Without You
chapter 4
Marissa Matthews Pov
I decided to call home in a few days. I wanted to wait until Jess, Alli, and Lindsay left, because the whole way here, I bugged them about if Adam would still care for me like he did when he sees I left. Lindsay already called Lisa and said we were OK. I'm sure a few days won't matter. I also am a procrastinator. I just don't know if or when to break up with Adam.
Adam and me were always a couple for 3 years straight. We never fought, just once. That was only because he bought a lot of bad food when I was on a diet. Adam was already a senior, while I was a sophomore. We went to all the dances and games. This year, for Homecoming, Adam went to my house. He decorated the stairs and the hallway all the way to my room with flowers and balloons. Then above my door was a banner that said 'Marissa will you go to Homecoming with me?- Adam'. I of course said yes. It was so much fun. All of the girls envied me. Adam was obviously the cutest boy in the school.
Unlike all of the other guys who I dated, Adam actually cared for me. He always would take me out to nice places. Not fast-food places that only sells greasy food. Adam really cared for me. He would always do the sweetest things for me. He would always try to make me feel better about myself. My ex-boyfriend, Ben, and my other ex-boyfriend, Tony, always took me out to the most fattening places. They always said to take it as a compliment, they thought I already looked good. I took it as being cheap. Everyone knew Adam and I loved each other. For 4 years, we have been voted cutest couple. I still do love him, but I'm not sure that 'we' would work anymore. And seeing Soda again, I'm not sure I'm being fair to Adam. Adam has always been so nice to me.
My friend, Lauren Mae, was Adam's cousin. Somehow, she convinced him to take me to the dinner for all of the football players. We had a great time together. Then the next football game, he asked me out during the game. It was so sweet. And we have been dating for three years and seven months.
I was already on my no food, exercise diet when we started going out. I never would really want to go out, incase he wanted to eat something. Then after we were 'dating' for a month, he got a detention. On the blackboard in all of my classes he wrote "Marissa, let me take you for a dinner and a movie tonight. Love, Adam." I felt so bad that he got a detention, I told him that I didn't eat. He was the one that got me to eat fruit. I started to eat fruit bowls when we would go out. Then a year ago, Adam said that I was too skinny. He would break up with me if I didn't eat more. That is when I started to eat breakfast. Then I felt better in the mornings. I may be dead if Adam didn't tell me to eat. That is one reason I love him so much.
Lauren was anorexic. When I told her I wanted to lose weight fast, she told me about her diet. In the first week, I lost 10 pounds. Then when I started to eat, I put back on some of my weight. I gain and lose. I lost another pound so I'm 104. A lot of girls looked up to since I was skinnier. I don't know why. Then started to dress and act like me. But last year, I was in the hospital because I had pneumonia, and then no one wanted to be like me anymore. I felt better when I would look at myself in the mirror. I felt different and that no one thought I looked fat. Most anorexic people thought they were fat, and that's why they don't eat. I use to think I was fat, but now I know I'm skinny. I weighed 82 pounds two years ago. I really liked myself then, and I want to go back down to at least 94 pounds. That is only 10 pounds, so it will be easy. I just won't eat a lot again.
Some people do know that I am anorexic. Adam, Lindsay, Lisa, Daddy, Alli, Jess, Lauren, Katie, Jen, Eliza, and I think Becca has an idea that I'm anorexic (maybe Soda does too). I told Adam. Lindsay, Lisa, and Daddy know from when I was in the hospital. Alli and Jess knew because Daddy told them. Lauren gave me the idea in the first place. Katie was Lindsay's cousin, and everyone in my family knew. Jen read my diary which said that I don't want to eat. Eliza was there when I told Adam for some reason. Becca always stares at me funny like I'm nuts, maybe jealousy, and always looks at me when someone mentions food. When Soda hugged me, I think he was able to tell.
A lot of people know, but I wish only my family knew. When Lauren was anorexic, everyone was so mean to her. They completely ignored her, except when they would call her stupid for being anorexic. She was cast out for a month, before people would talk to her and not say anything concerning anorexia. I don't want that happening to me. There is only 10 maybe 12 people that know, and I hope that is all. It's not like everyone needs to know.