Chapter 4: Let go of what you can't have
She opened the door and stepped into "Ginny's". It belonged to Ginny, who had made a big name of herself in the fashion business of the wizarding world. She had originally pursued a career in Quidditch, and had looked to be a very promising young player, but her dreams were shattered when she gained a permanent injury during the final of the Qudditch World Cup. Hermione remembered it as if it had happened only yesterday:
(FLASHBACK)
Harry was pacing in the waiting room at St. Mungos' when Hermione walked back in with drinks.
"What did they say, then? Do you know what's happening yet?" she asked.
"No," Harry shook his head furiously. "They aren't telling me anything yet, because I'm not family. Ron's tried to get them to let me in, but they still refused."
Hermione couldn't believe that this was happening. Only this morning Ginny was telling her how happy and excited she was to have made it so far….
….
"I can't believe that is happening to me," she told Hermione. "It's been my dream ever since I joined the team at Hogwarts. This is going to be the best day of my life, even if I don't win, because at least I'll be able to say I've played it."
Hermione replied by saying, "Don't worry. You'll definitely win. You're the best player there is!"
Ginny grinned at her. "Thanks, Mione. I really appreciate your support."
Then Hermione gave her a big hug and said," You're welcome. I'm just so glad that you're living your dream. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more."
Neither of them had worried about how dangerous this might be for Ginny. Even her usually overly protective brothers, who had all been there to watch her play, had been too excited to think about something like that. Thanks to Ginny's position, and the fact that most of the Weasley's now held very high positions in the Ministry, they had some of the best seats to watch from. They had been sitting there for seven hours when it happened. The match had been exciting to watch, and Hermione loved Quidditch, but now she was beginning to feel tired. (The boys were typically showing no signs of feeling tired and were as animated as ever. She knew it was a bad idea, coming here with seven rowdy boys when she knew that there weren't going to be any other girls there.) The players had taken a few breaks, but she could see that Ginny was looking exhausted. Quidditch rules stated that every two hours there would be a ten-minute break, then after eight hours the players would switch with the reserve players. But Hermione knew that if Ginny weren't in the game when it ended, then she would be devastated.
"C'mon, you guys, you can do it," she prayed. Ginny's team was up by a hundred and ten points, but the other team could still win if they caught the snitch.
Then it happened. The English seeker caught the snitch! Ginny's team had won the World Cup!
Hermione and the boys went mad. Hermione started screaming and hugged Harry, who was sitting next to her. Then Weasley boys started shouting in delight and Fred and George let off some of their home-made fireworks that they made especially. They exploded with a BANG, then formed the words "Ginny Weasley" in the air. It was a great moment, but then Ron saw something that made him scream.
"GINNY!"
They all turned to look at what he had seen. Then Hermione's blood ran cold. Ginny had been hit badly by two bludgers and was speeding towards the ground with immense speed. Hermione whipped out her wand and screamed "Conquietum!" Ginny stopped in mid-air, which gave mediwizards a chance to fly over to her and take her to safety.
"You guys, we have to get to her," Hermione screamed. The guys nodded in agreement, and they apparated over to the edge of the pitch, where she was being taken care of. The security guards let the Weasleys go to her because they were family but they wouldn't let Harry or Hermione go. Bill and Percy came back to them to tell them what was going on. "They're taking her to Mungo's, if you want to go meet us there," Bill said.
"What's wrong with her?" Hermione was practically shrieking now.
"We don't know. The healers will tell us when we get there, I expect," Bill replied. "Mum and Dad are here too, and there coming with us as well." Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had been sitting separately from them.
"All right then. We'll see you there," Harry said.
….
Hermione was torn away from her thoughts when she saw Ron burst into the room. She and Harry jumped to their feet and started shooting questions at him.
"How is she?"
"Is she all right?"
"What's wrong with her?"
"Can we go see her now?"
"Where are they keeping her?"
"Whoa, whoa, slow down! You know that I'm limited when it comes to brainpower!" Ron stopped. "Wait. That didn't come out right."
Harry laughed at his friend's idiocy, but Hermione wasn't in the mood for jokes. "C'mon Ron, stop goofing around and put us out of our misery already!"
"Ok, god, take a chill pill, Mione!"
The next second a flying cushion hit him full on in the face.
Ron glared at Hermione, then told the two that Ginny was going to be fine. "The others sent me to tell you that, and also that you are allowed in now."
