Anime's that appear in this chapter: Inuyasha, CardCaptors, and the Wish Bunny and Monty Python's Enchanter Tim's Staff
The wish bunny: Okay, my friends and I are having Wish Bunny and Eriol sightings. I mean think about it, how often can they be seen in different Animes?
Tim's staff: exactly what it sounds like a staff...but shoots fire.
Ohhh, and the wonderful world of fanfiction appears in this chapter too...heh, heh, heh...
Author note: I fixed the spelling for the first few chappies, so there's that, and I want to thank everyone for reviewing (I really need to do that more often...sigh).
Eriol insisted that he did not need to introduce himself as everyone would automatically know it was him telling the story...yea...
Chapter 9: The Staff of Tim
Well, we were screwed. Yep, royally screwed. All six of us were floating around in space unable to see anything. It took all of six seconds for everyone to panic. Inuyasha was the second one the panicpanicked; I was first. From there, things just got a whole lot better.
"Wonderful, just great Bob! What in the name of the Anime Laws did you do?" Minmei moaned.
I thought this might be a good time to tell everyone just where we were. "I do believe, we have landed in the Realm of Fanfiction. And this is the place of ideas."
Inuyasha and Miroku had absolutely no idea as to what this meant, but nonetheless looked appropriately horrified.
Zelda started walking back and forth on the empty darkness. "How did we get here?"
Bob, scuffing his feet and looking at the ground, mumbled, "I don't know, we just sort of ended up here."
But I grinned. How could they be so stupid? "It's very simple. Our job was never to prevent the worlds from colliding, but instead to prevent the breaking of the Anime Laws. Unfortunately we have just now realized this."
Everyone stared, not really sure what to do now, especially since we had broken many of those laws. That's when Zelda screamed.
Immediately a ship loomed shockingly close to our small group. It was the ugliest, dirtiest, grungiest ship in existence and defied both the Laws of Topological Aerodynamics and Sonic Amplification.
As we watched it pass by, it was clear that only gravity pulled the ship along. Six bright yellow rays shot out simultaneously and hit each one of us. Then, as if we were fish, the beings on the ship reeled us in.
Immediately, a large group of creatures (for there was no other word to describe them) surrounded us and started clucking in their own strange language. Inuyasha, who had not learned this whole trip, reached for his Tetsusiaga and promptly fell over. The creatures mobbed him. And the rest of our party rushed to his side while I laughed.
"Excuse me," I said politely. "But my companions and I are from another world. We do not know where we are."
The creatures nodded to one another and one stepped forward. "You come from OTHER realm, the one with all the laws. This is realm of chaos and nonsense. But we no hell bent on you destruction."
Bob smiled widely. "I have a few questions about this ship. Just how fast does it more?"
"When we have fuel, about fifty miles an hour, not very fast. But we do have mecha that move mush slower."
I shook my head in disgust. "How horrible!"
A laser blast rocked the ship.
"It is our sworn enemies, the Bubblebutts."
The wall in front of us immediately became a means of communication. The fluffiest, cutest little bunny appeared on the screen cackling evilly. "Surrender now or we will bite off your heads!"
"Hey!" Zelda yelled. "Isn't that the Wish Bunny?!" Well that certainly quieted up the room, both us and the Bubblebutts. "Well, the look like it!" She insisted.
"Now you will all die!" The enraged BubbleButt screamed.
The creatures around us clicked in their own language and began rushing about the hold. The six of us were sort of lost in the craziness of their actions. "You might want to find something to hold on to. Our tactical Genius says we should fire the galactic canon and destroy them."
"Is that your most powerful weapon?" Inuyasha asked looking excited.
"Yes." The creatures replied.
"No wait!" Zelda yelled again. "I'll just sing! Law of Militaristic Unreliability!"
Everyone glanced at everyone else. "Well..." Minmei started to say, but Zelda had already approached the wall and opened her mouth.
"Twinkle Twinkle..." She warbled off key and the Bubblebutts squealed in horror.
"Must destroy evil song! Prepare to fire Tim's Staff!"
This huge wooden staff came out of the hull and pointed towards our ship. There was no time for an energy build up, Tim's Staff fired a gigantic fireball that rushed towards the ship.
Then it all disappeared. "This is stupid. I really need to stop watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail!"
And I knew where we were.
"Yea, well, he does." The bartender leaned over the bar. "He actually agrees with the American Editors and Censors."
"Oh, my." Cole leaned back in his chair and looked at the drunk. "Well...what does one say to that?"
The bartender poured another whiskey. "I'm just waitin' for the police to swoop down here and arrest him. It's only a matter of time now."
"What's his name anyway?"
"Hiroshi."
Broken Laws
#3 Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space constant thrust equals constant velocity
#5 Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#13 Law of Energetic Emissions- There is always and energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'budge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14 Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive power of any object is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#20 Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single, insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, Starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses
#21 Law of Tactical Unreliability- tactical geniuses aren't...
#27 Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#30 Law of Non- Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason
#33 Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics- ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic