AN: Hello hello. Who'd have thought that I'd be back? I didn't. Recently, a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident. After that, my aunt was diagnosed with leukemia and was hospitalized. It's just been a bad month all around. For a while, I actually considered discontinuing the story. Don't start throwing things at me yet- as you can see I updated. I feel that I owe it to my readers to finish it up. Don't get me wrong- I DO want to write it. I'm not sure how fast my updates will be coming anymore because I want to make sure that I'm perfectly happy with everything that I post. I'm not so sure that the last chapter was well received. But I am trying! So please read and review- I'd like to know what you think. Thanks a bunch!
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Chapter Six
Nothing. Six months together and he had said nothing. Six months of standing on edge, waiting with baited breath for him to utter the words she had long expected to hear. No "I was a jerk when we were younger," no "I didn't mean to hurt you," or even a simple "I'm sorry." Tension grew between them and hung in the air so thick that it drove her mad.
She kicked a pillow across the room in frustration. What kind of normal person wouldn't bring up an extensive, albeit painful, past after six months of being together? Then again, she mused, what normal person would do such a thing to a young girl? Falling back onto the tangled mass of blankets on her bed, twisted from many nights of restlessness, she gave a heavy sigh. It was their three-month anniversary and she was meeting him that evening for, as he put it, "A quiet meal at home." Somehow she doubted that it would be quiet.
In the past few months, she and Darien had become astonishingly intimate. It seemed as though they had spent every day for the past three months together and oddly enough, she'd enjoyed every second. He was so different from what she remembered; now he was sweet, thoughtful, and kind... nothing like the distant eighteen year old that she once knew. His possessive, affectionate behavior left her even more confused than before.
She closed her eyes, trying to remember when his personality began to show through. With a sudden burst of clarity, she realized that his first definitive affectionate act was their first kiss.
FLASHBACK
"I feel like an idiot," Serena deadpanned as she looked wearily around the nearly deserted ice skating rink. She clutched onto Darien for dear life. "I haven't done this since I was ten... and even then I was terrible. I'm not called the Klutz Queen for nothing."
Darien grinned and grasped her hand as he pulled her out onto the ice. "Well then, it's high time you've learned the right way to do it. It's simple... and there's a trick to it."
She raised an eyebrow and waddled onto the ice. "And what's that?"
"Don't fall," he replied easily as he effortlessly glided on the ice.
She attempted to catch up to him but failed miserably and whined, "It's so much easier for you! You have hockey skates! I have skates with the funny little spikes on the blade AND they're cutting off my circulation! How is this considered fun?"
To her annoyance, he began to skate in circles around her as she fumbled about clumsily. "First of all, they're called toepicks and they're not that hard to skate with. Secondly, I'm buying you hot chocolate later so quit complaining."
She pouted, "There better be mountains of whipped cream on top of it. With cookies. Chocolate ones."
He laughed as he spun her around, making the world tilt crazily before her. "Same old Meatball Head."
Once her surroundings stopped spinning, she threw him a glare and pushed him playfully. Somewhere in the middle of her teasing jab, her skates became twisted. Panicking as she began to lose her balance, she grabbed onto the first thing in front of her: Darien. She screeched as they crashed onto the ice.
Worried blue eyes stared up at her as she fought to get her bearings back. "You okay?" he asked, his hands settling on her lower back.
She let her head crash onto his chest in embarrassment, "No one saw that, right?"
He smirked, "No, but they might be seeing you straddle me. Not that I mind."
Her eyes widened as she attempted to scramble off of him, but only succeeded in falling back onto his warm body. "Um... sorry..." she stammered uncomfortably.
Catching her off-guard, he turned so that her back was to the ice, "Better?" he asked with a grin that made her heart pound.
She giggled self-consciously. "Actually, I'm quite cold."
"Might I warm you up then?"
"I don't know... I could unman you with this blade. Just something to keep in mind."
He leaned closer to her face, "Is that any way to thank your rescuer?"
She smirked. "Rescuer? I think not."
"I think that we'd have much more fun if we didn't talk."
"Really? And what do you propose we mmpphhh-" To her shock, he cut her off by pressing his lips to hers and she felt something akin to an electric shock travel up her spine. After the initial surprise wore off, her eyes fluttered closed and she gave in to the moment. She certainly was warm now.
Moments later, he pulled away, breathing labored, with a blush staining his cheeks. "I propose we do that."
She grinned. "I propose we continue."
END FLASHBACK
Serena shook her head at the memory. Ever since that date they'd been inseparable. He'd taken her to the fair, the movies, even to a karaoke bar where they sang a painstakingly horrible rendition of "I Got You Babe." If that wasn't love, then what was? She grimaced at the idea that she actually felt something for him other than contempt; the very idea that it was no longer a game in her mind was ridiculous. Sighing, she sat up and weighed her options. He was spontaneous. He was exciting. He was beyond handsome. He was attentive. He was... still the same boy that had broken her heart years ago.
