Well well, hello again. It certainly has been a while hasn't it? I would like to apologize sincerely for not updating in months. I would though however like to send an extremely nasty look at a certain reviewer that shall remain anonymous. Apparently, the fact that I have a life that does not revolve around my computer means that I am lazy. Seriously, updating twice a week is completely insane for me. No offense if you do, that's real motivation, but other people shouldn't be expected to as well. Well, now that that's out of the way…be prepared to snort and pee your pants at our dear Fluffy-Chan…on with the show!
I had picked up on the unyielding greasy stench of my half-breed half-brother and his caravan of singing monkey puppets. Alright, so they aren't really monkeys, Naraku is the only baboon in this tale, but since this has no importance, we will continue with my merry jest. But as I continued on my little escapade to…"visit" this filthy ragamuffin one might call my brother, a tragedy befell the beautiful creature that is I, Sesshomaru.
"Oh, crap I stepped in gum!"
But seriously, who chews gum in medieval Japan? Let alone in the middle of the forest. Talk about being a litter bug. No consideration whatsoever. But then it dawned on me, like the sign from the Gods that told me that pink and yellow totally clash. Yeah, it was that big.
This gum must have been dropped by none other than one of InuYasha's posse. After all, that short-skirted…girl, does indeed come from the "future". Or so she seems to believe. Personally I think she's just a schizoid. However, the other voice inside my head seems to think that she's telling the truth. But you know me, I, Sesshomaru, am always right. I mean, what did she do fall down a magic well? Ha, what a riot! See, I just know. Cause I'm smart like that. Wow. Pretty and intelligent in the same package. It must be your lucky day.
After contemplating picking the offending gum substance off of my shoe, I decided to save it for later and have Jaken do it instead. After all, he'll probably eat it anyways. Disgusting, I am aware, but his main source of nutrition is from that of chewed gum. How I know this? Don't ask, because I'm not telling.
The gum caused me to walk slower, but I still made great time on finding InuYasha and his monke-I mean…friends. They were sitting around a crudely built campfire eating fish from a nearby stream. How I know there is a stream nearby, you ask. I got connections.
InuYasha must not have been paying attention, because I managed to get right up behind him before he became aware of my presence. He jumped to his feet, growling like the mutt that he is. Fumbling for his sword, he looked down in horror to realize that his sword had fallen through the sheath. He became even more horrified when he saw the gaping hole in his pants that his beloved Tetsusaiga had made on its way down. The hole revealed what appeared to be a ruby colored string. I let out a dignified snort. Only I can make a snort dignified. I'm sure you're all so jealous. What's new there?
The fact that InuYasha was sporting a new window in his trousers saddened me to some degree. Those pants were the only semi-likeable thing about InuYasha. And that's only because I gave those pants to him. They didn't fit and the store had a no return policy. Last time I ever shop at Wal-Mart for my MC Hammer pants. Hmmmf.
InuYasha got a look on his face similar to that of Jaken when caught molesting my socks. His ears twitched like a mouse caught by a cat. But I'm certainly not a cat. I'm a dog. Woof.
His comrades snapped out of the trance that the sight of InuYasha's outfit-matching red satin "panties" had induced.
-"InuYasha, what's thong, I mean WRONG?" the slutty school girl questioned while her cheeks burned and her lack of true concern grew obvious.
-"Sesshomaru, we haven't seen you in cheeks, um, that is, WEEKS!" the monk asked while snickering madly. "What are you doing here?"
I figured that I had caused InuYasha enough humiliation the day; maybe even the week, but I'm not that merciful, so I would definitely be back soon. But for now, I was homeward bound.
InuYasha is such a jug head. As I turned to leave, he challenged me to a fight to the death. Hello, Earth to InuYasha, you have no sword, and due to the hole the size of Mt. Fuji in your derrière, I highly doubt you will be winning, let alone participating in any fights anytime soon. Screw escaping with his dignity, though I'm sure that's something of a new concept for him.
After some major eye rolling and a couple of well-placed sit commands from the chick in the skirt, they managed to drag InuYasha away from the fight that never actually happened. My spirits were high. Not wanting to spoil it, I decided to take my leave.
The group was busy either sitting on InuYasha (the monk and the fox) or sewing up the rupture in his slacks (girls number one and two), so did they not notice my departure. Oh well. It's not like I wanted a hug or anything. But a nice, "see ya", or "fare thee well" would be appreciated. But it's not like I'm unloved, right? Right? Hey, why aren't you answering…come back here! I, Sesshomaru command you to plant your butt back into that chair next to that screen and tell me that I am loved!! After all, between you and me…. and…the rest of humanity…I'm the pretty one.
HEHEHE! Reviews please!!!