„Hey, there you are.", Maureen greets me, as I enter the loft.
They're still up. All of them. I guess they were waiting for me.
Anyway, I don't want to talk, so I look at her as friendly as I can and move on towards the door of my room.
"Roger………", Mark begins, reaching out for my arm as I pass, but I pull it away hurriedly and he falls silent.
"It's hard for him………", I hear Collins say as I lie in my bed.
I've been staring at the ceiling for about an hour. I can't sleep. I want to see Mimi! I miss her smell and the warmth of her body beside mine. I missed her all the time. Ever since I left her alone and moved to Santa Fe. I didn't talk to her since then, but I couldn't forget her either.
I think I feel guilty. If I hadn't left, she wouldn't have been out there all alone………
With all these thoughts in my hand, it's impossible for me to sleep, so I just lie there and listen to the voices of the others.
"………I mean, not only that Mimi means a lot to him, this whole thing also reminds him of his disease………at least I think so. "
"I wish we could do something for him.", I hear Mark reply to Collins, in a low voice.
"Best thing to do is to leave him alone. You know what Roger's like!", Maureen says.
"I don't think it's that easy, Maureen. I think Roger needs somebody who's there for him. He just doesn't admit it.", Joanne replies peeved.
"If you say so.", Maureen bleats back at her.
Great. Don't they know, that the walls in this house are as thin as paper? They should know that I can hear every word of what they are saying. Why don't they shut up!
It takes another thirty minutes, until they go to bed. It's 3:30 by now. I get up and slowly walk back into the living-room. It's dark and so I hit the sofa, while trying to make my way to the kitchen.
"What?", I hear a voice stumble beside me.
It's Mark, who's lying on the sofa.
"It's just me.", I say quickly, signalising him, that I'm still not in the mood to talk.
"What is it?", Mark mumbles.
"Nothing. I just wanted to get something to drink."
I want to move on, but something makes me stay. Probably I need to talk.
"What are you doing here?", I ask, trying to start a conversation.
"I...…… am trying to sleep.", Mark says.
"Oh………okay."
I give an annoyed sigh and walk past him. If he doesn't want to talk it's fine with me!
"Hey, Roger. Wait.", I hear Mark's voice behind me. "I think I need something to drink as well."
He gets up and follows me into the kitchen.
We don't talk, until we return to the sofa, where I sit down beside him in the dark.
That's the special thing about me and Mark. We don't need to talk to understand each other. That's why I prefer talking to him more than to any other person.
"So why are you sleeping on the sofa?"
"Maureen and Joanne wanted to spend the night here. And………", he continues abashed. "Maureen persuaded me to let them sleep in my room."
I give a weak laugh. "You'll never learn, will you?"
There's a long silence.
"How do you feel?", Mark asks in a low voice.
"What do you think?", I reply feeling tired and burnt out.
"D'you think you're gonna try it again? I mean………you and Mimi?"
I nod, without thinking about it. "I don't want to lose her again."
Mark nods. He probably doesn't know what to say, so I don't want to bother him any longer.
"I'm off.", I say, getting up.