The Heart of Desire
Chapter One: The Inevitable
by Rapunzel
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and
owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury
Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is
being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I want to thank you all who reviewed the prologue! I've
got this whole thing planned out, now. Eleven chapters with an epilogue, but
some events are still debatable. ^^ Those who adore Ron should be forewarned,
as this fic does not. If you hold Ron in the highest esteem, then please
stop reading and hit the "Back" button on your browser right now, because you
won't be pleased. Anyway, if you're fine with the above…then read on! And it's
PG-13 for a reason, mind you … some "descriptions" (they're fifteen-year-old
boys … what can you expect?) and much snogging. Enjoy! Happy New Year!
"Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch it go."
–Linkin' Park, "In the End"
"Harry's here!" cried Ginny Weasley joyfully. Ronald Weasley, her 15-year-old brother, rolled his eyes as he watched his younger sister jump up and down joyfully. "Will she ever grow out of it?" he asked Fred and George, his 17-year-old twin brothers.
"Nah," said George, with a wink. "And I don't think Harry minds all that much, do you, now, old boy?" as Harry walked in the kitchen, flushed a dark crimson.
"Now, come on, don't let Ginny bother you," Ron said, shooting dark looks at her. She blushed and ran up to her room.
"It's okay," Harry muttered. "I don't care, really."
"Harry!" a piercing shriek sounded throughout the kitchen. Hermione Granger, Harry and Ron's best friend, ran and jumped on top of Harry. "Harry, you're really here, I can't believe it, I've missed you so much – "
"Er, well … " Harry said, turning an even darker shade of red, before being smothered by Hermione's hair. Ron scowled.
"Have you gotten all your things yet?" Ron called, loudly. "I mean, from Diagon Alley?" Hermione had arrived a week before Harry, and everyday she'd been asking when he was supposed to come.
No response.
"Merlin, by the way they're going at it, you would think that they were in love and had been separated for about a thousand years," hooted Fred.
"They're not going at it," Ron said, crossly, "they're hugging. It's perfectly normal. She hasn't seen him all summer and she's just missed him a lot, that's all. It's completely platonic."
"Ach, ickle Ronnie-kins," said George, winking, "someday you'll have to learn the facts of life. You see – "
But what exactly George had been about to say was interrupted by Molly Weasley, Ron's mother, coming in. Hermione disentangled herself from Harry.
"Oh, good, Harry, you're here. I was afraid those awful Muggles might have given you trouble and not let you come by Floo powder. Are you hungry?"
"No, I'm fine, thanks."
"All right. But if you need anything, don't hesitate to tell me. Hermione, come with me. Ginny needs help on one of the colors of her robes and won't trust my advice, and I think she might believe me if you supported my opinion, and – "
After Molly and Hermione left, Ron nudged Harry and said, "Hermione's been made a prefect. I mean, it was expected, after all, but you should've seen her when she got the letter. She was almost as excited as Percy!"
"I'm a prefect too, Ron."
"You – what?"
"I'm a prefect. I just got my letter the other day, with my badge." Harry took the silver badge out of his pocket and showed Ron.
"Oh … er … congratulations, then."
"Yea, thanks."
Ron felt weirdly out of place and couldn't help feeling slightly jealous. Stop it, he told himself. This is Harry. We've already been through all of this last year.
"Weren't you made a prefect as well?"
"No."
"Oh … I'm sorry. I just thought that … since they made me a prefect, then they would've made you one, too … "
"It's all right." Perfect Harry, a voice nagged, inside his head. Perfect Harry Potter, always gets everything, always the best, always …
"Ron, are you okay? I don't want to get in a fight again, I can always turn down the prefect job if you want – "
"No, no, it's okay, it's not your fault."
"Really? So … it's okay, then?" Harry looked tremendously relieved.
"Yeah, no problem."
I hate being a Weasley, Ron thought, fiercely.
***Hogwarts, Fifth-Year***
School passed by uneventfully, much as it had the many years before. Of course, they did have to take their O.W.L.s at the end of the year, but it seemed too far off to be of much concern. Even Hermione hadn't started studying yet, so Ron reckoned that he didn't need to, either.
