A Twist of Fate
Rating: PG
Pairings: Neville/Lavender
Author: sunnycouger
Summary: She'd never thought she'd have to watch him die once. Why then did she have to watch it twice?
Disclaimer: characters don't belong to me sadly, neither does the song which belongs to Kate Bush. I make no money from either.
Author's Notes: Forgive the formatting if it messes up - is being a real pain.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
Though we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
This Woman's Work by Kate Bush
She had always believed in forever - anything else just didn't seem to be long enough. People like her, people she loved - they lasted forever. It was that simple. They weren't constrained by limitations of mortality. They would live forever because the fates weren't cruel enough to take away someone who was loved enough. You could be hurt by life, but you would always be around to live it. She had always believed that deep down. Always believed that she would never have to say goodbye to people she loved. It was naive, it was stupid, it was impractical, but it was what she believed. That they would live forever - it was that simple.
People her age just didn't die, it just didn't happen naturally. Before Cedric Diggory had died in her fourth year the concept of death hadn't entered into her mind with any serious conviction. Even after it had happened it hadn't really made a big impact either. Cedric had died because of an accident - he wasn't supposed to have been there with Harry Potter at that time. And if he hadn't been there, then Harry would have escaped unharmed and Cedric would have been alive. It was that simple. As long as you were careful and didn't go someplace you weren't supposed to go you would be safe. As long as you were loved you didn't have to worry. Why then was this happening to her? Why wasn't it enough now to be loved. Why were the fates doing this now? She'd never thought she'd have to watch him die once. Why then did she have to watch it twice and not be able to do anything?
Lavender Brown wiped her eyes as she looked in the mirror. How could she do this? How could she pretend that everything was okay? How could she pretend that everything was okay when she couldn't even get her tears to stop. How could she look at him and know it was the last chance she would be able to? She reached over and pulled the photograph over and ran her finger over the laughing and smiling faces of herself and Neville Longbottom. She could remember when that photo was taken. It had been taken when they had just left Hogwarts as students - it was supposed to be the start of their future. The start of all their futures. It wasn't supposed to end less than a year later. It was supposed to last forever. He was supposed to live forever.
The view of the picture disappeared as her eyes filled with fresh tears and she felt them stream down her face. Why did she have to watch this happen? Why couldn't she change the future? Why was she cursed for being good at her job? She wiped her eyes again, vainly, smudging her makeup in the process. The truth was, at this point, she wished that everything they had said about Divination at school had been true. She wished that all the taunts, all the accusations, all the claims that it wasn't real...she wished they had been right. She wished it had all been false. She wished that she hadn't saw what she'd saw. She wished she could pretend that it was nothing more than a trick. She wished she could go back to believing in forever. But she couldn't. She had to lie and she had to be convincing. She looked in the mirror and forced herself to breath slowly, desperately trying to compose herself for her performance. She looked at herself, her eyes were red and swollen, her face was blotchy and streaked with mascara, her lip was bruised from biting it to stop herself crying. How could she possibly erect a plausible facade with that foundation?
"Lavender?"
She looked in the direction of the door through the mirror to see her best friend, Parvati Patil standing there. As she looked at her, the last defences crumpled again and she dropped her head down in her arms and began to sob.
Immediately she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders protectively. "Oh, Lavender, I'm so sorry. Shhh, it'll be okay...we'll fix it. We'll work something, anything out. Shh..."
The sentiment was real but the words were empty. Parvati knew as well as Lavender did that there was no fixing it. There was no changing the future. "We can't..." Lavender pulled away from Parvati and wiped her eyes. "We can't fix it! And now I have to go and...and...pretend. Because...because that's it. Because...after that, there... won't be anymore and I can't..." she gasped for enough breath to continue. "I can't stop crying! How can I not tell him? How can I lie? It's not fair..."
"I know it's not." Parvati looked at her and dropped to her knees. "You...you just have to...to think that telling him will scare him, and you don't want his last moments to be spent being scared, or regretting anything. He deserves it to be quick...he deserves to be happy. Make sure he has a great day before he heads home. He deserves not to know..."
Lavender nodded her head as she smiled weakly. "He...he does. I'm...I'm going to try, really hard...to...to not get upset. To keep it from him...I'm going to try..."
