It's Just A Thought

AN: Hello again, welcome to part 3 of the "It's Just..." series! I am so sorry it took me this long to update, I really meant to do it Wednesday. But then I totally forgot and thought that I had updated and this morning I smacked my head and said "You idiot, you forgot to update." So, here it is! This chapter is all about Josh and what was going on in his head at the end of Third-Day story. This also has J/D in it, which you can probably tell from the first line, because the world would be a lot better if the writers just gave in to the fans. Please review!

I love you.

Simple enough. Words I had told to many people at many times.

But this time, it wasn't said. It was just a thought.

A thought that I had heard so many times and craved to make known, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell her because I was so afraid she'd leave. If I told her, she could not feel the same way and then I would lose her for good.

Which I almost did, so I guess I'm just digging myself a deeper hole.

I don't really remember when I first thought, "Wow, I'm in love with this woman."

Wait, yes I do.

It was the moment I walked into my office at Bartlet for America building and saw her sitting at my desk, answering my calls and managing my schedule, hoping that I wouldn't notice that she hadn't been hired by me. She was so able and willing, even though she had just dumped her long-term boyfriend and left home for a campaign she knew nothing about.

That was the first time I was in love with her.

Then there was the shooting and she lived with me for three weeks. You have no idea how much you fall for someone when they're always around. Only pure will power kept me from just taking her in my arms and kissing her senseless.

After that time, every little thing she said had me going crazy. From when she told me if I was in an accident she wouldn't stop for red lights to when she took me to the hospital to get my hand sewn up to a few days ago when she looked into my eyes after I had almost lost her.

I'm rambling.

I keep focusing on the fact that I almost lost her. I guess I'm forgetting that it's happened. When she left me during the first campaign I felt something almost die in me. But I couldn't let anyone know it. I was Joshua Lyman, the man who never broke. I couldn't lose it because my assistant who I had a major crush on had walked out to go back to Dr. Freeride.

But then she came back. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I went back to my hotel room that night with high spirits.

And then I had her pretty mad at me a few times.

Ok, a lot of times. I had to admit it; I was a class A screw-up. I could say some pretty stupid things sometimes. But she was always there to pick me up, even when I didn't deserve it.

She was right when she said she could do more. I had known for a while that she could do more. I just didn't want to give her ideas because if I did that then she would leave.

I had to let her go with the CODEL. Even though every cell in my body screamed against it when I said yes, I had to. She needed wings. And so instead of saying, "Sure, go to Germany" I sent her to the Middle East.

I almost sent her to her slaughter. What if she had gotten in on the other side of the car? She would have been dead.

That's why I told her that I was going to stop taking blood donors for granted. It was my first step to voicing what I really wanted to say.

Sometimes it takes baby steps to get there. I figure that blood donors will lead to me taking her to dinner once she's better to me finally telling her. Those seem like logical steps.

As I leave to go see Leo, I see her sitting at her desk. She has the pen in her hand and is looking at it. Maybe, just maybe she feels the same about me. Her smile is enough to keep me going for now.

I love this woman.

And that's the thought that has never left me.

It's just a thought, but one day it will be words.

AN: Awwww, if only that would happen on the show. Who's up for petitioning the writers? Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter is going to be on Toby, titled "It's Just a Joke." Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review!