Throwing open her closet door, she decided on a simple black dress buried in the far corner. Scrutinizing the dress more closely, she realized that it was the same dress she'd worn to the arcade the night that all of her hopes and dreams were shattered.
"Well isn't that ironic?" she asked herself as she smoothed out wrinkles in the dress. "Little black dress, you've gotten me through the horrors of adolescence. You'll get me through tonight."
***
An hour later, she stood on Darien's doorstep, anxiously waiting for him to answer the door. She knew that he had something planned, but she had no idea what. Playing with her small beaded purse, she frowned. She didn't like it when she didn't have control over a situation. And she had no control over this. She smiled bitterly at her inner-monologue. Since when had she become so stodgy? So organized? So... Darien-like? 'No,' she thought, 'He's not like that anymore. He doesn't worry about everything. He's not a control freak. He's what I used to be.' She found it funny how the roles reversed because of one night.
A smooth voice brought her out of her reflection. "I didn't invite you to stand outside of my house, you know."
She turned to face a very relaxed and very delicious-looking Darien. How was it that he could wear a half-untucked shirt and jeans and still look incredible? She gracefully walked past him into the house, head held high. "I was thinking."
He took her coat and looked at her curiously. "About what?"
She shook her head. "Nothing important."
Pausing, he looked her up and down and grinned, "I like your dress."
Somehow, she suppressed the scream of frustration at the oh-so-ironic situation. Even though she wanted to say, "Somehow I managed to squeeze into it," she simply said, "Thanks."
Taking her hand, he guided her from the entryway to the dining room. "What's the occasion?"
She shrugged her shoulders and gave a slightly malicious grin. "Oh, nothing important. Just dinner with some conceited j-" The words were frozen in her throat as she looked about the massive room. There must have been over a hundred candles softly illuminating the usually stark white room.
He put his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. "Do you like it?"
She turned around and wrapped her arms around him, flashing a brilliant smile. "I love it. How long did this take you?"
He looked at her reproachfully and shook his head. "That's not for you to worry about."
"I know... I worry too much."
"You do. You know, you are an absolute mystery to me, Serena Tsukino," he drawled.
She looked at him inquisitively. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged, "I dunno... you're just different than how you used to be."
Crossing her arms defensively, she prepared for the worst. "Good different or bad different?"
He gave her a quick slap on the behind before walking into the adjoining kitchen. "Definitely good," he called.
Her eyes began to water and she struggled to keep the tears at bay. So she really was that bad when she was fifteen. She would have been happier with 'bad different.' Closing her eyes and swallowing the lump in her throat, she tried to calm herself as best she could.
Darien poked his head out of the kitchen, "What are you doing waiting out there?"
"Nothing," she said quietly. "Absolutely nothing."
***
After dinner, they sat on his couch, contentedly full, watching Moulin Rouge. She had changed into one of his college t-shirts and pants that were far too big and were fastened with a hair clip to keep from falling down because he'd commented on how uncomfortable she looked. 'If he only knew...' she thought as she mimicked Darien by putting the footstool up on the plush leather couch where they sat.
Serena sighed as she watched Christian sing to Satine. "Ewan McGregor is soooo romantic. And he just has the best voice," she gushed.
Putting an arm around her, he smirked arrogantly. "You must like him because he reminds you of me. Completely understandable."
She rolled her eyes and looked at him mischievously. "Actually, you remind me more of the duke..."
"You're kidding me, right?" he deadpanned.
"Of course not. That same obliviousness, arrogance, stupidity... It's all there," she teased. "In fact, I'm surprised that I didn't see it before. The resemblance really is quite remarkable."
He tossed a pillow at her and pouted.
Laughing, she patted him on the shoulder consolingly. "Aww... don't feel bad. The duke could be sexy... I guess... um maybe if he lost the mustache... and the accent... oh who I am kidding? The duke couldn't be sexy if he was the last man on earth!"
He glared at her and turned back to the T.V. "Let's just watch the movie."
Toward the end of the movie, Serena wiped furiously at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes as they watched the tragic ending. She stared with watery eyes at the TV screen. "You know, Moulin Rouge was not the happiest movie to watch."
He turned to face her. "You didn't like it?"
"Nah... I just don't like the ending."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I watch movies to escape real life, not to get more depressed. I know they're realistic, but I don't like unhappy endings."
He put his arm around her and gave a slight smile. "They're not that realistic. There are happy endings... sometimes people just don't see them."
She brought her knees up to her chest and looked at him wistfully. "You think so?"
He kissed her cheek. "I know so."
