Untitled As of Yet
By Usabelle
AN: Yay! Chapter two is here! Thanks to my reviewers. I apologize for my sick sense of humor in this chapter. Please don't take offence. No romance yet, but I promise it's coming... So please review and no flames. Merci beaucoup. Enjoy.
Standard Disclaimers Apply.
Chapter 2
"I can't believe that you're making me do this," Serena whined as Mina and Raye dragged her unceremoniously down the busy sidewalk.
"How else are you going to meet guys? This is the perfect way!" Mina cheered.
Serena dug her heels into the pavement and looked at the attire she was forced to wear. She wore a short, purple halter dress that she could have sworn looked like plastic. It certainly felt like plastic. She wore black, as she termed them, "go-go boots" in matching plastic material. Mina had said that it was all the rage, "First you make me wear this slutty outfit-"
"Hey! That's one of my favorite outfits to wear!" Mina interjected.
Serena rolled her eyes, "Second, I don't even know these people! They could be axe murderers or something!"
Raye snickered, "Lonely axe murderers..."
Serena's eyes narrowed, "You suck, Raye."
"Very mature. And you wonder why you don't have a boyfriend?" Raye glared back as they stopped in front of a building.
Serena looked up at the semi-respectable looking building and read the sign. "Merry-Go-Round Dating Services. Lovely. Why don't they just call it fast dates for fast people?"
Mina wagged her finger in Serena's face, "Speed dating is one of the most successful types of dating! You don't like someone, you move on. Serena, you don't even have to give out your number if you don't want to!"
Raye snickered, "If we don't go in soon, Serena will miss her 7:30 appointment."
As they entered, Serena turned around and stuck her tongue out at Raye. Raye in turn smirked back. Once inside, a striking man with blonde hair and blue eyes in a tuxedo approached them.
"Hello and welcome! I'm Matthew and I'll be your host for the evening."
Serena blushed, "Hi, I'm Serena. I have a 7:30 appointment..." she trailed off shyly.
He smiled charmingly, "Right this way." Matthew led them down a surprisingly tastefully decorated hall.
Mina flashed a proud smile and whispered, "See? I told you that this would be a good idea! Just look at him!"
He led Serena to a large room of about twenty tables filled with people. "Your date will be here shortly. Since you've never participated in speed dating before, you should know that the bell rings every three minutes when you change dates. Have fun!" He walked away with Mina and Raye trailing behind, Mina giving Serena the "V for Victory" sign and Raye running her pointer finger across her neck while making a gagging sound.
Serena twisted her fingers in her lap until her date arrived. She looked up to find a portly man of about three hundred pounds wearing a Star Wars t-shirt that was about seven sizes too small. She stood up and held out her hand and he parted his ring and middle finger in a "live long and prosper" signal. She returned the signal with a strange look, "Uh...hi. I'm Serena."
"Greetings. I am Frodo."
"Pardon?"
"Yes, my name is Frodo. I had it legally changed from John Brown to Frodo Baggins," he reached up to push a strand of greasy hair out of his face.
Serena smiled politely, "Um... how nice for you."
"You said that your name was Serena?"
"Yes," she said, wondering if she should give out any personal information to this wacko.
"What a lovely name! Wait! I'll look up its equivalent in Klingon!"
To her surprise and horror, he pulled a Klingon dictionary out from his back pocket, "Oh no, no! That isn't necessary." There was an awkward pause. "So... tell me about yourself..." in all honesty, she was afraid to know.
"Well, I am trilingual."
"Really, what do you speak?"
Frodo was full of pride as he spoke, "I'm fluent in English and Elvish. I'm still working on Klingon."
"Oh. Uh... wow. Um... what do you do for a living?"
"I battle with numbers as an accountant by day, but I am a Jedi by night!"
Serena's eyes widened. She looked over at the clock on the wall- one minute? She'd only spent one minute with this nut? She had to spend two more?
"So what is your mission, my precious?"
"Um... I'm a nurse." She glanced back at the clock, "Uh... tell me about your past relationships."
"I was once married. My wife betrayed me like the Ring of Power betrayed Gollum!"
"How...uh...sad..." she had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
He took her hand, "You have the wisdom of Gandalf and the beauty of Leia. The force compels me to ask for your number."
