A/N: Hmmm, what to say, what to say-.-I dunno, so on we go!
Chapter 3
The minute Josh got to his apartment he kicked off his shoes, curled up in bed and fell asleep. Donna figured it would be best for her to just hang around for a while so she began straightening up Josh's living room a bit (just because she knew it would annoy him). She turned on the TV and flipped around the channels, not really paying any attention to what was on. She gave up on the TV, deciding nothing was on and pulled a newspaper out from a stack on the table by the couch.
About two hours went by until Josh woke up. He got up and poked his head out into the living room.
"Donna? What are you still doing here?"
"I'm fulfilling my duties as an assistant and watching out for the well- being of my boss," she said with a straight face.
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before. Where's my coffee then?" he asked.
She shrugged. "How're you feeling?" she asked, changing the subject rather abruptly.
"You know, I feel great," he proclaimed. "In fact, I feel so great that I'm going to do something nice for you and fulfill my boss-ly duties."
"And that would be?"
"We, you and me, are going to go and eat dinner at a nice restaurant. And by a nice restaurant, I am NOT talking about the McDonald's around the corner."
"Well," she said appreciatively, "maybe they should send you home early more often."
************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************** **~~~~
"Leo? C.J. wants to see you for a minute."
"Thanks, Margaret. Send her in." C.J. walked through the door and stood somewhat nervously in front of Leo's desk.
"You talked to Joey?" asked Leo before C.J. could say anything.
"Yeah," she agreed. "They had a poll they were going to do tonight anyway, so she's just going to tack a couple questions on to that one. The results should be in by noon tomorrow."
"What questions did you tell her to use?"
"Something along the lines of 'Do you feel that a government official with a psychological illness due to life-threatening injuries he received previously while in office should be in office?' and 'Do you think this person would be less able to perform his/her duties?'"
"And she knows this is completely confidential?"
"I didn't even tell her what it was about. Just her and Kenny will know the questions came from us though."
Leo nodded. "Sounds good. Keep me posted on how the results are going."
"Yes, sir," C.J. said and went back to her office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"C.J. Cregg." C.J.'s assistant answered the phone. "Just a minute. C.J.! You've got a call, it's Joey Lucas."
"Thanks, Carol," C.J. said before picking up the phone in her own office. "Hey Joey and/or Kenny, you got numbers for me?"
C.J. listened carefully and wrote everything down as Kenny read it off. When he finished she looked down at the numbers in surprise. "That high?" she asked. "People really claim they'd be that supportive of someone with a mental illness in office?"
Kenny translated for Joey as she explained. "The numbers are probably higher because you said 'due to life-threatening injuries received previously while the person was in office.' This makes people think this person is very devoted and they feel sympathetic. If this were a real situation though and you were polling on a real person the numbers would probably drop slightly though."
"Hey thanks guys. I've got to go see Leo now."
"Bye C.J. A pleasure as always."
"Yeah, I'll bet," muttered C.J. after hanging up the phone. She then picked it up again and paged over to Margaret. "Hey Margaret, is Leo in now?"
"He's in a meeting, he should be done in about 15 minutes. Why?"
"When he's done, tell him I need to see him. Tell him I have numbers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sixty-seven percent!" Leo exclaimed. "Are you positive that's right?"
C.J. shrugged. "That's what I said. They said it was all because of the 'life-threatening injuries' that boosted the numbers. "She said it would drop if the situation involved a real person who the public could identify with." She paused. "So you're going to take it to Josh? He'll be mad."
"Yeah, I know," said Leo. "And he can still veto the idea of doing an announcement on the whole thing. I just wanted to see what the response might be if we did tell the public. Of course," he added, "with these numbers and the way things are for him right now, announcing it could actually be the more helpful thing to do to get support for Josh."
"Or you could end up with a bunch of people on the hill who think he is mentally incapable of doing his job."
"Yeah. Anyway he's coming in for a couple hours a little later to get a few things done. I'll talk to him then."
*******~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*** ********
"You did WHAT?"
"Josh-," Leo began.
"You put me in Joey Lucas's poll on the state government in California?"
"Josh-,"
"Leo!"
The two sat and stared at each other for a few moments until Leo was sure he could start without being interrupted and yelled at. "We thought it would be a good idea to see some numbers."
"Why? Can you imagine what would happen if this got leaked somehow and-," Josh stopped abruptly, realization sweeping across his face. "You want to leak it." It was a statement, not a question.
"I didn't say that. I just thought it was the time to think about-,"
"Leo, think about what that would do to this administration, on top of all the other shit we've pulled. Drugs, alcohol, call girls, the President with his MS-,"
"And we're still here! Aren't we? We got reelected! Yes, Josh, on top of all that!" Leo's voice got calmer and he talked soothingly to Josh. "Josh, this could help you right now. If you take a few days of leave, the press is going to make it out like we're totally benching you. If you stay here you're condition could worsen. You need a few days to relax, go see your mother or something. You tell the press, you'll get ridiculed from Republicans on the Hill, sure, but you'll also get support from most everyone else."
