Disclaimer : Once again, the great and wonderful Meg Cabot owns everything! Well, almost. The plot line is my friend and my idea and the characters of Anne and Adriaan are ours as well.
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Let me be the first to say....I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS!!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!! My computer has been messed up for the past couple of weeks and I haven't been able to get online and post for you guys! I am so sorry! Please forgive me! *tear, tear* Okay, guys to make it up to you....this chapter is a little longer so, thanx for reading and reviewing and continuing to be as loyal as you are. You guys are AMAZING! :) Enjoy.
This is all in Jesse's POV and the whole chapter is supposed to be happening while Susannah is reading from the book (see ch. 9)
And now.....on with chapter 10.
(and don't worry, there will be plenty more after this :)
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Jesse's POV:
"Jesse....You have to let it go. It wasn't your fault." Father Dominic was trying to reassure me as usual on the fact that losing Susannah, my querida, was no one's fault but Paul's. I felt so bad for my poor Susannah. There were only two possibilities as to her whereabouts. Number one, Paul had killed her, I shuddered at the thought, making Father Dominic look strangely at me....or number two....well I didn't even want to think of the possibilities. I had searched everywhere for Susannah and had not found her and I have almost given up hope. Her family had had a funeral for her, because they hadn't been able to find her. I had cried, though I do not wish to admit it all the time, through the whole thing. Of course, there was nothing in the coffin, but it was just to symbolize that the family thought she was dead. As do I, but I won't let myself think of that right now. So now the symbolized coffin, rests beside my own....not because of any significance to the family....but Father Dom and I knew different. Father Dom had purposely set the grave next to mine....because he knew how much it meant to me....and how much it would've meant to Susannah....my eyes grew misty with tears. Now, I sit three red roses on her grave just before sunset....to symbolize those three small words that I could never say. The words that, I can only assume, would have meant so much to my querida. It breaks my heart to think that my wonderful querida is gone....and that I'll never see her again....her beautiful hair, her green eyes....
"Jesse?" Father Dom's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.
"Yes, Father?"
"I know you miss her....but...."
I interrupted him. "I know Father....but that doesn't help now does it?" I stated firmly, grief filling my voice.
He looked at me startled for a second. "Father....I think I just need to go think for a while." I whispered, getting up. Before I dematerialized I heard him say, "I know Jesse, I miss her too." And I could almost swear that I heard his desk drawer opening so that he could find that ever-present box of cigarettes. I smiled wearily before dematerializing completely.
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I materialized in front of Susannah's grave....red roses in hand. I had stopped to pick them from a flower garden at the school and now I thoughtlessly toyed with them in my hands. I had begun placing three red roses on her empty grave every day to symbolize my love for her. In truth, the three words that I had never said to her, but had longed to say. I had been too nervous and scared....and that is where my downfall lay. I sat beside her grave and began whispering intently. I had to get a few things in the open, no matter if Susannah could hear me or not.
"Querida, I know you may not be able to hear me, but....but I love you," It's such a relief to get that out in the open, "I love you so much, mi amour! I am more sorry than words could say that I could not save you. My heart aches with thoughts of you. Maybe....if I had not been so....how did you say....stubborn, this would not have happened to you. Susannah, I just want you to know that I love you, querida, more than words could ever begin to describe. Nothing could ever describe you querida....you were....are perfect in every way. I wish I could have told you this before you left me. Susannah please, send me a sign that you know this. Send me a sign that you love me as well." I whispered, my voice breaking and tears began to pour themselves down my face, even though I had no conscious recollection of them. Then someone cleared their voice behind me.
"Jesse."
I turned around slowly and had to do a double take.
"She loved you as well." Her dad stated, his own eyes blurry with tears.
I stuttered. "Mr....Mr. Simon. I am very sorry. Please forgive me. I should not have...." My voice trailed off as I began to stand up.
"No, no....Jesse. Sit back down. I need to explain some things to you as well." He took a deep breath.
I looked at him startled. "Is anything wrong, Mr. Simon?"
"No....no....Jesse....well...." He sat beside me and looked at his daughter's grave stone. I know you must miss her a lot. And I think that it would be better if you....just moved on....there's nothing holding you back anymore, Jesse. You could leave this place and not feel the heartache and suffering anymore...."
