Chapter Three

Paige shut her door and gazed at Phoebe via the rear-view mirror. Phoebe hadn't said a word since they left the doctor's office and sat in the back seat looking forlornly out the window. "Honey, you heard the doctor, the baby's fine." But Phoebe didn't reply and Paige couldn't help but worry, "We'll be home soon and you'll take a warm bubble bath to relax."

Cole also eyed Phoebe with concern got into the seat next to Phoebe. She was pale and much too quiet, even for Phoebe. Quickly recalling that brief time when she'd been pregnant with their son, he suggested, "Maybe Piper will fix you a bowl of soup to help settle your stomach." Nodding to Paige he added, "Paige can call ahead and make sure it's ready by the time we come back." But Phoebe still didn't react so he dropped the subject and told her, "C'mon buckle up." She silently complied but, when she had trouble pulling it around her expanded waistline and clicking it into place, he quickly reached over to help her. He felt stung when she nearly flinched from his touch.

Phoebe stared out her window and held her breath, trying to fight the waves of emotion assaulting her. She hadn't been prepared for all the powerful emotions she'd been hit with since his return. From her sisters or him. His concern and confusion were so overwhelming, she'd had to turn away. She hadn't meant to but she knew she'd just hurt him and she didn't know how to deal with it. Without turning from the window, she blindly reached for his hand and squeezed it. It wouldn't make up for that moment ago but it might let him know she was glad he was there.

Further confused by her inconsistent behavior, he still assured her, "The baby's okay and that's what's important." She didn't acknowledge him but she didn't remove her hand from his either. "Let's go," he told Paige as he settled back in his seat and stared out his own window. Phoebe hadn't seemed angry or afraid by his sudden appearance and he knew she'd wanted him with her at the doctor. Maybe she felt pressured with Paige being there too. Hadn't that always been the problem? He and Phoebe complemented each other perfectly and, especially when they were alone, it was almost magical. They had the freedom to be who they were without apology. But as soon as one of her sisters was with them, Phoebe would hold back. Even if she didn't realize it herself, she was different when one of them was around. Almost as if she'd felt trapped. Had he every really considered it? No matter, he decided, it would change now. He wasn't risking his child's life because her sisters couldn't forgive his past. His child. His daughter according to Phoebe. He turned his head and watched Phoebe and, when she caught his gaze in the reflection of the window, he smiled and gave her hand another squeeze, not caring whether Paige saw or not.

Paige mentally cursed when she caught his smile to her sister. He'd only been back for three hours and already he'd wormed his way back into Phoebe's heart. Maybe it was all wishful thinking on Phoebe's part, a desperate story to make up for the embarrassment of a drunken one-night stand. She glanced at her sister's reflection in the mirror. No, she sighed to herself, she did believe Phoebe. She knew how much having this baby meant to her sister so Phoebe would never lie about how it happened. So maybe Cole was that baby's father but that didn't mean he had to be a part of its life. The question was, how would she and Piper convince Phoebe that Cole would be the worst possible influence for that child? How would they get him out of their lives for good without risking Phoebe's health?

As Paige drove them home, Phoebe watched the buildings and houses but she wasn't really seeing them. Cole said the baby was okay and that was most important of all. They'd work out the rest later. But how? Her sisters' emotions were so strong concerning Cole that they were seeping through the effects of the potion that had blocked them for so many years. It'd been so long since Cole's name had even been mentioned but obviously her sisters hadn't forgotten or forgiven. And Cole...she didn't need her empathic ability to know how, in spite of how confused and stunned he was, he was still so much in love with her. Or how angry he still was with her, with them, even if he was trying hard to control it. How was she going to make it all right for her baby, for herself? She sighed and nearly smiled when she felt his hand suddenly tighten around hers in concern. Sometimes he seemed to have empathic abilities of his own where she was concerned. But she didn't turn her head and, instead, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. And remembered.

88888888888888888888888888888

"Jump, Phoebe!" Paige shouted as she ducked out of the way from the incoming barrage of demon goo.

