I opened my eyes and thought I would see Craig sitting next to me, but I didn't…I must've dozed off.
"Ash…you're awake." I heard a voice coming from the right side of me. I turned and saw Ellie, my best friend.
"Hey Ellie." I could feel myself feeling better.
"Okay…this may some really lame when I say this, but…I was really worried about you." I smiled.
"I'm really scared, Ellie." I knew I could tell her stuff…and she wouldn't judge me, that's just the way she was.
"How long have you knew…you know about the-" I could tell she was too afraid to say it.
"The cancer…awhile now, Ell. Enough to know that I'm going to die." I whispered sadly.
"Don't say that, Ash."
"Why kid myself, Ellie? I'm going to die soon and its really all my fault. If I just…" I trailed off noticing that Ellie was hitting her wrist with a rubber band. She looked up and noticed I stopped talking.
"What's wrong?" She was acting all cool and calm, while I on the other hand was racking my brain for a reason why she was doing that.
"What are you doing?" I waited for an answer, but she wouldn't tell me.
"I could see why you wouldn't tell me…I didn't tell you about the cancer, I mean I was, but-"
"It's a therapy thing!" Ellie shouted at me…therapy thing. Then I remembered, when I was in therapy a year ago there was this girl and she was doing the same thing…because she-
"Ellie…you cut?" I asked, not really wanting to believe it.
"Its not something I'm proud of. It was just a way to release all my pain." Ellie put her head down in shame.
"Ellie we all have problems…your just lucky you didn't end up in a hospital bed, like me." I laughed bitterly.
"Don't say that…you're one of the strongest people I know, Ash. Don't let me down." She hugged me and walked out of the room. 20 minutes later and her words still lingered in my mind.
"I don't want to let you down, Ellie." I whispered. I didn't want to let anyone down…maybe I should fight and maybe I could win this battle. I just had to keep on believing that I could beat this.
"Ashley." I watched as my mother walked into the room. I knew I was in trouble from the look she had on her face.
"You know this room could really use a paint job. I'm thinking…red?" I tried to make a joke and lighten the situation, but it obviously wasn't working.
"Ashley, this is no time to joke." I practically cringed at her stern voice.
"I know." I watched as she sat down on the chair next to me.
"I spoke to the doctors…"
"And?" I felt my heart beat wildly afraid of what she would say.
"And they said the cancer hasn't spread at all." Her voice had a bit of excitement in it.
"Are you serious?" I asked, feeling the tears I had been holding back slide down my cheeks.
"Yes…you know you're very lucky." I nodded, wondering why she was coming close to my bed.
"I know, mom." I sniffed, and was taken by surprise when I felt her hugging me.
"You're going to have to go threw Chemo therapy for a few weeks." She pulled away from me…it hurt me to see the tears in her eyes, knowing that I had made them appear…that I was the reason for all her pain. No one knew how happy I was that I was going to live…but maybe if I did die, everyone would be a peace.
"And you're going to have to miss school for a month or two…but the teachers will send you all of your work, so you won't miss anything."
"Mom…I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Don't be, Ashley—I'm just glad you're going to be all right." I turned my head away, I couldn't bear to look at her…she was a mess. Just imagined how I looked! Typical you, Ash…worrying about your physical appearance!
"Is dad here?" I asked, desperately wanting to change the subject.
"He took the first flight out of Europe today…so he should be here by tomorrow." Typical dad…I was in the hospital for 2 days and he's just flying out now.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Did she have to bring up that question? Why does she think I didn't tell her…so I wouldn't have to hear questions like this!
"Because." I answered simply.
"Ashley, don't do this."
"Fine…I didn't tell you because you wouldn't understand. This was something I kept to myself, so it would be easier for me to die." I admitted.
"Ashley! Don't you dare say that. You're not going to die!"
"Why'd you do this, Ash? Why? Am I a bad mother, is that it?"
"And how do you know? Mom…this is my fault—I'm in this damn hospital bed because of me! I'm a screw up."
"You're not a screw up…you're a child and children make mistakes."
"That's just it, mom! You treat me like a child…I'm not a child! I'm 15 and I'm old enough to make my own decisions…and this one. This was the worse. I'm to blame for all of this, so just let me take responsibility for it!" Feeling drained out of my energy I decided to stop shouting.
"I'm sorry. I just don't know how to deal with all of this." I listened to her sigh…she only did that when she was aggravated.
"Do you know when I could get out of here?"
"Soon…maybe in a few days. They just want to see how your first chemo treatment goes and then you get to go back home." Chemo…those words made me sick to my stomach. Oh great, I get to loose my hair and puke my brains out, now. How fun!
"I'll let you get your rest, Ashley. I hope you get better." I watched as she got up, kissed my forehead and left the room…alone at last. Better, huh? What if I never get better…what if the cancer does get worse? This is nobody's fault but my own.
AN: Sorry about this guys…I know very short and I haven't written anything since March. Well with Degrassi back on I have newfound inspiration and next chapter will have a bit more CrAsh…even if I think Craig is a bastard.