Anime's that appear in this chapter: Inuyasha, Spirited Away, Card Captors
Card Captors: Today we introduce the well known Eriol. Eriol is the reincarnate of Clow Reed (the creator of the Cards Sakura released, Kero and Yue). He meets Sakura and helps her transform the Clow Cards into Sakura Cards. But, just as Clow was, Eriol is reputed to be very devious and subtle.
Spirited Away: This is a movie about a girl who gets stuck in the spirit world and must work at a bath house for the spirits to save her parents. Yobabba owns the bath house. The girl meets a boy, Haku, who is actually a river spirit who can transform into a dragon. Together they defeat the owner of the bath house and rescue her parents.
There is a brief appearance of a smiley face that comes from Ed from Cowboy Bebop. Ed is a child computer hacker.
Author's Note: I would just like to point out that if I had a say in this chapter it would not have been written how it was. As it is Zelda refused to tell it any other way and we had many long battles over the style. I hate this style, it annoyed the crap out of me to write, and I will never let her write another chapter again. It took me a very long time to get this chapter out and as such I am very sorry.
Chapter 5: Damn Clow
Hi, my name's Zelda and I'll be your tour guide today. In this next leg of our journey you will hear all about our lovely adventures in Spirited Away. Please do not stray from the group or touch anything as it might explode. Any questions? Good, now let's begin.
The stage is set. Just off to our right are the famous bath house and the bridge in front of it. Oh My God! The bridge looks like it's about to explode!
Our small group approaches the bridge in hopes of preventing a casualty. But before we can take a single step onto it, Haku goes flying past. Well, not flying exactly as he landed only two feet from his original position.
Miroku: Well, there goes the law of Differentiated Gravitation.
Minmei: Another law bites the dust.
None of us dare to enter onto the scene as midnight blue and light blue explosions rock everything.
Haku stands up: You stupid idiot!
He reaches out and sends a blast of energy towards a rock in front of his attacker. It didn't explode. The attacker pauses and so does Haku.
Haku: Why didn't it explode?
Both send forth their magic and yet the rock remains entirely intact.
Minmei: What is it with these stupid laws? Always malfunctioning?
If you turn your attention back to the fight you will see the boys have abandoned their efforts to destroy the rock and are now, if you'll excuse the saying, hell bent on the destruction of each other. As you continue to watch, please notice that each opponent has started to glow a most peculiar color. Amid the dust and debris two most distinct colors can be seen, yellow and green.
Minmei, shaking head: Ralton is going to have a fit.
Haku: Your name's Eriol, huh? Well, Eriol, let's see how you like my dragon form!
Haku transforms.
Miroku leans closer to Inuyasha: Was he projecting?
Inuyasha: No, yelling. His mouth just wasn't the proper size.
Miroku: Wonderful.
Haku charges Eriol, but Eriol neatly sidesteps the attack and sticks out his staff. As the dust settles you can see Haku has moved a good fifteen feet away from Eriol. There is silence.
Haku: I give up! You win.
Eriol: But I didn't hit you!
Haku: You singed a lock of hair and I don't want to risk anything else. You win.
He turns and walks passed us: Good Luck, he's beat everyone else here, including Yobabba.
Eriol: If you're here to challenge me, step onto the bridge.
Inuyasha steps up and attempts to draw his tetsusiaga. Unfortunately he never got his sword back from Ralton: Damn it all! Well, I'll just have to kill you with my bare hands.
Minmei: Wait Inuyasha. That's Eriol Hiiragizawa, as in the reincarnate of Clow, Eriol. He can help us. Don't attack him!
Inuyasha: Damn. She just saved your life, kid.
Eriol glares: What do you want? (He pauses). Minmei?
Minmei: Hello Eriol.
A ball of energy collects in Eriol's hand: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush you here and now?
Minmei runs to hide behind me.
Me: Old Boyfriend?
Minmei nods: Listen Eriol, we don't want to fight, we just want to return you home again.
Bob: Reincarnate of Clow, how is it that this set of collisions came about?
Eriol looks over each face, each person, carefully scrutinizing each detail: All right, I'll tell you. I was putting the finishing touches on a spell when the strangest smiley face appeared in my vision. I can only surmise that Cowboy Bebop's Ed attempted a particularly difficult hack that interfered with my spell.
Bob mumbles: damn you Clow reincarnates.
Me: well then since you started this mess, you need to come with us to fix the problem.
Inuyasha begins scanning the horizon for a good tree: Just kill me now, just kill me now. (He mumbles).
Bob: Well, I guess that solves this problem. Let's go!
Inuyasha: No! No! Noooooooooo!
Me: Ohh, pretty! Look at the pretty lights!
The Bartender leaned in closer to gossip. "I heard that his hair color hasn't changed in several months and that it refuses to be dyed. He's stuck with that ugly black hair."
"Wow, that's got to be tough."
"Yep, and I think he lost his job over it."
"Really? I didn't know that was allowed."
"Apparently the school didn't want the police to swoop down on him. Being the village idiot though, he couldn't do his job properly and they might have just been looking for a reason to fire him."
"HEY, barten'er, 'nother whis'ey!"
Broken Laws:
#2 Law of Differentiated Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4
#11 Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known the human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as the matchstick city.
#25 law of Mandibular proportionality- The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#29 Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil
# 31 Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32 Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons...with bladed weapons!
#36 Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-Man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation