I don't know how to love him by Tanya J Potter.
A/N: Hi this is my first Remus/Sirius fanfic and my first slashfic. I usually don't like songfics,
but I just had to do this song.
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns all these wonderful characters, so please don't sue me. 'I don't know how to love him is owned by Yvonne Elliman.
Summary: Remus has loved Sirius since third year, Sirius only just figured it out that he's in love with Remus,
but is afraid. Sirius/Remus and slightly Lily/James.
No one's point of view:
'I don't know what to do anymore Prongs.' The seventeen year old Remus said to his friend James Potter.
'I really think you should tell him Moony.' The bespectacled boy told the light brown haired boy.
'And tell him what exactly, hey Padfood I'm in love with you, I have been since we were thirteen.
Right Prongs that just doesn't work that way. Besides he's a womanizer, he wants and can get every woman he likes.' Remus sighed and lay down on his bed.
'You don't know that Moony, he hasn't been with a girl in like a month, for all we know he might be gay,
even if he isn't, he has a right to know.' James said standing up.
'I don't know, I will tell him, eventually.' Remus said also standing up.
'Fine, just promise you will tell him. I'm off to meet Lily to do rounds, I will see you later, good luck Remus.' James said waving him goodbye.
'Bye, have fun.' Remus smiled and lay down again and closed his eyes. He soon fell a sleep with only Sirius on his mind.
Meanwhile: (Sirius POV)
I was walking alone on the third floor just thinking. I've been doing that a lot these days, you know thinking.
Don't get me wrong I'm always thinking, but it's usually about pranks, Quiddich or girls.
Right now it's none of that; all I've been thinking about these past few months was…
'Hi Sirius.' A blondeblue eyed girl said to me, damn her I couldn't finish my thoughts.
'Ehm Hi…' I couldn't quite remember her name, it was something with an A I think.
'Laura.' She giggled, oh how I hate giggling girls, her name is Laura oh well I guess it didn't start with an A,
at least the name has A's in it. I'm getting of track. Let's see what she wants.
'Sirius, I've been thinking, ever since you looked at me the other day, I felt a connection.'
Laura said to me, she probably just wants to shag me. I don't know if I should do that, that wouldn't be fair to…
'Sirius, are you even listening.' She practically yelled at me.
What's up with her she probably needs to get laid, well that's what she wants isn't it?
'Ehm sorry Laura, just dozed off a little bit, what were you saying again?' I asked her in my sweetest (that's what my mates tell me) grin.'
'I was saying, what about you and me going up to the closet up ahead.' She flirted; at least that's what she was trying to do.
I thought about her offer for like a minute, what have I got to lose right
'Sure, why not.' She grabbed my hand and we headed for the closed. Once inside she started kissing me fiercely.
I grabbed her buttocks with one hand and her breasts with the other. She started moaning and kissed my earlobe.
I pushed her shirt up and unclasped her bra. She threw her shirt on the ground and her bra soon followed.
I grabbed her breasts again and kissed her mouth. She groaned and called out my name.
She pushed my shirt over my head and started kissing my chest; I groaned but really wasn't thinking about what I was doing.
She kissed lower and lower until she was just below my bellybutton and tried to pull my pants down.
Then something snapped inside of me, I couldn't do this anymore, at least not with her.
I must face the fact that I don't like girls anymore, that infact I've turned the other side.
I'm gay, a poof, a fag and in love with my best friend.
'I'm sorry Laura, I can't do this. I'm so sorry.' I said putting my shirt back on looked at Laura once more and walked away towards the Gryffindor dormitory.
When I arrived I saw James and Lily snogging on the couch.
Which of course was weird because James has liked Lily since first year and she has always hated him,
up until now that is, yesterday they were up at each others throats and today they're snogging their brains out.
It of course is time for me to make my presence known.
No one's POV:
'If you guys are having a party, why didn't you invite me?' Sirius said grinning. Lily and James jumped apart and Lily started talking.
'It's not what it looks like' Lily quickly said. James looked oddly at her.
'Oh and what does it look like?' James asked the love of his life with a painful look in his eyes.
'Oh gosh, sorry James, I didn't mean it like that.' Lily said clearly upset.
'Well tell me when you've figured it out Lily.' James said standing up about to walk away to his room.
'Stop James, Stop it right now!' Lily said yelling. James kept walking.
'James, stop it!' Lily yelled getting angrier by the second.
'Why should I?' James said standing still but kept his face strait forward, staring at the boys' stairs.
'Because, because I love you.' Lily said almost in a whisper.
'You what?' James said turning around looking up at Lily.
'I love you, okay. I have since last year after the incident with Snape.
You were so courageous and loyal to your friends, you are absolutely handsome,
cute and on top of it all your head has been deflated.' Lily said with tears in her beautiful green eyes.
'You really mean that?' James said stepping closer.
'Yes, of course I mean that.' Lily said sniffing.
'I love you too, you know.' James said smiling and giving her a hug.
'I know… James?'
'Yes?' He asked looking in her eyes.
'Would you please kiss me?'
'Do you even have to ask?' James said and kissed her passionately.