Giggling, she leaned against him and sighed. "You, my dear, are a true romantic."
Pushing her back onto the couch and leaning over her with a mischievous look, he whispered, "You don't know the half of it."
Running her hands through his soft black hair, she whispered, "Why don't you show me?" before pulling him down for a kiss.
He responded with fervor, skillfully parting her lips with his tongue, slowly delving into her mouth. When he began to lift her long, gray t-shirt, she stilled his hand and briefly broke the kiss.
She smiled between butterfly kisses, "I'm not..." she giggled as he began to trail kisses down her neck, "that kind of girl..." she trailed off and for the first time in a very long time, decided to simply enjoy the moment.
He murmured something against her neck and she grinned, cupping his face and bringing it up to hers. "What was that?"
His eyes glowed with a radiance that she had never seen before as he kissed her briefly once more. He gazed searchingly into her eyes before whispering roughly, "I love you."
She immediately froze beneath him and her heart seemed to cease its frantic pounding. Lying there, speechless, she seemed to look straight through him.
Cerulean eyes gazed her with concern, "Are you okay? I mean... you don't have to say anything back. I just... I just wanted to let you know how I feel..." he stammered in apprehension before lovingly pushing golden wisps of hair away from her face.
She pulled away from his hand and gently pushed him off of her as she moved to a sitting position. Pulling down the worn shirt and folding her hands in her lap, she attempted to gain a semblance of composure. She stared at a fixed point on the wall and tried not to look at him. "I can't do this," she said quietly, brokenly.
He suddenly straightened and stared at her anxiously. "What do you mean?" he asked. She simply stared at the twisting hands in her lap. "What do you mean? Answer me! For God's sake, at least look at me!" he cried in a distressed tone.
She lifted her face to him, only to reveal the unshed tears she'd been so desperately trying to hide. "I mean that I don't think that we should be together anymore."
"No... no... no! Serena you don't mean that!" he cried, looking at her frantically. "I can change! I'll even take it back if you want me to!"
She gazed at him sadly, "There's no sense in taking it back. Besides, it's not your fault anyways."
"Like hell it isn't!" he yelled, then quieted and took her hands. "Just tell me what's wrong. I can fix it, I promise you."
Furiously shaking her head, she tore her hands out of his grasp and began to pace back and forth. "You can't fix something that's been broken for so long," she whispered, almost to herself.
"Damn it, Serena, at least give me a straight answer!"
"You can't love someone you know nothing about. And you know nothing about me! Nothing!" she screamed, hot tears finally escaping her eyes.
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair in frustration, "I do know you, Serena, and because I know you, I love you. I don't understand what you want me to do..."
She smiled bitterly, "I want nothing that you can give me."
A look of intense hurt crossed his face, yet he pressed on, "Care to explain?"
"Can you give me back my adolescence, Darien? Can you give me back my confidence, my pride, my heart? Can you?" she asked brokenly as a few more crystalline tears slipped out.
He remained silent, her meaning slowly dawning on him.
She nodded fatalistically and smirked, "And here's where the interrogation stops. Tell me, Darien, how long were you planning to wait before bringing it up? The wedding night? Never? You can't avoid it anymore! You can't avoid me anymore!"
He rested his head in his hands and sat for another moment in silence before slowly speaking. "I would have eventually brought it up." She smirked and he sighed, "There just wasn't any good moment to do it. What was I going to say? 'Sorry I screwed you over when we were kids' during dinner? Excuse me if the idea didn't appeal to me."
"Screwed me over? That's what you think you did? You ruined me, Darien! You tore my heart into a million pieces and then trampled what was left!"
He swallowed, "I thought we'd be over this by now..."
"Maybe you can suppress what happened, but I can't! It must have been so easy for you brush it off and move on with your life. But I couldn't! I've had to live with the fact that I've never been good enough and that I never will be good enough for ten years! Sure, you look back on that night with a little remorse or regret. I look at it as the night that every single one of my fears came to life!"
"I... I never realized..." he stuttered, his eyes a glassy blue, "I thought that since you were just a kid, you'd bounce back."
"Just a kid..." she whispered in disbelief. "I wasn't just a kid! The pain that I went through was very adult and very real. Just because I was fifteen did not mean that I didn't have feelings! I'm still that fifteen year old, Darien! I'm still that girl that you rejected and humiliated! Maybe I look different, but I'm the same girl you broke!" she ended her tirade and looked at him with haunted azure eyes. "You can't love me because you didn't love the meatball headed fifteen year old. You didn't love me then and you don't love me now."
He smiled at her bitterly. "How do you know that I don't love you? How do you know that I didn't go through just as much pain as you did these past few years?"
