I like to think that for a long time I had gotten used to it. Gotten used to the fact that there were always going to be trees and branches and roots in the forest, and that I was just going to have to learn to deal with them. That nature was full of bumps and bruises, and that's just the way it was, whether I liked it or not.
And yet, looking back now, I think we were about a week away from the mountains when I had found myself once again awake in the middle of the night from something in my back.
I had woken up, my face only an inch away from that of Boromir. I had, of course, jumped a good foot in surprise at having something so near to my face so suddenly, and I knew I wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon after that. Root free or not. Waking up so closely to that after having dreamed of Rosy all night… well, I'm sure you can understand my shock at the experience.
I had stood there for a full minute, cursing myself for a fool of even greater proportions then even the Tooks, and decided that since I was up I might as well put it to use. It only took me a moment to find a bush that was worthy of my attention, far enough into the trees that had anyone woken they wouldn't see me doing anything I shouldn't be, but when I stood up and looked around… I realized I had completely lost track of whichever way I had come from.
"Confound it all Samwise Gamgee, they're going to think you were taken by Orcs! And worse, you can't call out less you embarrass yourself all the worse…"
"Were you talking to yourself Sam, or was my imagination running away with me?"
I turned in surprise, not having expected the voice from the bushes, and laughed. "Ho, Legolas. You've stooped to watching me from the bushes now, have you? And just how long were you there for?"
"Quite some time," he responded with a laugh of his own, "But fret not. I turned when you did what you had to."
"Well good. I would hate to think of anybody watching me doing what I do. In fact," A strange question had come to mind at that point, and I said, "May I ask you a question Legolas?"
"Of course Sam, you know you always can."
"Perhaps that's what you say to me now, but this question could change the perception of Elves everywhere. So I feel I should ask permission before I embarrass you."
"I doubt there are many questions that could truly embarrass me young Hobbit, but ask you question if you will! I reserve the right to withhold an answer, of course." His tone was a light-hearted as my own, and I didn't even stop to think that I might be acting in a way that was proper for a Hobbit of my place.
"Of course," was my reply, and before I knew what I was doing asked, "So… do Elves do all the things that humans and Dwarves and Hobbits do? The natural things I mean, that don't get mentioned in polite conversations?"
"Are you to say that this isn't a polite conversation Sam?"
"It's certainly a fun one, and informative I'm sure once you answer. But I think I'm sayin' that I don't know a Hobbit whose been quite such good friends with an Elf before, least wise by the night hours, and I think I deserve an answer!"
"And I think," Legolas laughed, "That I shall indeed decline to answer at all. I wouldn't want to embarrass my people after all."
"Am I to think then, that you just answered with a yes?"
"I did not answer at all!"
"But you did! You said that you wouldn't say, least you embarrass your people! If the answer were to be a no, then you would have no reason to embarrass your people at all!"
"You are a truly odd little Hobbit Sam."
"Or perhaps I'm the only normal one you've met."
"And if that were to be so, I prey for your species!"
And so there I was, in the forest at night with Legolas, having quite a rude conversation about things that really shouldn't have been commented on at all. I don't know what had prompted me to start it, but then… these were the kinds of conversations I had with my friends back at home. Not Mister Frodo of course, because he was so very well to do, and his father paid my Gaffer… I never thought to really let myself go as much as I would have anybody else, around Mister Frodo.
And yet there I was, with the prince of the Elves, having a rather disgusting conversation not unlike one that Mister Pippin would have started. It made me realize that I had reached a new level of comfort with him, through all out midnight conversations, one of comfort. Trust.
I was able to truly be me for the first time around any of the fellowship, and not just the rock that would help and stand by, ready to help if the case needed it.
It was quite a nice thing to be me in a way that wasn't protecting somebody else. The me who drank and thought about kissing Rosy… buying books I couldn't read because they had pictures of flowers, and dancing on table stops. Sitting with Fatty, and throwing an apple at Bill- only to regret it for the sake of the apple.
