Late that night as Bella stood at the bathroom sink, clutching her toothbrush and watching the water run down the drain she found herself lost in thought. Amazingly, she found herself in the depths of a lustful fantasy. Of imagining how Doug's lips might feel on her own....on her flesh...she turned off the faucet, scolding herself. Lust was a sin to Merclaedos, she had been taught that since her early childhood, and here she was trying to imagine how the lips of a man she had just met would feel on her breasts. But strangely, enough, it felt....right. She felt a strong desire to be with this man at all costs, no matter what the consequences.
No matter what? Even if he's a drug addict? she asked herself, gazing into the mirror.
"Even if he's a drug addict," she murmered. "I want him."
Dear God, Bella, listen to yourself! her conscious roared from inside her. You sound like an absolute heathen!
Tying the sash on her pink bathrobe, she opened the bathroom door and walked out, picking up her copy of "Stories Of Faith And Healing For Pertennists" from the bureau. She stopped in her tracks and the book fell from her hands as she saw her daughter standing in the doorway.
Four year old Lydia stood in the doorway clad in her Chibby The Chocobo pajamas. Her long dark hair was matted and tangled, and in her right hand she held a sharp kitchen knife, the blade gleaming in the lamplight.
"Lydia! What are you doing with that?" Bella stammered, rushing to the child's side. "Give me that, you know better than to play with knives," she scolded, taking the knife from the girl's fist. "What's wrong with you?"
"Saw. Mr. Saw," she babbled, staring past her mother into space, her brown eyes wide and emotionless. "No, Mr. Saw, stop being so naughty, won't you?"
"Lydia, what are you talking about? Who is Mr. Saw?"
"Mr. Saaaaaw. Saaaaw. Why won't you leave me alone," she sputtered, saliva trickling down her chin.
"Lydia, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Bella shouted, giving the girl a shake.
"Suffering....pestilence...famine....it's all mine," she said matter-of-factly as if reading from a book. Words the child was not even familiar with, pouring from her mouth like a waterfall. "All mine. All mine. Oh, my pleasure, Mr. Saw. Only too glad to help, happy to help-"
"STOP IT!!" Bella screamed, slapping the girl across the face.
Lydia's eyes immediately returned to normal and quickly focused on her mother. She quickly opened her mouth in an ear piercing scream of pain, as she held her cheek.
"Lydia...I'm sorry....here, babe..." she reached out and pulled the child tight, stroking her matted hair.
"Why did you hit me?" the girl choked, pulling away from her mother. "I was sleeping and you HIT me!" she cried, staring at her mother in fear.
"Lydia, what HAPPENED to you? You came in here holding a knife and talking about Mr.Saw..."
"Mommy, what are you talking about?"
Bella picked up the knife she had pried from the girl's hands and thrust it in her face.
"This. You came in holding this. Were you trying to be funny, Lydia Marie? Do you think this is a joke?" she demanded, grabbing ahold of the girl's forearm.
"What are you TALKING about?" the little girl whined, twisting out of her mother's grasp. "Why did you wake me up?" she demanded, crossing her arms.
"I'm TIRED of this Mr. Saw crap!" she yelled in the girl's face, tossing the knife behind her carelessly. "I'm tired of hearing your childish excuses! I'm sick of this nonsense! WHO IS HE?!" she screamed, spraying saliva in the girl's face.
"Mommy, stop! You're HURTING ME!" she screamed, struggling to break free of her mother's grasp.
"TELL ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" Bella screamed, a mere inch away from the girl's terror-striken face.
Lydia stopped her tearful struggle and gazed at her mother in slack-jawed shock.
Bella let go of the girl's pajama collar, her hands trembling, and fell against the bed, her eyes welling with tears.