The only thing that bothered him was that Harry and Hermione being prefects. They'd say bye to him, leave for the meeting, and return, giggling and whispering into each other's ears. It wasn't that they ignored him; they always told him what they were talking about when he asked. Ron just felt left out, and envious. He tried to stop it, but whenever he saw them together, jealousy welled up inside him again.
"The way they're going at it, you would think that they were in love … "He knew it wasn't their fault that they'd been picked as prefects, and he did his best to shove his venomous feelings away. But sometimes, it wasn't enough.
During the meetings, he'd wander around the common room, or talk to Dean and Seamus. He'd always be restless until Harry and Hermione returned, though he wasn't sure why.
And so the year continued in this fashion. Dumbledore had decided to make the Yule Ball a Hogwarts tradition, to the excitement of some and the dismay of many. As the Yule Ball approached, Ron knew exactly who he wanted to ask, this year. Last year, he'd been confused, and he had ended up getting into a nasty row with her, but this year he knew exactly who he wanted.
Hermione.
He didn't know whether or not she fancied him back, but he didn't think there was anyone else. After all, she and Viktor Krum had decided to be just friends, and in a recent owl to Hermione, he'd said that he had a new girlfriend, Belladonna, or something. Ron couldn't imagine Hermione with anyone else.
He wondered vaguely who Harry wanted to go with, but found, to his surprise, he didn't care. Ron decided to give Harry a slight talking-to about Ginny, if Harry didn't have anyone else in mind. But Ginny was a fourth-year now, and she didn't need a date to go to the Ball. Still, it might be nice, if Harry went with Ginny and he went with Hermione …
At night, in the dormitory, he asked Harry. "Hey, Harry, do you have anyone in mind to ask to the Yule Ball?"
To his surprise, Harry replied, "Well, actually, I do."
"Really? Who?"
Harry squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, see, if I do ask her, I'm afraid … er … problems might arise."
"Really?" Ron's curiosity was aroused. "What kind of problems?"
"Well … I'm afraid her … er … friends might not approve."
"If you really do like her, then that shouldn't matter. Does she like you back?"
"Yes, I'm fairly sure she does."
"Then ask her! Don't let her friends get in the way."
Harry smiled. "Thanks, Ron. I knew I could count on you."
"No problem, Harry."
"What were you going to ask me about, anyway?"
"Nothing, really. Just about … Ginny. She still likes you, you know."
"Yeah … look, I'm sorry that I don't like her back, I really am."
"No, no, that's not a problem. I was just wondering if you knew anyone who would be willing to go with her."
Harry thought for a moment. "Dean?"
Ron shrugged. "Maybe."
"Is there anyone you want to ask, Ron?"
"I … don't know," Ron said, not wanting to reveal to Harry his feelings about Hermione just yet. He wanted to surprise Hermione – ask her at the ball. "I'm not sure if I'm going to ask anyone to the Ball at all … maybe if I see someone there."
"Oh. Good choice."
"Is Hermione going?" Ron's heart raced.
"Yeah, probably."
"Is she going with anyone?" Now Ron was positive that he was going to explode.
"Not that I know of." Harry sounded strange.
Ron let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. I see."
"If she does dance with someone … you're not going to get mad at her and have another row again, are you?"
"No." Not if she's dancing with me, he thought.
"That's good then."
"Yeah. 'Night, Harry."
" 'Night, Ron."
The Yule Ball finally came. Most of Hogwarts had stayed in anticipation, and practically everyone fifth-year and above had paired up.
Dean did ask Ginny, and Ginny said yes. Draco arranged to go with Pansy, as was expected, and even Crabbe and Goyle got dates. Crabbe went with Blaise Zabini, while Goyle went with some poor fourth-year.
"She's not even that bad looking," Ron said.
"Yes, her nose is dead-center, isn't it?" Hermione replied, scathingly.
"So is yours," said Ron.
There was an awkward silence in the room.
"Why do you say that?" asked Hermione, blushing.
"Because … it is. What's the big deal?" said Ron, flustered.
"Nothing, I – just never mind."
The three of them left for the Great Hall together.