Her eyes narrowed to small blue slits and she glared at him. "I know because I was there, Darien! I watched you ... with that... that despicable whore! I watched you name every last one of my less admirable traits and reject me publicly. And worst of all..." she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I watched you look at me with those coldly calm eyes of yours and tell me that you felt nothing for me."
"I was so young..." he said, eyes filling with tears.
"That's no excuse!" she shouted, whipping around to face him. "Come to think of it, you haven't given me any good excuses! Go ahead, you have my full attention," she said sharply and fell back onto the couch.
He gazed at her dejectedly. "I know I haven't... I dunno... I was young and stupid. I guess that I was always the kid that no one noticed. I was always the different one. I didn't have parents; I didn't know what a family was like. The kids at the orphanage where I lived ignored me. Apparently there's even a hierarchy among kids," he smiled bitterly. "Come to think of it, no one has ever told me that they loved me. So when everyone started to pay attention to me, it was completely new... and I liked it. For once I was normal. I wasn't the orphan or the loner. For the first time in my life, I felt... accepted."
"At my expense."
He nodded solemnly and knelt before her, "Yes, it was at your expense. I didn't know what I wanted back then. But now I do. I want you, Serena. If I hadn't been so concerned with fitting in and having a girlfriend, maybe I would have realized it then."
She sighed sorrowfully. "But that's just it, Darien. You would have had a girlfriend. Me. But you wanted Beryl. Maybe you still do... I don't know what to believe anymore."
He shook his head urgently, seemingly vehemently opposed to her quiet statement. "No! I wanted what came with her: status. I never wanted her. And I certainly don't want her now."
She looked at him skeptically and spoke in an acerbic tone. "Really Darien? Did you carry her books to all of her classes? Were you crowned Prom King and Queen? Did you sleep with her?"
"Damn it Serena, I never loved her! I never felt anything for her!" he yelled defensively, yet pleadingly at the same time.
Sadly lifting her gaze to his now tear-stained face, she said, "I'll take that as a yes." His silence spoke multitudes. She slowly stood up as her aching, tired muscles protested and began to gather her things. "I think I'd better go."
"Serena! Serena, don't do this!" he pleaded desperately as he attempted to halt her departure. He seized the shaking hand that reached for the doorknob and held it to his chest. "Serena, I never wanted to hurt you. Please understand that. I know you'd be giving me exactly what I deserve, but please don't do this to me. To us."
Once again, she began to cry and her usually bright eyes, reddened by tears, had an ethereal look to them. Opening the door and gazing back at him, she saw that he was crying as well and the sight nearly tore her heart in two. She spoke softly, memorizing everything about him, knowing that they would never be that close again. "I'm sorry Darien. You can't change the past... and you can't change the future. We're just different people. We aren't meant to be together. Just..." her voice broke and she struggled to continue, "Just remember that I did love you once. More than anything."
With that, she gracefully walked out the door to her car, ignoring Darien's pained cries of her name. When she finally drove far enough away, she parked her car at the end of a street and let all of the pain she'd held in for ten years come out. She let her head crash against the steering wheel as she cried for her loss of innocence, her loss of hope, and worst of all, her loss of the one thing she'd wanted above all else: love.
***
An hour later, Serena managed to finally arrive at her apartment. After having to pull over three times because she couldn't see through her tears, she was drained. All she wanted to do was sleep. She threw her purse down and didn't even bother to turn on a light. In the far corner of the room, a brilliant red blinking light caught her eye among the inky darkness of her apartment. It was her answering machine. Rolling her eyes, she moved to turn on a light. Bright white light flooded the room and she groaned at the painful adjustment her eyes made. Grabbing Tylenol from a kitchen cabinet and filling a water glass, she downed the pills in an attempt to subdue the splitting headache that impaired her very thought. She pressed the 'Play' button on her answering machine as she held her pounding head.
A quiet, hoarse voice resonated throughout the small kitchen. "Hi Serena. This is Allan Crane. Um... I'm sorry to leave a message like this... We haven't spoken in a while and I know that this is something you shouldn't do over the phone. I hate to tell you this, but... Ann... passed away last night."
Serena's glass fell from her suddenly limp hands and shattered on the tile floor. She tuned out the rest of the message, only hearing the blood rushing through her head. Darien was gone. Ann was dead. She couldn't even begin to know how to deal with such loss. She stared at the hundreds of tiny glittering shards that covered the floor. She realized with a certain detachedness that she'd never felt before that her heart was the glass. The shards glittered and caught the light in such a way that it looked as though they were tears mourning a loss; full of pain and anguish yet breathtakingly beautiful. Yes, her heart was the glass, and it was shattered beyond repair.