As they steeped out the room, Harry turned around and gave Ron a look before asking, "A "chill pill"?"
Ron just grinned at this. "I just wanted to see her reaction when I said that to her!"
Harry shook his head at him. "I swear you just ask for trouble."
Ron took them into the room that Ginny was in. It was already overly crowded, and the healer looked very uncomfortable.
"The healer didn't want to let so many people in here," Ron whispered. "But then Mum had a talk with him. You can imagine how that went," he finished with a grin.
Hermione had a look at the healer again. Now that she thought about it, he did look a little scared.
"So is Ginny ready to go home yet?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"Umm, not yet, there's something that we've found when taking a W-Ray."
"A what?" Hermione asked Ron in a whisper.
"It's kind of like a magical X-ray." He whispered back.
Hermione saw Mrs. Weasley clutch Ginny. She saw the look of fear on her face, and felt so much sympathy for the woman who had treated Hermione like a daughter, when her own hadn't been able to do the same.
"I'm afraid that Miss Weasley sustained a permanent injury when playing, and this may sound drastic, but I've been talking to my colleagues, and we've come to the conclusion that it would be in Miss Weasley's best injury not to fly ever again, in case she were to cause even more damage."
Seeing that everyone was dumbstruck, Mr. Weasley asked, "What exactly is wrong with her, sir?"
The human anatomy was always something that Hermione had struggled with, and she, like Harry, Fred, George and Ron, couldn't really understand what the healer was now saying. She was in too much shock to take in any more information anyway. Ginny lived for Quidditch. How would she cope with this news? Hermione knew that if her dream had been taken away from her, then she wouldn't have been able to cope.
"Oh well. Onto something else, then."
Everyone stared in amazement to hear Ginny say this, even the healer.
"She's just in shock…" Mr. Weasley said nervously.
"No, I'm not," Ginny interrupted fiercely.
"Ginny, dear, what are you saying? Didn't you like playing then?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
She turned to face her mother. "Are you kidding me? Mum, I loved it. When I was out there…it's so hard to find the words to describe it. I felt so exhilarated, so free… I had so much control. I could show everyone what I was made of, and I was one of the best. The sounds of the crowd, cheering me on every time I scored; the people who would come running to me for pictures, autographs, anything: they all loved me. You know what some little kid said to me today? She called me her hero. She said she wanted to be just like me when she was older."
At this point, Ginny had to pause her to wipe away the tears that were falling down her face.
"It's not that I didn't love it Mum, 'cos I did. It was my life. But it's like what I said to Mione today: playing in the Cup was my dream. Just being able to say that I'd done it would be a great achievement, even if I hadn't won. I did win though: and even though, ideally, I would've liked to play many more cups to come, it doesn't matter that I can't, because I received the highest achievement possible in Quidditch today. I knew that I wouldn't be able to play on forever, I just didn't realise that my career would be ended so soon, at 18 years old. But I count my blessings that I wasn't injured more severely, and I'm glad that I've gone out like this, with a bang, in a way in which people will remember me."
Fred broke the silence that followed Ginny's awesome speech by declaring this the longest period of time the Weasley family had been silent for. Everyone in the room started to laugh. Mrs. Weasley gave Ginny a hug and said, "Well, dear if you're happy, then I'm happy."
"Group hug!" George shouted, and everyone piled in.
Ginny squealed, being the one in the middle. "Careful, guys! I'm still injured y'know!"
Mrs. Weasley yelled, "Everybody off! First person to cause any more damage to my daughter gets it from me!"
Everyone backed off. Then the rest of Ginny's teammates piled in, and chaos ensued in the room once more once everyone started celebrating their victory. She'll be all right, Hermione thought, as she watched her friend. Ginny's one of the strongest people I know. She'll find some new career, and be just as successful.
(END OF FLASHBACK)
And she had. Ginny's label was now in great demand, not only with the public, but also with the celebrities of the wizarding world. They were always begging her for an outfit to wear at some A-list event or another. This meant that she was usually very busy and it had been a while since Hermione had seen her. But now she felt like she really needed someone to talk to, and there was no one who knew her better than Ginny, or who she felt more at ease talking to about such things. She had been the best girl friend that Hermione had ever had, and she felt like she really needed Ginny's support at the moment.
"Hi, how may I help you?"
Hermione turned around to see whom it was who was talking to her. She saw a woman sitting at a desk with a gold plaque that said "Secretary" imprinted on it. The woman was wearing a smile that was not very different to the ones normally seen in an advert for toothpaste.
