A/N: Ok ok, you can all kill me since it's been nearly a month since I've updated this. I've been busy writing other stories and college hasn't been helping but...I shouldn't give excuses, I'm sorry to everyone who's actually reading this. I'll update faster, I promise (you can kill me if I don't heh). So please leave me a review, I love it. You guys rock.

Chapter seven: Avoiding the pain

It had been two weeks since that night, when she'd walked out of his apartment. Abby had taken a week off to go and find Eric and hopefully bring him back home. Carter had tried to call her the entire week but she hadn't answered once, so he eventually gave up. Then she had come back on Saturday, now a week ago, with the news that they had found Eric alive and well somewhere in Oregon. He hadn't wanted to come back home and he didn't want to take medication anymore so they had to force him and he was in therapy now and supposedly on his meds.

Abby had told Carter this but then she had avoided him all week. He knew something was wrong and he didn't dare ask what it was. He knew anyway, she was backing out again. Finally they had been on the right track and then something had to come up. It seemed as if they just weren't meant to be or anything, but then why did he feel like they were?

He entered the lounge and put his stuff in his locker before putting on his coat. He heard the door open and Abby came in. He could tell it was her because he had heard her gasp when she had seen him there. He turned around ready to leave and looked at her for a moment. He didn't say anything because he knew it wouldn't make a difference anyway. He walked to the door and passed her as he said:

"Goodnight Abby."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She had seen the look in his eyes and it killed her. What the hell was she supposed to do? She kicked against the couch and fell down on a chair. Thank God she was only on for another 2 hours and then she and her couch could be alone. She poured herself a cup of coffee and saw Susan was about to enter the room.

"Hey Abby, did you check on that patient in exam one? The guy with chest pains they brought in earlier?"

"Yea everything was normal, I just came back from him."

"God, this day seems to never end. The little girl from the bike accident this morning didn't make it but the guy that was drunk and that hit her hardly has a scratch!"

"Where is he now then? Did they discharge him?" Keep it off the subject...

"No" she smirked, "he's sleeping and he'll have a hell off a hangover in the morning.

So...you wanna talk?"

"About what? Oh, we should go to that new club in town. One of my friends went there last weekend and it's supposed to be very good. I already asked Chen."

"Abby... you think I don't know you better than that? I thought we were friends" she gave her a look and smiled. "Plus, Carter has NOT been in a good mood lately so it doesn't take a scientist to figure it out. What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on. And no offence, but I wish that everyone could just stop with sticking their nose in my business. My feelings for Carter are personal and it doesn't matter that I love him because..." Oh god, did she just say that out loud? She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands.

"Interesting!" She could hear Susan smirk even if she couldn't see it. She opened her eyes again. "Judging from your reaction it kind of surprised you as well that you just said you love him. Maybe admitting it isn't so hard after all" she smiled like a little kid who had been given a lollipop. "Now I think instead of telling me - you really should be saying this to him. You have no idea how much he wants to hear this."

"I'm confused right now ok, nothing ever goes right. At least not for long and now all of this shi...stuff with my brother again, it just shows everyone." She got up and headed for the door. "I appreciate you wanting to help though" she said with a smile. "I'll see you later".

When she was walking towards the hospital the next morning she saw him sitting on a bench in the ambulance bay eating "breakfast". His shift probably started with hers. She walked to the door and then hesitated for a second and she turned around and started walking towards him.

"John..." she began quietly.

"Don't," he interrupted her, "you'll make it worse so just don't say it. Please, I don't feel like having a discussion right now."

"I just want you to know why I'm doing this."

"Damnit Abby, I don't wanna know! I'm tired of all the stupid excuses you keep giving me. And the most frustrating thing about this is that I always keep thinking that we're gonna make it, and that it'll get better. And now it was actually going better. It's not because your brother got into some trouble that that has to change. It'll happen again, because he's sick and if he's anything like your mother then you know this won't be the last time. But I don't get why you have to let that stand in the way of us." He tossed the rest of what he was eating in the trash and sighed in frustration as he moved his hand through his hair. He didn't really mean to have an outburst like that, but it was morning and he was in a bad mood already.

"Because it's not just about that Carter! Yes, Eric is sick but that's not the only thing. What is it that you want from me anyway?"

"What I want from you? I want to know why you're letting this die. I thought we were on our way of having something amazing, finally, and then without the blink of an eye you don't talk to me anymore."

"I need time John."

"Oh you know what Abby, I think you'll be fine. You've had all the time that you could have needed already. I just wish that you could let go for once. It's like you became imprisoned again, like before. These past few weeks it was starting to change like you were willing to give us a chance, but now..." He looked down.

"It doesn't matter what I was starting to do. Things have changed now."

"It doesn't matter?" he asked in disbelief. "Ok, then tell me... what does? Because if 'us' isn't what you've been thinking of lately...then you're stronger than me. It hasn't been off my mind for months now."

"It's not that easy, it's never easy! Every time my life is going ok and I'm getting close to feeling happy something always screws it up!"

"Well what has been easy so far? Nothing...you haven't had an easy life and I'm sorry that it absolutely sucked, Abby. But now that something – someone - actually wants to make you happy..." he looked into her eyes and his voice softened "you won't let me."

She looked down and stopped yelling as well.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you and you know that. I don't deserve you."

She saw that he was giving her a sarcastic look and he was about to say something again so she quickly went on. "You need to be with someone who can give you all that you want. A happy marriage, a beautiful family and not someone who can give your kids a disease that will ruin the rest of their lives! I've lived it together with my mom and it was hell! She chased me around the room with a knife when I was 10 years old and now it's happening all over again with my brother. And I know that you say your family is far from perfect either, but it's just not the same Carter."

"You know, I've heard this all before and I do feel sorry for you but it only goes so far. I mean, you can think that you don't deserve me, but as long as I want to be with you then that should be all that matters. Please don't make my decisions for me, I'm a big boy I can handle it. And I could help you with your brother and any other problems you should have but you have to let me. Why do you always wanna do everything on your own? And you don't know if your children will be bipolar and frankly, down the road, I would gladly be willing to take that chance. I just don't understand why you always keep pushing me away when things tend to get better. Are you afraid? Or do you keep doing this to me because you hate me?" He kept looking at her, waiting for her to say something...but she just cast her eyes down and didn't reply.

And with that, he walked away from her into the hospital.

A/N: Just another quick note to dadswell. You said you hated what Carter did to Abby in the newer episodes and that you're a huge Carby fan. I haven't seen season 10 yet, because I don't live in the US. But they will air them over here soon, though I'm not sure I even want to watch after everything I've heard, heh. I hate the fact that they broke up, so fanfic is the only thing keeping me alive! Please review people, you know I love it!