Phoebe landed on top of the dumpster and kicked her foot out in disgust after green globs splattered all over the hems of her pants.

"Got 'em all this time," Piper smugly stated as she brushed her hands along her thighs. "And we're all in one piece."

"Barely," Phoebe muttered as she levitated down and joined her sisters. "Cutting it a little close there, sis."

Piper waved way her sister's comment and offered, "C'mon, I'll drive you home so you can change pants before going back to work."

Phoebe looked intently at her younger sister, "Seeing as one of your students was responsible for this little incident..."

"Oh, come on," Paige griped, "she's a novice at summoning and has apologized profusely. Not to mention now has an eight-page paper to write on the consequences of having a lack of proper concentration. We got the demons and that's what counts."

"And I've now got a dry-cleaning bill for a brand new pair of pants. Plus, I'm supposed to be in an elevator and I've got a meeting in," Phoebe checked her watch, "twenty minutes. I don't have time to run home and change so...remove these stains."

"Personal gain!" Piper warned.

But Phoebe shook her head, "Her student set loose a pack of Stripe Demons which we had to vanquish and I've gotta do what I can to keep magic from being exposed by not having to explain how I ruined a pair of pants, made it home and changed, and got back to work, all in the few minutes I was going up five floors in an elevator. Think of it as saving the Cleaners a job and staying in their good graces."

Paige considered it and finally shrugged, "Fine." With a motion of her hand, she ordered and orbed the stains to lift from Phoebe's pants and hit the side of the dumpster.

Phoebe nodded with approval after checking her pants. "Great, now orb me back to that elevator and pray everyone's still frozen."

"Of course they are," Piper exclaimed in annoyance, "or are you forgetting how long I can freeze things now?"

"This long when you're not there?" Phoebe countered before she apologized. "Work's been a little crazier than usual these days and given all the demon vanquishing we've been doing, I need a break."

"Well, these demon binges seem to come in cycles," Paige suggested, "and maybe six months of heavy activity means we're in for six months of peace."

"We can only hope," Piper sighed. "C'mon, Paige, let's go."

But, just as Paige reached out for her sisters, a demon appeared before them in a whirlwind. Tall, thin, and orange, it fired a black blob at them and they immediately lunged out of its way in three separate directions. They turned and watched as the blob hit a piece of wood, absorbed it, and shrank into a tiny speck before disappearing in a spark of blue light.

Piper tried blowing up the demon to no avail.

"Dumpster!" Paige shouted, flinging her hand in the direction of the demon. But the demon disappeared in a black blob and the dumpster merely rolled in momentum until it hit the side of the building. "Look out!" she shouted to Phoebe when the demon suddenly appeared behind her sister.

Phoebe levitated out of its way but, keeping her eye on it and miscalculating her landing because of the moved dumpster, she hit the dumpster's corner instead. Stunned, she fell to the ground.

"Get her," Piper warned Paige when she saw a black blob heading for Phoebe who, dazed and not aware of the danger, managed to get to her knees.

But Paige didn't react fast enough and watched as Phoebe was hit and absorbed by the blob.

"Phoebe!"

Phoebe couldn't see but she heard Piper's scream. She struggled in the black goo but she was so dizzy. She felt queasy in the strange darkness and, still on her knees, placed her hands flat on the ground and tried to concentrate only on taking deep breaths. Her vision finally began to clear and she slowly lifted her head. And, to her shock, found herself staring right at the side of a sofa. A sofa which instantly triggered a flood of memories from her brief time in that place. The penthouse.

Phoebe shook her head slightly and, when she wasn't dizzy from doing so, slowly got to her feet and looked around. It was exactly as she'd remembered it. Even the picture frame was still there. She gingerly touched the back of her head and groaned when she felt the lump from where she'd hit the dumpster. So she was unconscious and imagining being in the penthouse. She couldn't, though, think of a single reason why she'd choose that particular place to revisit in her mind. She shook her head and walked over to the photo. It'd been a number of years since she'd looked at the small album she'd kept of their time together. He took great pictures but they didn't really do him justice. She touched Cole's image and wistfully wished she could actually see him. Funny how things changed with the passage of time. Once she'd felt nothing for him but now...