At around four, Hermione excused herself and left for the girls' dormitories. "She's gone to prepare even earlier than last year," Ron said, looking at Harry's watch. "I wonder who's she trying to impress? You sure she isn't going with anyone?"
"Positive," said Harry through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
"Going with anyone to the ball, yet?"
"Nope. After the experience with Parvati last year, I'd rather not go with anyone … might ask someone at the ball, though."
"Yea, same."
They went outside to participate in Fred and George's snowball fight until around an hour before the dance and then went back to the Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Ron had gotten new dress robes (thankfully) from Fred and George, and they were a dark, wine-colored shade of red … much better than the ragged, frilly robes from last year. Harry had purchased new robes as well, as he had outgrown last year's. They were the same color as last year's, though more in style. Ron kept pressing Harry about his mystery girl, but Harry only said that Ron would find out at the ball. Harry managed to tame his unruly hair a bit (though a few tufts stuck out here and there). To Ron's immense surprise, Harry then proceeded to spritz on some cologne.
"Cologne?" Ron exclaimed, amazed. "Who is this girl, exactly? Harry, you've gone mad!"
Harry grinned. "Want some?"
"Er … "
"Just spray a little, it won't hurt you."
"Okay, fine."
And then –
"You need to be careful with that stuff, Ron … " Ron had sprayed it all over his robes and in his hair.
Harry helped Ron magick it out, and soon the Yule Ball was about to start in five minutes.
Ron and Harry hurried down to the common room. Ron craned his long neck, looking for Hermione. And then his jaw dropped.
"Look!" he cried, hoarsely, to Harry. "There's Hermione!"
Harry looked. His jaw dropped as well.
She stood there, smiling sheepishly, as Lavender and Parvati crowded around her, not looking very pleased. Ron could hear their distant remarks, such as, "How did you do that? You look very different from usual, Hermione. I mean, I never thought you were pretty."
She was wearing robes of a pastel blue, and over the fabric was a sheer layer of light, light blue, that shimmered in the light and cast a soft glow about her. It clung flatteringly to her figure, accentuating her hips and breasts. Underneath her robes peeked out two slippers, the same color as her robes; Ron had never noticed how tiny Hermione's feet were. Her robes were low-necked, shaped in a V, and were not very modest, to say the least. She seemed to be wearing a petticoat as well – Ron could see the lace ruffles. Hermione was also wearing a necklace, a thin silver chain with a heart-shaped pendant, that showed off her collarbones amazingly well … and her cleavage, too, Ron noted, blushing. She had silver studs in her ears, as well, with light blue jewels in the centre. Her hair was left cascading down her shoulders; she hadn't used Sleekeazy's this year, and had instead styled her hair into soft waves, which curled enchantingly at the tips. She was wearing shimmery eye shadow, and it appeared to Ron that she had even plucked her eyebrows. Her lips were a light pink with a subtle shine, and Ron couldn't tell if her blush was charmed or if it was real, though he appreciated her cheekbones all the same.
Ron cast a side glance at Harry, tearing his eyes away from Hermione for a moment. Harry appeared to be as transfixed as he was, staring at Hermione. Ron turned to look at her as well. She looks even better than last year, he thought. Eventually the heat of their gazes drew Hermione's attention, and she saw them. She smiled at Ron, and her blush deepened as she looked at Harry. Hermione walked over, pushing through Parvati and Lavender, and stood next to Harry. Ron felt a small pang of jealousy shoot through his heart. Stop it, he told himself, you know Harry's going to ask some other girl to dance. Hermione's for you.
He straightened and resolved to ask her after three dances.
Harry swallowed nervously as Hermione smiled up at him. He'd gone through his growth spurt over the summer, and was now a head taller than Hermione. "You, er, look really nice, Hermione," he said, earnestly. "Is that the necklace I gave you for your birthday?"
"Yes," replied Hermione, smiling, "it's really pretty, Harry. How did you know blue is my favorite color?"
"I dunno … just thought you'd like it."
She smiled again, lips shining. "Shall we go, then?"
"Uh, yeah, sure." He turned to Ron, who was scowling fiercely. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he muttered. "I'm all right. Let's go."