"You don't know that, Leo," Josh said. "Everyone might feel that I need out of here, you might just make things a lot worse."
"It's your decision, Josh. I want what's best for you but I can't tell you what to do. You're right, I don't know exactly what everyone will think if you announce. However, I do know that if you don't it looks a lot worse than it already does."
Josh sighed. "How long do I have to think about it?"
Leo glanced at his watch. "You'll have a few hours. Talk it over with some people, Donna, C.J., see what they think. But if you want to do it, I need to know soon so we can work on writing the release. I want this thing done by tomorrow so you can get out of here for a while."
"You sound like you already know what I'm going to decide," Josh smiled.
"Start thinking."
*************~~~~~~~~~~~~**************~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~***
"Hey C.J., you got a minute?"
C.J. looked up from the papers on her desk that she had been trying in vain to read over the last half hour. "Yeah, come on it."
Josh entered her office and sat down on the couch. "You know what Leo wants me to do?" he asked quietly. C.J. just nodded. "What do you think about it?"
She sighed. "Honestly, Josh, I don't know what to tell you. The way things are looking right now, it could be a politically strong thing to do. But how it affects you personally, that's another story."
"So you think I'll get more support out of this than people who will think there's a crazy man working in close contact with the President?"
"I suppose," she said. "There's always the chance that the whole thing backfires and we're screwed for the rest of the term, but I doubt it, as much as it pains me to admit it."
Josh grinned at her. "Yeah, doesn't it suck when Leo's right?" She smiled back, relieved to see he was joking around about the whole thing.
"Yeah, it does. So, did any of my words of wisdom help you come to a decision?"
Josh thought about it for a minute. "You know, I think they did."
"And?" she prompted.
"I think I'm going to do it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~**************~~ ~~~~~***
"Well, Leo, C.J. and I have come to a joint decision," Josh announced.
"Well?"
"It sucks when you're right."
"You're going to go ahead with it then?" Leo asked. Josh nodded. "You're positive?"
"Yeah. I've thought about it, talked about it. All around it just seems like the best way to go."
"Okay. We need to work quickly then. C.J. I need you to tell the press that there will be a special briefing tomorrow at two. We need to get going on writing this. Get Toby when he has some spare time, come up with something -,"
"Toby can't work on it," said Josh suddenly. "He doesn't know, I don't want to tell him about it and then say he has less then 24 hours to write a release about it. Toby would get all worked up and then he wouldn't be able to concentrate."
"Well then it's just you two and Donna. Make it good," Leo warned, "or else we're going to need Toby anyway." Josh nodded and he and C.J. let themselves out of the office as Margaret came in to announce the arrival of Leo's appointment.
C.J. leaned over to Josh. "You're going to tell Toby, right? I mean, if he hears that at the briefing for the first time-,"
"Oh, of course," said Josh. "I'll hunt him down before we leave. It wouldn't be fair to him if he just heard it tomorrow for the first time."
"Okay," agreed C.J. "Make sure you tell anyone who needs to know before tomorrow."
"I will."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~** ******~~
Toby looked up from his computer screen to see Josh leaning against the doorframe. "Yes?"
"You got a minute?" Josh asked. "We need to talk."
Toby looked at the clock over the door. "Can it wait a bit? I've got this thing with these people- -I don't know, must be important-,"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll catch up with you later."
Josh left the office and wandered back down to C.J.'s office where she and Donna sat waiting for him expectantly.
"Did you talk to him?" C.J. asked.
"Nah, he's got this thing- - I'll track him down later, don't worry," Josh assured her.
"Alright then. We need to get this thing going. I don't really know how to start, that's the hard part. We really need Toby or Will for this kind of stuff."
Donna spoke up, "Maybe you want to just kind of ease into it a bit. You know, start out with one of those 'Sometimes when a person goes through a lot of- -,"
"No," Josh interrupted, "don't do that. You should just say it. 'Three years ago Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman was told he had post traumatic stress disorder by a professional psychiatrist who's name we aren't-," he paused, "Are we releasing the name?"
"Probably not," said C.J. "We'll have to talk to Leo though." She sat and thought for a minute or two. "So after that, what?"
"You should explain it a little," Donna put it. "Talk about what causes it, what effects it has on the person, etcetera."
"You'll have to talk about Rosslyn."
Josh's statement was met with an uncomfortable silence, broken by C.J.
"Yes, I suppose I will," she murmured. "That is, after all, the main problem here."
"Then you could say how I'm taking a few days off work at the recommendation of my psychiatrist due to health reasons."
"And close it out with 'Josh has the full support of the President and his staff through this difficult time.'"
"See?" Josh said. "What do we need Toby for? We make a great speech writing team."
"Josh, if I know the White House press corps like I think I do, they're going to ask me about other traumatizing experiences, apart from Rosslyn, that you've had," C.J. added hesitantly. "Do you want a 'no comment' on that one?"