A shattering of glass surprised her and she nearly dropped the frame. It sounded like a frustrated shout and it sounded like... "Cole," she whispered when he flung open the bedroom doors and staggered into the living room.

"Great," he snarled at her, "come to finish the job your sister couldn't do?"

"What?"

"Maybe you'd like to follow Paige for a dip in the ocean," he threatened as he strode past her and angrily poured himself a drink. "The little bitch thought she could blow me up from the inside," he muttered before he gulped down the amber liquid. He pointed the glass at Phoebe and demanded, "I've had it with you and your sisters. Get the hell out of my life and leave me to my own immortal hell!"

"You're drunk," she realized with disapproval. "You were never drunk in all the time I knew you."

"First time for everything," he uttered as he poured another drink. "Maybe if I drink enough I'll forget all about you. Now get out before I do something nasty to you!"

"I'm not here," she defiantly stated. "You're just a figment of my imagination and I refuse to continue with this while you're like this. I didn't imagine you after all this time only to have you drunk and out of your mind."

"Thanks to you, baby," he saluted her with his glass. "Hell, maybe I'm the one hallucinating. Instead of pink elephants, I get you," he sneered. He then emptied his glass and enjoyed watching her duck when he flung the glass at her. But he immediately felt remorse at what he'd done to the woman he loved and furiously stalked back into the bedroom.

Stunned, Phoebe wondered what her mind was trying to tell her by imagining this. What'd he mean by that part about Paige? She stared at the bedroom door and suddenly remembered. The night before he'd been vanquished in that alternate reality, Paige had gone on her own in an attempt to vanquish him but failed and had gotten that cold. In a grim bit of irony, Phoebe realized Cole truly had caused his own vanquish because if Paige hadn't caught that cold because of him, she wouldn't've become trapped in that world and set the stage for his vanquish.

She slowly walked to the doorway and stared at Cole who lay passed out on the bed. She hugged herself and tried not to acknowledge her feelings. But she couldn't help it. After all these years, it wasn't anger or pity or even apathy but an overwhelming sense of loss that she felt most. Because he'd been someone so special, someone she'd loved so completely, so desperately, and she couldn't change anything about his horribly degrading fate. He'd been so powerful, so full of energy, but he hadn't been able to get past his own fear of being good. She hadn't been able to help him then but maybe now...

She approached the bed and knelt next to him. She wrinkled her nose in displeasure at the smell of the alcohol upon his breath but couldn't help but reach out and tenderly finger a lock of his hair. Maybe her subconscious was offering her the chance to make it right, at least in her own mind. Maybe she was imagining all this because she still felt guilty and because maybe, deep down, she missed him. "Cole," she whispered with a slight smile as she remembered the love.

33333333333333333333333333333

It had taken her a good ten minutes to drag him into the shower and she was panting from the effort. She didn't know how long it would be before she would regain consciousness and decided not to waste any time if she wanted closure. So, standing back, she turned on the cold water full blast. Good thing as the energy ball he shot out missed her by a mere few inches.

Sputtering under the icy spray, Cole wiped at his eyes as he fumbled for the shower knobs. Still sputtering and coughing, he saw Phoebe standing to the side and he closed his eyes and groaned, "So much for drinking to forget."

"I'm here to help," she quietly said, flinching when he laughed. "I mean it. I couldn't help you before but maybe I can now. Even if it's only in my head."

At that, Cole stared at her. "Maybe I'm not the only one with a guilty conscience."

"Maybe not," she whispered before turning from him and leaving the bathroom. "I'll put on some coffee."

33333333333333333333333333333

When he entered the living room, dressed in his white terry robe, Phoebe was already curled in the chair drinking a cup of her own and she pointed to the steaming cup on the coffee table. "You always did have great taste in coffee."

