Thorns
fluorescentpinkfairies
Rating: K+
Warnings: KeikoxKurama.
Spoilers: Not that I know of.
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership on Yu Yu Hakusho.
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Green eyes like the most beautiful of the earth's emeralds turn their flickering gaze on me. But beauty is unimportant in comparison with the outpouring of emotion that they could undoubtedly dredge up of only he thought enough of me to let me see it.
But I'm only Keiko, of course. His friend's girlfriend.
"Hello, Keiko."
"Hi, Kurama."
And then he proceeds with the niceties, as is the custom between those with such scant acquaintances.
Do I wish he would treat me like more than that scant acquaintance? Yes. I realize, though, that he doesn't want Yuusuke to kill him. I realize that if I do something stupid, I might lose them both. And I realize that he doesn't feel that way towards me.
It makes me wonder, though. Who does he feel that way towards? Botan, Shizuru, Yukina? Or is it one of the boys?
No. I don't think so. He doesn't act like he has a crush on anyone else.
But what would I know about the way that he acts?
Nothing.
It hurts, though.
I know that I will be nothing to him except for the girl that has an undying crush for Yuusuke. And that is what hurts me. We don't even have a chance together.
Hm.
Sometimes, at night, I think of those deep, penetrating eyes of his and I am filled with frustration. Not mine, not mine, not mine. Never mine. Ever. I want him to look at me like I'm a female, like I'm not just one of Yuusuke's possessions, because I'm not! I'm my own person, and I have a right to change my mind, don't I? I have the right to want to be with him instead, don't I? Well? Don't I! Yes, I do! But no one understands that! They think that I'm supposed to be with Yuusuke, and they tell me that we look like such a cute couple when we're not beating each other up or yelling at each other, and they tell me that I should just hold on because Yuusuke will come to his senses someday!
WELL WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO WAIT FOR YUUSUKE TO GROW UP?
Don't mistake my meaning. I love Yuusuke, I really do. It's just that… sometimes I just want him to stop being such an immature child. I know that there's a side of him that's tender and loving, but sometimes I wish it would just prevail against his childish side more often.
What if I just want a person that I can love and who I don't have to keep yelling at? What if I just want someone who understands? What if I just want someone who will be there for me, who won't ditch me in the middle of a date?
What if I want a person who will just hold me on a spring day under the shade of a tree?
I know that Kurama would do that. He just would. I know he would, because never in all of our non-existent relationship has he led me to believe otherwise. He's the gentleman that Yuusuke can never be and that Kuwabara strives to be but just can't measure up to.
And sometimes, at night, I cry because I know it's impossible.
Kurama…
He has a fondness for roses, and in essence, he is a rose. Not merely by the coloring of his eyes and hair, but rather by the fact that he is just so handsome, so undeniably and irresistibly beautiful.
And, like a rose, I just can't help wanting to touch him.
Or kiss him.
As I draw back, I catch the surprised look that graces his face, quickly followed by slight embarrassment.
Funny how incontrovertibly handsome he makes that emotion look. I probably just look stupid as I stand before him, blushing and stuttering apologies.
I can't stand the look on his face, no matter how attractive.
What choice do I have but to run?
The pounding of my heart is loud in my ears and it drowns out the pounding of my feet on the concrete pavement. How cliché, how movie-style it is for me to just go running and not know where to. My house, maybe? Someone else's house? No, my destination is to the park, where the birds no longer chirp and where the benches are ominously devoid of people.
For good reason, too. Without my notice, bleak, grey storm clouds have gathered ahead.
But for the moment, I don't care. The foreboding of the clouds will not bother me because I have other, more important things to think about.
Like, how to fix this whole thing.
But… what if I don't want to fix this?
Slowly, I'm beginning to wonder if ever even meeting Kurama was a whole big mistake just lurking in the corner of my vision and waiting to strike. I wonder if, maybe, like an unwitting amateur gardener, I was scratched by a rose. And maybe, the scratch that seemed so innocent was really deeper than I could have ever imagined. Maybe I've been hit harder than I ever thought I was.
But, I tell myself almost hysterically. But. Wounds heal with time, right? Right! Then that means that I'll get over him! I'll get over this, I will, I will, I will! I can't let him get to me, I'll just tell him that I didn't mean it, I'll just have to hope that he doesn't tell Yuusuke anything and everything will be okay, it will! Everything will be fine!