END CHAPTER SIX
AN: Did you like it? Did you hate it? See, I told you she'd bring it up. :)I'm sorry that it's shorter, but for me to merge this and the next chapter would be a mess. This was a very experimental chapter so feedback would be appreciated. But this is not the end. Oh no, this is so not the end *cackles evilly*. Just a quick note: if you ever want to know how the next chapter is coming along or when I might update, just check the bio section because I usually update it every week or so. Thanks!
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Chapter Six
Nothing. Six months together and he had said nothing. Six months of standing on edge, waiting with baited breath for him to utter the words she had long expected to hear. No "I was a jerk when we were younger," no "I didn't mean to hurt you," or even a simple "I'm sorry." Tension grew between them and hung in the air so thick that it drove her mad.
She kicked a pillow across the room in frustration. What kind of normal person wouldn't bring up an extensive, albeit painful, past after six months of being together? Then again, she mused, what normal person would do such a thing to a young girl? Falling back onto the tangled mass of blankets on her bed, twisted from many nights of restlessness, she gave a heavy sigh. It was their three-month anniversary and she was meeting him that evening for, as he put it, "A quiet meal at home." Somehow she doubted that it would be quiet.
In the past few months, she and Darien had become astonishingly intimate. It seemed as though they had spent every day for the past three months together and oddly enough, she'd enjoyed every second. He was so different from what she remembered; now he was sweet, thoughtful, and kind... nothing like the distant eighteen year old that she once knew. His possessive, affectionate behavior left her even more confused than before.
She closed her eyes, trying to remember when his personality began to show through. With a sudden burst of clarity, she realized that his first definitive affectionate act was their first kiss.
FLASHBACK
"I feel like an idiot," Serena deadpanned as she looked wearily around the nearly deserted ice skating rink. She clutched onto Darien for dear life. "I haven't done this since I was ten... and even then I was terrible. I'm not called the Klutz Queen for nothing."
Darien grinned and grasped her hand as he pulled her out onto the ice. "Well then, it's high time you've learned the right way to do it. It's simple... and there's a trick to it."
She raised an eyebrow and waddled onto the ice. "And what's that?"
"Don't fall," he replied easily as he effortlessly glided on the ice.
She attempted to catch up to him but failed miserably and whined, "It's so much easier for you! You have hockey skates! I have skates with the funny little spikes on the blade AND they're cutting off my circulation! How is this considered fun?"
To her annoyance, he began to skate in circles around her as she fumbled about clumsily. "First of all, they're called toepicks and they're not that hard to skate with. Secondly, I'm buying you hot chocolate later so quit complaining."
She pouted, "There better be mountains of whipped cream on top of it. With cookies. Chocolate ones."
He laughed as he spun her around, making the world tilt crazily before her. "Same old Meatball Head."
Once her surroundings stopped spinning, she threw him a glare and pushed him playfully. Somewhere in the middle of her teasing jab, her skates became twisted. Panicking as she began to lose her balance, she grabbed onto the first thing in front of her: Darien. She screeched as they crashed onto the ice.
Worried blue eyes stared up at her as she fought to get her bearings back. "You okay?" he asked, his hands settling on her lower back.
She let her head crash onto his chest in embarrassment, "No one saw that, right?"
He smirked, "No, but they might be seeing you straddle me. Not that I mind."
Her eyes widened as she attempted to scramble off of him, but only succeeded in falling back onto his warm body. "Um... sorry..." she stammered uncomfortably.
Catching her off-guard, he turned so that her back was to the ice, "Better?" he asked with a grin that made her heart pound.
She giggled self-consciously. "Actually, I'm quite cold."
"Might I warm you up then?"
"I don't know... I could unman you with this blade. Just something to keep in mind."
He leaned closer to her face, "Is that any way to thank your rescuer?"
She smirked. "Rescuer? I think not."
"I think that we'd have much more fun if we didn't talk."
"Really? And what do you propose we mmpphhh-" To her shock, he cut her off by pressing his lips to hers and she felt something akin to an electric shock travel up her spine. After the initial surprise wore off, her eyes fluttered closed and she gave in to the moment. She certainly was warm now.
Moments later, he pulled away, breathing labored, with a blush staining his cheeks. "I propose we do that."
She grinned. "I propose we continue."
END FLASHBACK
Serena shook her head at the memory. Ever since that date they'd been inseparable. He'd taken her to the fair, the movies, even to a karaoke bar where they sang a painstakingly horrible rendition of "I Got You Babe." If that wasn't love, then what was? She grimaced at the idea that she actually felt something for him other than contempt; the very idea that it was no longer a game in her mind was ridiculous. Sighing, she sat up and weighed her options. He was spontaneous. He was exciting. He was beyond handsome. He was attentive. He was... still the same boy that had broken her heart years ago.