Josh looked uncertain. "Yeah, that's probably the best-, wait, no."
"You don't want a 'no comment'?"
"You can mention Joanie and the house," he said. "It's just, to pretend like that didn't happen-, You know, Stanley thinks that that's really when the whole thing started, with the fire. Maybe that'd be best."
"Yeah. What about the inevitable 'Why is this just now being announced?' question?" Josh looked stumped. "They're going to go right back to how we're trying to defraud the public if we can't answer that with a legitimate reason."
"What about-," began Donna.
"Yes?"
"What if you said," she said hesitantly, "that we felt it was understandable considering the circumstances three years ago, and as long as it was controlled and Josh received help for it, there was little need to concern the public. And now, that he's had another episode, shall we say, we felt it would be wrong not to tell." Josh and C.J. looked at Donna with wonder.
"Alright, Donna," Josh said, "You're fired, you're now Toby's Deputy Communications Director."
"No chance," argued C.J., "There'd be no one to look after you."
"Hey, I resent that," Josh replied, "I'm a grown man! I can handle my own things!"
"Yeah, Josh, yeah."
***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
"Hey Ginger. Is he back yet?"
"No, sorry Josh," she said, "the meeting ran over. He should be back in an hour or so if you want to hang around."
Josh sighed. "No, I really can't. Donna's going to come by to yell at me to go home in about-,"
"Josh!"
"Speak of the devil," muttered Josh.
"You said you were heading home half an hour ago, what's going on?"
"Toby's meeting ran over, I still need to talk to him," Josh said pointedly.
"Do you want me to leave a message for him?" Ginger asked.
"No," Josh said dejectedly, "just tell him, if he ever gets back, I need to talk to him as soon as possible tomorrow morning. Before two," he added.
"Will do!" Ginger said entirely too cheerfully in Josh's opinion.
"Thanks."
~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~ ~*******
"You wanted to see me, Josh?"
Toby stepped into Josh's office the next day at noon.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did."
"Sorry about last night," Toby added. "I didn't expect that meeting to go so late."
"It's fine. Look, Toby, here's the thing-," He was interrupted by an urgent knock at the door. Donna walked in.
"I'm so sorry," she said pleadingly to Josh who put his head in his hands, "Toby, Ginger says you need to get back over there, there's some sort of problem with Congressman Koerner, she says it's urgent."
"Christ," muttered Toby. "Sorry, Josh, I really need to deal with this. Can this conversation wait just a little longer?"
"Yeah," sighed Josh. "You're going to watch C.J.'s briefing, right? Toby nodded. "I'll talk to you before then."
"Okay. Do you know what that's about, anyway? Leo is maintaining an obstinate silence about the whole thing, I really don't know what the deal is." Josh didn't respond. "Anyway, I'm off." Toby left the room hurriedly. Once he was gone Donna shut the door.
"I'm sorry!" she said. "I know you want to tell him before the briefing. Ginger said it was important though!"
"Don't worry about it," Josh sighed, "it's not your fault."
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *******
Josh found he couldn't concentrate. He watched the clock click slowly by, waiting for Toby to return from his emergency call. He'd gone over the speech with C.J. and Leo, everything was okay. All they had left to do was wait. Donna brought him lunch but he found he had very little appetite so they just sat there in silence for a while.
Finally, at only ten to two, Toby came back to Josh's office looking annoyed and angry, muttering about lazy stubborn congress people who could do nothing on their own. Donna gave Josh an encouraging pat on the back and left, closing the door behind her.
"I swear," said Toby, "some of these people in Congress need to shot and buried in-," He closed his eyes and calmed himself. "What is it, Josh?"
Josh was now on the verge of being terrified, with Toby in this kind of mood. He began hesitantly. "Well, the thing is, Toby, you see-,"
"Yes?"
"Look, Toby. The thing is, well, three years ago this December I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder." Josh flinched slightly, waiting for the big blow. It didn't come, yet.
"Excuse me?" Toby asked dangerously.
"PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder," said Josh. "Look, Toby-,"
"Post traumatic- -whatever, Josh! Am I the ONLY person in this administration who isn't hiding some potentially career-ending secret?"
"Toby-,"
"Three years! You found out you had this three years ago? So why now? Why not tell me when it happened, or after we leave here? Damn, Josh, do you know how bad this could look?"
"Toby-,"
Toby held up his hand for silence. "Alright," he said more quietly. "Alright. I need to think. I'm going to go and sit in on C.J.'s briefing, and then I need time to think."
"Look, Toby, the briefing's about-,"
"Just give me some time, Josh. I'll talk to you later, I need some time to myself." Toby left the office, slamming the door behind him. Josh sat there in stunned silence.
"Well that didn't go quite as well as was hoped for," he said aloud to no one. "I guess I couldn't have expected him to not be angry, but-," His musings were interrupted by a quiet knock at his door. "Come in," he called.
Ryan the intern stuck his head into the office. "You okay?" he asked. "Toby seemed really ticked and-,"
"I'm fine!" Josh cut him off. "I'm fine. Aren't you going to go see the 'mystery briefing' with everyone else?" he asked.
"I thought I might watch it here," Ryan said. "That is of course, unless you want me to get out."
Josh watched him carefully for a minute. Ryan started to leave. "Wait," he called, "You can stay. Turn the TV on."
Ryan reached up to the television on the wall and flipped it on. A part of Josh wanted to go hide in a corner about now, the other was curious as to how C.J. would handle this. They waited a few minutes without saying anything. Then C.J. came on the TV, ready to begin.
"Before I get started," C.J. said, "I'd ask that you refrain from any questions until I am done. I will then be happy to answer them to the best of my ability." The press murmured its assent and C.J. started right into it:
"Three years ago, December the 17th, Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman met with a psychiatrist on the orders of Chief of Staff Leo McGarry. The psychiatrist, whose name we are not releasing, determined that Josh had developed an illness known as post traumatic stress disorder."
There was dead silence for several seconds while C.J. let this statement sink in. Ryan turned to look at Josh, who was sitting with his head resting on the back of his chair, eyes closed. Ryan noticed he was making a fist with his left hand which was resting on the desk. C.J. continued.
*********~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~**********~~ ~~~~~~~~
"As most of you remember very well, about four months prior to this date, most of the Presidents senior staff was victim to gun-fire in Rosslyn, Virginia. Josh was shot in the chest and spent three months recuperating at the hospital and at his home. Post traumatic stress disorder usually occurs within several months of a life-threatening incident. The person may begin to feel panicked and experience flashbacks of the incident. A flashback is like a memory except you relive the experience while remembering it. After Josh talked to the psychiatrist the symptoms began to subside and he fully recovered. We chose not to disclose the incident because we felt that the situation was understandable. As long as he received help and recovered we felt there was little need to concern the public. No one expected Josh to completely recover from Rosslyn just like that. However, in the last few weeks, Josh began to experience flashbacks again. He met with his psychiatrist again who said that it was due to stress and change of normal patterns after the problems Josh had with Senator Carrick. It was decided that the public had a right to know now that the problems had occurred again. Josh will be taking the next few days off work at the suggestion of his psychiatrist due to health issues. He has the full support of the President and of this administration during-,"
"Toby?" Toby turned from where he was leaning against the wall, listening to C.J., to come face to face with Leo. Toby didn't respond. "You okay?"
"I-," Toby struggled for words, "I just talked to Josh."
Leo nodded understandingly. "He wanted to tell you last night, you know. He didn't want you to find out just before the briefing."
Toby just shrugged. "What the hell's going on, Leo? Why are we announcing this now?"
"Josh didn't tell you?"
"Well," began Toby uncomfortably, "Josh didn't say much of anything."
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't really get anything out after the first sentence. I kind of started berating him about it, he didn't get to say a whole lot."
'Toby," sighed Leo, "he's going through a tough time. He doesn't need that from us, he's already going to have the Republicans on the Hill going at him."
"I know," said Toby, "It's just, you know me. I'm not much one for surprises. I suppose I should go apologize?"
"Yeah," agreed Leo.
"Now?" Toby tried to stall.
"Yeah."
"Yeah," Toby said. He turned and strode back the way he came. He was outside Josh's office when he heard a muffled thud from behind the closed door. He opened the door and found Josh sitting at his desk, shaking out his hand which he had seemingly slammed down on the desk. "Josh?"
Josh and his intern, whose name Toby couldn't think of off the top of his head, looked up at him.
"I should probably go?" the intern said.
"Yeah. Thanks Ryan," Josh said. He looked, somewhat fearfully it seemed, up at Toby.
"You and C.J. wrote that briefing?" Toby asked.
"Yeah," mumbled Josh. "And Donna."
"It's good."
"Tell that to Donna. She came up with all the good parts."
"Josh," Toby started, "I'm sorry. I had no right to go off at you like I did."
"No," Josh sighed, "You're right. I should have told you three years ago. It's not fair to you."
"Three years ago December?" Toby asked. Josh nodded. "Isn't that around the time you came in with your hand bandaged up and bleeding?"
"I-, yeah, it is. I-," Josh paused, slightly amazed at Toby's memory. "Well, I punched out a window. In my apartment."
Toby nodded, as pieces of a puzzle were filling in, in his mind. He walked around the desk to stand right by Josh. "Josh, I know this is going to be a rough time for you. I just-," he searched for the right words, "I want you to know that we'll all be here for you. No matter what. Got it?"
"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Toby."
~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~~************ *~~~~~~~
A/N: Well, that was a pretty long chapter for me. By the way, I know it kinda sucks. I had the hardest time with the first few section, they're a little forced. It got kinda easier after that but it's too sappy and sentimental (heeheehee)
Anyway, next chapter should be around sometime soon (at least we can hope!)
Cheers!
*~Lexi Lupin~*
"No, really, I am dumb. Most of the time I'm just playing smart." ~Sam Seaborn
Chapter 3
The minute Josh got to his apartment he kicked off his shoes, curled up in bed and fell asleep. Donna figured it would be best for her to just hang around for a while so she began straightening up Josh's living room a bit (just because she knew it would annoy him). She turned on the TV and flipped around the channels, not really paying any attention to what was on. She gave up on the TV, deciding nothing was on and pulled a newspaper out from a stack on the table by the couch.
About two hours went by until Josh woke up. He got up and poked his head out into the living room.
"Donna? What are you still doing here?"
"I'm fulfilling my duties as an assistant and watching out for the well- being of my boss," she said with a straight face.
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before. Where's my coffee then?" he asked.
She shrugged. "How're you feeling?" she asked, changing the subject rather abruptly.
"You know, I feel great," he proclaimed. "In fact, I feel so great that I'm going to do something nice for you and fulfill my boss-ly duties."
"And that would be?"
"We, you and me, are going to go and eat dinner at a nice restaurant. And by a nice restaurant, I am NOT talking about the McDonald's around the corner."
"Well," she said appreciatively, "maybe they should send you home early more often."
************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************** **~~~~
"Leo? C.J. wants to see you for a minute."
"Thanks, Margaret. Send her in." C.J. walked through the door and stood somewhat nervously in front of Leo's desk.
"You talked to Joey?" asked Leo before C.J. could say anything.
"Yeah," she agreed. "They had a poll they were going to do tonight anyway, so she's just going to tack a couple questions on to that one. The results should be in by noon tomorrow."
"What questions did you tell her to use?"
"Something along the lines of 'Do you feel that a government official with a psychological illness due to life-threatening injuries he received previously while in office should be in office?' and 'Do you think this person would be less able to perform his/her duties?'"
"And she knows this is completely confidential?"
"I didn't even tell her what it was about. Just her and Kenny will know the questions came from us though."
Leo nodded. "Sounds good. Keep me posted on how the results are going."
"Yes, sir," C.J. said and went back to her office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"C.J. Cregg." C.J.'s assistant answered the phone. "Just a minute. C.J.! You've got a call, it's Joey Lucas."
"Thanks, Carol," C.J. said before picking up the phone in her own office. "Hey Joey and/or Kenny, you got numbers for me?"
C.J. listened carefully and wrote everything down as Kenny read it off. When he finished she looked down at the numbers in surprise. "That high?" she asked. "People really claim they'd be that supportive of someone with a mental illness in office?"
Kenny translated for Joey as she explained. "The numbers are probably higher because you said 'due to life-threatening injuries received previously while the person was in office.' This makes people think this person is very devoted and they feel sympathetic. If this were a real situation though and you were polling on a real person the numbers would probably drop slightly though."
"Hey thanks guys. I've got to go see Leo now."
"Bye C.J. A pleasure as always."
"Yeah, I'll bet," muttered C.J. after hanging up the phone. She then picked it up again and paged over to Margaret. "Hey Margaret, is Leo in now?"
"He's in a meeting, he should be done in about 15 minutes. Why?"
"When he's done, tell him I need to see him. Tell him I have numbers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sixty-seven percent!" Leo exclaimed. "Are you positive that's right?"
C.J. shrugged. "That's what I said. They said it was all because of the 'life-threatening injuries' that boosted the numbers. "She said it would drop if the situation involved a real person who the public could identify with." She paused. "So you're going to take it to Josh? He'll be mad."
"Yeah, I know," said Leo. "And he can still veto the idea of doing an announcement on the whole thing. I just wanted to see what the response might be if we did tell the public. Of course," he added, "with these numbers and the way things are for him right now, announcing it could actually be the more helpful thing to do to get support for Josh."
"Or you could end up with a bunch of people on the hill who think he is mentally incapable of doing his job."
"Yeah. Anyway he's coming in for a couple hours a little later to get a few things done. I'll talk to him then."
*******~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*** ********
"You did WHAT?"
"Josh-," Leo began.
"You put me in Joey Lucas's poll on the state government in California?"
"Josh-,"
"Leo!"
The two sat and stared at each other for a few moments until Leo was sure he could start without being interrupted and yelled at. "We thought it would be a good idea to see some numbers."
"Why? Can you imagine what would happen if this got leaked somehow and-," Josh stopped abruptly, realization sweeping across his face. "You want to leak it." It was a statement, not a question.
"I didn't say that. I just thought it was the time to think about-,"
"Leo, think about what that would do to this administration, on top of all the other shit we've pulled. Drugs, alcohol, call girls, the President with his MS-,"
"And we're still here! Aren't we? We got reelected! Yes, Josh, on top of all that!" Leo's voice got calmer and he talked soothingly to Josh. "Josh, this could help you right now. If you take a few days of leave, the press is going to make it out like we're totally benching you. If you stay here you're condition could worsen. You need a few days to relax, go see your mother or something. You tell the press, you'll get ridiculed from Republicans on the Hill, sure, but you'll also get support from most everyone else."