I interrupted him. "But sir, what if Susannah is still alive. I could never forgive myself if I left and she was still out there....waiting for someone to find her."
Susannah's father just looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Jesse....you know....as well as I do....that she's gone." His eyes misted over with tears again. "And we just have to deal with that."
My own vision had become blurry and I hear, rather than felt the way my voice began changing considerably when I began speaking again. "Sir....I....I just don't want to give up hope that maybe...."
"NO!" He stated, looking at me firmly. "Jesse. Don't beat yourself up over this. What's done is done. My little girl is gone...."
I stood up, ignoring what he had to say and stared at Susannah's grave stone.
Beautiful daughter, wonderful friend, Querida.
I smiled slightly when I saw this. No one had asked why Father Dom had put that on the grave stone, because they were too depressed with grief. 'MY querida.' I thought to myself. I looked up to see that the sky was getting dark and the stars were coming out slowly. 'I wish I could bring my querida back to me.' I whispered silently to myself. Susannah always loved watching the sunset and watching the stars come out....it is one of the main reasons we had spent so much time on the roof outside of her window.... I was broken out of my trance by Susannah's father's voice again. I sighed.
"Jesse, you need to listen to me....you need to understand...."
Suddenly I could not hear him anymore. Because I was doubled up with pain. I cried out as I fell to the ground, coughing and sputtering. This pain....it was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life....or lack of. It was completely horrible.
"Jesse! Jesse! What's wrong?" I could hear the concern coming from Susannah's father, but I couldn't seem to process it. The pain was too much to bear.
I saw everything....every memory I had ever had....flash before me as I writhed in pain. I saw my sisters fighting over one of their favorite dolls. I saw mi madre y padre holding each other and smiling at all of the kids. I saw Susannah and I fighting the RLS Angels. Then I saw myself sitting in Susannah's room....holding her, kissing her. I saw us at the mission, holding each other as if we would never let go. I saw her smile....I felt something I thought sure was fire....spreading up through my legs, into my stomach, across my arms, onto my face....and then nothing....because I passed out.
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Well, there you have it. Chapter 10 and as always.....you know what to do! :) You guys are the best!!!! :)
~~~~
Let me be the first to say....I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS!!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!! My computer has been messed up for the past couple of weeks and I haven't been able to get online and post for you guys! I am so sorry! Please forgive me! *tear, tear* Okay, guys to make it up to you....this chapter is a little longer so, thanx for reading and reviewing and continuing to be as loyal as you are. You guys are AMAZING! :) Enjoy.
This is all in Jesse's POV and the whole chapter is supposed to be happening while Susannah is reading from the book (see ch. 9)
And now.....on with chapter 10.
(and don't worry, there will be plenty more after this :)
~~~~
Jesse's POV:
"Jesse....You have to let it go. It wasn't your fault." Father Dominic was trying to reassure me as usual on the fact that losing Susannah, my querida, was no one's fault but Paul's. I felt so bad for my poor Susannah. There were only two possibilities as to her whereabouts. Number one, Paul had killed her, I shuddered at the thought, making Father Dominic look strangely at me....or number two....well I didn't even want to think of the possibilities. I had searched everywhere for Susannah and had not found her and I have almost given up hope. Her family had had a funeral for her, because they hadn't been able to find her. I had cried, though I do not wish to admit it all the time, through the whole thing. Of course, there was nothing in the coffin, but it was just to symbolize that the family thought she was dead. As do I, but I won't let myself think of that right now. So now the symbolized coffin, rests beside my own....not because of any significance to the family....but Father Dom and I knew different. Father Dom had purposely set the grave next to mine....because he knew how much it meant to me....and how much it would've meant to Susannah....my eyes grew misty with tears. Now, I sit three red roses on her grave just before sunset....to symbolize those three small words that I could never say. The words that, I can only assume, would have meant so much to my querida. It breaks my heart to think that my wonderful querida is gone....and that I'll never see her again....her beautiful hair, her green eyes....
"Jesse?" Father Dom's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.
"Yes, Father?"
"I know you miss her....but...."
I interrupted him. "I know Father....but that doesn't help now does it?" I stated firmly, grief filling my voice.