Throwing open her closet door, she decided on a simple black dress buried in the far corner. Scrutinizing the dress more closely, she realized that it was the same dress she'd worn to the arcade the night that all of her hopes and dreams were shattered.
"Well isn't that ironic?" she asked herself as she smoothed out wrinkles in the dress. "Little black dress, you've gotten me through the horrors of adolescence. You'll get me through tonight."
***
An hour later, she stood on Darien's doorstep, anxiously waiting for him to answer the door. She knew that he had something planned, but she had no idea what. Playing with her small beaded purse, she frowned. She didn't like it when she didn't have control over a situation. And she had no control over this. She smiled bitterly at her inner-monologue. Since when had she become so stodgy? So organized? So... Darien-like? 'No,' she thought, 'He's not like that anymore. He doesn't worry about everything. He's not a control freak. He's what I used to be.' She found it funny how the roles reversed because of one night.
A smooth voice brought her out of her reflection. "I didn't invite you to stand outside of my house, you know."
She turned to face a very relaxed and very delicious-looking Darien. How was it that he could wear a half-untucked shirt and jeans and still look incredible? She gracefully walked past him into the house, head held high. "I was thinking."
He took her coat and looked at her curiously. "About what?"
She shook her head. "Nothing important."
Pausing, he looked her up and down and grinned, "I like your dress."
Somehow, she suppressed the scream of frustration at the oh-so-ironic situation. Even though she wanted to say, "Somehow I managed to squeeze into it," she simply said, "Thanks."
Taking her hand, he guided her from the entryway to the dining room. "What's the occasion?"
She shrugged her shoulders and gave a slightly malicious grin. "Oh, nothing important. Just dinner with some conceited j-" The words were frozen in her throat as she looked about the massive room. There must have been over a hundred candles softly illuminating the usually stark white room.
He put his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. "Do you like it?"
She turned around and wrapped her arms around him, flashing a brilliant smile. "I love it. How long did this take you?"
He looked at her reproachfully and shook his head. "That's not for you to worry about."
"I know... I worry too much."
"You do. You know, you are an absolute mystery to me, Serena Tsukino," he drawled.
She looked at him inquisitively. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged, "I dunno... you're just different than how you used to be."
Crossing her arms defensively, she prepared for the worst. "Good different or bad different?"
He gave her a quick slap on the behind before walking into the adjoining kitchen. "Definitely good," he called.
Her eyes began to water and she struggled to keep the tears at bay. So she really was that bad when she was fifteen. She would have been happier with 'bad different.' Closing her eyes and swallowing the lump in her throat, she tried to calm herself as best she could.
Darien poked his head out of the kitchen, "What are you doing waiting out there?"
"Nothing," she said quietly. "Absolutely nothing."
***
After dinner, they sat on his couch, contentedly full, watching Moulin Rouge. She had changed into one of his college t-shirts and pants that were far too big and were fastened with a hair clip to keep from falling down because he'd commented on how uncomfortable she looked. 'If he only knew...' she thought as she mimicked Darien by putting the footstool up on the plush leather couch where they sat.
Serena sighed as she watched Christian sing to Satine. "Ewan McGregor is soooo romantic. And he just has the best voice," she gushed.
Putting an arm around her, he smirked arrogantly. "You must like him because he reminds you of me. Completely understandable."
She rolled her eyes and looked at him mischievously. "Actually, you remind me more of the duke..."
"You're kidding me, right?" he deadpanned.
"Of course not. That same obliviousness, arrogance, stupidity... It's all there," she teased. "In fact, I'm surprised that I didn't see it before. The resemblance really is quite remarkable."
He tossed a pillow at her and pouted.
Laughing, she patted him on the shoulder consolingly. "Aww... don't feel bad. The duke could be sexy... I guess... um maybe if he lost the mustache... and the accent... oh who I am kidding? The duke couldn't be sexy if he was the last man on earth!"
He glared at her and turned back to the T.V. "Let's just watch the movie."
Toward the end of the movie, Serena wiped furiously at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes as they watched the tragic ending. She stared with watery eyes at the TV screen. "You know, Moulin Rouge was not the happiest movie to watch."
He turned to face her. "You didn't like it?"
"Nah... I just don't like the ending."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I watch movies to escape real life, not to get more depressed. I know they're realistic, but I don't like unhappy endings."
He put his arm around her and gave a slight smile. "They're not that realistic. There are happy endings... sometimes people just don't see them."
She brought her knees up to her chest and looked at him wistfully. "You think so?"
He kissed her cheek. "I know so."
Giggling, she leaned against him and sighed. "You, my dear, are a true romantic."
Pushing her back onto the couch and leaning over her with a mischievous look, he whispered, "You don't know the half of it."
Running her hands through his soft black hair, she whispered, "Why don't you show me?" before pulling him down for a kiss.