"I know you will, but...no one is that good an actress." Parvati reached over and took her hand. "I don't want you to remember this day as your last day with him - I don't want you thinking about that when you're with him. I want you to enjoy today..."
Lavender looked at her best friend and shook her head. "I...I know."
Parvati looked at her, her eyes filled with tears as she forced herself to smile. "I...I want you to promise me. Promise me that...that if it ever happens to me - if I ever see Seamus in a premonition, that you'll do this for me. Promise me that you won't let my last day with him be tainted by the memory of the future."
"Do what?"
Parvati shook her head and whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but you'll thank me for this. I'm sorry..."
Lavender was about to ask what she was apologising for when Parvati lifted her wand and pointed it at Lavender. "Obliviate Pro Duodecim Hora."
In a flash Lavender opened her eyes and became aware of Parvati looking at her, tears streaming down her face. "Um...what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Lavender watched as Parvati shook her head and forced a smile on her face as she took a deep breath. "Nothing...you know, I...I had an argument...with Seamus and...and I was a bit upset. How...how do you feel?"
Lavender rubbed her head as she looked at her friend. "A little strange if I'm honest - I think I might have been gazing in that ball too hard. Everything seems a bit...blurry."
Parvati smiled as she stood up. "It's a good job you're...going out then. You should get ready, Neville will be here soon. You don't want to keep him waiting."
Lavender couldn't help but notice the strain on Parvati's voice and how her smile seemed forced, almost pained. "If you want I can tell Neville we can do it later - me and you can talk and you can tell me what your sorry excuse for a boyfriend has done now."
Parvati shook her head. "We made it up - I'm just a bit teary. I want you to go out and have the time of your life with Neville today. Go," she began as she turned around and looked at Lavender. "Go and have a day to remember - we don't get to do that often enough now..."
Lavender nodded her head as she tried to hide her confusion at why her friend was being so strange. She turned and looked in the mirror and nearly jumped back. "What the hell have I done - look at me! I must have fell asleep - look at me. I look like I've been dragged through a bush backwards!"
She heard a sniff behind her as Parvati forced another watery smile. "Neville - he'll be five minutes. Remember what I said...I...I have to go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
With that she ran out the room leaving Lavender looking after her. "Sorry for what?"
Getting no reply she contemplated about running after her but decided against it as she looked at her reflection again and shuddered. How on earth could she let herself get into this state? She stood from the stool and was about to walk towards the bathroom to wash up when she noticed the photo laying down on the desk. She smiled and reached over to set it in it's place when an image flashed through her mind of herself sobbing over the moving photo. She dropped the frame in shock and took a deep breath to recover. What had happened? She took a deep breath and looked at the photo again before shaking her head and turning towards the bathroom and talking to herself.
"You've been working too hard, Lavender. You're going a bit dopey - Neville's not going to be wanting to marry his dopey fiancee if she's seeing things..." she berated herself as she skipped towards the bathroom, the thoughts of her fiancé and the upcoming date eradicating Parvati's strange behaviour and the image of the flash. No, she had more important things to plan today and she was going to have fun. She was going to make sure they had the time of their life.
"Lavender? Is everything all right? The others were acting a bit weird," Neville began as he opened the door for Lavender. "Seamus was very weird."
Lavender reached over and took his arm as she smiled. "Seamus is always weird. I think him and Parvati had a bit of an argument and it must have been pretty serious because she had been crying but she said they'd made it up."
"Well, she was crying on his shoulder when I saw her, before she left to see you so it must have been that. She looked really upset and then he was all weird."
"Well, I love Seamus but he doesn't really handle the emotional stuff too well. He was probably confused by the whole thing and was trying to work out what he had done. He's a silly boy and unfortunately his layers don't run too deep - you can read him just by looking at him."
"Maybe," Neville said quietly. "He wasn't that easy to read earlier though. He looked pretty upset."
Lavender looked up to see Neville shrugging his shoulders as they got to the fireplace and stood. She couldn't quite shift the feeling that something wasn't right with him. "Neville, are you all right? You don't look yourself."
He smiled and shook his head. "I don't know...I just...I have a weird feeling. You said Parvati was acting strange and Seamus...I guess, I don't know...it's nothing. Just...being silly. So, where are we off to?"