Hermione considered putting her arm through Harry's, but saw Ron's stormy expression and decided against it. She inhaled deeply, smelling Harry's cologne. She felt blithe, and stole a glance at Harry. He was still blushing, and staring at her. She'd hoped he would notice, and was glad that he did. I wonder if he'll ask me to dance, she thought.
Damn Ron, she thought, as Ron glared at Harry. He's so transparent, yet he can't see what's staring at him straight in the eye. Even Parvati noticed that I fancy Harry, but Ron won't acknowledge it. I wonder if Harry knows … She sighed.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, looking worried.
Hermione had to smile – Harry looked so adorable when he was concerned. "Nothing, I just – " but stopped as she stepped through into the Great Hall.
"Merlin," Ron whispered.
The Great Hall had been transferred into some sort of Candy-land. Huge candy canes and wreaths graced the doors, and mistletoe hung about in the oddest of places. Enchanted snow fell delicately to the ground, and vanished upon contact. Fǽries fluttered about, singing carols, and huge fir trees were positioned around the Hall. Instead of House tables, there were instead numerous round, circular tables, with velvet-padded gilded chairs and menus that sparkled in the light. In the centre of each table was a miniature Christmas tree, with a fǽrie seated on top, glowing. The Weird Sisters had been hired again, and stood upon a stage, wearing their usual costumes, but with a red dragon-hide Father Christmas hat, torn as well. They had already started singing a slow, mournful tune.
Ron, Hermione, and Harry went to get themselves some pumpkin juice. Fred and George came over and started talking avidly to Ron about a charmed Christmas card there were going to send to Percy at the Ministry, and it was then that Harry spoke.
"Hermione, can I talk to you for a moment? Privately, outside?"
"Sure, of course, Harry." Hermione's heart skipped a beat.
Taking her hand, he led her through the dancing couples to the gardens outside. Sitting down on a bench, he sighed.
"Harry, is everything okay?"
"Yes, yes, everything's fine.
"Then what is it?"
Harry was silent for what seemed like eternity to Hermione. In truth, it was only for a few minutes.
Then he opened his mouth and began to talk.
"Hermione, I've been wanting to say this to you for a long time. I apologize if I ever was a git to you; I admit that sometimes I am a prat. It's only recently that I've discovered how I feel about you … I think I realized it around the beginning of this year, when I saw you at the Burrow, but I know I've always loved you, even before I met you. I don't want you to think that I ever really felt anything for Cho – " here Hermione stiffened " – because it was just a little schoolboy crush. You're a part of me, you've always been, and you've always been there for me. I don't know what I'd do without you … I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you, in any way. Being who I am, I know that I may not live another day, and if anything ever happens, I want you to know that I love you. Voldemort hasn't done anything yet, but he might, anytime soon. Hermione – " She threw her arms around him.
"Harry," she breathed, and was close to tears. Her eyes glistened in the moonlight, and a few warm, salty tears slid slowly from her eyes down her cheeks.
"Don't cry," said Harry, and wiped away her tears awkwardly. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I mean, I know you don't love me, I know that it's Ron you want, that you're hankering after – "
"What?" she cried, but Harry put a finger to her lips and continued staunchly. He looked as if he stopped, he'd never continue again. Hermione felt as if she was suffering some sort of exquisite torture, as if her heart was being slowly ripped apart.
"If I can't make you happy, and Ron can, then I want you to be with Ron. I know you worry over me, Hermione, and I don't want you to have to suffer through that worry. I just want you to be happy, Hermione, even if you're not with me. You're the only person I love, Hermione, and if I can't make you happy, then I want you to be with someone who can. I'll only cause you pain, and strife, Hermione, and I don't want you to bear that pain. I just want you to be happy, Hermione. I love you."
There was a pause, with Harry looking at her nervously.
"I don't love Ron, Harry, where on Earth did you get an idea like that?"
"He looks at you," Harry said, looking away, "and I've seen you looking back at him."
"When? Rest assured, if I've ever been looking at anyone, it's not him. I don't love Ron, Harry, like that. I love Ron as a friend, but I'm not in love with him."
"Then – then who is it?" He raised his head and looked at her.
