Author: Kristina Q.
Disclaimer: Nobody belongs to me. They never have and they never will!
Distribution: Just tell me where so I can visit.
Warning: Slash, which is male/male relationships. Sorry about that, but it makes the "fairy tale" that more freaky. I APOLOGIZE very much to Brian for making him gay! I know he really isn't!
Rating: PG-13.
Notes: This is a fairy tale parody.
Once upon a time there was a little kingdom in a faraway land. The James Kingdom. The king, the queen and their son Jesse.
The prince was very lonely. He didn't have any friends at all. The reason why he did not have any friends was very simple indeed. Because of his funny haircut! He was the only male in the entire kingdom with braids and it did seem kinda gay.
The problem wasn't really the braids. No the true problem was actually the fact that the entire kingdom was suffering from a severe case of homophobia!
Even though Jesse lived in a huge castle with everything a living person could wish for then he was still feeling rather miserable.
Not even the fancy carriage, his lovely snow white horses, the enormous bedroom, his very own bathroom and not even the large bed could make him happy. He wanted something else than just… things! He wanted a friend. He wanted love.
The young prince spent most of his time staring out the big window in his room. He was glaring into the woods outside the castle. He enjoyed walking around in the forest. It allowed him to be by himself and think. Without anyone glancing at him.
One day he decided to go for a walk in the forest. He left his room and headed downstairs to search for his father and mother. He searched for several minutes but was unable to find his parents.
However, when he suddenly heard a loud "ARGH!" from outside in the garden then he knew he had found his parents! Quickly he scurried outside and nearly bumped into his own mother when he ran around the corner of the castle.
"Hello my dear son!" the queen exclaimed when she saw that her son was outside his room for the first time in weeks! "Hello mother" Prince Jesse greeted and gave her a quick hug before walking towards his father who was currently digging up plants from the dirt.
"Hello father" Jesse said politely and held his hand up to wave quickly. "Grrr…!" the king yelled in pure frustration and slapped one flower with his hand until it was flat as a pancake, "These stupid bugs! They're everywhere!" he cursed.
Jesse scratched the back of his head and looked around nervously in case a certain type of insect decided to assault him now! He hated those stupid things.
"What is it son?" the king finally seemed to notice Jesse's presence even though he was still crushing plants until they looked like the first one.
"I was wondering if I could go for a walk in the woods?" the prince asked "Sure, whatever you want to, just make sure you're home before dinner, ok?"
"I will, don't worry…" he said before scurrying off into the trees. The queen sighed as she watched her son disappear into the forest.
On the opposite end of the forest there was another little kingdom. This kingdom, however, was totally different compared to the James Kingdom. This kingdom was called the Butt Kingdom and was populated only by gays and lesbians.
This was also the reason why the two kingdoms had been in a verbal war for the past centuries! Blood had never been shed since none of the kingdoms were of any kind of violent nature.
Instead many nasty words and silly prank letters had been exchanged many times!
The Butt Kingdom was unlike the James kingdom, consisting of a king, a… errr… king, and a prince. This prince's name was Billy.
He sure had a nice rear! The nicest rear end in the entire kingdom and probably in the surrounding kingdoms as well! But even with a behind that fine then he was still not feeling very happy. He was bored with his life and needed to meet new people and see new places!
Unfortunately the only places he could go to was the James kingdom and the forest. And since he would get his fine rear kicked by his father if he ever dared to even talk to anyone from the James kingdom then the only place he could go to was the forest.
But how exciting was a bunch of trees? Oh well, it was either that or stay at home with his God forsaken boring family and friends!
He chose the forest!
And as if faith had decided then the two princes happened to walk around the same tree at the same time, both of them deep in their thoughts. They bumped into each other.
Since Billy was a lot bigger and more muscular than Jesse then it was Jesse who was knocked down onto the soft grass. "Oh, I'm very sorry!" Billy immediately apologized as he reached a hand out to help Jesse up again.
Rubbing his forehead, Jesse glanced up and froze. His entire world stilled for a brief moment. His body paralyzed. God, the man before him was gorgeous! Billy stared at Jesse strangely.
Jesse suddenly broke out of his trance and shook his head before taking Billy's hand and he instantly felt himself being pulled to his feet. Man, he was so strong! Jesse couldn't help but wonder who this mysterious new person was.
"Hi…" Jesse's voice was almost a whisper. The other man smiled before greeting him. "I'm Billy" he said and smiled proudly.
Jesse nodded and returned the smile before he finally managed to speak again, "My name is Jesse…" again his voice was quite low. He could feel a faint blushing decorating his cheeks. How embarrassing! But this was actually the first time Jesse had ever met a new guy!
"What are you doing out here in the forest?" Billy's question just popped out of him and was actually not planned at all! But what the…?! Talking was the only way to get to know new people! Maybe even a new friend? Perhaps? Billy was hoping.
"I just needed to be alone for a while" Jesse admitted to the larger man, "Cool! So did I" Billy smiled, "Maybe we could… be alone together?" Billy knew he had to sound stupid and corny but he really wanted to know Jesse.
After all he was quite cute!
Jesse felt his lips curl upwards and for the first time in a long time he actually felt that something good could happen! Maybe Billy was the person he had been searching for. The perfect friend. One of those who just comes along when you seem to need them the most!
"Sure" Jesse finally answered. He slowly began walking, still not sure where to go now when he suddenly had company. It did feel kinda strange at the moment. His first walk in the woods with another person.
After walking for a few minutes, which seemed like hours, the two men came to a small lake in the middle of the forest.
This place was completely new for Jesse. He had never been in this part of the forest. He looked around curiously, scanning the scenario. The lake was beautiful. Crystal clear and blue. Just like Billy's eyes, Jesse noticed.
So much beauty! Jesse was amazed by the beauty of Billy. He felt as if he wanted to embrace the other man and just hold on to him for the rest of his life. Never let go of him! It seemed ridiculous, but Jesse was sure about one thing now! He was falling in love with Billy!
There was something special about Jesse. Billy could feel it. Something that just made him so cute, almost irresistible. No, not almost. Completely irresistible!
And he was so much more different than all the people he knew from his own kingdom. Especially his hair! It was awesome! Billy knew no man in his own kingdom with such hair. No one had braids.
Billy was soon brought back to reality when he heard a scream full of fear from the smaller man. Billy didn't even have the time to react before Jesse jumped into his arms, clinging to him as if someone tried to murder him!
"What is it?" Billy questioned as he looked around, stumbling a few steps back as he tried to shift Jesse in his arms so he wouldn't drop him! He wasn't exactly a feather, you know!
"THAT!" Jesse practically cried as he pointed with trembling fingers at a little spider sitting on a rock in front of them. "It's trying to kill me!" he cried like a little baby.
"A spider…?" Billy giggled as he tried to put Jesse back on the ground again, "No! Don't let it get me!" Jesse yelped as soon as his feet touched the grass.
"It's gone. Look it is gone!" Billy laughed and pointed at the rock. Jesse slowly stepped forward, searching the ground for other spiders that would attack him.
He released the breath he realized he had been holding when he was sure that there were no more creepy crawlies! Billy was unable to stifle a snigger.
"It's not funny…" Jesse blushed and wiped the tears away from his flushed cheeks. "Sorry…" Billy chuckled and hugged Jesse to comfort him.
Jesse completely forgot about the fear earlier. Forgot about the spiders… Until he saw another one!
He let out a bloodcurdling scream and immediately detangled himself from Billy's tight embrace. He hid himself behind him and pointed at the tiny insect.
An almost inaudible 'splat' could be heard and Jesse was relieved. He watched Billy with pure fascination as he looked at the bug he had just crushed under his foot.
"There. Problem solved" Billy grinned triumphantly "Although I don't really understand your fear for such tiny harmless things!" Billy once again began laughing.
"It's not my fault. It's just a phobia!" Jesse whined, looking down at his feet in complete embarrassment. "It's ok," Billy murmured.
Jesse suddenly whimpered. He desperately began stomping on his right foot and then finally he stopped. He scared Billy a bit.
"What were you doing?" Billy questioned, looking at Jesse like he was a complete lunatic. "A spider!" Jesse whimpered, causing Billy to smile broadly. "Isn't there a place with no spiders or other unpleasant insects?" Jesse slowly asked.
Billy tapped his chin thoughtfully for a moment before he grinned. He pointed at the lake and Jesse had to think for a brief second before he understood what Billy meant.
"Do you mean that we should get into the water?" Jesse wasn't sure about this. If he had to get into the water then he would have to undress and he didn't really know Billy that well. His father would kill him if he knew he had been bathing naked with another man!
On the other hand, Billy was really nice. After many minutes of intense thinking Jesse nodded and began tugging at his own shirt.
Billy stepped into the cool clear water until it reached just above his waist, still waiting for Jesse to join him. "Come on. It's really nice. And there's no spiders!" Billy tried to persuade Jesse to get into the water.
Jesse took a deep breath and finally got into the water, his body shivering lightly as he rubbed his arms, "Argh, it's cold!" he complained, but continued anyway.
After a short while the water became too cold for Jesse so he decided to get out again. Billy joined him.
Jesse was overwhelmed by what had happened that day. Everything had been so magical! Almost like a dream. The dream he had been waiting for to come true and now it finally had. Billy was his prince in shinning armor. And there he was. Ready to sweep him off his feet and carry him into the sunset. But maybe they should get dressed before doing so.