Lavender grinned. "I have a list - I want to do everything today and apparently I have it all planned to perfection. I swear I must have done it when I was asleep because I can't remember doing any of it."
"You work too hard," Neville said with a smile. "You should take a break more often."
She grinned and reached up on her tip toes and kissed him. "Well, that's what you're here for - to relax me."
A flash of colour washed over his cheeks as he looked at her. "Um...I'll try my best?"
She began to laugh as she grabbed a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the fire. "Don't worry, I'll help you out. Hogsmeade!"
In a flash of green smoke she emerged in the fireplace at Hogsmeade and quickly stood out the way to let Neville through. She shook her head and looked in the mirror and groaned as Neville stepped out. "Remind me to apparate next time. You know, if you guys ever come up with a herb to allow clean floo'ing then you will be rich."
Neville brushed himself off. "Um, I don't see that happening since I just grow plants in the garden centre..."
"Just now. But no one starts at the top - I mean you've been out of school for a year and you're already running your own section. And in a few years you'll be eligible to apply to work for the Ministry in their department and then you can make ashless floo powder for me."
He began to laugh. "You have a very high opinion of me..."
She turned and looked at him. Why did he never think he could pull it off? "You have too low of an opinion on yourself. I know you will be brilliant at your job - you should know it. You have a bright future in the field of Herbology, Mr Longbottom - I can tell," she said as she winked at him. "It's written in the stars. And you wouldn't dare underestimate my abilities as a Diviner to tell me otherwise, would you?"
He shook his head as she walked towards him. "No, but..."
"Uh uh uh," she said with a shake of her head and by putting a finger on his lips. "No buts - no arguments. You just have to admit that I'm right and then we can go and enjoy our day."
"You know, if you use that excuse all the time I'm never going to win an argument..."
She laughed as she bounced up and down. "I know! It's a perk of the job - you always get to be right! So, first things first - I believe we are going for butter-beer at the Three Broomsticks, and then on to the Muggle museum, and then I think we'll go to the park for a picnic."
"I had such a wonderful time today," Lavender cried out as she wrapped her arms around Neville's neck. "You have no idea how much I needed this. Just you and me."
Neville smiled as he gave her a shy grin. Lavender looked at him and couldn't help but jump up and kiss him - he was so adorable when he didn't know what to say. Lavender couldn't remember the last time she had had such a blissful day. Everything seemed to go off without a hitch and every one of their friends that they ran into seemed to be doing their best to make sure that the day went off without a problem. It was one of those dream days. Everything was perfect...
Or should have been perfect.
She couldn't quite shake a strange feeling she'd had all day and she could tell that something wasn't quite right with Neville either although she wasn't sure he knew what was wrong. She tried to brush the feelings aside as she allowed him to guide her over towards their favourite spot in the park.
The tree they always sat under wasn't the most desirable place in the park, but it was theirs and, as he sat down she dropped her bags and joined him. She smiled as she sat down beside him and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I think the others are up to something, don't you?"
Neville nodded as he took her hand. "They have been a bit weird today..."
"Well, I suppose we're used to those four being weird. Seamus has totally ruined Parvati by exposing her to whole new levels of weirdness, Dean is obviously only slightly more sane than Seamus and Hannah is irrational and scatty. The four of them wouldn't be able to keep a secret if their lives depended on it which is why it is so obvious that something is up. Now I've been doing some thinking and I think," she said before lowering her voice slightly to whisper the next part. "I think they are going to throw us a party. I think they're all stressed out thinking we know."
"You think? It doesn't seem like they would stress out over that," Neville said as he put his arms behind his head and stretched out. "I mean...why would they throw us a party? It's not either of our birthday for ages yet."
Lavender rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Neville!" she said in exasperation. "We're getting married and you just know that we're both going to get promotions at work soon. That is definitely what the problem is which is why they've been as weird today."
"Definitely?"
Lavender nodded as she closed her eyes and lay down beside Neville, resting her head on his chest. "Definitely."
He brought one of his arms down and wrapped it around his shoulder as she listened to the steady beat of his heart in her ear. She sighed happily as they sat in silence - enjoying just being together.