"Hi, my name is Hermione Granger. I was wondering if I could talk to Ginny?"
"I'm sorry," replied the woman, not sounding sorry in the least, "I'm afraid that Miss Weasley is occupied for the moment with a client."
"Alright, I'll wait until she's done then."
The woman didn't look very happy about this. The smile had slipped off her face, and had been replaced with a frown. "I don't think that's a very good idea. I would suggest that you make an appointment, and Miss Weasley will see you then."
"Look, I'm a friend of hers, and this is important," Hermione argued back. "So, if you don't mind, I'll wait right here, thank you very much."
The woman looked livid now. "I'm afraid that's not possible. There is a way we like things done here, and I'm afraid that you must abide by the rules, "friend" or not."
Hermione was outraged by the secretary's behaviour, and as just about to give her a piece of her mind when she saw a door open on her right, and out came Ginny.
"Mione! I thought I heard your voice!"
She ran over to Hermione and the two women hugged. The secretary did not look very happy about this, and opened her mouth to say something, but Ginny stopped her before she could.
"Hilda, this is my best friend in the whole world, and if she comes in here again, I want you to let it be known to me straight away, okay?"
Hilda did not look very happy at this but nodded grudgingly.
Ginny turned back to Hermione and said, "Let me just finish up in here then I'll be with you, alright?"
"Sure," Hermione replied.
Ginny disappeared back into the room and a few moments later, out she came with an attractive woman who looked to be in her mid thirties.
"See you later then, Cassie!"
Ginny waved to the woman, and then gestured for Hermione to step into her office. It was a most beautifully decorated room, for Ginny had very exquisite taste. Hermione had been to the building a couple of times before but that was when it was in the process of being built. A few years earlier Ginny had a place further up North but it had been destroyed in the war. Being the fighter she was Ginny was determined not to let the incident ruin her career and had straight away started looking for an area to build a new workplace.
"So what brings you here, Mione?" Ginny asked, settling herself down in a large black office chair behind her desk, and following her lead, Hermione parked herself on a seat that sat in front of it.
"What, now I can't come and visit you now that you're such a big-shot fashion designer? Do we little people not fit into your glamorous lifestyle or something?"
Ginny laughed and gave her hair a toss before replying.
"You know that you're welcome to come round any time you want Hermione! No matter what pompous secretaries may think," shooting a dirty look at the door. "Just because she went to Clanden, one of the most prestigious wizarding universities in the magical world, she thinks she's all that…stupid egotistical cow..."
Hermione could not help but laugh. Yes, this was the same old Ginny that she knew and loved. Very sweet and caring, but also highly useful for a bitching session, if the occasion called for it.
"But seriously Mione," Ginny continued. "You haven't been here for a while, and to be honest with you, you don't look as if you're in very good shape to me."
Hermione was silent for a moment or two. "I'm fine, honestly. I was just sitting at home, since work had given me some time off, and-"
Ginny looked puzzled. "Why did they give you time off?"
Hermione gave her a confused look. "Because of the accident, of course."
Ginny gasped. "What? You were in an accident? Hermione, are you alright?"
Hermione was more confused than ever now. "Harry didn't tell you?"
"No he bloody well didn't ," Ginny exclaimed.
"God how like him," Hermione sighed
"Hermione I'm not concerned about that. I want to know happened!"
Hermione sighed and related the whole story to Ginny, leaving out the part about the stranger.
"Oh my god. Has the healer told you what was wrong yet?"
Hermione shook her head in response. "No, I don't know what's wrong yet. The results haven't come in."
Ginny looked worried now. "Are you scared?"
Hermione did not know how to respond to this. Was she scared? She had not really thought about it much. She'd had other things in her mind, like Harry's behaviour, and that stranger she'd seen…or not seen…
She was so immersed in her thoughts' that she failed to notice that Ginny was trying to seek her attention.
"Hello, Earth to Hermione?" Hermione was startled to se Ginny waving her hand in front of her face.
"Sorry Ginny, I was thinking about something that happened…at least, I think it did…"
"Mione I have no idea what you're on about. Would you care to take a moment to explain?"
Hermione looked wary. "You'll just think that I'm being silly."
Ginny gave her a look. "Hermione, you can tell me anything; you know that. If it's important to you, then it's important to me. "
Hermione sighed, and related the story to Ginny.