Cole picked it up and sniffed it before taking a sip.

"What'd you think," she mused, "that I'd somehow poisoned it?"

"Not your style," he honestly replied before taking another swallow, "you'd prefer the direct approach."

They drank in silence and Phoebe finally stood and walked over to the patio's French doors. She opened them and stepped outside. "I always did love the view from here."

Never taking his eyes off her, Cole replied to himself, "Me too."

"Why didn't you just leave?" she questioned when she felt him come up behind her.

"Why do you keep talking about me in the past tense?" he countered before pivoting her to face him. "You look like her but you're not talking like her."

She caressed his cheek and watched his eyes register the feeling, first with shock and then with pleasure. "I have missed you," she told him. "Maybe this's the only way I can admit it to myself. But I've missed hearing you laugh, seeing you smile, watching you move with such confidence, feeling your strength when you would hold me. But," she continued as her eyes welled with tears, "you did so many things in the end. You killed an innocent. And I've never been able to get past that one."

"I didn't want to," he apologized when he shamefully stepped back, "but I thought it was the only way to convince you to come back to me."

"How could you think that after everything we'd been through?"

Cole didn't answer and turned away.

Phoebe placed her palms on his back and felt him stiffen under her touch. But he didn't turn around and she said, "I wish you'd never done it. Maybe things would've been different. Maybe it wouldn't've been too late."

"To what, save me?" He spun around, "It was too late for me the moment I accepted the Triad's job of killing the Charmed Ones."

"That isn't true," she insisted. "You were changing when we were together. You were accepting a life of good."

"But I wasn't strong enough to turn completely," he challenged, "was I?" He stared at her, "Tell me, Phoebe, if I were to promise that that I'd leave San Francisco, that I'd somehow make restitution for what I've done in recent months, that I'd use my powers only for good, would it be enough?"

"For what?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

"To earn your forgiveness?" He reached out to caress her cheek, "To earn your love?"

"Oh, Cole," she uttered in a choked voice, "that's the one thing you never lost. Not even in all my anger. I told you I would always love you and I always have. But it's hurt. It's hurt to love you and it's hurt to remember."

He desperately pulled her close and kissed her. And, when she responded by wrapping her arms around him, he lifted her off the floor and carried her to the bedroom.

3333333333333333333333333333

Phoebe lay spooned in his embrace and sniffled as she began to cry. She wanted to apologize for her tears but couldn't speak and pressed herself back against him.

Cole held her as she cried but told her, "I'm not sorry this happened and I won't let you be either."

"I'm not," she sniffled again. "That's what's so...don't you see," she exclaimed as she turned over in his arms, "I think this's what I've been wishing for. Work's been so crazy lately, demons've been attacking, and I've had no time for a social life, much less wanted one. And time's running out for the premonition to come true."

"What premonition?" he asked just as she snaked her arm around his waist and squeezed him tight.

She lay her head on his chest and burst into a fresh batch of tears.

Confused, he simply stroked her back, kissed the top of her head, and waited patiently for her to calm down.

Phoebe wiped the dampness from his chest but kept her ear pressed to his heart. Her imagination deserved some sort of prize for all the realistic details it was giving her. His heartbeat, the way she'd made him shiver with pleasure, the way he'd remembered all those special places on her body. She hadn't expected to remember it so clearly but everything was as perfect as the last time they'd made love. She suddenly felt his lips in her hair and she realized she'd lost her train of thought. "I had a premonition a couple of years ago where I saw myself pregnant and --"

"You never told me that," he commented in surprise. "If you had we might've found a way to stop the Seer."

Phoebe shook her head as she lifted it from his chest. "That's not what I mean." She leaned on her elbow and ran her fingers through his chest hair. "It doesn't matter," she decided as she gazed into his eyes, "and I don't want to waste any more time right now by talking." She crawled on top of him, lowered her head to his, and found his lips.

333333333333333333333333333333

Cole leaned back against the pillows ogling her as she finished dressing and she couldn't help but blush. No matter how tender their love-making or how clothed she might be, only Cole could make her feel that shy.