He looked at me startled for a second. "Father....I think I just need to go think for a while." I whispered, getting up. Before I dematerialized I heard him say, "I know Jesse, I miss her too." And I could almost swear that I heard his desk drawer opening so that he could find that ever-present box of cigarettes. I smiled wearily before dematerializing completely.
~~~~
I materialized in front of Susannah's grave....red roses in hand. I had stopped to pick them from a flower garden at the school and now I thoughtlessly toyed with them in my hands. I had begun placing three red roses on her empty grave every day to symbolize my love for her. In truth, the three words that I had never said to her, but had longed to say. I had been too nervous and scared....and that is where my downfall lay. I sat beside her grave and began whispering intently. I had to get a few things in the open, no matter if Susannah could hear me or not.
"Querida, I know you may not be able to hear me, but....but I love you," It's such a relief to get that out in the open, "I love you so much, mi amour! I am more sorry than words could say that I could not save you. My heart aches with thoughts of you. Maybe....if I had not been so....how did you say....stubborn, this would not have happened to you. Susannah, I just want you to know that I love you, querida, more than words could ever begin to describe. Nothing could ever describe you querida....you were....are perfect in every way. I wish I could have told you this before you left me. Susannah please, send me a sign that you know this. Send me a sign that you love me as well." I whispered, my voice breaking and tears began to pour themselves down my face, even though I had no conscious recollection of them. Then someone cleared their voice behind me.
"Jesse."
I turned around slowly and had to do a double take.
"She loved you as well." Her dad stated, his own eyes blurry with tears.
I stuttered. "Mr....Mr. Simon. I am very sorry. Please forgive me. I should not have...." My voice trailed off as I began to stand up.
"No, no....Jesse. Sit back down. I need to explain some things to you as well." He took a deep breath.
I looked at him startled. "Is anything wrong, Mr. Simon?"
"No....no....Jesse....well...." He sat beside me and looked at his daughter's grave stone. I know you must miss her a lot. And I think that it would be better if you....just moved on....there's nothing holding you back anymore, Jesse. You could leave this place and not feel the heartache and suffering anymore...."
I interrupted him. "But sir, what if Susannah is still alive. I could never forgive myself if I left and she was still out there....waiting for someone to find her."
Susannah's father just looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Jesse....you know....as well as I do....that she's gone." His eyes misted over with tears again. "And we just have to deal with that."
My own vision had become blurry and I hear, rather than felt the way my voice began changing considerably when I began speaking again. "Sir....I....I just don't want to give up hope that maybe...."
"NO!" He stated, looking at me firmly. "Jesse. Don't beat yourself up over this. What's done is done. My little girl is gone...."
I stood up, ignoring what he had to say and stared at Susannah's grave stone.
Beautiful daughter, wonderful friend, Querida.
I smiled slightly when I saw this. No one had asked why Father Dom had put that on the grave stone, because they were too depressed with grief. 'MY querida.' I thought to myself. I looked up to see that the sky was getting dark and the stars were coming out slowly. 'I wish I could bring my querida back to me.' I whispered silently to myself. Susannah always loved watching the sunset and watching the stars come out....it is one of the main reasons we had spent so much time on the roof outside of her window.... I was broken out of my trance by Susannah's father's voice again. I sighed.
"Jesse, you need to listen to me....you need to understand...."
Suddenly I could not hear him anymore. Because I was doubled up with pain. I cried out as I fell to the ground, coughing and sputtering. This pain....it was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life....or lack of. It was completely horrible.
"Jesse! Jesse! What's wrong?" I could hear the concern coming from Susannah's father, but I couldn't seem to process it. The pain was too much to bear.
I saw everything....every memory I had ever had....flash before me as I writhed in pain. I saw my sisters fighting over one of their favorite dolls. I saw mi madre y padre holding each other and smiling at all of the kids. I saw Susannah and I fighting the RLS Angels. Then I saw myself sitting in Susannah's room....holding her, kissing her. I saw us at the mission, holding each other as if we would never let go. I saw her smile....I felt something I thought sure was fire....spreading up through my legs, into my stomach, across my arms, onto my face....and then nothing....because I passed out.
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Well, there you have it. Chapter 10 and as always.....you know what to do! :) You guys are the best!!!! :)