He responded with fervor, skillfully parting her lips with his tongue, slowly delving into her mouth. When he began to lift her long, gray t-shirt, she stilled his hand and briefly broke the kiss.
She smiled between butterfly kisses, "I'm not..." she giggled as he began to trail kisses down her neck, "that kind of girl..." she trailed off and for the first time in a very long time, decided to simply enjoy the moment.
He murmured something against her neck and she grinned, cupping his face and bringing it up to hers. "What was that?"
His eyes glowed with a radiance that she had never seen before as he kissed her briefly once more. He gazed searchingly into her eyes before whispering roughly, "I love you."
She immediately froze beneath him and her heart seemed to cease its frantic pounding. Lying there, speechless, she seemed to look straight through him.
Cerulean eyes gazed her with concern, "Are you okay? I mean... you don't have to say anything back. I just... I just wanted to let you know how I feel..." he stammered in apprehension before lovingly pushing golden wisps of hair away from her face.
She pulled away from his hand and gently pushed him off of her as she moved to a sitting position. Pulling down the worn shirt and folding her hands in her lap, she attempted to gain a semblance of composure. She stared at a fixed point on the wall and tried not to look at him. "I can't do this," she said quietly, brokenly.
He suddenly straightened and stared at her anxiously. "What do you mean?" he asked. She simply stared at the twisting hands in her lap. "What do you mean? Answer me! For God's sake, at least look at me!" he cried in a distressed tone.
She lifted her face to him, only to reveal the unshed tears she'd been so desperately trying to hide. "I mean that I don't think that we should be together anymore."
"No... no... no! Serena you don't mean that!" he cried, looking at her frantically. "I can change! I'll even take it back if you want me to!"
She gazed at him sadly, "There's no sense in taking it back. Besides, it's not your fault anyways."
"Like hell it isn't!" he yelled, then quieted and took her hands. "Just tell me what's wrong. I can fix it, I promise you."
Furiously shaking her head, she tore her hands out of his grasp and began to pace back and forth. "You can't fix something that's been broken for so long," she whispered, almost to herself.
"Damn it, Serena, at least give me a straight answer!"
"You can't love someone you know nothing about. And you know nothing about me! Nothing!" she screamed, hot tears finally escaping her eyes.
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair in frustration, "I do know you, Serena, and because I know you, I love you. I don't understand what you want me to do..."
She smiled bitterly, "I want nothing that you can give me."
A look of intense hurt crossed his face, yet he pressed on, "Care to explain?"
"Can you give me back my adolescence, Darien? Can you give me back my confidence, my pride, my heart? Can you?" she asked brokenly as a few more crystalline tears slipped out.
He remained silent, her meaning slowly dawning on him.
She nodded fatalistically and smirked, "And here's where the interrogation stops. Tell me, Darien, how long were you planning to wait before bringing it up? The wedding night? Never? You can't avoid it anymore! You can't avoid me anymore!"
He rested his head in his hands and sat for another moment in silence before slowly speaking. "I would have eventually brought it up." She smirked and he sighed, "There just wasn't any good moment to do it. What was I going to say? 'Sorry I screwed you over when we were kids' during dinner? Excuse me if the idea didn't appeal to me."
"Screwed me over? That's what you think you did? You ruined me, Darien! You tore my heart into a million pieces and then trampled what was left!"
He swallowed, "I thought we'd be over this by now..."
"Maybe you can suppress what happened, but I can't! It must have been so easy for you brush it off and move on with your life. But I couldn't! I've had to live with the fact that I've never been good enough and that I never will be good enough for ten years! Sure, you look back on that night with a little remorse or regret. I look at it as the night that every single one of my fears came to life!"
"I... I never realized..." he stuttered, his eyes a glassy blue, "I thought that since you were just a kid, you'd bounce back."
"Just a kid..." she whispered in disbelief. "I wasn't just a kid! The pain that I went through was very adult and very real. Just because I was fifteen did not mean that I didn't have feelings! I'm still that fifteen year old, Darien! I'm still that girl that you rejected and humiliated! Maybe I look different, but I'm the same girl you broke!" she ended her tirade and looked at him with haunted azure eyes. "You can't love me because you didn't love the meatball headed fifteen year old. You didn't love me then and you don't love me now."
He smiled at her bitterly. "How do you know that I don't love you? How do you know that I didn't go through just as much pain as you did these past few years?"
Her eyes narrowed to small blue slits and she glared at him. "I know because I was there, Darien! I watched you ... with that... that despicable whore! I watched you name every last one of my less admirable traits and reject me publicly. And worst of all..." she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I watched you look at me with those coldly calm eyes of yours and tell me that you felt nothing for me."
"I was so young..." he said, eyes filling with tears.