"You don't know that, Leo," Josh said. "Everyone might feel that I need out of here, you might just make things a lot worse."
"It's your decision, Josh. I want what's best for you but I can't tell you what to do. You're right, I don't know exactly what everyone will think if you announce. However, I do know that if you don't it looks a lot worse than it already does."
Josh sighed. "How long do I have to think about it?"
Leo glanced at his watch. "You'll have a few hours. Talk it over with some people, Donna, C.J., see what they think. But if you want to do it, I need to know soon so we can work on writing the release. I want this thing done by tomorrow so you can get out of here for a while."
"You sound like you already know what I'm going to decide," Josh smiled.
"Start thinking."
*************~~~~~~~~~~~~**************~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~***
"Hey C.J., you got a minute?"
C.J. looked up from the papers on her desk that she had been trying in vain to read over the last half hour. "Yeah, come on it."
Josh entered her office and sat down on the couch. "You know what Leo wants me to do?" he asked quietly. C.J. just nodded. "What do you think about it?"
She sighed. "Honestly, Josh, I don't know what to tell you. The way things are looking right now, it could be a politically strong thing to do. But how it affects you personally, that's another story."
"So you think I'll get more support out of this than people who will think there's a crazy man working in close contact with the President?"
"I suppose," she said. "There's always the chance that the whole thing backfires and we're screwed for the rest of the term, but I doubt it, as much as it pains me to admit it."
Josh grinned at her. "Yeah, doesn't it suck when Leo's right?" She smiled back, relieved to see he was joking around about the whole thing.
"Yeah, it does. So, did any of my words of wisdom help you come to a decision?"
Josh thought about it for a minute. "You know, I think they did."
"And?" she prompted.
"I think I'm going to do it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~**************~~ ~~~~~***
"Well, Leo, C.J. and I have come to a joint decision," Josh announced.
"Well?"
"It sucks when you're right."
"You're going to go ahead with it then?" Leo asked. Josh nodded. "You're positive?"
"Yeah. I've thought about it, talked about it. All around it just seems like the best way to go."
"Okay. We need to work quickly then. C.J. I need you to tell the press that there will be a special briefing tomorrow at two. We need to get going on writing this. Get Toby when he has some spare time, come up with something -,"
"Toby can't work on it," said Josh suddenly. "He doesn't know, I don't want to tell him about it and then say he has less then 24 hours to write a release about it. Toby would get all worked up and then he wouldn't be able to concentrate."
"Well then it's just you two and Donna. Make it good," Leo warned, "or else we're going to need Toby anyway." Josh nodded and he and C.J. let themselves out of the office as Margaret came in to announce the arrival of Leo's appointment.
C.J. leaned over to Josh. "You're going to tell Toby, right? I mean, if he hears that at the briefing for the first time-,"
"Oh, of course," said Josh. "I'll hunt him down before we leave. It wouldn't be fair to him if he just heard it tomorrow for the first time."
"Okay," agreed C.J. "Make sure you tell anyone who needs to know before tomorrow."
"I will."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~** ******~~
Toby looked up from his computer screen to see Josh leaning against the doorframe. "Yes?"
"You got a minute?" Josh asked. "We need to talk."
Toby looked at the clock over the door. "Can it wait a bit? I've got this thing with these people- -I don't know, must be important-,"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll catch up with you later."
Josh left the office and wandered back down to C.J.'s office where she and Donna sat waiting for him expectantly.
"Did you talk to him?" C.J. asked.
"Nah, he's got this thing- - I'll track him down later, don't worry," Josh assured her.
"Alright then. We need to get this thing going. I don't really know how to start, that's the hard part. We really need Toby or Will for this kind of stuff."
Donna spoke up, "Maybe you want to just kind of ease into it a bit. You know, start out with one of those 'Sometimes when a person goes through a lot of- -,"
"No," Josh interrupted, "don't do that. You should just say it. 'Three years ago Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman was told he had post traumatic stress disorder by a professional psychiatrist who's name we aren't-," he paused, "Are we releasing the name?"
"Probably not," said C.J. "We'll have to talk to Leo though." She sat and thought for a minute or two. "So after that, what?"
"You should explain it a little," Donna put it. "Talk about what causes it, what effects it has on the person, etcetera."
"You'll have to talk about Rosslyn."
Josh's statement was met with an uncomfortable silence, broken by C.J.
"Yes, I suppose I will," she murmured. "That is, after all, the main problem here."
"Then you could say how I'm taking a few days off work at the recommendation of my psychiatrist due to health reasons."
"And close it out with 'Josh has the full support of the President and his staff through this difficult time.'"
"See?" Josh said. "What do we need Toby for? We make a great speech writing team."
"Josh, if I know the White House press corps like I think I do, they're going to ask me about other traumatizing experiences, apart from Rosslyn, that you've had," C.J. added hesitantly. "Do you want a 'no comment' on that one?"
Josh looked uncertain. "Yeah, that's probably the best-, wait, no."