"Mommy....?" the little girl asked uncertainly, taking a cautious step toward her weeping mother. "Are you-"
The girl flinched as her mother reached out and grabbed the girl, pulling her towards her. Weeping quietly, she wrapped her arms around the girl and held her to her chest, her cheek resting on the girl's shoulder. At that moment, the young woman felt a deep pain unlike any she'd ever felt before. Seeing her only child flinch at her touch felt as though she had been stabbed right in the heart with that knife that lay behind her against the wall.
"I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered, stroking the girl's hair. "Lord forgive me, I don't know what got into me..."
After a moment's embrace, the child backed out of her mother's arms, wiping her tears on her pajama sleeve.
"You don't think I'm crazy....do you, mommy? You believe in Mr. Saw, too, don't you?"
"Honey, I think it's time for you to let go of Mr. Saw," Bella said gently, drying her eyes on the comforter.
"How come?"
"Because you're a big girl now, Lydie, and big girls don't need imaginary friends."
"But he's the only friend I've got!" the girl protested loudly.
"Casey-"
"Casey thinks I tried to kill her! But I didn't mean to!"
"I know you didn't mean to, baby. But you can't let your temper get out of control like that. Everyone loses their temper now and then, and I'm sure Casey will understand if you apologize to her."
"But I can't just make Mr. Saw leave. He's always around. I don't think he'll just leave."
"He will if you want him to. I had an imaginary friend when I was a little girl, too. Her name was Alicia. Back then, I felt like she was the only friend I had, same as you. I remember when I-"
"Can I go to bed now?" the little girl sighed impatiently.
"Sure. And Lydia-" she added as the girl headed for the door.
"No more Mr. Saw, okay? Tell him you're a big girl and you're going to make real friends from now on. Alright?"
"Alright, mom."
"And let me know if you keep sleepwalking. There's stuff you can take to help stop it, alright, babe?"
And that was the end of it. Bella placed the kitchen knife back in its holder and the incident was never spoken of again. And, for awhile, Mr. Saw was never heard of again. That nice young man that had delighted her at the Sunset Cafe developed a remarkably close bond with Lydia, and six months later, Doug proposed to Bella under the shade of a willow tree at Dasher Park as the two watched Lydia play with little Casey Lernburg. And for quite some time, life seemed to be flowing smoothly for the little girl from Prichard, like a river flowing seamlessly through a low valley without a care. But all good things come to an end, and end they eventually would.
No matter what? Even if he's a drug addict? she asked herself, gazing into the mirror.
"Even if he's a drug addict," she murmered. "I want him."
Dear God, Bella, listen to yourself! her conscious roared from inside her. You sound like an absolute heathen!
Tying the sash on her pink bathrobe, she opened the bathroom door and walked out, picking up her copy of "Stories Of Faith And Healing For Pertennists" from the bureau. She stopped in her tracks and the book fell from her hands as she saw her daughter standing in the doorway.
Four year old Lydia stood in the doorway clad in her Chibby The Chocobo pajamas. Her long dark hair was matted and tangled, and in her right hand she held a sharp kitchen knife, the blade gleaming in the lamplight.
"Lydia! What are you doing with that?" Bella stammered, rushing to the child's side. "Give me that, you know better than to play with knives," she scolded, taking the knife from the girl's fist. "What's wrong with you?"
"Saw. Mr. Saw," she babbled, staring past her mother into space, her brown eyes wide and emotionless. "No, Mr. Saw, stop being so naughty, won't you?"
"Lydia, what are you talking about? Who is Mr. Saw?"
"Mr. Saaaaaw. Saaaaw. Why won't you leave me alone," she sputtered, saliva trickling down her chin.
"Lydia, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Bella shouted, giving the girl a shake.
"Suffering....pestilence...famine....it's all mine," she said matter-of-factly as if reading from a book. Words the child was not even familiar with, pouring from her mouth like a waterfall. "All mine. All mine. Oh, my pleasure, Mr. Saw. Only too glad to help, happy to help-"
"STOP IT!!" Bella screamed, slapping the girl across the face.