Her eyes darted for any possible exit. She began to sweat. Her stomach lurched. Suddenly, a bell! Yes, a beautiful, glorious chime could be heard throughout the room. She abruptly stood up and quickly said, "May the force be with you!" and practically ran to the next table.
When she arrived at her table, she was greeted by a tall, thin man with a poindexter-like hairdo. He held out his hand, "Hi, I'm Paul." His voice contradicted his appearance. From his looks she would have thought that he'd have a voice like the poor boy that followed her around in high school with the pocket protector; instead it sounded like that of a used-car salesman.
She decided that he didn't seem too strange, so she was friendly, "I'm Serena."
"Nice to meet you, Serena. What is your line of work?"
She raised a brow at him, "I'm a pediatric nurse."
Paul gave a sympathetic sigh, "Oh, I bet your malpractice insurance is just murder..."
She had no idea what he was getting at, "It's not as bad as the doctors', but it's not great."
"Really? Well it just so happens that I sell a type of insurance that gives you more coverage for less money!"
Her eyes widened, was this a sales pitch or a date? "Um, that's alright. I'm okay with my current insurance."
He shook his head, "You're really missing out on a great deal."
Her eyes narrowed, "I'm sure." She shifted in her seat. The plastic dress was beginning to stick to her.
Paul scrutinized her for a moment, "You look like you're uncomfortable in that dress, obviously because it's a little tight. Fortunately, I have a simple solution where you can lose twenty pounds in ten days!"
She reeled back in offense, "Excuse me?"
"Yes, *Polymoxithenol! The Ephedra-free diet pill! You don't even need to exercise! In two weeks that dress will practically fall off of you!"
The muscles in her jaw tightened in anger, "No thank you." She paused, "So, tell me, Paul, what do you do for a living?"
"Well... I like to call myself an aspiring entrepreneur."
Her eyes narrowed to little black slits, "Bullshit. What do you really do for a living?"
He returned the look, "I'm a telemarketer."
She looked at him as though he were the scum of the Earth, "A telemarketer." She shook her head. "How do you sleep at night?"
Paul suddenly burst into tears, "I have a wife and three kids to feed, okay?" He unexpectedly tore out of the room.
Serena sat in silence as everyone in the room stared at her and wondered what she had done to make the poor man cry. "He was married!" she said quickly when people began to glare at her. Luckily, the bell came to her rescue again.
As discretely as possible, Serena walked to the next table. A fairly good-looking man with blonde hair and pale blue eyes approached and smiled at her weakly.
She smiled back, "I'm Serena," she said as she attempted to shake his hand.
He nearly squealed as he automatically retracted his hand to behind his back. She gave him a strange look as he spoke, "I'm sorry, my therapist is working on human contact with me. I'm Nathan."
After deciding that the poor guy should be given a chance, she gave a friendly smile, "Hi Nathan. What brings you here?"
He looked down, "My therapist said that this is the perfect situation to help me learn to control my anxiety attacks."
She attempted to keep smiling, "Anxiety attacks?"
"I suffer from Agoraphobia."
"Agoraphobia, huh?"
"Yes, and my therapist said that it was a big step, me leaving the house and all." He smiled.
She was beginning to worry, "What do you mean, leaving the house?"
"I haven't left my house in six months."
Her eyes nearly popped out of her head, "Six months??? You haven't left your house in six months? How?"
His eyes lowered as he cowered in fear, "My mother got food for me and my therapist made house calls."
Serena couldn't comprehend the information, "But why? Didn't you go nuts being inside all day?"
She watched as he began to hyperventilate, "I knew this would happen!" He closed his eyes and began to chant unintelligibly.
"Are you alright? Do you need a glass of water or something?" She touched his hand by accident.
"Don't touch me!" he nearly shrieked as he cradled his hand as though he had been burned. His eyes darted around the room in paranoia, "Too many people...got to get out!"
By this time everyone in the room was staring at Serena. She looked around sheepishly as her date was having a panic attack, "Um...can someone get him medical attention?"
Frodo stood up, "You're a nurse!"
She looked at the floor, "Oh, right. Uh...is anyone here a psychiatrist? No? Okay then." She looked at Nathan, who seemed as though he was about to pass out, "Nathan, why don't you just go sit in...the bathroom until everybody leaves, okay?"
