Huge thanks as always to Marlou for beta-ing and thank's also to everyone who sent their well wishes both here, on the yahoo list and via email. Your support means so much, thank you.
Catherine walked out into the warm Vegas sunshine and looked up into the cloudless sky. It had been a long night, one that had opened countless old wounds for everyone concerned.
"Hey Cath," Warrick sighed when he came out onto the parking lot to stand beside her. "You heading home?"
Turning to glance at him briefly she shook her head before returning her eyes to the sky. "I'm gonna go to the hospital."
"Yeah, me too."
"I spoke to Gil a few hours ago and he said Sara was sleeping." Sighing heavily she closed her eyes briefly against the guilt rising up inside her chest.
"Well that's good at least," Warrick nodded. "Nick was worried about her last night, said something about her seeming depressed…"
"Warrick?" Turning to face him she blinked back the anguish that welled up in her eyes. "She wouldn't have hurt herself intentionally would she?"
"What? No…not Sara." Shaking his head he reached out to place a warm hand on her arm. "She's been down for a while, and I know we don't have to guess too hard as to why, but she wouldn't do that to herself."
"But the blood?"
"She saw a chance for freedom and took it, I doubt she was thinking of much at all except getting out of there." Warrick squeezed her shoulder gently as he steered her over towards her car. "Come on, no point in hanging around here when we both want to be there with her."
"Yeah, I guess," she nodded sadly as she leaned into him. "What about Nick?"
"He went back to the hospital half an hour ago, he said he'd see us there."
Nodding silently she walked towards her car and pulled the door open. "Want to ride with me?"
"No I'll follow you down, I'm dropping Grissom home later." His face turned up into a smile as he opened the door to his own car. "See you there."
She nodded silently, her mind swimming when she thought of the blood spatter adorning that bedroom. Swallowing the ache in her chest, she climbed into her car and waited for Warrick before starting the engine and leaving the lab behind her.
Nick hovered in the doorway to Sara's room, amazed at the sight before him. Sara was propped up against the pillows, her hand entangled in Grissom's who was asleep in the chair next to her bed, his body bent forward so that his head was on the mattress beside her.
Sudden emotion welled up in Nick's eyes and he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the sight before him. Sara's eyes were fluttering open every few seconds and each time she would stroke Grissom's fingers before dozing off again.
Backing out of the room again, he made his way to the nurses station and offered a bright smile to the nurse behind the desk. "Hi I'm Nick Stokes with the Las Vegas crime lab, I just looked in on my friend Sara Sidle and I just wanted to know how she's doing."
The nurse looked up at him for a few moments while she tried to link the patient's name to the patient. "Oh yes…She was a little unsettled earlier this morning when she woke up, but she soon settled down pretty quickly." Her smile lingered over her lips when she looked up into his eyes, "Her friend has a wonderful effect on her, he's helped her to sleep better than anything we could give her."
"Yeah, they're pretty tight," he nodded with a smile, his voice filtering away when the telephone beside her started to ring. "Thank you," he told her quickly before walking away from her desk and back towards Sara's room.
Sara opened her eyes when he entered this time, her eyes trying to focus on his face. "Nick?"
"Yeah, it's me," he whispered as he came closer to her bed, moving around the opposite side to where Grissom was still sleeping. "How are you feeling?"
She closed her eyes again and laid back into the pillows. "Sore."
"Yeah," he nodded. His voice seemed to stick inside his throat and his words suddenly dried up. He had no idea what to say to her, or to convey just how much this incident had rocked the very foundations of all of them. He was terrified of losing her, not just to Lurie but also to the nightmares that would continue to haunt her for a long time.
Beside the bed, Grissom stirred awake and slowly opened his eyes. Pushing himself upwards, he winced at the crick in his back and moved his neck from side to side to ease the pressure.
"Hey," Sara whispered softly, her voice sounding so soft that Nick couldn't remember a time when he'd heard her speak in that tone.
Grissom's eyes found hers and he instantly squeezed her hand gently. "You're awake?"
"Yeah."
"How are you feeling?" Sitting up straighter he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eyes and frowned worriedly when he saw Nick stood at the other side of her bed. "Nick…how long…?"