Lydia's eyes immediately returned to normal and quickly focused on her mother. She quickly opened her mouth in an ear piercing scream of pain, as she held her cheek.
"Lydia...I'm sorry....here, babe..." she reached out and pulled the child tight, stroking her matted hair.
"Why did you hit me?" the girl choked, pulling away from her mother. "I was sleeping and you HIT me!" she cried, staring at her mother in fear.
"Lydia, what HAPPENED to you? You came in here holding a knife and talking about Mr.Saw..."
"Mommy, what are you talking about?"
Bella picked up the knife she had pried from the girl's hands and thrust it in her face.
"This. You came in holding this. Were you trying to be funny, Lydia Marie? Do you think this is a joke?" she demanded, grabbing ahold of the girl's forearm.
"What are you TALKING about?" the little girl whined, twisting out of her mother's grasp. "Why did you wake me up?" she demanded, crossing her arms.
"I'm TIRED of this Mr. Saw crap!" she yelled in the girl's face, tossing the knife behind her carelessly. "I'm tired of hearing your childish excuses! I'm sick of this nonsense! WHO IS HE?!" she screamed, spraying saliva in the girl's face.
"Mommy, stop! You're HURTING ME!" she screamed, struggling to break free of her mother's grasp.
"TELL ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" Bella screamed, a mere inch away from the girl's terror-striken face.
Lydia stopped her tearful struggle and gazed at her mother in slack-jawed shock.
Bella let go of the girl's pajama collar, her hands trembling, and fell against the bed, her eyes welling with tears.
"Mommy....?" the little girl asked uncertainly, taking a cautious step toward her weeping mother. "Are you-"
The girl flinched as her mother reached out and grabbed the girl, pulling her towards her. Weeping quietly, she wrapped her arms around the girl and held her to her chest, her cheek resting on the girl's shoulder. At that moment, the young woman felt a deep pain unlike any she'd ever felt before. Seeing her only child flinch at her touch felt as though she had been stabbed right in the heart with that knife that lay behind her against the wall.
"I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered, stroking the girl's hair. "Lord forgive me, I don't know what got into me..."
After a moment's embrace, the child backed out of her mother's arms, wiping her tears on her pajama sleeve.
"You don't think I'm crazy....do you, mommy? You believe in Mr. Saw, too, don't you?"
"Honey, I think it's time for you to let go of Mr. Saw," Bella said gently, drying her eyes on the comforter.
"How come?"
"Because you're a big girl now, Lydie, and big girls don't need imaginary friends."
"But he's the only friend I've got!" the girl protested loudly.
"Casey-"
"Casey thinks I tried to kill her! But I didn't mean to!"
"I know you didn't mean to, baby. But you can't let your temper get out of control like that. Everyone loses their temper now and then, and I'm sure Casey will understand if you apologize to her."
"But I can't just make Mr. Saw leave. He's always around. I don't think he'll just leave."
"He will if you want him to. I had an imaginary friend when I was a little girl, too. Her name was Alicia. Back then, I felt like she was the only friend I had, same as you. I remember when I-"
"Can I go to bed now?" the little girl sighed impatiently.
"Sure. And Lydia-" she added as the girl headed for the door.
"No more Mr. Saw, okay? Tell him you're a big girl and you're going to make real friends from now on. Alright?"
"Alright, mom."
"And let me know if you keep sleepwalking. There's stuff you can take to help stop it, alright, babe?"
And that was the end of it. Bella placed the kitchen knife back in its holder and the incident was never spoken of again. And, for awhile, Mr. Saw was never heard of again. That nice young man that had delighted her at the Sunset Cafe developed a remarkably close bond with Lydia, and six months later, Doug proposed to Bella under the shade of a willow tree at Dasher Park as the two watched Lydia play with little Casey Lernburg. And for quite some time, life seemed to be flowing smoothly for the little girl from Prichard, like a river flowing seamlessly through a low valley without a care. But all good things come to an end, and end they eventually would.