Two days after his arrival back in Tokyo, Shinya walked into the studio with a bright smile and greeted his already working bandmates. The four gawked at him as he sauntered over to his drumset and took his seat.
" What? " He asked innocently, looking around at his bandmates.
" Ano...I thought you weren't supposed to be be back until tomorrow, Shin-chan. " Kaoru was the first to speak up.
" Oh I know, but I came back earlier. I actually got back two days ago. I just decided to take a few more personal days. " Shinya explained, smiling sweetly.
" Oh well, glad to have you back. " Kaoru said, studying his bandmate.
" Thanks. " Shinya let his eyes travel over his friends, eventually allowing them to land on Toshiya. The bassist was watching him closely and Shinya felt a heat creep up his neck. The drummer smiled faintly to his friend before turning his attention back to work.
" Listen guys, we have a photoshoot again tomorrow. " Kaoru grumbled. " Ten AM sharp. "
His four bandmates nodded and they started on the days work, practicing until around noon when they had a break for lunch. Toshiya flopped onto the couch, not really interested in food. His stomach clenched and unclenched, making the bassist squirm uncomfortably. So Shinya, didn't hate him. That faint little smile told him the truth but he was indifferent. Indifferent to the kiss that they had shared in the airport. That, Toshiya believed, was worse then hate. The bassist grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and covered his face with it, letting out a frustrated groan. What was he supposed to do now? Sit back and pretend it never happened. No way! He had to talk to Shinya. He had to know for sure what the pretty drummer thought.
With a renewed will, Toshiya jumped up from the couch and raced out into the hall. His bandmates were just ahead of him and Shinya was bringing up the rear. Quietly, the bassist slipped up behind his bandmate and grabbed his wrist gently. He put a finger to his lips in a gesture for the other to stay quiet and led the younger man back into the studio, closing the door.
" Totchi-kun? What's with you? " Shinya asked, arching an eyebrow.
Toshiya straightened his posture and faced the man. " Why are you acting like this, Shinya? "
Shinya blinked, feigning stupidity. " What the hell are you on about? "
" Don't play stupid with me, Shinya! You know damn well what I'm talking about. " Toshiya's voice was harsher then he wanted it to be and he instantly regretted it.
Shinya's eyes narrowed on his friend, an angry blush rising into his cheeks. " Don't you dare interrogate me, Toshiya! You had no right to do what you did? What the hell were you thinking, kissing me right before I left? Do you have any idea of the position you put me in? "
" What position? Goddamnit, Shinya! Maybe if you weren't so fucking secretive all the time I would have known what position I put you in! How can you expect me to know when you tell me nothing! " Toshiya raged at his friend.
" I can be fucking secretive if I want. It's no one else's business but my own! Don't treat me like a fucking child, Hara! " Shinya raged back.
This was too much. Before Toshiya could stop himself, he backed the drummer up against the wall, pinning the smaller man's waist in a firm, yet gentle grip. His lips were on Shinya's in a heartbeat and the drummer felt himself melting under the sultry act. Oh it felt good, so good it had to be wrong. The drummer struggled against the bassist to no avail. He knew Toshiya was stronger then him, and the bassist had moved a knee between his legs to lock their position. Toshiya only stopped kissing him when he need air, his breath caressing the soft skin of Shinya's neck, sending little shivers down his back.
" Did that kiss mean nothing to you, Shin-chan? I want you so bad, I need you. I've thought about nothing since that day. I've wanted you for months. " Toshiya whispered, kissing Shinya's neck gently.
Shinya's head tilted automatically and he allowed his hand to slide up the bassist's back to his neck. " Totchi, why are you doing this? "
" I want to feel you, taste you. God, you're so beautiful. " Toshiya suckled at a bit of flesh on the drummer's neck and moved his knee so it rubbed against Shinya's partially erect organ. He smiled when an almost desperate sounding moan came from his friend.
Shinya rocked against Toshiya's knee, his eyes fluttering closed. God, the bassist felt good pressed up against him. He knew all the right spots to kiss and touch and Shinya quickly felt himself falling under his captor's spell. His body screamed for more, begging the older man to take him and fuck him until the morning came. His mind screamed at him to stop it. He wasn't ready, no not at all. If he allowed Toshiya to make love to him then he'd have to admit how much he loved and wanted the other forever. That was an impossible quest that Shinya was not willing to start. With every fiber of his being, Shinya worked up the strength to push Toshiya away from him. The smaller man panted softly from his pent up energy bursting forward and glared at the man.