Jesse looked around on the ground. Where did he put his clothes? He couldn't seem to find it… Suddenly he knew what had happened with the clothes! "What the…?" Billy turned to look at Jesse, not understanding his sudden yelling. "What?"
"The freaking goat is eating our clothes!" Jesse pointed at a goat which was currently busy chewing what was left of Jesse's shirt. "What the…?" Billy broke off before he burst out in uncontrollable laughter! Jesse was just staring at the goat. He couldn't believe what the goat had just done!
There he was in the forest. Butt naked together with another man and a freaking goat had eaten all of his clothes! How the hell was he supposed to come home now! He couldn't return like that! His father would kill him! He'd embarrass the entire kingdom and himself! What a humiliation!
"This is not fun at all, Billy! This is freaking serious! How am I gonna get home now?" Jesse asked in irritation. Billy shrugged, still sniggering, "You come with me. My family wouldn't mind this at all. Everyone's gay anyway and so-" Billy was interrupted by Jesse.
"Wait a second; hold on!" Jesse looked shocked, "Gay? Don't tell me you're from the Butt Kingdom!" Billy was confused now, "Yes I am. I'm the prince. Is that a problem?"
"A problem?! I don't have any clothes! Now my father really IS gonna kill me!" Jesse didn't know what to do at the moment. He was frightened by his father. He would be punished when he disobeyed him, but this was much worse than disobeying!
"So I guess you're from the James Kingdom then…" Billy sighed, "Yeah… I'm… a prince too" Jesse shrugged, his eyes full of unshed tears. Billy embraced him. "Forget our parents! It's their war, not ours! Come with me home and you can have some of my clothes. We'll work this out, I promise" Jesse wiped his eyes before the tears would fall.
"Ok… but I refuse to walk with my butt bare!" Billy smiled at what Jesse had just said, "Then we need to find something we can use to cover ourselves, right?"
After a long moment of searching Billy was able to find some very big leafs they could use to cover their more private parts.
"Remind me to kill that goat the next time I see it!" Jesse looked down at himself, feeling like a fool. "I feel like Adam!" He giggled causing Billy to grin, "Does that mean I'm gonna have to be Eve just because I have long blond hair?" Both men laughed at this as they began walking. "Yeah…" Jesse answered and smiled.
They walked for many hours before they we're finally back in Billy's kingdom. Jesse was beginning to get quite nervous. What if they threw him out? He would be forced to return like this to his family.
The guards who were guarding the gate stared confused at the prince! He was dressed in… leafs? And who was the other man? What was going on? Was the outfit some sort of new fashion? The guards didn't understand anything!
Jesse felt so stupid! And Billy seemed to be so calm about this. Almost just like he had tried these sorts of situations before!
Just as the two men had reached the door to the castle the king came running, yelling and screaming something incoherent. The other king was calmly following. He seemed to be amused by the situation.
"Billy! What is going on? What are you doing with the James kid? And why are you naked?!" He shrieked as he approached them. Oh no, Jesse was recognized!
"I met him in the forest…" Billy lowered his head, " and a goat… ate our clothes…" he stammered. "A GOAT?!" He seemed to scream even louder! "Don't lie to me, Billy!" he yelled.
"It's true!" Jesse defended Billy, "We we're bathing in a lake and a goat ate our clothes!"
The king looked like he was about to faint.
"I am gonna send someone to the James kingdom and tell them about this!" The king threatened, "In the meantime… get him some clothes!" he cursed as he pointed at Jesse's naked form. Billy only nodded and walked into the castle, Jesse following right behind him.
None of them spoke a word as they got dressed and afterwards they headed outside again. Jesse's parents had already arrived. Man, that was fast!
"What is this? Jesse? I want an explanation!" Jesse's father sounded so disappointed. Jesse felt guilty for what he had done, but he wouldn't be able to deny what he felt towards Billy. Those few hours he had spent with Billy had been the best in his entire life and he damn well wasn't going to give up now! He wanted to fight for what he wanted and needed!
"I don't need to explain anything" Jesse said flat out, "I'm here and like this because I am in love with Billy!" he didn't hesitate to say it, causing everyone including Billy to widen their eyes in surprise!
Everyone was speechless! A moment of silence passed by.
"Billy?" Billy's father questioned, "I love him too" Billy smiled.
Their parents looked at each other for a very long time before finally shrugging. "Oh well, I was pretty tired of this stupid war anyway" Jesse's father said. "Yeah me too!" the other king replied.
"What?" Jesse was confused as was Billy. "Congratulations, son!" Billy's father said proudly. "So when are you getting married" Jesse's mother asked. The two princes only looked at each other. At this very moment they both realized… that they had pretty strange up families!
And believe it or not, they all lived happily ever after.
The End #######