"You don't want a 'no comment'?"
"You can mention Joanie and the house," he said. "It's just, to pretend like that didn't happen-, You know, Stanley thinks that that's really when the whole thing started, with the fire. Maybe that'd be best."
"Yeah. What about the inevitable 'Why is this just now being announced?' question?" Josh looked stumped. "They're going to go right back to how we're trying to defraud the public if we can't answer that with a legitimate reason."
"What about-," began Donna.
"Yes?"
"What if you said," she said hesitantly, "that we felt it was understandable considering the circumstances three years ago, and as long as it was controlled and Josh received help for it, there was little need to concern the public. And now, that he's had another episode, shall we say, we felt it would be wrong not to tell." Josh and C.J. looked at Donna with wonder.
"Alright, Donna," Josh said, "You're fired, you're now Toby's Deputy Communications Director."
"No chance," argued C.J., "There'd be no one to look after you."
"Hey, I resent that," Josh replied, "I'm a grown man! I can handle my own things!"
"Yeah, Josh, yeah."
***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
"Hey Ginger. Is he back yet?"
"No, sorry Josh," she said, "the meeting ran over. He should be back in an hour or so if you want to hang around."
Josh sighed. "No, I really can't. Donna's going to come by to yell at me to go home in about-,"
"Josh!"
"Speak of the devil," muttered Josh.
"You said you were heading home half an hour ago, what's going on?"
"Toby's meeting ran over, I still need to talk to him," Josh said pointedly.
"Do you want me to leave a message for him?" Ginger asked.
"No," Josh said dejectedly, "just tell him, if he ever gets back, I need to talk to him as soon as possible tomorrow morning. Before two," he added.
"Will do!" Ginger said entirely too cheerfully in Josh's opinion.
"Thanks."
~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~ ~*******
"You wanted to see me, Josh?"
Toby stepped into Josh's office the next day at noon.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did."
"Sorry about last night," Toby added. "I didn't expect that meeting to go so late."
"It's fine. Look, Toby, here's the thing-," He was interrupted by an urgent knock at the door. Donna walked in.
"I'm so sorry," she said pleadingly to Josh who put his head in his hands, "Toby, Ginger says you need to get back over there, there's some sort of problem with Congressman Koerner, she says it's urgent."
"Christ," muttered Toby. "Sorry, Josh, I really need to deal with this. Can this conversation wait just a little longer?"
"Yeah," sighed Josh. "You're going to watch C.J.'s briefing, right? Toby nodded. "I'll talk to you before then."
"Okay. Do you know what that's about, anyway? Leo is maintaining an obstinate silence about the whole thing, I really don't know what the deal is." Josh didn't respond. "Anyway, I'm off." Toby left the room hurriedly. Once he was gone Donna shut the door.
"I'm sorry!" she said. "I know you want to tell him before the briefing. Ginger said it was important though!"
"Don't worry about it," Josh sighed, "it's not your fault."
**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *******
Josh found he couldn't concentrate. He watched the clock click slowly by, waiting for Toby to return from his emergency call. He'd gone over the speech with C.J. and Leo, everything was okay. All they had left to do was wait. Donna brought him lunch but he found he had very little appetite so they just sat there in silence for a while.
Finally, at only ten to two, Toby came back to Josh's office looking annoyed and angry, muttering about lazy stubborn congress people who could do nothing on their own. Donna gave Josh an encouraging pat on the back and left, closing the door behind her.
"I swear," said Toby, "some of these people in Congress need to shot and buried in-," He closed his eyes and calmed himself. "What is it, Josh?"
Josh was now on the verge of being terrified, with Toby in this kind of mood. He began hesitantly. "Well, the thing is, Toby, you see-,"
"Yes?"
"Look, Toby. The thing is, well, three years ago this December I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder." Josh flinched slightly, waiting for the big blow. It didn't come, yet.
"Excuse me?" Toby asked dangerously.
"PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder," said Josh. "Look, Toby-,"
"Post traumatic- -whatever, Josh! Am I the ONLY person in this administration who isn't hiding some potentially career-ending secret?"
"Toby-,"
"Three years! You found out you had this three years ago? So why now? Why not tell me when it happened, or after we leave here? Damn, Josh, do you know how bad this could look?"
"Toby-,"
Toby held up his hand for silence. "Alright," he said more quietly. "Alright. I need to think. I'm going to go and sit in on C.J.'s briefing, and then I need time to think."
"Look, Toby, the briefing's about-,"
"Just give me some time, Josh. I'll talk to you later, I need some time to myself." Toby left the office, slamming the door behind him. Josh sat there in stunned silence.
"Well that didn't go quite as well as was hoped for," he said aloud to no one. "I guess I couldn't have expected him to not be angry, but-," His musings were interrupted by a quiet knock at his door. "Come in," he called.
Ryan the intern stuck his head into the office. "You okay?" he asked. "Toby seemed really ticked and-,"
"I'm fine!" Josh cut him off. "I'm fine. Aren't you going to go see the 'mystery briefing' with everyone else?" he asked.