" Don't fucking touch me! " Shinya hissed, his posture becoming defensive.
" Shinya..." Toshiya faultered over his words, staring at the angry man in front of him. " G-gomen nasai. "
Shinya's eyes flashed with suppressed rage. Rage that Toshiya didn't fully understand. Just as he was about to apologize again and plead with the other not leave, the drummer skirted around him and dashed out of the room. Toshiya felt helpless as he sank to the floor, crossing his legs.
" Baka! You're a fucking idiot! " Toshiya cursed himself allowed, burying his face in his hands. Shinya was sure to hate him now.
Shinya shivered as he wandered into the kitchen of his apartment. Why was he so cold? He pulled his jumper tighter around him as he opened the refridgerator for something to drink. The drummer looked at the various drinks in their and came across a bottle of Captain Morgan. Die's Captain Morgan. It was half full from the last time Die was at his house with the rest of the guys. Shinya didn't drink but that rum sure looked good in his depressive mood. Pulling the bottle and a two litre of Coke from the fridge, Shinya set about mixing the two drinks. Maybe he'd let himself slip, just this once. No one was here, they wouldn't know the difference.
Half an hour later, one shot lay in the bottom of the bottle and Shinya giggled irrationally at a corny comedy on TV. Just as he was about to drink his last bit of Captain Morgan, Shinya heard a knock on his apartment door. Setting the bottle down clumsily, the drummer stood in his inebriated state and stumbled towards the door. When he opened it, he came face to face with Kaoru, holding out his notebook.
" Er...Shin-chan. You forgot this at the studio. I wanted to bring in to you. " Kaoru said slowly.
Shinya smiled drunkenly at him. " Kao-kun, how nice of you to stop by, " he slurred. " Come on in, sit with me for a while. "
Kaoru wrinkled his nose a the pungent odor of alcohol radiating from the other. " Shinya, you're totally trashed. "
" I know! And I feel great! " Shinya exclaimed. He grabbed his bandmate by the front of his shirt and pulled the man into the apartment, slamming the door shut.
" Come on, there's a little left. We can share it. " Shinya giggled, forcing his friend to sit.
Kaoru couldn't help but laugh, even if he was slightly perturbed that his bandmate was drunk. Shinya never drank. Why now had he decided to get trashed and his own no less. Shaking his head, Kaoru relaxed for a long couple of hours. Shinya giggled as he flopped down next to the guitarist and laid his head in the older man's lap.
" You sure you don't wanna drink? " Shinya slurred, waving his glass in front of Kaoru.
" I'm fine, Shin-chan, thanks. " Kaoru sighed and ran a light hand through the drummer's silky hair. " What's up with you? You never drink. "
" I needed a little pick me up. " Shinya closed his eyes. " I've been really down lately. "
Kaoru frowned. " What's keeping you down? "
Shinya closed his eyes, his features going sad. " When I left for Osaka, I attended a ceremony. His name was Suguru Kotori and he was my boyfriend in high school. He died eight years ago from getting hit by a car. His little sister wrote me a letter asking me to come and spend time with her family. I miss him so much. "
Kaoru gasped when he saw tears sparkle in his friend's eyes. " Gomen nasai, Shin-chan. That's horrible. "
" It was horrible. It was so sad. Then, then something happened before I left. Totchi caught up with me in the airport and gave me a stuffed monkey that he's had since he was a baby. He said he wanted me to have it along on the trip. He kissed me, Kao-kun. "
Kaoru nodded, somehow not surprised. He's suspected that the bassist's low mood has something to do with Shinya. He'd caught Toshiya staring at the pretty drummer countless times.
" How did you feel about that Shin-chan? "
" I don't know! " the drummer cried, burying his face against Kaoru's stomach. " How should I feel? Then today, he cornered me in the studio and forced himself on me. He told me that I've been his every thought the past couple months. What do I do? I've sworn an oath to never fall in love again but fucking hell I loved what he does to me. He knows all the right things to say and touch. I love him! I really really do. " Shinya raised his eyes to Kaoru, a few tears running down his cheeks. " Please, Kao-kun, don't tell anyone. I can't do it. I just can't "
" Shh...I won't tell anyone. " Kaoru replied, wiping away the other's tears. " It's not my place to tell anyone. " So that was it? Shinya was in love with Toshiya. Glad that he could hide his surprise so well, Kaoru went over what he'd been told in his head. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. Shinya had been dealt a traumatizing blow in his childhood that led to his detachment from people. He'd been like that for years, quiet, mysterious. He was Toshiya's polar opposite, but it seemed that the old school saying of opposites attract was true. On the other hand, he was confused about the bassist's actions. Kaoru had alway assumed that Toshiya was straight. Perhaps he was attracted to Shinya because of the feminine air he had about him. Kaoru shrugged, figuring he would confuse himself if he spent to much time thinking on it.
