third Watch. The characters belong to Edward Allen Bernero and the other fine geniuses.
Authors Notes: This is just a fic that popped into my head. Hope ya like it. Takes place right after Cruz gets out of prision.

I was sitting on my couch, looking out the window. It was raining and thundering. The noise was deafening, but not nearly as deafening as the thought that came flying into my head and stopping with a loud thud.

I have nobody, no one that would've cared if I died in jail at the hands of the prisioners. I have nobody to bail me outta jail, that is, if I had the option of bail.

This scene is replaying in my mind when I first got to what I thought was my death.

"I need a next of kin."
"I don't have one."
"Cousin, aunt.."
"I understand the concept. I don't have one."

How many times did he want me to say it? Say that I was alone, that I had no one? Say that I'm all by myself?

I got up from the couch and went over to the window.

I stared out, pressing my face to the glass.

I just had to accept it.

Accept the fact I was all alone. I was all by myself.

Feeling even worse, I dragged myself back to the couch.

I curled up under the blanket and felt the tears start.

Not even bothering to wipe them away, I let them fall.

The name came to my mind.

If I had him, I wouldn't be alone.

Right then, I knew what I hadta do.

I hadta get him back. Regain his trust, show him that I changed.

I threw off the blanket and not caring that I wasn't dressed to go out in the rain, grabbed my keys and slammed my door.

I ran all the way to Mercy, in the rain.

By the time I got there, I was shivering. Not one inch on me was dry.

I sprinted into the main entrance. I shouted his name and the lady at the front desk told me what room.

Not having the patience to wait for the elevator, I ran up the stairs.

4 flights.

When I got to his room I paused. I was out of breath and I'm sure I looked like crap.

I waited for another minute, letting my thoughts run.

What was I doing here? That was easy, I answered in my head. I'm, I'm. But I couldn't put the words together. I didn't know what I was gonna say.

Think Maritza think, I told myself.

But nothin came to me. Nothin.

I felt defeated, so I sat myself in a chair outside his room.

No, you know what. I aint gonna give up. Its not my nature to give up.

I stood and pushed the door open a crack.

I stuck my head in, checking, making sure he was asleep.

Of course he was.

I crept in the room, watching his face.

He looked so peaceful, like he had no worries.

I wish he had no worries. I wish nothing ever went wrong in his life. I wish Michael was still alive. I wish I never lied to him.

Wishing all that shit don't make it happen.

I walked over to him, right next to his bed.

I lay my hands on the railing from the bed.

It was as close as I could get to him without touching him.

I stared down at him.

He looked like an angel.

For a minute, I thought I did die and I was in heaven.

I wanted to touch his face so bad.

I didn't.

I felt that my hands were cursed.

If I touched him, he may die.

I stayed there for almost two hours, just watching him sleep.

For those two hours, I was the most peaceful and happiest I've been in a long time.

Something about him, even though he wasn't awake, comforted me.

I can't explain it.

While I was standing there, I knew I wasn't alone. I wasn't all by myself.

I may never get him back, but as long as he's alive, I'm not alone.

Even if he has no clue how special he is to me, I'll know.

And I'll never forget.