'Um guys don't stay up to late.' Sirius said grinning and walked to the dormitory.
Sirius POV:
'I'm really happy for James and Lily, they really deserve each other.' I thought while entering the dorm,
I looked around and noticed Peter having his curtains closed around his bed.
I saw James bed, really tidy and on his nightstand were two pictures,
one of us, the marauders throwing snowballs at each other back in our 5th year,
the other picture was of Lily laughing along with her friends Mary and Anne and Lisa.
James always looks at that picture before he falls asleep.
'I know he doesn't know that I know he does that.' '
That sentence really sounded weird even in my own head.' I smiled and looked at my bed it was very messy,
sheets lay beside my bed; my pillow lay on the other side, and clothes everywhere.
Remus always scolds at me for not cleaning up my mess.
I always tell him the room can't be clean if there never was something dirty to begin with.
He never knows what to say when I say that to him.
The bed closest to the door is that of Remus, I look at the bed and see Remus sleeping in on it.
He is still in his school clothes, one arm draped over the bed and his other under his head.
Remus still had his shoes on so without thinking I walked over to Remus and took his shoes off.
I placed his arm on the bed and pulled his blankets over him. I watched him and kissed his forehead.
After that I changed in to my pyjama's which consisted of only my boxers.
When I lay down on my bed I quickly fell asleep.
No one's POV:
The next three days were like hell for Sirius, he was battling if he should tell Remus that he was in love with him,
and even if Remus wouldn't accept it, after all, Sirius always used girls.
Sirius would do everything for Remus, even if that means he had to change.
Sirius felt like he was someone else, a new person he wasn't familiar with.
I Don't Know How To Love Him
What to do how to move him
I've been changed yes really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
I seem like someone else
He really was lost, Sirius really has had many women before.
He didn't know how he could fall in love with Remus, a guy for merlinssake.
But why Remus, why couldn't it be James or Peter?
Well Peter really was out of the question, he wasn't attractive, always so secretive and he really didn't have a mind of his own.
James, well James was like a brother to Sirius, he has been his bestfriend since their first year,
and last year when he ran away from home, James and his family took him in like a brother and a son.
He really was very greatful and loved them for that.
Remus well Remus is just beautiful, he's very smart, very strong and brave,
changing every month in a werewolf, he's nice to everyone and knows a good laugh.
Remus is just perfect.
I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a man he's just a man
And I've had so many (wo)men before
In very many ways
He's just one more
Sirius really didn't know if he should tell Remus, if he would leave it and never let it out, or if he sould tell him and be humiliated for the rest of his life.
Sirius was lost he didn't know what to do, he never thought he would be in this kind of perdicament.
Should I bring him down should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love let my feelings out
I never thought I'd come to this -- what's it all about
Ever since we hit puberty all I could think about was girls, girls, Quiddich, pranks and girls.
My first kiss with a girl was with Darla a fourth year Ravenclaw, I was 13.
Of course I would always remember that kiss, I thought I was in love with her, until she told me she just did it,
because her boyfriend broke up with her, and he believed she wouldn't find anyone else, Sirius was just there she told him.
He was heartbroken. He swore he would never be used again, so ever since that day he started dating girls and dumped them the next week.
Soon it was three days when he dumped them, and soon after that he dumped them on the same day.
So why did he have to fall in love now, he couldn't keep a relationship.
He was scared when he would be with Remus he would dump him just like he did to those other girls,
he doesn't want to ruin the friendship he has with Remus, he would rather be his friend than nothing at all.
Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position
I'm the one who's always been
So calm so cool, no lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so
No ones POV:
Remus came walking from his dormitory and saw Sirius sitting on the couch staring at the fire.
'Sirius?' Remus asked sitting next to him.
'Moony, what are you doing here?' Sirius asked shocked.
'James told me you were down here, all alone, I thought you might wanted to have some company.' Remus said smiling.
'Yes.' Sirius said.
'What do you mean by yes?' Remus asked confused.
'Yes, I would like some company.' Sirius said grinning.
'Look Sirius, there is something I've been wanting to tell you.' Remus said nervously.
'Yeah well me too.' Sirius said.
'Okay me first, just promise me that when I finish telling you, you won't hate me.' Remus said anxiously.
'Remus, I would never hate you, no mather what, you're one of my bestfriends.' Sirius said putting his hand on Remus' knee.
'That's just the thing Sirius, I, I don't want to be your bestfriend anymore.'
Remus said shivering when Sirius touched his knee, but Sirius soon pulled it away when Remus made his coment.
'What, you don't want to be my friend anymore?' Sirius stuttered.
'No, I want to be more.' Remus said grabbing the hand Sirus had on his knee moments ago.
'More, what do you mean?' Sirius asked confused.
'I mean this, you git.' Remus said grabbing sirius head and kissed him roughly.
'In that case I don't want to be your friend either.' Sirius panted and kissed him passionately.
'I love you Sirius.' Remus told his new boyfriend.
'And I love you Remus.' And with that he kissd Remus once more.
I never thought I'd come to this -- what's it all about
Yet if he said he loved me
I'd be lost I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so
The End.