"A few minutes. Don't worry, I haven't been here long myself." Taking a step closer, Nick perched himself onto the edge of Sara's bed and reached out for her other hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Have you been to the lab?" Sara asked quietly, dropping her eyes to the blanket that covered her lower body.
"Yeah I have," Nick told her softly as his eyes darted to Grissom's worriedly.
"Was he there?"
"Sara…" Grissom started, his voice breaking as he tried to sooth her fears, but she was having none of it.
"Was HE there?" she asked again, this time raising her eyes to Nick's, causing him to gasp at the intensity in them.
"No, I don't know…Look Sara…Brass has it covered okay…you don't have to worry."
She closed her eyes again and shook her head. "He thought I was her…""Excuse me, am I interrupting?" someone asked from the doorway, causing the two men in the room to turn and see Conrad Ecklie and Brass standing there.
"What are you doing here Conrad?" Grissom almost growled as he got to his feet, ready to defend Sara with everything he possessed.
"Day shift is handling this case," he told him, nodding towards Sara who watched him cautiously.
"I don't think so," Nick hissed as he stood to mirror Grissom's actions.
"Look, I know this isn't what you want, but Cavallo handed this to me because he feels you are all too close to the situation."
"Okay," Sara whispered tiredly.
"Sara," Grissom whispered worriedly, moving closer towards her so that he could clasp her hand in both of his. "You don't have to do this now."
"Yeah," she sighed tearfully, "I do."
"Are you sure? I can stay…"
"Would you?" She asked in a small voice.
"Of course." Looking up towards Nick he inclined his head towards the door. "It's okay."
Nick nodded silently and turned back to offer her a reassuring smile. "See you in a few."
She watched him as he left her room and shivered visibly when Ecklie pulled the door to her room closed.
"Okay, Sara, start from the beginning," Brass offered softly, his voice soothing her tattered nerves.
Grissom returned to his seat and sat down beside her again, his soft touch calming her senses and reassuring her that everything would be all right.
"Does he have to be here?" Sara asked tiredly, her eyes staring in Ecklie's direction.
"Not if you don't want him to be," Brass offered gently.
"I still need to collect evidence," Ecklie protested, stepping closer.
"Then take it and get out," Grissom told him angrily, his annoyance sparked by Sara's tense posture.
"He scratched me," she told them quietly, causing all three men to look upon her as she sat forward to shrug her arm out of the sleeve of the hospital nightgown that was covering her arms. "He'll have my skin cells under his nails."
Grissom gulped the nausea back down inside his throat and clenched a fist tightly against his thigh when he saw the shock in Ecklie's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'get this done quickly', but when Ecklie's voice held a hundred different emotions, Grissom realized that Sara was indeed in good hands.
"I've already processed him, you needn't worry," Ecklie told her, his voice unfamiliarly gentle while he moved closer and took photos of the scratches and bruises on her arms and shoulders, his camera flashing brightly against the purple bruises covering her skin.
Taking a deep breath, Sara closed her eyes briefly before she slowly pulled the front of the gown lower to just above her breasts and showed him the ugly bruise that had formed over her chest. She could feel their eyes watching her and their shocked gasps only fuelling her desire to hide herself away, but she knew she had to be strong for her own sake.
Grissom swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to steer his eyes away from her injuries, but the more she bared them, the more disturbed he became. She had been through something that had affected all of them, shaking their existence and he wondered if they would ever get over this.
Ecklie too was shocked by the extent of her injuries and he shook his head in a bid to stop himself from saying something. "Okay, I have all I need."
Sara opened her eyes to look up at him and then sat back in the bed, watching him with newfound awareness. Ecklie had always been a thorn in Grissom's side, his bid to outdo the nightshift always causing chaos between the two shifts, but now in the quietness of her hospital room she could feel the truce emanating between them.
"Thank you Conrad," Grissom nodded quietly, knowing that something had happened in this room to bring a sort of peace between them, and he too could feel the changes in the way he and Ecklie now acknowledged one another.
"Not a problem," Ecklie nodded before looking back at Sara. "We'll make sure he goes down for this. Don't you worry anymore."
Tears gathered in Sara's eyes as she nodded silently, watching him as he opened the door and left, leaving silence hanging in the air. She could feel Grissom once again take hold of her hand and offer her some kind of reassurance that he would do everything in his power to help her.