"It'll be worth every bit of the hangover I'll have tomorrow morning," he smugly commented as she ran her hands over her breasts to smooth out her bra.

Phoebe paused for just a moment before she pulled her sweater on over her head. Her imagination was supposed to be alleviating her guilt, not adding to it by having Cole talk about tomorrows. "This doesn't change what happened," she cautioned. "Nothing can change the past."

Cole nodded and leaned forward, "But it can change the future."

"If only," she sadly whispered.

"Stay," he requested as he stretched out his hand to her. "Give me a happy reason to celebrate my birthday."

Phoebe stared at him in surprise. She'd forgotten all about it being his birthday. And she felt guilty all over again for remembering what happened next to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "for all of it."

"For tonight?" he suddenly snapped as he threw off the covers. "Damn, I should've known I couldn't even imagine you being nice to me anymore."

"That's not true," she implored. "I was hurt. I was angry. And I had every right to be."

But Cole grabbed his robe and turned from her as he put it on. "Just get the hell out of my mind, Phoebe."

Phoebe took a step towards him but felt dizzy and, to her horror, saw she was beginning to fade. "Cole," she called out. But her voice seemed so far away. She stumbled towards him and, while he caught her, she couldn't feel his arms.

"Phoebe!" he uttered in a tone full of concern as she further faded.

She thought she heard her sisters calling as darkness crept along the edges of her vision. "I love you," she tried to tell him as his cries seemed to mix with those of her sisters, "always..."

3333333333333333333333333333333

Phoebe struggled to push herself free from the arms holding her tight and opened her eyes to find Piper's worried ones staring back at her. Holding the back of her head, she carefully sat up and groaned, "How long was I out?"

"You weren't out," Paige nervously replied. "You were gone. For about two minutes."

All that time in her mind with Cole had taken all of two minutes? "Wait a minute," she uttered, "what d'ya mean 'gone'?"

Piper nodded, "That blob hit you and you disappeared. If the 'lost sister' spell hadn't worked...Oh, Pheebs." Piper quickly hugged her sister.

"I'm okay," Phoebe promised as she rubbed Piper's back, "more than you'll ever know." She pulled away and added, "Now, I've gotta get back to that elevator. Can you two handle researching the demon?"

"Where'd you go?" Paige wondered.

Phoebe thought before answering. Even if she'd thought that she'd been imagining her time with Cole, the feelings she felt were real and she wasn't sure her sisters would understand. Besides, if she'd really gone back in time, she first needed to make sure her presence there hadn't changed history before she confessed anything to them. So she lied, "It's just a lot of fuzzy images." Gazing back at her sisters, she rubbed the bump on her head, "I've got a splitting headache and I'm sure thinking about what happened'll only make it worse. Can we just drop it? I'm okay and isn't that what's important?"

"Of course it is, sweetie," Piper assured as she and Paige helped Phoebe stand. "You okay?" she asked when Phoebe wavered slightly.

"I'm fine," she replied, "really."

88888888888888888888888888888888

"Glad to hear you're fine," Paige told her sister, "but I still want you to relax for a while in the tub."

Phoebe opened her eyes, looked around, and realized she'd spoken aloud when remembering what happened six months earlier. "We're home..."

Cole helped unbuckle her seatbelt and was still concerned. "You sure you're okay?"

"I didn't dream it," she told him, "and you didn't hallucinate it. I really went back in time." He nodded slowly and she took his hand and placed it to the spot the baby just kicked, "It really happened."

"Yes, well," Paige muttered uncomfortably at watching the tender display, "you still owe us an explanation." But she immediately felt guilty for forcing Phoebe into a confrontation and apologized as she got out of the car. "Take your bath while I fill in Piper on the doctor's visit. There'll be time to talk later."

"We should talk now," Phoebe shook her head as she opened her door.

"Later," Cole insisted as he got out, "after you've rested."

8888888888888888888888888888888