He slowly nodded and walked toward the bathroom, the crowd parting as he walked. The bell rang and everyone glared at Serena. She glared back, "Don't blame me for his emotional problems."
Serena angrily got up and stalked over to the next table. She could not take much more. When she arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to find a black-haired, blue-eyed man in an Armani suit. He held his hand out to her, "I'm Justin."
She smiled in relief and shook his hand, "Hi, I'm Serena."
He gazed around the room, "You've had quite a night tonight, haven't you, Serena?"
She looked up, "Pardon?"
"You made two men cry."
"Oh...that. See, the first one was married and the other one had...problems." She paused, "Have you ever been to one of these before?" she smiled, attempting to change the subject.
"Yes, but none of the women have ever been like you."
She blushed, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
He smiled, "Good, definitely good."
For the next three minutes, conversation flowed fairly well. In the middle of their conversation, the bell rang.
"So..." she looked down.
He smiled, "Can I give you my number?"
She smiled brilliantly back, "Sure."
He handed her his business card. She was smiling until she noticed something strange on the card. She frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"Um... this card says Justine VonMussen..."
"Oh... I haven't gotten around to having that changed yet."
Her brows furrowed, "Pardon me?"
"It's nothing, I just had a little operating done last year... a nip here, a tuck there..."
Her eyes widened, "What kind of surgery?"
He folded his hands, "Well, my name was Justine for a reason."
Serena's eyes were as huge as saucers as she began to back away, "You were Justine before you were Justin? Sick!"
He looked dismayed, "Sick in a good way?"
"No!" she screamed, "Sick in an I'm disgusted way!" She ran out of the building as though hell were on her heels to find Mina and Raye sitting on a bench outside.
Mina looked up, "What's wrong? You were only in there for..." she counted on her fingers briefly, "twelve minutes!"
Serena glowered at her, "I'm never listening to you again!" She stalked off down the sidewalk as it began to thunder.
Raye smiled deviously at Mina and looked at her watch, "Out in twelve minutes and thirty seconds. You owe me fifty bucks."
End Chapter Two
*I made this medication up. If there does happen to be a Polymoxithenol out there, I don't own it so don't sue.
By Usabelle
AN: Yay! Chapter two is here! Thanks to my reviewers. I apologize for my sick sense of humor in this chapter. Please don't take offence. No romance yet, but I promise it's coming... So please review and no flames. Merci beaucoup. Enjoy.
Standard Disclaimers Apply.
Chapter 2
"I can't believe that you're making me do this," Serena whined as Mina and Raye dragged her unceremoniously down the busy sidewalk.
"How else are you going to meet guys? This is the perfect way!" Mina cheered.
Serena dug her heels into the pavement and looked at the attire she was forced to wear. She wore a short, purple halter dress that she could have sworn looked like plastic. It certainly felt like plastic. She wore black, as she termed them, "go-go boots" in matching plastic material. Mina had said that it was all the rage, "First you make me wear this slutty outfit-"
"Hey! That's one of my favorite outfits to wear!" Mina interjected.
Serena rolled her eyes, "Second, I don't even know these people! They could be axe murderers or something!"
Raye snickered, "Lonely axe murderers..."
Serena's eyes narrowed, "You suck, Raye."
"Very mature. And you wonder why you don't have a boyfriend?" Raye glared back as they stopped in front of a building.
Serena looked up at the semi-respectable looking building and read the sign. "Merry-Go-Round Dating Services. Lovely. Why don't they just call it fast dates for fast people?"
Mina wagged her finger in Serena's face, "Speed dating is one of the most successful types of dating! You don't like someone, you move on. Serena, you don't even have to give out your number if you don't want to!"
Raye snickered, "If we don't go in soon, Serena will miss her 7:30 appointment."
As they entered, Serena turned around and stuck her tongue out at Raye. Raye in turn smirked back. Once inside, a striking man with blonde hair and blue eyes in a tuxedo approached them.
"Hello and welcome! I'm Matthew and I'll be your host for the evening."
Serena blushed, "Hi, I'm Serena. I have a 7:30 appointment..." she trailed off shyly.
He smiled charmingly, "Right this way." Matthew led them down a surprisingly tastefully decorated hall.
Mina flashed a proud smile and whispered, "See? I told you that this would be a good idea! Just look at him!"