"You don't have to do this now if you don't want to," Brass told her, his own eyes glistening with emotion.
Sara stared at him for a moment and shook her head, "I want this to be over."
"I know…" Grissom started, his voice catching in his throat.
Taking a deep breath, Sara lowered her eyes to Grissom's hand surrounding hers and started to speak, her voice shaking as she did. "I thought I was going to die…he…"
"Take your time," Brass whispered gently when her voice started to trail away.
Taking a deep breath she tried to compose herself and recall the memories that were still too fresh in her mind. "I…I was out celebrating Nick's promotion with him and Warrick… I only wanted to stay for a few minutes… but the guys persuaded me to stay a little longer…so… I left after about half an hour and walked over to my SUV…" She closed her eyes briefly before continuing, trying to focus on the events. "I dropped my keys on the floor and I bent to pick them up…but…I was grabbed from behind, and he was too strong…" A tear slipped down her cheek as she tried to remember and repress the memory at the same time. "I don't remember what happened after that…I'm sorry."
"It's okay honey," Grissom told her, his fingers stroking hers in reassurance as he spoke.
Opening her eyes, Sara focussed on Grissom's fingers, his touch lulling her fears slightly. "When I woke up…I thought I was dreaming…I thought…" She closed her eyes again to stop the tears from spilling over her cheeks, but they came anyway. "I was on a bed…and I could feel him next to me, I…" she stopped momentarily and took another breath. "He called me sweetheart…and then I knew even before I opened my eyes…"
Both men could see her struggling to remain in control and Brass moved forward to gently pat her leg beneath the blanket. "You're doing great, Sara…" he soothed.
Tears glistened her face as she tried to remember everything, needing to keep the memories alive. "I tried to get away from him… but he pinned me up against the window…he…he… tried to kiss me…I told him I wasn't her and he…and he…" her voice broke into a sob and her lips began to quiver as she tried to get the words out. "He said…he knew…"
"Sara," Grissom soothed as he squeezed her hand gently. "Nick mentioned to me that Lurie approached you when you were at the hospital a few months ago…" he told her softly, "Can you remember what he said to you?"
Sara sniffed and looked into his eyes sadly as she spoke. "I thought you were mad at me…I'm sorry I didn't tell you…"
"It doesn't matter now Sara," he smiled, "all that matters is putting Lurie behind bars where he belongs and to make you well again."
"He called me Debbie and grabbed my arm," she whispered. "Nick told him to back off and he pulled his hand off of me…I tried to forget it…"
"I know honey, it doesn't matter now," Grissom told her softly as he gave her fingers another gentle squeeze.
"Sara, at the house, why did you break the window?" Brass asked her, maintaining the softness in his voice as he spoke.
For a few moments she regarded him with confusion, until the memory returned, full force. "He'd nailed the windows shut…I couldn't see any way out." Closing her eyes again she shook her head slowly. "There was a lamp on the bedside table and I can't think why I hadn't noticed it before…I guess I only noticed it after I'd tried to find my clothes and he'd slapped me when I asked for them…I was so scared…" Shaking her head to rid herself of the images, she swallowed hard before finding her strength again. "I remember pulling a dress from the closet and pulling it on but there wasn't any underwear…" she gulped a breath before averting her eyes from them. "I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed the lamp and threw it at the window…I remember feeling the breeze on my face when I threw it again but the lamp smashed through the glass…"
"You did good," Brass nodded.
"I wanted to get out of there and I just started to hit the glass with my fists…" She looked down at her bandaged arms. "I didn't think of anything else except getting out of there…but then I felt him pulling me back and I remember looking down at my hands and seeing blood…and I…" shaking her head she looked into Brass' eyes sadly. "I don't remember anything else."
"It's okay, Sara." Brass told her gently, the pride in his eyes evident as he looked at her with affection.
"It was the butterfly…" she told him quickly, as if the memory had only just sprang into her mind. "I didn't have a butterfly…"
"The tattoo?"
"Yeah…he freaked out when he realized I didn't have it…and I knew then…" Taking a shuddering breath she turned to Grissom then looked down at his hand in hers. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked quietly, squeezing her fingers in a bid to reassure her.