The time past in silence until Neville spoke. "Lavender? You know what you said earlier about me doing well in Herbology? Do you really believe it?"
She nodded her head resolutely as she turned her head towards Neville's face. "Completely. Utterly. I know you can do it and I have total faith that you will. Why?"
He smiled and rubbed his hair self-consciously. "I just...it's nice that you think I can do it."
She reached up and kissed him softly. "Not think, know. I know you can do it."
He blushed as he looked away from her and she noticed the flash of pride in his eyes that he was trying to hide. He never really got over his awkward high school phase and as much as she always tried to get him to come out of his shell, she couldn't deny that she found his shyness more than a little endearing.
"Um...you know, I think it's going to rain."
She sighed and leant back down against his chest. "It always rains. We're in London, the rain capital of the world hence why my hair does that crazy, frizzy thing when it's wet."
"I like your hair when it's wet," Neville said as he gave a yawn. "It looks all curly and pretty."
"Ah, but that's why you're the man," Lavender said as she tapped his chest gently. "You don't understand the difference between pretty, curly hair and wet, frizzy hair."
She didn't need to look at him to know that he had a confused look on his face at that statement.
"Well, um - since you're the expert and I don't want you to get 'frizzy' - you tell me when you want to head home and we'll go."
Lavender blinked when he said that. "Wh...what?"
"Tell me when you want to head home if you're worried about getting your hair wet."
She felt the breath catch in her throat and an ache begin in her chest at his words.
"You...you just have to...to think that telling him will scare him, and you don't want his last moments to be spent being scared, or regretting anything. He deserves it to be quick...he deserves to be happy. Make sure he has a great day before he heads home. He deserves not to know..."
She almost let a sob escape as the memories came flooding back, the memories that Parvati had tried to protect her from. The image she had saw, the way she felt afterwards, how scared she had been, how Parvati had blocked her memories - all of it came flooding back.
In that second it was over - the facade of bliss she had known had crumbled as quickly as it had appeared and she could see it all so clearly now. As clearly as the crystal she had gazed in - this was it. Her eyes widened and tears streamed silently down her face as she cuddled closer to him. Here she was, enclosed in his arms - enclosed in his arms for the last time. She bit her lip to stop the sob escaping as she clutched the fabric of his robes, willing time to stop. Willing them to stay there under the tree forever. Willing it not to be true. She silently begged to God, to Fate, to the Devil - she begged to anyone who would listen, who would pity her. Who would save him. She begged in vain as the tears streamed down her cheeks. This was it - this was the last time they would be together. "Ne...Neville?"
"Hmm?"
She closed her eyes and cuddled closer to him. "Did...did you have...did you have a good day?"
"I had a great day! We need to take more days off at the same time, don't you think?" he said, his voice relaxed and cheerful.
She had to battle back a sob. She couldn't let him see her cry, she couldn't let him know. She had to be strong. "Yeah, we should...next...next time, you...you can plan it..."
"I will!"
She discreetly moved her hand over and wiped her eyes as she forced herself to pretend. She forced herself to smile, to sound happy. She forced herself not to think about all the things they hadn't done yet, all the things she'd never said to him, the family they would never have, the fact she would never get to sign her name Lavender Longbottom, the fact that she would never get to dance at their wedding, the fact that she'd never give birth to his child...she forced herself to forget that. She had to. "Neville?"
"Yeah?"
She knelt up and looked at him - just looked, memorising everything about him. The way his hair pointed in every direction at the back of his head yet managed to stay flat at the front, the way the light reflected in his pale green eyes making them almost blue, the way his head was tilted, almost lazily against his shoulder as he looked at her. The way his hand covered hers exactly. She took a deep breath and began again. "Neville, I...um...I love you, you know that, right? You know I love you more than anything, more than I ever thought was possible. You, you know that?"
He nodded his head as he brought his hand up and tentatively touched her cheek. "Yes. I know that. I don't know why you do, but I'm grateful, because I would do anything for you." He gave a small smile as he looked at her and brought his thumb across her cheek to wipe away the tears that were gathering there. "Lavender...why are you crying? Didn't you have fun?"
She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "No, it's not that it's just...I had such a good time today. I'm just...I just don't want it to be over. It's too soon. There wasn't enough time to do everything I wanted us to do...we...we just need more time. I don't want it to be over."