" I think you should be honest with yourself first, Shin-chan and then be honest with Toshiya. " The guitarist advised.
Shinya shook his head slowly. The drummer's mouth opened as if he was going to say something and then snapped it shut. A wave of nausea swept over the younger man and as fast as the speed of light, Shinya jumped up from the couch and just barely made it to the bathroom before he vomitted from the alcohol.
Sighing, Kaoru stood and went into the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the tub and held his friend's hair back while he emptied his stomach. This was going to be a fun night. He spoke to the other soothingly, rubbing his back. God, he sure brought up a lot. How much had he drank? When Shinya finally lifted his head out of the toilet, Kaoru wiped his face with a cool cloth and then led the younger man to his bed. After he made sure Shinya was settled in, he kissed his forehead and turned to leave.
" Kao-kun, please, stay with me tonight. " The drummer's voice was child-like, pleading.
Not having the heart to deny him, Kaoru slipped out of his jeans which left him in his boxers and t-shirt and climbed into bed next to the drummer. He smoothed Shinya's hair as the thin man molded against him, his hand closing into a fist on his shirt.
" Oyasumi, Kao-chan. " he whispered.
" Oyasumi, Shin-chan. "
Toshiya paced in front of Shinya's apartment door at eight o'clock the next morning. He hadn't slept all night from going over what he was going to say to Shinya repeatedly. He was going to apologize to his friend and beg forgiveness. He also planned to be totally honest and tell the drummer that he loved him and needed him. Finally, he called forth his courage and knocked on the door. No answer. Toshiya knocked twice and then a third time and still got no answer. Where would Shinya be at eight in the morning? Testing the doorknob, Toshiya was shocked to see that it was unlocked. Shinya never left his door unlocked. Stepping inside, Toshiya closed the door quietly, figuring Shinya was deep asleep. He padded quietly down the hall to Shinya's bedroom, seeing the door was ajar slightly. Taking a breath, Toshiya stepped up and pushed the door open.
Stunned, Toshiya stepped back against the wall. What he saw he didn't want to. Kaoru and Shinya curled up together on the bed. His Shinya in there leader's arms. Oh this was too much. The bassist felt his stomache churn and he clapped his hand over his mouth, feeling as though he was going to vomit. What the hell was Kaoru doing there? Shinya never slept in the same bed as anyone, ever! Why would he start now? Turning on his heel, Toshiya raced out of Shinya's apartment.
Kaoru was startled from sleep for some reason and looked just in time to see Toshiya's look of surprised agony before he left the apartment like a streak of lightning. Fuck fuck fuck! Kaoru cursed mentally. This couldn't have looked good at all. How was he going to explain that what Toshiya saw was totally innocent.
Shinya groaned next to him and opened his eyes slowly.
" Kao-kun? You ok? What time is it? " He asked groggily.
" It's eight and I have something to tell you. " Kaoru took a breath. " Toshiya came here. He just left. He saw us sleeping together. "
Shinya gasped as he bolted upright in the bed but his painfully swimming head forced him back down into the bed. No no no! That's not what was supposed to happen. He remembered asking Kaoru to stay with him, scared to be alone in his inebriated state but what happened before that was a total blank.
" Kao-kun...did I...did we..." Shinya couldn't bring himself to say it.
" No, Shin-chan. I promise we didn't. You just asked me to stay with you. " Kaoru said gently.
Shinya let out a sigh of relief. At least he knew he hadn't done something he'd totally regret. " This can't be good. " Oh how his head pounded, feeling like it was going to split his head open.
" Don't worry, Shin-chan. We'll just explain to him the truth. He'll believe us. " Kaoru reassured the other.
Shinya nodded and reached blindly for the bottle of aspirin on his night stand. He opened it with a little difficulty and then choked down for without the need of water. Little did either of them know that what Kaoru reassured was far from the truth.