It's Just a Joke
AN: Wow, of course on the day I go to post my new chapter they shut down the site. Just my luck! Well, I'm back and my muse has finally decided to come back from Disney World and help me out. The next chapters should be coming quicker now. This chapter is from Toby's POV with a little Toby/Andi thrown in because I am a hopeless romantic in need of therapy. ENJOY!
It's just a joke.
Well, it was a joke that time.
Handing CJ my letter of resignation was just a joke. But it reminded me of the times I had wanted to truly hand in my letter of resignation. Times when I felt so low that I wanted to just go and find some dark corner to hide in.
Like the leadership breakfast. That was bad. Telling Ann Stark that you'll attach an amendment to anything that moves is a very bad idea. When I went to see the President, he refused to see me. That's how stupid I was.
I'm not known as the funny one around here. I'm the serious one. I'm the one who storms around scaring the pants off anyone I see when there's a leak that injures us. I'm the one who keeps Josh in line when he's a complete moron and says stupid things.
I keep myself busy. I write.
And then there's the twins. Those two made me change so much. From my first realization that babies come with hats, I knew that I would move heaven and earth to protect these little ones. I swore that they would always know my face. They would always know that I loved them. Since that night, they've done nothing but grow. It surprises me that I was that small once.
CJ tells me it's everyone's assumption that with my attitude I was born at the age of 25. I guess I could agree with her with that.
I've told myself many times that I should lighten up. But then something happens that makes me believe that if I lighten up, I could lose everything.
I almost lost Andi. In the minute and a half that I had no idea whether or not she was alive, I thought I could die. I imagine the look on my face was the same as the one on Josh's. Pure terror. Our women were over there.
I was lucky. Andi called me after that minute and a half. Then she stood there and waved to us on TV. In that moment, I wanted to be there by her side and hold her and never let go. I wanted to lock her in the house with the twins and tell them they could never come out again because the world is too dangerous. If I would have done that, she probably would have either cracked up or cried, because women are like that.
Cracked up because you'd think I knew that already. Cried because women have this thing where if a man does something sweet, they believe we will never do it again and so if they cry, they believe we will understand that they want it done more often. I'm with Josh in the fact that the crying does not make me want to do something sweet again. It makes me afraid because I think I've a. done something wrong or b. just walked into a deathtrap of good deeds and woman-pleasing.
When I picked Andi up from the airport, after Gaza, we didn't say a word to each other. We just hugged. For a very long time. Then we got in the car, and we still didn't talk. It wasn't until I walked her into her house. I carried her bag in and she was standing in the kitchen. I looked and saw she was crying. She just looked so scared. I took her in my arms again and held her as if I would never let her go. It was then that I whispered that I loved her and she whispered it back.
Since then, I haven't brought up the marriage thing. Or anything to do with anything, really. She's been staying home with the twins while I continue on with my work. We've just tried to be normal. Well, as normal as we can be.
She called me when I briefed for the first time. And she was laughing pretty hard. She liked the purse line. I told her to go watch our children and tell them how stupid Daddy is.
Why I'm not known as the funny one is because my jokes are often misconstrued. The purse line was not misconstrued. I was just an idiot. And all I did was make a joke to try to lighten the mood.
It was just a joke.
AN: I love Toby, really I do, so this chapter was one of my favorites. I feel Toby is often just seen as the depressing one, so this was his (my) side of the story. Hope you liked it. The next chapter will be another Donna POV chapter (with more of the J/D that you all love) called "It's Just a Thing". Now, what is the thing?? Guess you'll have to read to find out (Oh, I'm so devious.) Please review!!