"I tried to be strong, but I let you down…I'm really sorry Grissom…"
Grissom caught the breath in his throat and turned to Brass quickly. "Could you leave us alone for a few minutes?"
"Sure," he smiled, "I'm done anyway." Reaching out a hand to Sara's blanket covered leg, he patted it gently and smiled his reassurance. "Feel better soon okay?"
Sara looked up into his eyes and saw his own emotions simmering just inside his eyes and something within her broke through her walls to release another wave of silent tears to roll down her face. She couldn't find any words to say to him, her mind had long since clammed up, forgetting witty responses and the light banter she had always shared with him, and right at this moment, nothing but misery washed over her. She watched him smile sadly and turn towards the door. Just before he opened it she found her voice. "Brass…"
He turned around to look at her, wondering if she knew just how much everyone around her actually adored her, himself included. He could see her struggling, her mouth opening and closing as she fought to speak. Shaking his head he offered her another smile. "I'll drop by and see you later."
Sara watched him for a few moments and numbly nodded her head as he left the room to close the door behind him.
For a few moments, silence hung in the air and she found herself trying to retreat back into the safety of her walls, but they wouldn't protect her anymore. Taking a deep breath, she focused on Grissom's hand in hers and waited for the inevitable conversation that would no doubt soon appear.
"Sara," he whispered, his voice urging her to look up at him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Shifting slightly, Grissom moved in his chair so that he could focus more on her face and the silent tears that streamed down her cheeks. "Honey, please look at me?"
"I can't…"
"Sara…please…" Grissom's voice broke when he could feel the pain emanating throughout the room and he was powerless to help her. Shifting closer, he moved his other hand to encompass hers, nestling her fingers between his own. "I know I haven't been a very good friend…for a very long time…"
"It's okay," she whispered sadly, "I know…and I have tried so hard to move on…I'm sorry."
"Sara…"
"He told me that no one in my world loved me…" her voice broke as she relived the words that Lurie had taunted her with, knowing that part of it was true.
"He was trying to break you…Sara…I…"
"I was already broken," she whispered as she closed her eyes.
Grissom sucked in a painful breath when her words brought an ache to his heart, an ache so powerful that he had to remember to breathe. "I know…Nick said that you've been down…for a while."
"Doesn't matter now," she shook her head.
"It matters to me, Sara." He slid a finger over the bandages on her wrists to stroke the skin beneath her sleeves.
"I tried to fight him…" Opening her eyes again, she turned to look into his eyes, pleading with him to believe her. "I was…oh God…" she gasped in a breath and tried to fight the next wave of tears that tried to engulf her, but Grissom's touch was causing havoc with her defences.
"You did good," he told her gently. "Don't ever think that you've let anyone down, especially me."
There had always been something hanging between them, now more than ever and he knew the way forward was firmly based on his acceptance of crossing over the line between them. Taking courage from her touch, he rose from his chair and looked down at her. "I…would like to…" he stopped, closed his eyes to rethink his words. "What I'm trying to say is…Can I hold you?"
Sara's eyes snapped open and she looked up at him quickly, but before she could even think of an answer, the door opened slowly and Warrick popped his head around the door.
"Is it okay to come in?" He asked with a grin.
Grissom smiled down at Sara's still shocked face and squeezed her hand before looking behind him towards Warrick. "Come on in."
The door opened and Warrick stepped into the room, his face one big smile. Wasting no time, he made his way around the bed and bent over to kiss her forehead and pulled her into a gentle embrace. "Girl, don't ever scare us like that again you hear me?"
Sara's mind was till reeling from Grissom's earlier question, his readiness to be with her throwing her into chaos and she couldn't focus on anything but him right at this moment. She felt Grissom release her hand but still felt his presence, allowing her to relish the love in the room. Slowly, she slid one of her hands over Warrick's arms and returned his embrace with a weak one of her own.
When he pulled back he looked over her swollen face and felt the anger rising up into his heart. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," she told him softly, trying to smile for him, but she couldn't seem to find the energy.
Warrick perched himself on the edge of her bed and tried to lighten the mood in the room. Reaching out, he took both of her hands in his and grinned. "So, are they feeding you decent food in here?"
"Food?" she muttered, screwing up her nose at the mere thought of it.
"That bad huh?" he grinned. "If you're up to it I'll drop in a veggie burger before work tonight."
"Thanks…I think…" Despite her earlier confusion, Sara couldn't help but feel her spirits lifting and broke out into a small smile.
Grissom sighed with relief when he saw some of Sara's spark returning, if only for a brief moment. Stepping closer, he looked down into her eyes and touched her shoulder gently. "I'm gonna go and grab a coffee, you want me to bring you anything…magazine…food?"
"No thanks," she told him softly, her heart already aching with his loss. She wanted to call out to him, anything that would stop him from leaving her, but she didn't.
Grissom could see the turmoil in her eyes and offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. His eyes focused on her face, the bruises only making him want to stay with her forever. In that moment he would have given anything to throw caution to the wind and reach down to kiss her, but that wouldn't be such a good idea at the moment, not with her still in hospital and with Warrick in the room, but he did want to kiss her.
"I'll see you in a few minutes," he told her, hoping that his voice hadn't betrayed his emotions.
Sara smiled at him, not quite her full Sara smile, but a smile nonetheless, and that was enough for him right now.
Outside in the corridor, Catherine sat in one of the plastic chairs next to Nick and didn't notice Grissom's soft approach.
It was Nick who noticed Grissom's arrival and broke off mid sentence to get up from his chair. "How is she?"
"She's good," Grissom nodded, his eyes flitting between Catherine and Nick, then back to Catherine again.
The air was charged with so many unsaid words that Nick suddenly felt like the intruder in a private conversation. "Uh…I'm gonna go and sit in with her and Warrick."
"Okay," Grissom nodded, his eyes thanking the younger man in silent acknowledgment.
Catherine watched Nick leave and turned her eyes back to Grissom who was looking off into space behind her.
"How are you doing, Gil?" She asked gently as she reached out to touch his arm.
"Fine," he nodded, even though he knew that was a blatant lie. He wasn't fine, he was confused and unable to think straight anymore.
"How's Sara?"
"She's been through hell," he whispered, and Catherine knew by the glazed look in his eyes and the softness in his voice that something had changed within him.
"She's tough. I've never known Sara to back away from a fight." Her words were meant to assure him, but even as they slipped from her tongue, she could feel the shift in the atmosphere.
"And you would know this, how?" he asked quickly, his voice charged with a mixture of anger and protection. "When was the last time you actually tried talking to her?"
She shook her head sadly, this conversation mirroring a previous emotional observation that was voiced by Warrick. "I know my faults Gil," she sighed. "I intend to change a few things and my relationship with Sara is one of them, but don't you stand here and chew me out over my dysfunctional attitude towards her when you haven't been that good a friend to her either."
Grissom stared at her as if she had suddenly grown a second head, her words hitting home with the truth that he had long since denied. He hadn't been a good friend in a very long time, he knew that, but Sara was very forgiving and he was humbled by the fact that even after everything, she still wanted to try. "I intend to mend a few fences too," he sighed, a hint of a smile on his lips.
"Well good," she smiled. "And so you should."
"All I can do is try my best, I just hope it's going to be enough."
"It'll be enough Gil," Catherine told him gently, her eyes lifting to rest on Sara's closed door. "Your advantage is that Sara will always forgive you. I however, I'm not so sure I can mend my bridges."
"You won't know until you try," he told her with a smile.
"I know, I'm just working my way up to it!"
"Look, Warrick and Nick want some time with her. I was gonna grab a coffee in the cafeteria, you want to join me?"
Catherine pondered on his offer for a few moments and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, okay." Turning with him, she started to walk beside him, lifting her eyes to his ashen face. "So…how is she…really?"
"Cath…" he sighed, his voice catching in his throat when he thought of Sara's injuries. "She's trying so hard, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," she soothed. "I know it's hard to watch someone you love going through pain, but I know she'll get through this."
Closing his eyes, he nodded slowly knowing that she spoke the truth. He would do anything in his power to take the memories away for her. With a silent understanding, he finally felt himself concede to defeat, and admit the one thing that his heart had tried to tell him for so long. He loved Sara Sidle.
TBC