The first drops of rain hit the ground.
Of course, by that time I'm simply a sobbing heap on the floor and I have no intention of getting up. What's a little more water to an already sopping wet mass?
It's nothing.
But why am I crying? Why am I so emotional? I never thought that it was like this. I never thought that I could get so broken up over a guy. Sure, Yuusuke's death, but that was when I loved him with all my heart and he was dead. That kiss that I shared with Yuusuke when he was resurrected for the first time, I didn't cry. Much. Well, I didn't cry like I do now.
It hits me. Well, no it doesn't. It's more like a flashing light (much like the flashing of the lightning in the sky). I liked that kiss with Kurama. I liked breathing in that soft scent of roses, I liked the feeling of his lips on mine, and I liked just… that.
And I'm so afraid of being rejected.
I'm so afraid that I'm not good enough for him.
I'm so afraid because being in love with him isn't like being in love with Yuusuke.
Damn it all. Damn it all to the very bowels of Hell.
A particularly loud BANG of thunder catches me off guard and I stir slightly out of my stupor.
"Keiko!"
Yuusuke looks down at me. Oh, god, I hope he can't see that I've been crying. No, it's too dark. I almost sigh in relief.
"What the heck are you doing out here!"
"Oh, hi, Yuusuke. Uh… I…"
He sighs in exasperation.
"Nevermind. Come on, let's get you home."
I smile in weak relief. He won't know.
"Hey, Kurama."
No…
I don't want to look up because I know his eyes are on me, boring a hole right through my very psyche.
I don't know what he sees when he does that. I don't want him to think ill of me. I don't want him to think that I'm just some—some slut who goes hopping from guy to guy. I don't want him to think of me as another fan girl of his. I want him to think of me as me, as Keiko, as…
"What're ya doing out in the rain like this?" Yuusuke asks him and I shut my eyes tightly, fearing that he might tell.
"Just out for a walk, Yuusuke. The rain caught me off-guard, and I decided I might as well enjoy it." He lies so smoothly, almost as though it's dry sand through his fingers, and the only things left in his hand are the rough stones—the truth that he and I know in our minds but that he doesn't let slip to Yuusuke.
I realize: Why would he spill it to Yuusuke? He's not that type of guy, who would simply inform a girl's boyfriend if she had been cheating. He's the type of guy who talks to you and breaks it to you gently and trusts you to tell your boyfriend yourself.
"May I speak with Keiko?"
As though I'm Yuusuke's possession.
"Eh, whatever. Could you take her home, Kurama? I think something's wrong, but…" I can almost hear Yuusuke shrug.
"Sure. Good-bye, Yuusuke."
"See ya. Bye, Keiko."
"Bye."
Kurama waits until Yuusuke's footsteps are out of earshot before he crouches in front of me.
"Keiko." No, don't look up at him, don't!
I look up. It seems that my body hates my conscious mind. Still, it's amazing how, even drenched, with his hair plastered down onto his head, he looks so amazing.
"Keiko, will you talk to me?"
"O—okay." I find myself blushing for no apparent reason.
"Not just right now. Talk to me. I never really got to know you and… I want us to become friends." Those words, though they might be words of discouragement for any other girl, they fill me with hope even greater than I could have imagined. There is so much sense in his reasoning that I can't help but feel the slightest bit foolish.
I wanted him to talk to me as more than an acquaintance. And now he's initiating that chance. Why hadn't I thought about that?
So I nod and smile. He smiles back, a gentle smile that makes me just want to melt into a pool of nothingness. He helps me up from the floor and we walk home slowly, savoring the cold of the rain as pours down on us.
Maybe, just maybe, being cut by those thorns wasn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, just leading up to something so much more wonderful.
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Author's Space:
Yeah, yeah. Sappy ending, I know.
Still, after battling slight depression for a few days, I had to do something to cheer myself up.
Aw, dammit, I need sugar. Or marijuana. What works faster?
In any case: I'm sorry. I find myself unable to write a YuusukexKeiko. Canon pairings never were my strength. Oh, except for ItsukixSensui. That one's cool. Though, I wouldn't even think of saying that writing that pairing is a strength of mine, simply because it's so complex that I'll probably never get the full hang of it.
Thanks for reading.
Review/ flame/ rant/ critique.
(revamped on 6/30/05)