He led Serena to a large room of about twenty tables filled with people. "Your date will be here shortly. Since you've never participated in speed dating before, you should know that the bell rings every three minutes when you change dates. Have fun!" He walked away with Mina and Raye trailing behind, Mina giving Serena the "V for Victory" sign and Raye running her pointer finger across her neck while making a gagging sound.
Serena twisted her fingers in her lap until her date arrived. She looked up to find a portly man of about three hundred pounds wearing a Star Wars t-shirt that was about seven sizes too small. She stood up and held out her hand and he parted his ring and middle finger in a "live long and prosper" signal. She returned the signal with a strange look, "Uh...hi. I'm Serena."
"Greetings. I am Frodo."
"Pardon?"
"Yes, my name is Frodo. I had it legally changed from John Brown to Frodo Baggins," he reached up to push a strand of greasy hair out of his face.
Serena smiled politely, "Um... how nice for you."
"You said that your name was Serena?"
"Yes," she said, wondering if she should give out any personal information to this wacko.
"What a lovely name! Wait! I'll look up its equivalent in Klingon!"
To her surprise and horror, he pulled a Klingon dictionary out from his back pocket, "Oh no, no! That isn't necessary." There was an awkward pause. "So... tell me about yourself..." in all honesty, she was afraid to know.
"Well, I am trilingual."
"Really, what do you speak?"
Frodo was full of pride as he spoke, "I'm fluent in English and Elvish. I'm still working on Klingon."
"Oh. Uh... wow. Um... what do you do for a living?"
"I battle with numbers as an accountant by day, but I am a Jedi by night!"
Serena's eyes widened. She looked over at the clock on the wall- one minute? She'd only spent one minute with this nut? She had to spend two more?
"So what is your mission, my precious?"
"Um... I'm a nurse." She glanced back at the clock, "Uh... tell me about your past relationships."
"I was once married. My wife betrayed me like the Ring of Power betrayed Gollum!"
"How...uh...sad..." she had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
He took her hand, "You have the wisdom of Gandalf and the beauty of Leia. The force compels me to ask for your number."
Her eyes darted for any possible exit. She began to sweat. Her stomach lurched. Suddenly, a bell! Yes, a beautiful, glorious chime could be heard throughout the room. She abruptly stood up and quickly said, "May the force be with you!" and practically ran to the next table.
When she arrived at her table, she was greeted by a tall, thin man with a poindexter-like hairdo. He held out his hand, "Hi, I'm Paul." His voice contradicted his appearance. From his looks she would have thought that he'd have a voice like the poor boy that followed her around in high school with the pocket protector; instead it sounded like that of a used-car salesman.
She decided that he didn't seem too strange, so she was friendly, "I'm Serena."
"Nice to meet you, Serena. What is your line of work?"
She raised a brow at him, "I'm a pediatric nurse."
Paul gave a sympathetic sigh, "Oh, I bet your malpractice insurance is just murder..."
She had no idea what he was getting at, "It's not as bad as the doctors', but it's not great."
"Really? Well it just so happens that I sell a type of insurance that gives you more coverage for less money!"
Her eyes widened, was this a sales pitch or a date? "Um, that's alright. I'm okay with my current insurance."
He shook his head, "You're really missing out on a great deal."
Her eyes narrowed, "I'm sure." She shifted in her seat. The plastic dress was beginning to stick to her.
Paul scrutinized her for a moment, "You look like you're uncomfortable in that dress, obviously because it's a little tight. Fortunately, I have a simple solution where you can lose twenty pounds in ten days!"
She reeled back in offense, "Excuse me?"
"Yes, *Polymoxithenol! The Ephedra-free diet pill! You don't even need to exercise! In two weeks that dress will practically fall off of you!"
The muscles in her jaw tightened in anger, "No thank you." She paused, "So, tell me, Paul, what do you do for a living?"
"Well... I like to call myself an aspiring entrepreneur."
Her eyes narrowed to little black slits, "Bullshit. What do you really do for a living?"
He returned the look, "I'm a telemarketer."
She looked at him as though he were the scum of the Earth, "A telemarketer." She shook her head. "How do you sleep at night?"
Paul suddenly burst into tears, "I have a wife and three kids to feed, okay?" He unexpectedly tore out of the room.