For a moment Ginny just sat there. Then she said, "And you've…fallen for this guy?"
"I knew that you'd think that I'm being silly."
Ginny sighed. "Hermione, you know that's not true, I just want to make sure that I understand what you're saying."
She found it hard to difficult to find the right words to explain what she meant. "I just felt…I don't know, Ginny, it's so hard to explain. I know it sounds dumb…but I can't stop thinking about him…
"Is it possible that you've fallen for him because you're craving something that you're lacking in your relationship with Harry?" Ginny asked, with a look of concern in her eyes.
Hermione found it hard not to laugh at her friend's question. "You sound like a psychoanalyst!"
Ginny furrowed her brows in confusion. "A what?"
Her friend sighed. "Never mind."
Ginny decided to carry on. "What I mean is Hermione…it's really what I've been saying all along…"
Hermione cut her off. "Stop right now, Ginny. I'm not interested in hearing any of that."
She stood up as if she was going to leave, but Ginny grabbed her arm and pulled her down."
"You have to stop running from me Hermione. I know why you haven't been to see me for such a long time. It's no use pretending you know."
"You can't tell me what top do."
The red-head shook her head exasperatedly. "Why don't you just get it through your head that I'm not trying to tell you what to do? I'm just trying to help you see what the rest of us already know. For God's sake woman, you're meant to be the intelligent one!"
"Ginny-"
"You are in danger whilst you stay with him. He's not right Hermione. Ever since the war, he's been…well, quite disturbed. I don't have to tell you this, you already know it. Why can't you just use your common sense and leave him?"
"Because I love him!' Hermione yelled.
Ginny shook her head furiously. "No, you don't! He's not the same person you feel in love with at Hogwarts, Hermione! The love between you back then was real and pure, there was no mistake about it; none of us could deny it. But what you have now is just a pathetic attempt at holding onto something you once had; what you have to accept Hermione is that the love that you both once had no longer exists, and that there 's no point in trying to find it again."
Hermione shook her head furiously. Ginny didn't understand. None of them did. "No…you're wrong…I love him Ginny! How could you all have turned against him so?"
"Because he's changed Hermione. The war affected us all in different ways; for some of us positively, and for the rest of us, like Harry…" Ginny paused. "Hermione, it's twisted him. Why can't you see that?"
Hermione shook her head defiantly. "He's the same sweet caring person…"
"I don't disagree that he can seem like his old self when he's in a good mood. But when he's not…." The young woman trailed off.
Hermione thought back to that morning. The way he'd spoken to her…the cold look in his eyes that was so unfamiliar…
No, she told herself. He's not like that. He was just a little bit stressed, that's all. That was perfectly normal. It wasn't uncommon for people to react in such a way when they were feeling pressured. That was it; he just wasn't feeling like himself.
She wasn't doing a very good job of convincing herself, and was feeling extremely confused. Either way she knew she had to get out of this place, and fast.
"I've got to go," she mumbled and made her way towards the door. Ginny flowed her and just before she could turn the doorknob she grabbed hold of Hermione's arm, looked her straight in the eye and whispered, "Please don't treat him as a replacement for what you-we-can't have."
Hermione saw a tear run down Ginny's face and for a moment the face of the successful confident businesswoman disappear, and was replaced with that of the young innocent girl she had once known.
"You have to let go Mione. We all have to."
Hermione also felt a tear grace her cheek and pulled away before she broke down.
She power walked to the toilets, trying to make herself composed as not to alarm the customers who were waiting for Ginny.
As she attempted to recover some of the damage caused to her make up (black eye make up running down your face was so not a good look), she reflected on the heated conversation she and Ginny had just shared.
She was so confused. Half of her felt indignant about what Ginny had just said. Whom she dated was her business and her business only.
Then again, she thought as she wiped the last trace of smudged make up off. Was there some truth in what Ginny had said to her? Where the rest of them right, and was she the one who was in the wrong?
Was she really trying to replace the one who she couldn't have?
She collapsed onto the floor and buried her face in her heads.
"Oh Ron," she whispered in between tears. "Why'd you have to go?"
A/N: Sorry people for the wait, only just had time to finish this, and it's kina been done in a hurry! Was going to add 3 more long scenes in this, but I thought I'd save it till later. Once I've posted the next chapter, you guys can tell me whether I should merge 'em. This is quite long anyway. Hope you liking it! I just really wanted to put something up!