And she didn't, every thought running through her head was ways to save him. If she could use a time turner, if she could delay them going back, if she could send someone else instead. If she could tell him...all these thoughts screamed in her brain, demanding to be heard. Every one of them couldn't work - you couldn't stop the future happening but that didn't stop her thinking it.
"I thought we did everything on your list?"
She looked at him and reached down and took his hand and whispered. "I have more lists. We haven't done the things on them."
He gave a small laugh as he sat up. "Well, we'll do them next time. There's no need to get upset - we'll leave earlier next time so we can fit more in."
Her heart crumpled as the heavens opened on them without a warning.
"Um, Lavender - now might be a good time to head back - what with your hair's problem with wet weather and all that," he said with a warm smile.
She shook her head as she looked at him. No, it was too soon - she didn't want to go back. She didn't want to say goodbye. She didn't want to lose him. She couldn't. "No. I don't want to go back - I want to stay here." She grabbed his hand pleadingly and pulled him to his feet. Her voice was desperate as she pulled him away from the tree and towards the gate, away from the shelter from the rain. "We can stay here. I don't want to go back there! I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay here, where it's safe!"
Neville put on the brakes and stared at her. "Why is here safer than home? Come on, you'll catch pneumonia!"
"Neville!" she screamed, her voice hoarse. "Don't! Stay here with me."
"No, now...give me a reason why you want to stay here or else come back."
"Neville, please, please, please just trust me...please. Stay here. It won't happen if you stay here."
"What won't happen?"
She brought her hand up to her mouth, what had she done. "Please, please just stay..."
"Why?"
"Because," she whispered as her tears mingled with the rain. "I'm not ready to lose you...not yet."
She wasn't sure of what happened, but in that second he knew. He just knew. His eyes blinked open and he opened his mouth in realisation. "Oh. That's...that's what will happen? Um..alright. Well...that...that explains a lot - you, you know...why Seamus was acting weird and all that. Well, well," his eyes filled with tears as he looked at her and gave a weak smile as he rubbed the palms of his hands against his robes. "Well, we had a good day. We...we should go back, now. We should...we need to go back. Yes, we...go back. Go..."
"Neville," Lavender began as Neville lifted his hand to stop her.
"Don't, don't say it." He smiled then, he just smiled and shook his head. "I...one question. Um, you know - do...will it...will it make a difference?"
She wanted to tell him no, that it was meaningless and then maybe he would stay. But he knew as well as she did that there was no escaping fate - and no escaping destiny. And that meant there was no escaping what was about to happen. He would apparate into that house and Harry would come crashing through the window. He would check to see if Harry was all right instinctively and in that second the curse meant for Harry would hit Neville. And if it didn't, if Harry died - Neville would die anyway and it would be in vain. You couldn't cheat death. She knew that, yet it didn't matter - she just wanted that extra time even though she knew she couldn't have it. "Yes. It makes a big difference."
He nodded his head then and reached for her hand. She looked at him, his eyes glistening and full of fear, his hands trembling as he took hers in his. She had never imagined such torture could exist.
"I just...I just...I love you. I love you so much, and...and I am so proud of you. And you...you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And I know I don't tell you it enough but..." In that second his resolve seemed to waver and she immediately put her fingers on his lips.
"I know," she whispered. "I know."
He nodded and forced a smile. "Good. Good. We...should go then?"
She wanted to say no. She wanted to ask him to stay again but it would make it harder on him. It would hurt him more. She had to be strong now. "Yes, we should."
He nodded his head as he looked up at the sky, the heavy rain washed down on his face and he closed his eyes in an attempt to savour the moment. "My Mum and Dad, they'll never know..." He looked down then and she saw that he was crying, the rain doing nothing to disguise the tears. "Never mind..."
She reached up and wiped his eyes before reaching up and kissing his lips hungrily. The salt of their tears mingled and she could feel his heart pounding against his chest as he responded desperately. Her hands found their way up into his hair, now stuck to his head and she ran her fingers through it as she tried to remember the sensation of the feel, of the taste of his lips. Almost as soon as it happened he pulled away from her. "We need to go."