Serena sat in silence as everyone in the room stared at her and wondered what she had done to make the poor man cry. "He was married!" she said quickly when people began to glare at her. Luckily, the bell came to her rescue again.
As discretely as possible, Serena walked to the next table. A fairly good-looking man with blonde hair and pale blue eyes approached and smiled at her weakly.
She smiled back, "I'm Serena," she said as she attempted to shake his hand.
He nearly squealed as he automatically retracted his hand to behind his back. She gave him a strange look as he spoke, "I'm sorry, my therapist is working on human contact with me. I'm Nathan."
After deciding that the poor guy should be given a chance, she gave a friendly smile, "Hi Nathan. What brings you here?"
He looked down, "My therapist said that this is the perfect situation to help me learn to control my anxiety attacks."
She attempted to keep smiling, "Anxiety attacks?"
"I suffer from Agoraphobia."
"Agoraphobia, huh?"
"Yes, and my therapist said that it was a big step, me leaving the house and all." He smiled.
She was beginning to worry, "What do you mean, leaving the house?"
"I haven't left my house in six months."
Her eyes nearly popped out of her head, "Six months??? You haven't left your house in six months? How?"
His eyes lowered as he cowered in fear, "My mother got food for me and my therapist made house calls."
Serena couldn't comprehend the information, "But why? Didn't you go nuts being inside all day?"
She watched as he began to hyperventilate, "I knew this would happen!" He closed his eyes and began to chant unintelligibly.
"Are you alright? Do you need a glass of water or something?" She touched his hand by accident.
"Don't touch me!" he nearly shrieked as he cradled his hand as though he had been burned. His eyes darted around the room in paranoia, "Too many people...got to get out!"
By this time everyone in the room was staring at Serena. She looked around sheepishly as her date was having a panic attack, "Um...can someone get him medical attention?"
Frodo stood up, "You're a nurse!"
She looked at the floor, "Oh, right. Uh...is anyone here a psychiatrist? No? Okay then." She looked at Nathan, who seemed as though he was about to pass out, "Nathan, why don't you just go sit in...the bathroom until everybody leaves, okay?"
He slowly nodded and walked toward the bathroom, the crowd parting as he walked. The bell rang and everyone glared at Serena. She glared back, "Don't blame me for his emotional problems."
Serena angrily got up and stalked over to the next table. She could not take much more. When she arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to find a black-haired, blue-eyed man in an Armani suit. He held his hand out to her, "I'm Justin."
She smiled in relief and shook his hand, "Hi, I'm Serena."
He gazed around the room, "You've had quite a night tonight, haven't you, Serena?"
She looked up, "Pardon?"
"You made two men cry."
"Oh...that. See, the first one was married and the other one had...problems." She paused, "Have you ever been to one of these before?" she smiled, attempting to change the subject.
"Yes, but none of the women have ever been like you."
She blushed, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
He smiled, "Good, definitely good."
For the next three minutes, conversation flowed fairly well. In the middle of their conversation, the bell rang.
"So..." she looked down.
He smiled, "Can I give you my number?"
She smiled brilliantly back, "Sure."
He handed her his business card. She was smiling until she noticed something strange on the card. She frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"Um... this card says Justine VonMussen..."
"Oh... I haven't gotten around to having that changed yet."
Her brows furrowed, "Pardon me?"
"It's nothing, I just had a little operating done last year... a nip here, a tuck there..."
Her eyes widened, "What kind of surgery?"
He folded his hands, "Well, my name was Justine for a reason."
Serena's eyes were as huge as saucers as she began to back away, "You were Justine before you were Justin? Sick!"
He looked dismayed, "Sick in a good way?"
"No!" she screamed, "Sick in an I'm disgusted way!" She ran out of the building as though hell were on her heels to find Mina and Raye sitting on a bench outside.
Mina looked up, "What's wrong? You were only in there for..." she counted on her fingers briefly, "twelve minutes!"
Serena glowered at her, "I'm never listening to you again!" She stalked off down the sidewalk as it began to thunder.
Raye smiled deviously at Mina and looked at her watch, "Out in twelve minutes and thirty seconds. You owe me fifty bucks."
End Chapter Two
*I made this medication up. If there does happen to be a Polymoxithenol out there, I don't own it so don't sue.