"Unbelievable," Harry said. "We have no idea where we are, who these people are, or how to get back to Hogwarts, and you're worried about what Professor Flitwick is going to think."

Hermione, meanwhile, was busy assessing the situation. "Are you a house elf?" she asked Mulch.

"I most certainly am not!" Mulch replied indignantly. "What's a house elf? And I really must be going, Fowl."

"You're not going anywhere," said Artemis. "I'm not through with you yet. Besides, if I let you go you'll be back in a week to make off with the family fortune."

"Hang on a minute," Harry suddenly exclaimed to Artemis, "I know you! Weren't you on 'Jeopardy' a few years ago? You answered every single question right."

Artemis chuckled. "Those other two poor saps never had a chance. But that was when I was young and innocent-" Mulch snorted in disbelief, but Artemis ignored him. "There are easier ways to make money, and half a million dollars is a paltry sum these days."

"I didn't know you watch 'Jeopardy', Harry," Hermione remarked.

"The Dursleys consider it cruel and unusual punishment," replied Harry.

Hermione laughed. "For Dudley, maybe."

Artemis suppressed his questions and remembered his manners. "Let us move to a more comfortable environment and continue our discussion there," he offered.

Five minutes later they were sitting in leather armchairs and sipping Earl Grey tea in a large, expensively furnished room. Juliet checked to make sure that Artemis' parents were out of earshot, then they began to talk.

"I am Artemis Fowl the Second. The filthy dwarf in the corner is called Mulch, and this is my bodyguard, Juliet."

Juliet smiled and waved, her green eye shadow sparkling in the light. "Hi, guys."

Harry stared. She was very attractive, and he was currently single...

"She's too old for you," Hermione whispered. "Not to mention she could probably break your arm without batting an eye."

"What? I don't- I wasn't-" Harry whispered fiercely.

"Sure," replied Hermione. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

"I'm Harry Potter," Harry said.

"Pleasure to meet you," Artemis said, shaking his hand. "Nice scar, by the way."

Harry glared at him.

"My name's Hermione Granger," said Hermione.

"You have a lovely name," Artemis shook her hand as well.

Hermione smiled, blushing slightly. "Thank you."

"He's too stupid for you," whispered Harry. Hermione ignored it.

"How did you end up here?" Artemis asked.

"It's a long story," said Hermione. She and Harry looked at each other. "Could you please excuse us for a moment?"

"Of course." Artemis got up and left the room. Harry watched as Juliet followed.

"Focus, Harry," Hermione said.

"Sorry." Harry blushed.

"Should we tell him?" wondered Hermione.

"How else are we going to get back?" Harry asked.

"We could apparate."

"But we don't get our licenses until next year!"

"So?"

"I've been a bad influence on you, Hermione."

"Should we try it?"

"I suppose."

"You do know how, don't you?"

"Really, Hermione."

"Just checking. Ready? One, two, three!"

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing happened."

"I know."

"Now what?"

"Should we tell him?"

"I suppose."

Artemis, of course, had been observing the entire conversation from inside the security control room. "I guess that's my cue," he remarked, standing up to return to the other room. "Juliet, could you check with the local insane asylum and see whether they've had any recent escapes?"

Juliet giggled. "Right."

"Artemis! We were just about to come looking for you," exclaimed Hermione.

"I'm glad you didn't," Artemis replied. "You probably would have gotten yourselves lost. Now, you still haven't answered the question of how you got here."

"It's a bit complicated," Hermione confessed.

"We're not technically supposed to tell anyone who's a muggle," Harry added.

"I beg your pardon!" said Artemis, offended."Wait, what's a muggle?"

"Anyone who isn't magical," explained Hermione.

"Magical?" Artemis repeated.

"We're wizards," said Hermione.

"Wizards," Artemis repeated.

"Yes, wizards," Harry said. "And you don't have to keep repeating everything she says, you know."

Artemis glared at him.

"Anyway," Hermione continued, "we were at Hogwarts-"

"That's a school for wizards," added Harry.

"Yes, we were in Charms class-"

"That's at Hogwarts," Harry interrupted.

"Yes I was getting to that, Harry," said Hermione. "So we were at Hogwarts practicing Banishing Spells-"

"That's a spell where-"

"Harry, could you please stop interrupting me?" Hermione said. "Anyway, we were practicing Banishing Spells in Charms class at Hogwarts. But not those simple throw-pillows-across-the-room Banishing Spells, we learned those two years ago. Right, Harry?"

"Yes, long-distance Banishing Spells, and I...er..."

"Harry screwed it up," Hermione finished bluntly.

"This is all very interesting," Artemis said, "but how do I know you're telling the truth? For all I know you could be thieves, or spies, or psychotic..."

Hermione smiled. "Got your wand, Harry?"

"Of course," Harry took his wand out of his pocket, trying to decide which spell would most impress their host. Something simple, he decided. There was no need to frighten poor Artemis. "Lumos," he muttered, and the tip of his wand began to glow.

"That's not very convincing," said Artemis. "For all I know, that could be just an overgrown matchstick you're holding."

A little taken aback, Harry tried again. "Accio teacup!" Artemis' cup of Earl Grey flew across the room into Harry's hand.

"Better," Artemis said, "but I would like my tea back. And one more demonstration, just to be sure.

Harry gave the teacup back to him with asmall smile. He knew just the spell that would show this pompous littleson-of-a-

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Artemis immediately flew twenty feetinto the air. "Put me down at once!" he demanded.

"If you ins-"

"Gently!" Hermione warned, knowing that Harry had been ready to let him crash to the floor in a heap. Harry sighed and lowered Artemis slowly back into his chair.

"All right," Artemis said, his normally pale face a little flushed from all the excitement, "I believe you. Now what?"

Ta-da! Longer chapter! Maybe still not quite long enough, but better, yes? If you review I will love you forever. Thanks! I have also just fixed a small glitch which caused all the ellipses to be replaced by fractions, so it should be much easier to read now. Enjoy! -Luna