She nodded and allowed him to take her hand and guide her towards the tree where he picked up his wand. He gave her one last look and a small smile as he whispered, 'I love you' before apparating. She dropped her wand and walked over to the spot he had disappeared from - visualising everything she knew was happening. Any second, any second now...
And sure enough she felt it. She should have cried then. She should have sobbed. She should have done so much. Instead she fell to her knees and sat, letting the rain wash over her. It was over and all she wanted was for it to go away, to wake up and for it to be a dream.
But she couldn't.
She heard a pop behind her and without turning around she knew that Parvati would be there. "That it?"
She knew her voice sounded flat, empty, emotionless but it seemed to fit. Being so numb, there was no way she would have been able to pretend.
"Yes."
"Thank you, thank you for..." Lavender began as she looked towards her friend. "I would never have been able to do it if I had remembered..."
"I know," Parvati said as she sat down. "Are...are you...do you want to come back?"
Lavender looked at Parvati, whose eyes were reddened. "Would you have saved Seamus?"
Parvati looked at her and in that instant she knew - she knew the answer. Parvati would have saved Seamus no matter the cost. "I...I don't know. It wouldn't...it wouldn't have mattered. It would have only been for days. But...yes, I don't think I would be strong or unselfish enough not to try. I would have done anything to save him - even though it would be wrong. I'm not that strong..."
"That's why you made me promise to do the same with you? I understand now. I tried to save him, you know? I would have done anything, I begged him. I begged him to stay and...and he had to be strong. He had to be smart."
Parvati reached over and took Lavender's hand and squeezed it. "He knew what would have happened - he was never going to swap his life for someone else's. He was braver than I think most other people would be. I know...I know it seems hollow but you should be proud of him."
Lavender turned and smiled as the tears slowly fell from her eyes. "I am. I am so proud of him. He's a hero and that's all he ever wanted to be."
She sat outside in the rain looking up at the sky, letting the rain wash over her. He had died three days ago and she still had trouble facing it. Life, death, destiny, fate, love, pain - they had all merged into the one thing now and for some reason she couldn't feel any of them. She couldn't feel the energy of life pouring through her veins, she couldn't comprehend the concept of death. Love and pain, so intricately entwined now made it impossible for her to distinguish one or the other. Try as she might to remember the happiest memories, she was assaulted by pain. Try as she might to forget the last moments, she was assaulted by love. She was almost blessed to not feel anything.
Fate and destiny, what she had lived her life by, were foreign concepts now. She couldn't understand why it couldn't be changed. How could a simple twist of fate dictate a persons entire future? How could destiny be a good thing when it could just end a good man's life without reason?
She opened her eyes and looked up at the sky as the rain stopped and felt herself smile involuntarily as the moon shone through the clouds. What was it they said about clouds and silver linings? She just couldn't seem to find anything remotely silver in her lining. And she didn't want to. She didn't want to cheapen what happened by pretending it was for the best. She didn't want people to think that it was maybe for the best. She wanted them to hurt, she wanted them to remember him. She wanted them to grieve for him like he would have grieved for them. He was worthy of that. He was worthy of so much more than that.
She stood up and looked up at the sky and felt her eyes fill as she lifted her wand up and shot a rainbow into the sky. As the colours emerged she smiled and took a step back and looked at it. It seemed fitting that people would look at the sky and see the extraordinary thing and be happy considering the extraordinary person it was honouring. "For you. No one else." She bit her lip and rubbed her eyes as she looked at the colours. "I miss you. I love you...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
She dropped to her knees and looked up at the colours and shook her head as she whispered. "I'm so sorry..."
And she was. Sorry for all the things she never got to say, to do. Sorry for all the times he had embarrassed himself at school and she had teased him. Sorry for taking six years to notice him. Sorry for making him feel bad when she had a bad day. Sorry for not spending more time with him. Sorry for not trying harder. She was sorry for all the little things she had taken for granted before, and all the things she believed she had a lifetime to put right. She didn't have that lifetime with him. But she had a life and she would live it. She'd live it for him and she'd never forget how destiny was a fickle mistress and could destroy even the purest of love on a whim. Life was a game of Russian roulette and sadly, she had found the bullet - now all she had to do was pick up the pieces that were left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
The End