The fun me.
I think it was then that I realized how very far away from home I was. It hadn't really hit me since that walk through the cornfield. The 'one step farthest away from home I had ever been' moment.
"Legolas," I said, my voice cracking a bit, and completely the opposite of what it had been only a moment ago, "Do you miss Mirkwood at all?"
It seemed to me that he had picked up on my change of mood, and so decided to sit himself down comfortably on a rock. "It's my home Sam, and it always will be."
"But do you miss it?"
I don't know why I needed him to spell it out for me. Why I needed him to say it… to say he missed his home too, and so that it wasn't just me thinking odd thoughts and doing strange things.
"I do," he said quietly as he looked up into the stars, "But do you know what I miss all the more Sam?"
"What would that be?"
"The people."
"Your family?"
"My family, my friends… even those I considered enemies through my childhood, I think I would be glad to see them now. Not because I want to turn away from our quest but just to see somebody… like me. Somebody that represents home. Is that what you were thinking about Sam?"
I nodded, not knowing quite what to say. What to do. "You know," I said quietly, "Mister Frodo is here, and I always considered him my best of friends… but there are others I miss… My Gaffer for example. What he would say about this whole journey of ours! The advice he would give!"
"I have not a doubt in my mind he would be useful Sam. Who else?"
"My brothers I suppose, though I saw them so rarely even when we were comfortable in the Shire. Rosy more then anyone… I wonder now if I'll ever get to tell her just quite how pretty she is."
"I'm sure you'll have the chance."
"I wish she were here right now, so I could tell her… but I wouldn't wish anything of this sort on her. Not in this lifetime. Even Fatty, and he was so close to coming. A word or two changed and he would be having this adventure with us."
"Fatty?"
"A friend at home… he actually knew about all of this if you can believe it, but chose not to come when Pip and Merry decided to force themselves on Frodo. I don't blame him a mite, but it would have been nice to have him here to talk to as we do."
"He knew?" Legolas said sharply, "And Gandalf left him to face the wrath of any dark creature he came across? It's a danger to everything we've done!"
"It was, after all, quite some time ago," I reasoned, trying to explain that it was alright, "And any information they've got it already and there is not a thing we can do about it. Likewise if they haven't found out about him… well, all the better for us, and him as well. At any rate, I'm sure Gandalf never even knew Fatty had found out."
"What was his part in all this then, if you can tell me that?" Legolas said as he tried to relax again.
'Well, at any rate we needed somebody to stay at the home everybody was thinking that Frodo was moving off to of course. Somebody to tend it, and make sure it looked lived in 'case anybody came snooping around. And Fatty wouldn't have said no to a home as nice as anything a Baggins would buy." I stopped and sighed deeply before quietly saying, "I hope he's alright back there. That the Shire is getting on without us is such a strange though…"
"The sad thing is," Legolas said as he put on hand on my shoulder, "Is that the world can often get on without a person or two. Perhaps being in the Shire might have changed things in the end, for better or for worse, but it doesn't change the fact that the sun will rise in the morrow, whether we are there to see it, or not."
"I can not be sure," I said to myself, "If that is a happy thought, or a sad one."
"Perhaps it is a thought you should not be having at all. We should not contemplate the world without us, but rather what we can do since we're here anyway."
"I supper it's as good a way to think of life as any," I said, trying to lift my fallen spirits from such a depressing conversation.
It was then that my head turned and noticed something that I had not been paying attention to, "Ho there Legolas, the sun seems to have woken already! We've gone and talked the night away, don't you think?"
But when I turned back to Legolas he was gone, and not a bush rustled to show which way he had ran. "Elven rat!" I said in surprise, "He's gone and left me to embarrass myself!"
I dropped down onto a log with a snort. I was just going to have to wait for somebody to rescue me. I thought I head something in the trees giggle, but I couldn't be sure.
Of course, I could always climb the tree and chase him…
And for some reason, I found that absurdly funny.