"I thought I might watch it here," Ryan said. "That is of course, unless you want me to get out."
Josh watched him carefully for a minute. Ryan started to leave. "Wait," he called, "You can stay. Turn the TV on."
Ryan reached up to the television on the wall and flipped it on. A part of Josh wanted to go hide in a corner about now, the other was curious as to how C.J. would handle this. They waited a few minutes without saying anything. Then C.J. came on the TV, ready to begin.
"Before I get started," C.J. said, "I'd ask that you refrain from any questions until I am done. I will then be happy to answer them to the best of my ability." The press murmured its assent and C.J. started right into it:
"Three years ago, December the 17th, Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman met with a psychiatrist on the orders of Chief of Staff Leo McGarry. The psychiatrist, whose name we are not releasing, determined that Josh had developed an illness known as post traumatic stress disorder."
There was dead silence for several seconds while C.J. let this statement sink in. Ryan turned to look at Josh, who was sitting with his head resting on the back of his chair, eyes closed. Ryan noticed he was making a fist with his left hand which was resting on the desk. C.J. continued.
*********~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~**********~~ ~~~~~~~~
"As most of you remember very well, about four months prior to this date, most of the Presidents senior staff was victim to gun-fire in Rosslyn, Virginia. Josh was shot in the chest and spent three months recuperating at the hospital and at his home. Post traumatic stress disorder usually occurs within several months of a life-threatening incident. The person may begin to feel panicked and experience flashbacks of the incident. A flashback is like a memory except you relive the experience while remembering it. After Josh talked to the psychiatrist the symptoms began to subside and he fully recovered. We chose not to disclose the incident because we felt that the situation was understandable. As long as he received help and recovered we felt there was little need to concern the public. No one expected Josh to completely recover from Rosslyn just like that. However, in the last few weeks, Josh began to experience flashbacks again. He met with his psychiatrist again who said that it was due to stress and change of normal patterns after the problems Josh had with Senator Carrick. It was decided that the public had a right to know now that the problems had occurred again. Josh will be taking the next few days off work at the suggestion of his psychiatrist due to health issues. He has the full support of the President and of this administration during-,"
"Toby?" Toby turned from where he was leaning against the wall, listening to C.J., to come face to face with Leo. Toby didn't respond. "You okay?"
"I-," Toby struggled for words, "I just talked to Josh."
Leo nodded understandingly. "He wanted to tell you last night, you know. He didn't want you to find out just before the briefing."
Toby just shrugged. "What the hell's going on, Leo? Why are we announcing this now?"
"Josh didn't tell you?"
"Well," began Toby uncomfortably, "Josh didn't say much of anything."
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't really get anything out after the first sentence. I kind of started berating him about it, he didn't get to say a whole lot."
'Toby," sighed Leo, "he's going through a tough time. He doesn't need that from us, he's already going to have the Republicans on the Hill going at him."
"I know," said Toby, "It's just, you know me. I'm not much one for surprises. I suppose I should go apologize?"
"Yeah," agreed Leo.
"Now?" Toby tried to stall.
"Yeah."
"Yeah," Toby said. He turned and strode back the way he came. He was outside Josh's office when he heard a muffled thud from behind the closed door. He opened the door and found Josh sitting at his desk, shaking out his hand which he had seemingly slammed down on the desk. "Josh?"
Josh and his intern, whose name Toby couldn't think of off the top of his head, looked up at him.
"I should probably go?" the intern said.
"Yeah. Thanks Ryan," Josh said. He looked, somewhat fearfully it seemed, up at Toby.
"You and C.J. wrote that briefing?" Toby asked.
"Yeah," mumbled Josh. "And Donna."
"It's good."
"Tell that to Donna. She came up with all the good parts."
"Josh," Toby started, "I'm sorry. I had no right to go off at you like I did."
"No," Josh sighed, "You're right. I should have told you three years ago. It's not fair to you."
"Three years ago December?" Toby asked. Josh nodded. "Isn't that around the time you came in with your hand bandaged up and bleeding?"
"I-, yeah, it is. I-," Josh paused, slightly amazed at Toby's memory. "Well, I punched out a window. In my apartment."
Toby nodded, as pieces of a puzzle were filling in, in his mind. He walked around the desk to stand right by Josh. "Josh, I know this is going to be a rough time for you. I just-," he searched for the right words, "I want you to know that we'll all be here for you. No matter what. Got it?"
"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Toby."
~~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~~************ *~~~~~~~
A/N: Well, that was a pretty long chapter for me. By the way, I know it kinda sucks. I had the hardest time with the first few section, they're a little forced. It got kinda easier after that but it's too sappy and sentimental (heeheehee)
Anyway, next chapter should be around sometime soon (at least we can hope!)
Cheers!
*~Lexi Lupin~*
"No, really, I am dumb. Most of the time I'm just playing smart." ~Sam Seaborn