"That's no excuse!" she shouted, whipping around to face him. "Come to think of it, you haven't given me any good excuses! Go ahead, you have my full attention," she said sharply and fell back onto the couch.
He gazed at her dejectedly. "I know I haven't... I dunno... I was young and stupid. I guess that I was always the kid that no one noticed. I was always the different one. I didn't have parents; I didn't know what a family was like. The kids at the orphanage where I lived ignored me. Apparently there's even a hierarchy among kids," he smiled bitterly. "Come to think of it, no one has ever told me that they loved me. So when everyone started to pay attention to me, it was completely new... and I liked it. For once I was normal. I wasn't the orphan or the loner. For the first time in my life, I felt... accepted."
"At my expense."
He nodded solemnly and knelt before her, "Yes, it was at your expense. I didn't know what I wanted back then. But now I do. I want you, Serena. If I hadn't been so concerned with fitting in and having a girlfriend, maybe I would have realized it then."
She sighed sorrowfully. "But that's just it, Darien. You would have had a girlfriend. Me. But you wanted Beryl. Maybe you still do... I don't know what to believe anymore."
He shook his head urgently, seemingly vehemently opposed to her quiet statement. "No! I wanted what came with her: status. I never wanted her. And I certainly don't want her now."
She looked at him skeptically and spoke in an acerbic tone. "Really Darien? Did you carry her books to all of her classes? Were you crowned Prom King and Queen? Did you sleep with her?"
"Damn it Serena, I never loved her! I never felt anything for her!" he yelled defensively, yet pleadingly at the same time.
Sadly lifting her gaze to his now tear-stained face, she said, "I'll take that as a yes." His silence spoke multitudes. She slowly stood up as her aching, tired muscles protested and began to gather her things. "I think I'd better go."
"Serena! Serena, don't do this!" he pleaded desperately as he attempted to halt her departure. He seized the shaking hand that reached for the doorknob and held it to his chest. "Serena, I never wanted to hurt you. Please understand that. I know you'd be giving me exactly what I deserve, but please don't do this to me. To us."
Once again, she began to cry and her usually bright eyes, reddened by tears, had an ethereal look to them. Opening the door and gazing back at him, she saw that he was crying as well and the sight nearly tore her heart in two. She spoke softly, memorizing everything about him, knowing that they would never be that close again. "I'm sorry Darien. You can't change the past... and you can't change the future. We're just different people. We aren't meant to be together. Just..." her voice broke and she struggled to continue, "Just remember that I did love you once. More than anything."
With that, she gracefully walked out the door to her car, ignoring Darien's pained cries of her name. When she finally drove far enough away, she parked her car at the end of a street and let all of the pain she'd held in for ten years come out. She let her head crash against the steering wheel as she cried for her loss of innocence, her loss of hope, and worst of all, her loss of the one thing she'd wanted above all else: love.
***
An hour later, Serena managed to finally arrive at her apartment. After having to pull over three times because she couldn't see through her tears, she was drained. All she wanted to do was sleep. She threw her purse down and didn't even bother to turn on a light. In the far corner of the room, a brilliant red blinking light caught her eye among the inky darkness of her apartment. It was her answering machine. Rolling her eyes, she moved to turn on a light. Bright white light flooded the room and she groaned at the painful adjustment her eyes made. Grabbing Tylenol from a kitchen cabinet and filling a water glass, she downed the pills in an attempt to subdue the splitting headache that impaired her very thought. She pressed the 'Play' button on her answering machine as she held her pounding head.
A quiet, hoarse voice resonated throughout the small kitchen. "Hi Serena. This is Allan Crane. Um... I'm sorry to leave a message like this... We haven't spoken in a while and I know that this is something you shouldn't do over the phone. I hate to tell you this, but... Ann... passed away last night."
Serena's glass fell from her suddenly limp hands and shattered on the tile floor. She tuned out the rest of the message, only hearing the blood rushing through her head. Darien was gone. Ann was dead. She couldn't even begin to know how to deal with such loss. She stared at the hundreds of tiny glittering shards that covered the floor. She realized with a certain detachedness that she'd never felt before that her heart was the glass. The shards glittered and caught the light in such a way that it looked as though they were tears mourning a loss; full of pain and anguish yet breathtakingly beautiful. Yes, her heart was the glass, and it was shattered beyond repair.
END CHAPTER SIX
AN: Did you like it? Did you hate it? See, I told you she'd bring it up. :)I'm sorry that it's shorter, but for me to merge this and the next chapter would be a mess. This was a very experimental chapter so feedback would be appreciated. But this is not the end. Oh no, this is so not the end *cackles evilly*. Just a quick note: if you ever want to know how the next chapter is coming along or when I might update, just check the bio section because I usually update it every week or so. Thanks!