She gazed into his eyes. "Why, I thought you would've known."
Harry looked at her silently, waiting.
"You, of course … who else did you think it would be?"
"You're not just saying that because you feel sorry for me?"
She seated herself in his lap and clung to him, feeling slightly cold, and relishing his warmth. "You know me, Harry … would I do something like that?"
He thought for a moment, and then chuckled. "No, you'd kindly but regretfully inform me that you don't return my affections."
Hermione laughed. "Yes, I imagine so … "
Harry wrapped his arms around her, and was silent.
"Do you love me?"
"Love you? Of course! And I've known it longer than you have – I've known it since you saved me from that horrid troll in our first year at Hogwarts. When you shoved your wand up its nose, I knew … "
"Ah, nothing more romantic than troll bogies, eh?"
She slapped him playfully. "No, there's nothing sexier than troll bogies, Harry."
He smiled down at her upturned face. "You're beautiful, Hermione."
In response, she reached up and kissed him. Stars exploded before her eyes, as he tightened his grip around her and she put her cold little hands underneath his shirt, drawing circles on his back. She could feel his spine and each individual rib and the contours of all his muscles; Harry let out a small moan.
Their kiss deepened. Hermione broke away, breathing heavily, but Harry bent his head and planted kisses all over her neck and collarbone, moving downward, taking advantage of her plunging neckline. It was Hermione's turn to moan.
"Mmm, Harry … " She pocketed his glasses in her robes, and dug her hands into his hair. "No, don't stop … "
Ron stood, hidden by the rosebushes, hearing his two best friends snog. He couldn't bear to watch them. First he felt betrayed; then despair, which turned to anger.
Once released from Fred and George's conversation, he'd looked around for Harry and Hermione, but couldn't find them. Figuring that Harry had probably gone off to ask his mystery girl to dance, and that Hermione had probably been asked herself (more than one boy had stopped dead in his tracks and gawked at her), he settled himself down comfortably and drained glass after glass of pumpkin juice. It's only the second dance, he told himself, I'll look for her later.
The third dance ended and the Weird Sisters struck up a faster beat. Ron finished his drink and got up, looking for Hermione. He saw Dean and Ginny glancing shyly at each other, and went over.
"Have you seen Hermione anywhere?"
Ginny smiled devilishly at him. She knew what he wanted to do. "No, I haven't."
Dean gestured towards the gardens. "I saw Harry leading her there at the beginning of the Ball … " All of a sudden Ginny looked crestfallen.
Ron smiled sympathetically at Ginny. "Oh, well, I'm off then. Have fun, you two." He turned and left. Harry had probably asked her about the girl he liked, or something. He hoped they were done, now, he really did want to dance with Hermione.
He exited the hall, while batting a fǽrie out of his way. He walked, whistling cheerfully, passing snogging couples on the benches. Ron passed a couple that looked familiar. Were they Gryffindors? He paused to take a look –
It's Harry and Hermione!
Feeling at once that he was wrong, he soothed himself quickly. They wouldn't do something like that to me, and, besides, Hermione isn't like that – she wouldn't snog in public. She fancies me, she wouldn't be snogging Harry …
But closer inspection revealed that it was indeed Harry and Hermione.
No, Ron thought, wildly. Hermione wants me – me … I know it. No … he sagged against a tree. Then he crept behind a rosebush near the snogging couple and sat down on the ground, not caring what happened to his robes. As they gave no sign of stopping (judging from the sounds that increased in intensity and frequency) he raced to his room, knocking aside stunned students. He threw himself onto his bed, feeling numb.
Only one thought kept recurring through his mind.
How could they?
How could they?
"I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall and lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter"
–Linkin' Park, "In the End"
TBC.
A/N: Find out what happens next in Chapter Two: Darkness Brewing. We all know, from GoF, that Ron can be slightly mentally unstable when it comes to Harry – what will his reaction be when he comes to his sense? How is he going to treat Hermione, and most of all, Harry? What's Ron going to do? How is the rest of the school going to react, and Witch Weekly? Teen Witch? The Daily Prophet? Oh, and whatever is going to happen to Dean and Ginny? Please R/R.